What NOT to do at PBP?

[Pete Mas]

Just a bit of fun, I'll start:-
1) Drink too much at the bar near Rond Point des Saules on saturday night and feel rough at the start.
2)Ride your new TT bike with ultra aero stretched out position, then withdraw after 300km with Schermer's neck.
3)Full of nervous energy at the start, ride like a maniac and crash out after 10km.
4)Start the ride with new shoes, bike, saddle,cleats,(all badly adjusted) and new shorts (fresh from the packet).
5) start the ride with worn out versions of everything 4) above.
6) Get so sleep deprived that you wander round in the night without a bike asking locals where the 'secret' control is located.
7)over to you....Dont worry about repeating the same ideas in different ways.

[Wowbagger]

Stand for election to the position of Mayor of Mortagne au Perche.

[Redlight]

allow yourself to get drawn into conversation at the start with an intense young German who insists on riding almost alongside you, but just to the rear, all the way to the first control (at which point you can lose him by spending an inordinate amount of time in the  loo)

[clarion]

Wash your shorts with an unknown French washing powder in preparation for the ride.

[border-rider]

Go a control too far, get falling-down tired and have to be put to bed by Little Wheels & Big

Or, as someone not on this forum did, wheelsuck a French group, not realise that all is controlled by a Captain with a Whistle, and plough into them when they all stopped suddenly.

[rogerzilla]

Get anywhere near Hummers.  This is, however, not a PBP-specific rule.

And, if you are a man, do not try to pull ladies of the alternative persuasion.  They might have fun at your expense.

[Billy Weir]

<basil>
Mention the war
</basil>

[Panoramix]

mention Trafalgar to a drunken sailor in Brest.

[Charlotte]

Consume any caffeinated energy product from the brand "Overstims" 

[Pete Mas]

Wash your shorts with an unknown French washing powder in preparation for the ride.

Or get your containers muddled up and apply travel wash in error to the parts where you meant to rub sudocrem...

[Wowbagger]

mention Trafalgar to a drunken sailor in Brest.

Mention breasts to a drunken sailor at Trafalgar.

[ElCampesino]

So obviously my advice would be, don't jump red lights, and if you must, make sure there aren't any Germans looking.
[/quote]

I shall be lurking at the first set of traffic lights waiting for you to come past. And if you jump them I'll be at your wheel for the next 700+ miles lecturing you about traffic regulations and the importance of stopping at red lights (even in the middle of the night when nobody else is around). 

[Greenbank]

I shall be lurking at the first set of traffic lights waiting for you to come past. And if you jump them I'll be at your wheel for the next 700+ miles lecturing you about traffic regulations and the importance of stopping at red lights (even in the middle of the night when nobody else is around). 

Don't forget to bring headphones and spare batteries for the mp3 player in case you need to escape hours of lecturing from random people.

[mattc]

Believe the rumours about time extensions. (Not even if magma is flowing out of the previously dormant Roc de Trevezel )

[Exit Stage Left]

I don't really believe in the idea of a non-intense young German, that's simply unpatriotic.
Don't cross a Stop line at a road junction in full view of a Gendarme. They are there partly to fine you if you don't put a foot down.

[Redlight]

Don't... feel too sorry for the person on a flash road bike who flags you down because she has punctured before the first control and is not carrying a spare tube, nor patches, nor tyre levers,  nor a pump, and then fails even to thank you after you have spent 20 valuable minutes sorting it all out for her.

(I always wondered how the hell she managed to qualify - and whether she finished)

[Exit Stage Left]

I'm serious about the Stop signs. In the UK we have very few of them. The French 'Give Way' signs have 'Cedez le Passage' written underneath them.

[Billy Weir]

Don't follow an American on a descent.

[Manotea]

Don't follow an American on a descent.

There are descents?

If there are descents then there must be... hills!

[border-rider]

I'm serious about the Stop signs. In the UK we have very few of them. The French 'Give Way' signs have 'Cedez le Passage' written underneath them.

My business partner once had a severe dressing down from the ModPlod for not rigorously observing a stop sign inside Porton Down, even though there was no other traffic in sight.

I blame her choice of a gold Lexus myself.

[Chris S]

<paul_d>
Eat your steak rare the night before the ride...
</paul_d>

[Karla]

mention Trafalgar to a drunken sailor in Brest.

Mention breasts to a drunken sailor at Trafalgar.

I'll show you mine you show me yours 

[Ivo]

Or, as someone not on this forum did, wheelsuck a French group, not realise that all is controlled by a Captain with a Whistle, and plough into them when they all stopped suddenly.

Same counts for Danish groups.

[Exit Stage Left]

I'm serious about the Stop signs. In the UK we have very few of them. The French 'Give Way' signs have 'Cedez le Passage' written underneath them.

My business partner once had a severe dressing down from the ModPlod for not rigorously observing a stop sign inside Porton Down, even though there was no other traffic in sight.

I blame her choice of a gold Lexus myself.

I hadn't appreciated that Stop signs were rarely used in the UK.

In the UK, stop signs may be placed only at sites with severely restricted visibility, and each must be individually approved by the Secretary of State for Transport.[13] Section 79 of the Highways Act 1980 enables the government to improve visibility at junctions, as by removing or shortening walls or hedges, in preference to placing a stop sign. The former UK practice of using "Halt" or "Slow" at Major Road Ahead signs was discontinued in 1965 at the recommendation of the Worboys Committee.[14] Instead of replacing all the old "Halt" signs with the new Vienna Convention "Stop" sign, "Give Way" became the standard sign at UK priority junctions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_sign

Someone I know got an on the spot fine at Sem Fed last year for not obeying one.

[Redlight]

Don't say "maybe next time I could ride this one on a fixed" within earshot of anyone who might hold you to it.