I must have had an invisible (to me) sign on my back today saying "please kill me"
On the way to work this morning, going into Wandsworth Bridge roundabout I was in the middle of the middle lane when an Addison Lee people carrier (surprise, surprise) drew level with me on my right and changed lanes right where I was. To my left was 14 tons of large red vehicle. Fortunately I could go a bit faster round there and squeezed through the gap between them.
Then going along Victoria Embankment, no traffic around, I just glanced down to my right and saw the wing of a car about to hit my knee! Fuck. Jinked left quickly and managed not to get my arse smacked by his mirror - there was of course absolutely nothing in the lane to the right of us! So I gave chase up Arundel Street (what a mess) into the Strand and came around him and stopped in front of him in traffic and had a little "discussion". Whether he really meant his apology, or had just had breakfast and couldn't face eating a bicycle I don't know.
Finally, coming home along Old York Road, approaching the lights with Fairfield street I was in the middle of the lane (as there's a bike lane on the right at the lights) and stationery traffic in front. A Range Rover driver decides thats a sensible place to overtake me, and then when she's alongside she just pulled into me, and of course had to stop almost immediately because of the traffic. I came alongside the open drivers window and she hadn't even registered me, because she was holding her fucking iphone to her ear and chatting away on it. When I started the discussion she threw it on the passenger seat, and then as I shouted at her she looked absolutely terrified and tried to sit in the passenger seat.
The next time I have to avoid this level of stupidity on the road then as they are a danger to others (and me!) I'm either going to take the keys or their phone and drop them off at the nearest police station.
Zipperhead's corollary to Darwin's Law: They're now so stupid that they will try and remove you from the gene pool as well.