G Imlach: | O hai & welcome 2 teh 2023 Tour ov France wif me, G Imlach, TV's roffliest-evvah presenta! & in wot promies 2 b a vitnage bumpa edishn ov teh raec we r in teh Spaign-o, ware teh spanielz come from lol! M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Ssssssssh! |
G Imlach: | Leik mi lerned coleeg Bethany (13) noted, this yere's raec is not v. tour-liek but it iz priti lumpi. T Pogačar! J Vingegaard! Bookis roffle @ teh noshn that ne-1 else c'n pwn teh raec! We sent ect. |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar [wearing naff beret]: | O hai! U liek mi hat? |
D Friebe: | Aieeeeee! O hai, J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | O hai! I am ware I want 2 b. 2da will b soopa hard! |
Omnes: | Plus ça change, rite? |
G Imlach: | We also sent M Rendell, TV's rnser 2 teh HAL 8999… |
M Rendell: | O hai y mi blong sieg heil! WV Aert! U doned gud last yere! U do agane? |
WV Aert: | 4 sure it will be soopa hard! We will c! |
Omnes: | C r previous comments, also thare all waring naff berets! Corl teh Hat Polis! |
J Alaphilippe: | O hai! Xcited! 'ard! U liek mi hat? |
F Wright: | O hai! [Indicates BRITISH champion jumper] U liek mi jumper? |
G Imlach: | Observe r xperts! Manx minnow Tiny P Kennaugh & refugee from Cpt. Cook's Mistaek C Evans! |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! U liek mi nü floppi haircut & dangli earing? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
C Evans: | Am I s'posed 2 droan on & on & on liek I doned when I woz a rid0r? |
Bethany (13): | Booooo! Bring bak teh C Boardmen! C Evans iz even smalla'n Tiny P! |
C Evans: | He's stood on a box! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish! [Montage ov M Cavendish pwning staegs] |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
M Cavendish: | I'm ded nervus, me! Look, see! I's shakin' orl ova! |
Bethany (13): | R u shure ur not donin' teh Watutsi? |
M Cavendish: | ??? |
G Imlach: | 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
Omnes: | FFS! Thare BOTH warin' wanky bazball hats! Teh st8 of u 2! |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! This iz gonna b teh Awsum! |
SD Millar: | Sho' iz! Mani diff. storiz on teh raec this yere! |
N Boulting: | Mite we c T Pogačar go on teh rampaeg 2da assault attack ect ect? |
SD Millar: | 4 sure! Possibli. We will c… |
N Boulting: | Basques! P Bilbao! J Castroviejo! Teh Izzywizzy Bros! O mi! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Terracotta! |
Bethany (13): | Doan start that agane! |
D Friebe: | O hai F Wright agane! |
F Wright: | 4 sure P Bilbao want 2 pwn teh staeg 2da. Will b hard. We will c! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao! Doin' Stuffs 4 charidee & pore ded G Mader! |
SD Millar: | Basques! Thare orl bonkas about biek racin'! They even cheerd me! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Still rollin' out. Tedium tedium snoar… Look, see! V Madouas teh nashnl champ. ov France! |
SD Millar: | Liek! No msgs from thare spons0rz! On it. 2da's staeg haz J Alaphilippe writted. On it. |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | MVD Poel! |
5's Mummy: | Look, Ai know he is femli but there is really no need for that kind of adulation at this stage of the race. They haven't even started yet, for goodness' sake! |
C Prudhomme [waevs fleg]: | OK, u infected chalfonts! Bugga off! |
N Boulting: | Iz this a brake I c b4 me? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | I ratha think it iz! Look, see! They haz MOAR'n 25" seconds! |
D Friebe: | O hai, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | 4 sure teh last 1 (one) km iz soopa hard. We will c! O hai, Auntie Syrah! |
N Boulting: | .fr TV sez teh breakfroupfing contane L Calamityjane, S Guglielmi, P Eenkhoorn, JG Wilsly & V Ferron. Most ov whom (grammar) r difficult 2 type. |
ML Maire: | Esp. when ur fondleslab haz 4got most ov teh autocarrot wossnames 4 rid0rz' naems chiz! |
D Friebe: | O heh, M Woods! |
M Woods: | O heh! Mani climes. Not sure how it will pla oot. We will c, eh! |
N Boulting: | C Froome! He's not here! Sez he'll b bak next yere thobut. |
D Friebe: | O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | Basque cuntri! Stepe climes! Green! Hapi birfda, dude! |
D Friebe: | ??? |
N Powless: | Kepe opshns open. We will c! |
Omnes: | Bridge! Bridge! Well, 1/3 ov 1! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53015150356_7db861f17a_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oLLvbu) | |
N Boulting: | 2da's intermediate sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE iz in Guernica, wot iz ware P Bilbao woz born! |
SD Millar: | & also teh Spaignish Sivil Wor, P Picasso ect ect. |
Bethany (13): | I h8 Spaignish Nazis! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Martin iz off ov teh pelican's fethery bak! |
SD Millar: | Probli just stopt 4 a wazz! |
[On teh Côte de Laukiz] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! S Calamityjane assault attack! |
L Calmejane: | Did that cnt call me "Sue" agane? Wnkr! |
SD Millar: | Well, that woz teh Stupidz! Sue! |
JG Wilsly: | \o/ Spottypwn! Ne-thing MC Nielsen c'n dun I c'n 2! Also, ware iz evribode? |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! *** & Super D haz goned 4 refs so ur stuck wif me, also C Evans & TP Kennaugh! |
Omnes: | Deep joy! Not. |
C Evans: | V hard staeg 2da! Liek a clasic! |
M Rendell: | Spottyjumper! JG Wilsly! |
TP Kennaugh: | Mntns! We haz… |
Omnes: | …a mntn on teh Isle ov Man? |
TP Kennaugh: | R u lot sikik or sumfink? J Alaphilippe! |
ML Maire: | Bridge! Transporter bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53015626118_8e5c7870f6_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oLNWBh) | |
M Rendell: | Weel chaeng 4 F Wright! |
TP Kennaugh: | Doan liek hiz jumper. Mien woz betta! |
M Rendell: | F Wright haz #69 becoz #61 haz bin retierd out ov rispek 4 pore ded G Mader. & A Yates haz 19 coz thare ent no 13. |
C Evans: | Teh onli tiem I had 13 in a raec I pwned it! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz orl superstishus nonse! I'm from teh Isle ov Man ware we's orl ded rashnl! |
Bethany (13): | U lot thort thare woz a ninvisbl torkin' mongoose inna farmhouse! (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gef) Corled "Gef"! Teh mongoose, obv, not teh house. |
TP Kennaugh: | That woz orll troo! |
Bethany (13): | Tchah! Polygoose ent even nativ 2 teh Isle ov Man. Idiot! |
TP Kennaugh: | He cud ov escaepd from teh serkus! |
Bethany (13): | Oh, shu… look, see! Mi Da… R Uràn! Yay! |
M Rendell: | He's onli pwnd 1 staeg ov teh Tour ov France, u kno! |
Bethany (13): | Robbed it off ov W Barguil. I woz ded X when he doned that, coz I dint kno 'e woz mi Dad bak then! |
Bethany's Mum: | I 'eard that, u l'il tart! Wotch ur mouf! U ent 2 old 2 get a slap when u gets 'ome! |
Bethany (13): | Awwwwww, fck! Kwik, shitverts wile I cloo mi Mum teh fukn C-O-W in on teh realti ov TV… |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Basques! |
C Evans: | Basques! They luv thare biek racin'! Even tho it ranes orl teh tiem. |
M Rendell: | Mani temes are triallin' public radio conversahns this yere, liek they duz in F1 (One)! |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ NOT US THO. R TICTACS MUST REMANE SEEKRIT +++ |
Omnes: | Roffle! |
C Evans: | I ent convinced. Moastli coz teh teme radios r moastli a Rubbish! |
TP Kennaugh: | I lieks it & rkn orl teh temes shud ov bin 4cd 2 done it. Unsenserd 2! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
C Evans: | Industrial espionage! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! A Kirsch teh road raec champ. ov Luxembourg & not B Jungels 4 a chaeng! |
Omnes: | That thare nucular powwah stashn look liek it's gonna fall in teh c… |
M Rendell: | Kwik, shitverts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaack! Did u miss us? |
Omnes: | |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! Look, see! Crazy P Sagan! Not so long ago this staeg wud ov bin naled on 4 him! |
C Evans: | CP Sagan iz still donin' teh saem numbas, but teh yung wippasnappas haz cort & past 'im! |
TD Gendt [via LoonMail]: | This ^^^^. Not that u fckrs beleev ne-thing I sa… |
SD Millar: | C Laporte! He's moved 2 TJ Visma & bin rebored! Er, reborn. Well, OK, born. TJ Visma! WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
C Evans: | WV Aert! |
[On teh Côte de Gaztelugatxe] | |
SD Millar: | 2011! |
C Evans: | I pwned that 1! |
SD Millar: | We pwned teh taem tiem trail! |
N Boulting: | Gr8 raec 4 teh Nogweegies! T Hushovd EH Boson! I haz a stori about Nogwee… |
C Evans & SD Millar [in stereo]: | HERD IT!!1! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! F Jakobsen! Wot's he donin' rite in teh mitey beek ov teh pelican? |
SD Millar: | JG Wilsly! Pwned teh spottyjumper on Paris-Nice & neerli pwned it on teh Dolphiné! |
N Boulting: | Probli get doned ova bi teh shinyjumper contend0rz thobut, liek S Geschke & his hipsta beard last yere! |
JG Wilsly: | OK, u dweebs, watch… oh. Piss! |
P Eenkhoorn: | \o/ & nul spottypoints 4 u, JG Wilsly! LOL! |
Bethany (13): | I c Q Simian haz growed anuvva beard. Wot r teh odds he's gonna shave it off mid-raec agane? |
Q Simmons: | I shure did miss mah beard! Almos' as much as mah pickup truck an' mah dog Tige an' Presiden' Trump! |
Bethany (13): | I gone rite off u! |
[…] | |
J Random Professor: | Look, xitin' rox! |
N Boulting: | U liek rox, Super D, no? Esp. teh c cliffs ov teh Cotentin Peninsula? |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! I ent evvah menshnin' rox agane afta that 1! |
Omnes: | LOL @ Super D! |
SD Millar: | I h8 u all! |
N Boulting: | Mundaka! Surfin'! w00t! |
SD Millar: | Iconic! |
N Boulting: | Did I tell u mi surfin' stori? |
C Evans: | My bit ov Capt. Cook's Mistaek iz next-dor 2 teh birfplaec ov .au surfin'! |
N Boulting: | Did u go surfin'? |
C Evans: | No. I rode mi biek. |
N Boulting: | Thass me tole! I went on holibobs in Mundaka once! |
C Evans & SD Millar [in stereo]: | |
N Boulting: | T FDJ! D Gaudu! They left A Demare @ hoam! |
SD Millar: | Cud get intrestin' iffen T Pinot haz IDEAS thobut! |
Omnes: | Bring it! |
SD Millar: | Look, see, ***! Teh L'Urdaibai Birb Center (sic)! Tell us about teh birbs ov teh Basque cuntri go on o u mite! |
N Boulting: | Er, um, it's not ranin'! Look, see! A house wif P Bilbao painted on teh wall! |
C Evans & SD Millar [in stereo]: | |
N Boulting: | D Gaudu! Had a public slangin' match wif A Demare! |
SD Millar: | Thass wot 'appens when u got sumwun liek M Madiot in charge! |
P Eenkhoorn: | \o/ Snottypwn! €1500 2! |
[Sum tiem l8r] | |
M Pedersen: | \o/ |
CP Sagan: | Piss! |
WV Aert: | Meh! Not intrestd! |
SD Millar: | Tho' thanx 2 teh buildup 2 teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE teh pelican haz nocked 20" seconds off ov teh breakfroupfing's lede wifout even tryin'! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | I rather rkn teh breakfroupfing haz decieded not 2 botha tryna stay awa orl da! |
SD Millar: | Teh pelican will decied! It orlwayz duz! C Guimard tort me that! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! |
TP Kennaugh: | He cud be a Gee-See contenda but I doan rekn 'e wunts 2. Liek J Alaphilippe! |
N Boulting: | He mite ov pwned teh Tour ov BRITAIN last yere but then Missis Kwin died utterly 2 DETH… |
SD Millar: | Chute! Sumwun from TU X! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz that tiem ov da! T-tiem! Well, it iz on teh Isle ov Man! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Basque beech parti! Totes missin' teh raec! Sum gud dancin' thobut! |
Bethany (13): | Ur standards r low indeed, ***! C me afta teh staeg 4 teh applicashn ov sum Cloo! |
Omnes: | Iffen she taeks afta her Mum thass gonna sting, ***! |
Bethany (13): | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish! T AS-TA-NA! |
TP Kennaugh: | They ent used 2 sprint0rz! |
SD Millar: | They got C Bol & LL Sanchez an' Y Fedorov + G Moscon, 2 naem but three (3)! |
Omnes: | G Moscon will onli b ne use iffen he dunt punch ne-1! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh breakfroupfing haz not bin cort, tho they neerli woz. |
Omnes: | …yay! Teh Devil! Anna Yorkshire fleg! Shit jus' got reel! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! Pwned evryfink erli this yere! Liek [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.]! |
M Cavendish: | Ssssssssssh! |
E Merckx: | Pffft! T Pogačar can't sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE liek me, teh gr8 E Merckx! |
Omnes: | Stow it, old-tiemr! |
SD Millar: | Biek chaeng 4 A Lutsenko! Y Fedorov doned a u-ey 2 come bak 4 'im! |
N Boulting: | Thass norti! Cud get a penalti 4 tha… |
B Dickinson: | Iffen I cud interrupt u 4 a mo, ***. Becoz COWBELLZ! Yay! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 4 sum reezn A Lutsenko is losin' tiem 2 teh pelican! Perchance Y Fedorov can't descant 4 tooffe? |
A Lutsenko: | I pwned a staeg, rememba! |
Omnes: | U ent gonna own this 1! |
A Lutsenko: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh Oke Tree ov Guernica! Under that round thing! |
SD Millar: | Wot sort ov birbs were they wot kept flyin' thru teh pictcha, ***? |
N Boulting: | Guernica! Bomms! Franco! He blaemd teh Republicanz! Teh lier! |
Omnes: | U doan kno, do u? |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! M Mørkøv! |
SD Millar: | T Pinot! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh breakfroupfing haz bin cort b4 we even get 2 teh Col de Morga! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TL Dstny r makin' pore ded P Eenkhoorn work liek a doggo @ teh front ov teh pelic… oh! He hav xploded! |
SD Millar: | Spottycomp reset 2 0, effectivli! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TUAE Emirates r on teh fro… er, TJ Visma, er… I'll come in agane, shall I? |
SD Millar: | Teh sprint0rz r bein' shat out ov teh pelican's fethery bum! Reashurin' 4 M Cavendish that orl teh sprint0rz r bein' dropt @ teh saem tiem! |
N Boulting: | Teh Spottypwn went 2 sumwun from TU X onli we doan kno who… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Soon iz come teh Côte de Vivero wot iz a cat. 2 clime! Wot will set teh kitteh among teh birbs an' no mistaek! Look, see! C Laporte haz bin dropt alredi! |
C Laporte: | I h8 this! |
SD Millar: | M Bjerg settin' teh paec on teh front 4 & on bhalf ov T Pogačar! |
N Boulting: | tis but a appetisr 4 teh Côte de Pike just b4 teh finish thobut! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! W Barguil haz bin dropt! |
Bethany (13): | Shittens! |
N Boulting: | Onoz! P Bilbao ent gonna pwn it from thare! |
P Bilbao: | Arse! |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! Teh spottyjumper shall be mine orl mine! |
G Zimmermann: | Guess I'll haveta Cover Down, Pray Through… |
Omnes: | Get out! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap E Mas, R Carapace & J Shaw doned a chute! |
SD Millar: | Crossed weelz? |
N Boulting: | R Carapace looks fuXX0rd! No MOAR shitverts thobut. |
R Carapaz: | U think I caer? Oooh, that hurts! |
E Mas: | U think u got prombles? I's gotta go hoam! [Goes hoam] |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡NO COMPUTA! +++ |
N Boulting: | Oooh! Thare revvin' it up now! |
SD Millar: | Big boyz r runnin' out ov minionz! |
N Boulting: | E Bernal dropt! F Großschartner haz a big gap! |
F Großschartner: | Ware is evry-1? Oh. |
SD Millar: | A Yates! J Alaphilippe in trub! WV Aert in trub! |
N Boulting: | V Lafay! |
V Lafay: | Wait… WOT?? |
SD Millar: | Could still come bak 2getha coz thare's still 9 (nine) km 2 go! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh Yates bruvs r off teh front! |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh catchusiffenu can yeh |
N Boulting: | Teh 3rd froup on teh rode haz no chance 2 surviev! Teh Yates bruvs r increesin' thare lede! |
SD Millar: | They haz teh big gap now! |
N Boulting: | No tittin' about, u 2! |
S Yates: | yeh er piss |
A Yates: | \o/ yeh |
T Pogačar: | P3 & 4’ ov bonerfications! |
SD Millar: | Thass a turnip 4 teh books! Maeks up 4 teh bounsi carsle ov Doom! |
A Yates: | yehdunnowot2sa yehimenedescanter yehmibruveryeh liekiseder yehnoyehsoopahappi |
Interviewer: | Wot did he just sa? |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Well, that wuz priti unexpektd, rite kidz? |
M Rendall: | O hai, A Yates! |
A Yates: | yehdunnowot2sa yehimenedescanter yehmibruveryeh liekiseder yehnoyehsoopahappi |
Omnes: | Dint 'e jus' sa that 2 teh otha bloke? |
S Yates: | I wanted 2 pwn it but… betta mi bruv than ne-1 else! Nevvah mind, I'll get 'im tomoz! |
Bethany (13): | Gud 2 c that S Yates c'n still spikim Ing! U wanna giev ur bruv lesons, m8? |
Confused by weird Danish surnames though, as the TdF's webby SCIENCE refers to the rider who pwned the first climb of the day as “J Wilsly” while French TV had him as “J Gregaard”. When he's actually J Gregaard Wilsly in the same way that last year’s Super-Dane is M Porn Star Moustache Cort Nielsen.
Confused by weird Danish surnames though, as the TdF's webby SCIENCE refers to the rider who pwned the first climb of the day as “J Wilsly” while French TV had him as “J Gregaard”. When he's actually J Gregaard Wilsly in the same way that last year’s Super-Dane is M Porn Star Moustache Cort Nielsen.FTFY
G Imlach: | O hai & welcome 2 da 2 (two) ov wot promies 2 b 1 ov teh phunnest Tours ov France sinse records began and who betta 2 open teh sho than me, TV's G Imlach? Ofishly funnier than famine, playg, wor, pollushn & livin' nexdor 2 Alice! |
Omnes: | Alice? Who teh fck iz Alice ba-dumm TISH! |
G Imlach: | ??? |
Bethany (13): | I doan rekn E Mas sharez ur op!on ov teh raec thus fa, G Imlach, & if R Carapace want 2 hold u wile I kik u I shall b happi 2 oblije! |
G Imlach: | Well, I thort it woz rofflesum! Ne-wa, it lede 2 teh intrestin' kwestion ov whos gonna be numbawang on TEFE Post? |
Bethany (13): | Durrrrr! Mi Da… R Uràn, obv! |
N Powless: | O RLY? |
Bethany (13): | YA RLY! |
N Powless: | Ur crazy, kid! |
CP Sagan: | Oi! |
Omnes: | LET THEM FITE!!1! |
G Imlach: | Ne-way, teh Yates bruvs… |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh er haha. yeh |
TP Kennaugh: | It dunt get ne bigga, xept bein' from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar! Sneeki grabbin' ov bonerfications! |
C Evans: | WV Aert well bete. Ha ha! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | 2da teh parcours iz teh longest ov teh hole raec onli it ent that long! Also thare are bonerfications 4 teh Cat. 2 Jaizkibel clime wot iz onli nine (9) km from teh staeg finish! Ne-wa, 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | O hai! I got teh WWX Lackey 2 look up teh last tiem 2 (two) bruvs got 1-2 (one-two) onna staeg. Woz teh Schleck bruvs in 2011 onli they ent twinz0rz an' they woz on teh saem teem! |
WWX Lackey: | I'll get even 4 that, ***, u wnkr! |
SD Millar: | Ur fierd! Bethany (13)! Find us a new WWX Lackey! |
Bethany (13): | Find 1 urself, u idle fckr! Wot u think mi job iz, Pr0duckt10nz™® Asistent? I's workin' on mi peece 4 teh 1st rest da sho! |
SD Millar: | Ooooh! Tetchy! |
C Evans: | [Chaengin' subj.] Wot a da yesterda, eh! Ne-thing c'n hapn in teh Tour ov France! |
Omnes: | Iz thare also a long wa 2 go 4 sure? |
C Evans: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | U rememba that tiem when teh Schleck bruvs pwned teh staeg? U woz 3rd! |
C Evans: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Wot u rememba ov that da, Super D? |
SD Millar: | Agony igony ogony & mahogany! |
Omnes: | SD Millar woz so fa bak he dint c it! |
N Boulting: | Teh Man had 2 fidle wif teh resultz coz 2 mani rid0rz woz over teh tiem limit! Also, thare iz a dere down thare, runnin' thru a swomp! |
C Evans: | U doan c that evri da! |
Bethany (13): | Unless u live inna swomp wif a lot ov dere. In it. LOL! |
C Prudhomme [waevs fleg]: | Scram, u oiks, b4 I unleesh teh Doggos ov Polis Action! |
N Boulting: | We sent ect ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | 4 sure teh shinyboiz will contest teh big climez so I dunno about teh spottyjumper! We will c! |
N Boulting: | Iz this a brake I c b4 me? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | 2 mani strong rid0rz in teh move. TJ Visma shuttin' it down. NV Hooydonck! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Disappointin' yesterda. Last clime woz horble! |
D Friebe: | Monsta descant b4 teh finish 2da… |
T Pidcock: | 4 sure. We will c. |
D Friebe: | Sumtiems I h8 this job! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless & EH Boson havin' a tri! |
SD Millar: | 0 chance, lusers! Oh, wate! |
N Boulting: | R Cavagna haz cort them & now thare off liek teh stabd rat! |
T Pelican: | Onli three (3) ov them. Let 'em suffa. |
N Boulting: | They haz 40" seconds so u lucki peeps c'n haz sum shitverts! |
Omnes: | Deep joy! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Teh 1st teme haz fckd off 4 lunch so u got me, Tiny P & Cuddles… |
Omnes: | MUNKEH!!1! |
A Greipel [via ApeMail]: | Oi! |
C Evans: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake haz 2' minits. |
M Rendell: | EH Boson! 13th Tour ov France! A Nogweegie record 4 a Nogweegie! |
Omnes: | |
M Rendell: | I h8 u all! |
ML Maire: | That looks liek a splat pelican down thare! & u dweebs r wibblin' about teh Clasico ov San Seb! |
D Friebe: | O hai, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | O hai! Not gr8 yesterda! Iz a long wa 2 go. We will c! |
D Friebe: | FFS! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! S Yates in teh snottyjumper! Iz a diffrunt grene this yere an' I doan liek it! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Did u kno that T Pogačar iz equallin' teh record 4 das in teh juniorshinyjumper 2da, wif FB Ullrich! |
Omnes: | Who et orl teh pies? Who et orl teh pies? Ect. |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake haz 4' minits! Now a guest aperence from TEFE Post's taim Dalek! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-8 E-H BO-SON & R CA-VA-NYA! EET! DRINK! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAWWWWRR! We will tri 2 put rid0rz in teh brake. We will c! |
C Evans: | That went well, then! |
J Alaphilippe: | R Cavagna iz 1 ov ours! |
C Evans: | Oh. Bugger. |
M Rendell: | R Majka! 'e's a funneh boi! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz wot u nede in a teme! Iz not orl about abiliti on teh biek! Well, it iz about abiliti on teh biek but… |
Omnes: | Iz that y no-1 want 2 ried wif u, C Evans! |
C Evans: | I h8 u all! |
Omnes: | R wurk hear iz dun! |
M Rendell: | Soon iz come teh snottysprint! EH Boson sprint0r ov yestayere! He's 36 (thirty-six), u kno! |
M Cavendish: | So woz I in 2021 & I pwned 4 (four) staegs & teh snottyjumper! |
EH Boson: | \o/ Snottypwn! Ta, u guyz! |
[Kwite a lot l8r] | |
J Philipsen: | \o/ |
S Welsford: | Arse! |
[…] | |
Omnes: | Laek! Kwik, get *** bak! |
N Boulting: | [Revolting chewing noiziz] |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz gonna b a big fite 4 teh snottyjumper this yere! Esp. coz WV Aert ent playin'. |
Omnes: | |
M Rendell: | U- |
C Evans: | M Kitteh woz a U- |
M Kitteh [via KittehPost]: | O hai! I liek fish! Also, miaow! |
Omnes: | Clere off, M Kitteh! Go pla wif ur skweeki mouse! |
M Kitteh: | I h8 u all! Xept fish! |
TP Kennaugh: | C Ewan, teh hoamsik rok, usedta do well in hili raecs as a U- |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Me agane! How fukn long duz it taek *** & Super D 2 scoff a ratburger, FFS? |
N Boulting: | Kepe 'em comin', |
Bethany (13): | Smash teh patriarky! Tho' I duz miss Sunday dins wif teh P-Fs… |
5's Mummy: | You are always welcome here, Bethany dear! |
5's Daddy: | I ent sure I c'n afford that on a reg'lar basis roffle! |
5: | Do Ai get a menshn this yer… oooh, haunch ov unicron! |
ML Maire: | Iz it ranin' or iz it just a unushuli shit pikcha this yere? Roll on ITV4 HD! |
M Rendell: | Indijinus rid0rz! N Pooless B Girmay! R Carapace! C Evans, u had Aborijnle Stuff on ur biek, no? Oh, shitvert tiem >:( |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Hic! |
SD Millar: | I wuv u man! Ur mi bes' fren'! Iz thare ne MOAR? |
N Boulting: | WWX Lackey! Fetch teh Cooffe-o-Matic 2000! |
WWX Lackey: | Ur m8 fierd me, rememba! Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Ur reinstaytd! Also, thare r biskitz! |
[FX: Espresso machine, chainsaw, tree falling over, steam locomotive, flushing toilet] | |
SD Millar: | Aaaaaah, that's betta! |
WWX Lackey: | Fukn Rich T? Corl that a biskit? Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Ur fierd! |
[On teh Col d'Udana] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh snottyjumper! Iz diffrunt grene! Not sure I liek! |
SD Millar: | Me neeva! |
TP Kennaugh: | I wish I'd sed tha… oh, wate! |
N Boulting: | [Incomprehensible wibble about mushrooms] |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! M Bjerg haz pulled bak 30" seconds on teh clime! |
N Boulting: | Teh brake iz alredi on teh Côte d'Aztiria wot iz a Cat. 4 (four) clime. |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates donin' teh chaes orl on thare own! T Pogačar iz teh Boss! |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4 teh Spottypwn, r u? |
EH Boson & R Cavagna [in stereo]: | [Innocent whistling] |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Gap down 2 3.5' minits! TUAE Emirates will either continu 2 pull teh brake bak or they won't! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TJ Visma r… oh. No, they ent comin' 2 teh front afta orl :facepalm: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake iz bak out 2 4' minits. Who mite pwn teh staeg 2da? |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma & WV Aert will pwn it unless they don't. T Ineo$. TJ Alula. Sumwun else. Y u aks teh Stupidz kwestionz? |
N Boulting: | Iz mi job! Look, see! Church! Teh bellz! Teh bellz! |
Omnes: | Iz teh lunch-pack ov Nôtre Dame! |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! Wind! |
SD Millar: | Wind! |
ML Maire: | Tut, R Cavagna! U throwed a |
[…] | |
ML Maire: | & anuvva fing. Wot's teh bloak in teh Škoda shitvert s'posed 2 do wif that weel? Teh mekanik orta ov took it wif 'im! Numpti… |
N Boulting: | Rox! Tomoz we haz Prof. Sumwun ov Utrecht torkin' about rox! Doggo! Doggo in teh rode! Mist teh rid0rz & tryd 2 assault attack a motabiek! Bad doggo! |
Bethany (13): | Bad fukn doggo-pwner, MOAR liek! I'd hav 'em shot! Wif skware bulits! |
N Boulting: | EH Boson! He's pwned 3 (three) staegs, orl from brakes! |
SD Millar: | He's got 0 chance 2 surviev aganst N Pooless on teh last clime! |
N Boulting: | GPWM. Damn u! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | M Bjerg iz @ it agane! Gap bak down 2 3.5' minits! |
T Pelican: | Pack it in, u nutjob! |
N Boulting: | Tour ov teh Basque Cuntri! |
SD Millar: | Orlwayz had a pria engagemnt when that woz on! 2 much liek hard work! I new wot teh rodes woz… |
N Boulting: | Chute! A Edmondson! Hit teh kerb onna corna! |
SD Millar: | No biggi! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | N Craddock! He doned a birb impreshn @ teh teme presentashn! |
Omnes: | |
SD Millar: | Look, see! TJ Visma are comin' 2 teh front! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez M Cavendish haz bin dropt! |
M Cavendish: | I h8 this! |
SD Millar: | Hoapfli teh otha sprint0rz will b dropt 2! Not that I's biased or nuffink… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Walloper haz bin dropt! |
T Gallopin: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | Dissent in teh TUAE Emirates ranx! M Trentin! R Majka! |
M Trentin: | Pack it in, M Bjerg, u mentle! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Cavendish is bak in teh pelican's fethery bum! |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates! Full ov, er, charact0rz! M Soler T Pogačar R Majka M Trentin! Last yere they had G Bennett 2! |
G Bennett [via KiwiGram]: | Sivin pingwins' iggs! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-ATE THEM ON TEH FLAT! |
[On teh Côte d'Alkiza] | |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4 teh Spottypwn, r u? |
SD Millar: | Dunt matta. Teh brake iz doomd! TUAE Emirates will kik sand in thare faeces! Kik! Ahahahaha! |
N Boulting: | U channelin' EC Boardman? |
R Cavagna: | Piss! I haz xploded! |
M Cavendish: | So haz I! I h8 this! |
N Boulting: | Chute! Chute in teh pelican! |
SD Millar: | No-1 damaged but will maek sum rid0rz fall out ov teh pelican's big fethery arse! |
N Boulting: | M Bjerg iz @ it agane! Sprint0rz bein' shelled out teh bak! |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! Teh spottyjumper iz mien 4 anuvva da! |
SD Millar: | Thare iz still a long wa 2… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh gap iz below 2' minits! & teh descant iz wet in plaecs! |
SD Millar: | EH Boson dunt look happi on teh descant 2! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-ATE T-U-A-E-EM-I-RATS ON TEH DES-CANT! |
EH Boson: | Oh gr8 >:( |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Moscon! M Cavendish's nü bezzy! |
E Gesbert [via FireBook]: | Wnkr! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish haz that effect on peops! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez teh sprint0rz r bak in teh safeti ov teh pelican! |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
N Boulting: | Chute! M Trentin onna roundabout! |
SD Millar: | Needs a nü biek! |
TUAE Emirates: | We ent watin'! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 hav hapnd! |
Bethany (13): | Wot, agane? |
N Boulting: | fraid so. Brake still haz MOAR'n 2' minits. N Pooless still goin' hard, liek… |
SD Millar: | Iffen he's feelin' gud he cud pwn teh shinyjumper! Or not! |
N Boulting: | Soon iz come teh spot ware Mummy & Daddy Yates r watchin'! Ma Yates sez she's bin xpektin' this situashn 4 yeres! |
Ma Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | VS Laengen, havin' bin dropt, iz not onli bak on but workin' @ teh front! |
VS Laengen: | DKUATB, u dweebs! Roffle! |
T Pelican: | Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! R Cavagna! Rite @ teh bak wif M Cavendish! Speed ov a raechorse, strengf ov a carthorse, branez ov a rockin' horse! |
5: | Horseys? Ware? |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap VS Laengen iz still on it, P Bilbao hav xploded & teh gap iz, er, 2' minits. |
SD Millar: | N Pooless & EH Boson not givin' up thobut! |
EH Boson: | Oog! I's 2 old 4 this shit! |
[On teh Côte de Gurutze] | |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4… ware'd he go? |
EH Boson: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Chute! BO Connor! MV Gils! 1 (one) or two (2) othas! |
TP Fairy: | O hai! O hai, J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | Arse! |
N Powless: | C me taek advantij ov teh confushn in teh mitey beek ov teh pelican bi pwning teh spotty, er, pwn! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap N Pooless still haz almoast 2' minits, TJ Visma r sneekin' 2wards teh front & I want a ice creem! Now u kno az much az we duz! |
EH Boson: | Chiz cursiz cort, liek a Treen inna imploding submarene! |
N Boulting: | Neglect not teh tiem bonerfications @ teh top ov teh Jaizkibel, wot N Pooless iz now on! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma orl ov a suden! T Ben00t! Temes orl scattad! |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle! NV Hooydonck! W Kelderman! TJ Visma bin keepin' thare hyperbole inna cool dry plaec! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar appere not 2 hav ne minionz left! |
TJ Visma: | LOL @ TUAE Emirates! |
N Boulting: | 5 km 40" seconds! TUAE Emirates hav got thare act bak 2getha! |
TUAE Emirates: | LOL @ TJ Visma! |
R Majka: | Rite, u softys, watch this! |
T Pelican: | Awww, FFS! |
N Powless: | Awww, FFS! |
R Majka: | Niec tri son, roffle! |
N Boulting: | T Pinot dropt! |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe neerli dropt! |
N Boulting: | 0 "neerli" about it… V Madouas dropt! |
SD Millar: | A Yates workin' 4 T Pogačar! |
A Yates: | yeherhestehboss. yeh. |
N Boulting: | WV Aert dropt! S Yates 2 teh front! |
T Pogačar: | LOL, Engleesh! \o/ |
J Vingegaard: | P2. C me do fck-all until WV Aert catches up… |
N Boulting: | Iz comin' bak 2getha on teh descant! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Az I predicted, they haz bin cort. TB Notorious haz 4 (four) rid0rz in teh froup, includin' P Bilbao… |
Omnes: | …who u sed woz dropt yonks ago! |
N Boulting: | I, er, look, see! T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | P Bilbao monsterin' teh descant! Even WV Aert c'n't kepe up! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao still on it! Wind! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma gettin' thare act 2getha! T Ben00t! |
N Boulting: | Cort 'im! Wait, wot! E Buchmann assault attack ??? |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel? Wo bist du? Wir sollten in den Zoo gehen! |
E Buchmann: | Scheißdreck! |
SD Millar: | Orta b naled on 4 WV Aert no… |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! Oh. Put teh friteners on WV Aert thobut! |
WV Aert: | Y they orl pickin' on me? 'snot fare! |
N Boulting: | V Lapay assault attack! |
V Lapay: | \o/ Ha! LOL @ WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | Gagh!! U useless fukn baskit caeses! |
W Kelderman & T Ben00t [in stereo]: | We dun r best, consigliere! |
T Pogačar: | MOAR tiem bonerfications 4 meeeeeeeee! |
[…] | |
T Pogačar: | Oi, Yatesy, u c WV Aert @ teh finish? He doned this [mimes thumping biek]! LOL! |
A Yates: | erroffle yeh ha ha! |
G Imlach: | Well, we dint xpekt that! |
C Evans: | V Lapay woz kwite handi yesterda thobut! |
TP Kennaugh: | I er, um, I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Still A Yates in teh shinyjumper, T Pogačar 2nd becoz bonerfications, S Yates third, V Lafay up 2 P4. |
TP Kennaugh: | A Yates sed NO CARRIER |
ML Maire: | Bloody ITV4! |
Bethany (13): | Wotesed! |
G Imlach: | O hai & welcome 2… |
EO Aquitaine: | Stow it, sonny! I's donin' teh intro 2da coz thare on mi manor! Rgu & I'll haz ur hed chopt off! |
Omnes: | Hurrah, iz Her Ultra-Violent Maj! |
G Imlach: | I…I…cor-wumph! |
EO Aquitaine: | Soz 2 haz not bin on teh 1st 2 staegs but I dunt trust them Basques wif thare daft hats & funneh langwij! Ne-wa, teh raec iz comin' hoam 2 its natrul, er, hoam, wot iz la belle France innit & iffen *** starts bangin' on about surfin' agane I'll hav 'im disembowelled. And then chop hiz hed off. U bin warnd! |
Bethany (13): | Wha-hey! Thort u mite ov bin exorcised, or trapt in a Sirkel ov Basingrad, or sumfink! |
EO Aquitaine: | Taeks MOAR'n sum bloke inna dress shoutin' "Out damn' Spot" in lat. 2 kepe this wandrin' spirit down! Ne-wa, 2da's staeg hav a few lumps in teh first 1/2 but iz then moastli harmless 4 teh 2nd so orta suit one (1) o' they sprint0rz, that they haz now! |
C Evans: | Who's that torkin'? I c'n't c ne-1! |
Bethany (13): | Ah, I 4gotted, ur nü hear! C Evans, meet EO Aquitaine (~1122-1204), 4ma Kwene ov Ingerlund & Dutchess ov Aquitaine wot is now part ov teh France! She's bin horntin' teh prog. sinse 2017. Ur Maj, this is C Ev… oh! He's fainted! Wuss! L Deignan dint done that! |
EO Aquitaine: | Oh, I kno who he is. Hiz post-raec interviewz0rz r teh Stuffs ov Legend even among teh lejuns ov teh d-e-d! As I woz sain', M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | O hai, ur Maj! |
EO Aquitaine: | Good lad! Bhaev & I'll aks Charlie-boi 2 giv u a kniggethood! |
M Cavendish: | Coo, ta! Aries, Sur Cav! Gotta ring 2 it, I's gotta sa! |
TP Kennaugh: | Don' wurri, C Evans, u get used 2 EO Aquitaine. Tho she did thro me in teh oubliette onna rest da… Probli coz I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
EO Aquitaine: | Woz coz ur an annoyin' an' disrispekful l'il squit! Tho I liek ur earing! Iz orl dangli, liek a trat0rz hed when teh bloke wif teh sord dunt get it orl teh wa off 1st tiem! |
G Imlach: | Becoz TV's J Wade & hiz fishies we onli got teh full liev staegs on teh weekenz, so we orta get 2 teh colemantary Sheds in caes ne-fing xitin hav hapnd! Super D? ***? Hav ne-fing xitin hapnd? |
SD Millar: | Y, yes! L Pichon & N Pooless r teh futile brake 2da. N Pooless pwned teh 1st 2 (two) spottyclimes, L Pichon pwned teh snottysprint, V Lafay sneekd off ov teh front ov teh pelican 2 bagsi sum snottypoints & WV Aert woz noware. Now u kno az much az we duz. Or MOAR'n Tiny P Kennaugh. |
TP Kennaugh: | ??? |
N Boulting: | V Lafay hav stayd awa from teh mitey beek ov teh pelican. A bit. He hav 30" seconds wile teh lead0rz haz 2' minits. He iz doomd. |
V Lafay: | [Waevs 2 spectidiots] O hai! This iz phun innit! |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | V Lafay mite continu 2 pwn snottysprints orl thru teh raec & pwn teh jumper that wa! |
TP Kennaugh: | Like wot CP Sagan doned! |
CP Sagan: | I pwned staegs 2, u oaf! |
N Boulting: | Wot duz we think ov teh nü! IMPROVED!! Snottyjumper? |
SD Millar: | Do! Not! Liek! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma! Did they bugga it up yesterda? |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. Yes, they did! Iffen J Vingegaard had doned a turn on teh front WV Aert wud ov pwned teh staeg and now 'e's FUMMIN! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Hear iz Prof DV Hinsbergen ov teh uni ov Utrecht 2 tork 2 u about rox! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! Look, see! Cool rox! [Points] Hear! Rite unda teh rodes! This bit iz from teh xtinkshn ov teh dinosores! Iridium! Them iz teh footprintz ov beesties in teh mudd! 4 sure! |
N Boulting: | & thass not sumfing ur gonna get on DingoVision! Hurrah 4 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™®! |
SD Millar: | [Snoring] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh Ba ov Biscay! Iz bloo, & wet! We goned 4 a swim in it this mornin'. Well, I did. Tiny P 4got hiz water wings… |
TP Kennaugh: | I h8 u all! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! BO Connor! He's havin' a shit raec this yere! |
BO Connor: | Yeah, m8, this sux! Fanci a BEER? |
N Boulting: | We sent ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Cavendish! Ur hilites ov teh last 2 das? |
M Cavendish: | Finishin'! Teh Basque fanz0rz is amazeballs! Gr8 tememaets 2! |
D Friebe: | Ur lede-out planz? |
M Cavendish: | Ent tellin'! Worls haz eers & so duz teh otha sprint0rz! |
D Friebe: | Thass me tole! |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish iz njoin' this seezn! |
TP Kennaugh: | I's gonna miss him! Sob! & hiz interviewz0rz 2! |
[…] | |
BO Connor: | Onoz! Mi chane haz felled off! Agane! |
Omnes: | Snek! Snek! |
N Boulting: | C Evans, speke 2 us ov BO Connor! |
C Evans [from unda teh desk]: | Haz teh goasti goned yet? |
EO Aquitaine: | Nope :demon: |
C Evans: | Eeep! |
D Friebe: | O hai, WV Aert! U angri wif J Vingegaard 4 not helpin'? |
WV Aert: | O hai! Noes, angri wif miself 4 not pwning teh staeg! Honiss! |
D Friebe: | U not happi wif teh wa Netflix portrai u on teh tellibox? |
WV Aert: | Hahahahahaha! Idiots! C'n't wate 2 c wot they maek up this yere roffle! |
N Boulting: | V diplomatic bi WV Aert! |
C Evans: | Yes. Yes, it woz! |
SD Millar: | I xpekt teh DS had WURDZ last nite! |
N Boulting: | Basques! Wales! Er, whales! They hunted 'em! |
SD Millar: | I did not kno that until yesterda! |
Bethany (13): | Ent ML Maire savin' whales nex' weekend? |
ML Maire: | No. No, I am not! |
Bethany (13): | I fort u sed… |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Welsford! Niec mustash! |
S Welsford: | O hai! Dreme raec 4 me! Dreme comed troo! |
D Friebe: | U adaptin' 2 teh rode? |
S Welsford: | 4 sure! Saem guyz just MOAR ov 'em. We will c! |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Ewan! |
C Ewan: | O hai! Triki finish! Teknikl! JD Buyst hav hurt hiz rist! We will c! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap WV Aert haz a promble wif his shooz! |
WV Aert: | Thare skweekin', liek M Kitteh's mouse! |
SD Millar: | C teh TJ Visma blaksmiff sort it out! |
N Boulting: | Ne-wa, teh raec iz on teh Côte d'Orioko-Benta ware N Pooless will pwn teh spottypoints. |
C Evans: | Dunt leev a lot 4 L Pichon xept teh combativité wot iz important iffen ur Frenchish! |
N Powless: | \o/ w00t! |
SD Millar: | Wuz surpriezd 2 here M Cavendish ent nevvah raecd in teh Basque Cuntri b4! |
C Evans: | I ent! Look @ teh rodes! |
SD Millar: | Thass y I tryd 2 avoyd 'em 2! |
N Boulting: | Chute! Perhaps! Or jus' a pinchpoint on teh clime! |
SD Millar & C Evans [in stereo]: | |
SD Millar: | Look, see! Teh pelican haz stopped flyin' agane! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! F Wright! He haz cut hiz elbo! We sent… |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Wright! |
F Wright: | O hai! No brake 2da! All-in 4 teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! We will c! Teh crowdz r gr8! Hard staegs Sat. & Sun. We will c! |
N Boulting: | He's a jolly fello! |
SD Millar: | Chirpi chappi! |
N Boulting: | TBH, I ent that kene on Indian nosh! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap L Pichon & N Pooless doned teh fisting, wot mene L Pichon c'n now fck off on hiz tod! |
N Powless: | Bai! |
S Welsford: | Onoz! Mi stem ent strate! Spannaman plz! |
N Boulting: | Sprint0rz! Tempramentl beesties! We ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai, D Groaningwagon! |
D Groenewegen: | O hai! 4 sure will b sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE 2 da! V teknikl finish! We will c! |
D Friebe: | So thare we haz it! [Mic drop] |
C Evans: | I predict teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE will b unpredictabl! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
C Evans: | YA RLY! |
N Boulting: | R Costa! Chattin' 2 spectidiots wile hiz biek gets fixt! He's 1 (one) ov ur jenerashn C Evans Super D, no? |
C Evans: | Doan remin' me! Git! Still, niec seeneri! U doan appresheate it when ur ridin'! |
SD Millar: | Coz ur lookin' at teh rufty-tufty hairy-arse ov a swarthi Pork'n'Cheez domestique orl da! |
Bethany (13): | Eeeeeew :sick: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Welsford haz MOAR biek trub! |
TP Fairy: | LOL &, moreover, roffle! |
N Boulting: | How u rekn S Welsford will done in teh mntns? |
C Evans: | Badli… |
SD Millar: | Iffen he's lucki he mite get 2 Paris Paree! |
N Boulting: | Mais c'est teh Tour ov France! C'n inspier rid0rz 2 gr8 thingz! M Kitteh & D Groaningwagon haz pwned on teh Chomps-Elizy! Eytali! |
C Evans: | Altho biek racin' iz v. intanashnl theez das iffen u poak it wif a stik u find moastli Eyetalyunz & Beljuns! |
N Boulting: | Menewile, L Pichon still haz 2' minits ova teh pelican! |
L Pichon: | Combativité, innit! Look, see! We r in teh France & I, L Pichon, a French Frenchman wif a French naem, am ledin' teh raec! w00t! |
SD Millar: | I dint notiec! & I useta liev hear! |
Omnes: | Iz coz thare woz 2 mani Basques in 1 (one) exit! |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap L Pichon haz onli a tad ova 1' minit! MVD Poel! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | MVD Poel! |
5's Mummy: | Oh for goodness' sake, you two (2). Please give it a rest! |
SD Millar: | Ooooh, tetchi! Also, he's on teh telli bringin' J Philipsen bak 2 teh safeti ov teh pelican's fish-nommin' beek! |
5's Mummy: | Why did you not say so earlier, you silly man! Play up, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | fankooauntysyrah! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap bi a bitta x-sope star reduced 2 sellin' insewerants on da-tiem TV 0 hav hapnd! |
Bitter Ex-Soap Star: | I still gotta pa mi morgij & fede mi kitteh! Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! L Pichon now hav but 30" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Mite look flat but it ent! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! JD Buyst! Doan fink 'e's gonna b ledin' out C Ewan 2da! |
SD Millar: | No. No, he will not! I, TV's Super D Millar, decree it thus! |
N Boulting: | Surfin'! |
Omnes: | Shut! Up! |
SD Millar: | Not so much 'ere. U gotta go furtha north 4 surfin'! |
N Boulting: | S Bennett! A Demare! They ent hear! |
T Pelican: | Om nom nom nom tasti L Pichon! |
L Pichon: | Iffen they giev teh combativité 2 N Pooless afta that I'll kik sumwun! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! Icepak down hiz jumper! Wots that orl about, eh? |
SD Millar: | Bugadifino! T AS-TA-NA! Wot mite they done 4 M Cavendish? Lede him 2 teh two (2) km point then leev 'im 2 it? Or wot? |
N Boulting: | We will c… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Insied thirty (30) km 2 go & a ickl clime comin'! Mite we c teh temes tryna brake thare rivals? |
SD Millar: | No. |
N Boulting: | Y not? |
SD Millar: | Coz they'd nacka thare own rid0rz 2, dolt! Look, see! Teh 25 km banna! Mi fave! |
N Boulting: | Arcangues! Pourquoi ne pas visiter Arcangues pendant vos vacances cette année? Voir les arbres qui sont grands et le cimetière plein de morts? |
Le Maire d'Arcangues: | Merci, ***, mais M. Macrobe nous a interdit de vous payer! |
N Boulting: | Merde! Aussi, wind! |
SD Millar: | Will b fast'n' |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Cavendish! In teh mitey beek ov teh pelican! U'd think Le Roi C Prudhomme I wud ov guv 'im #34! |
SD Millar: | Or #35 LOL! |
M Cavendish: | Sssssssh! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! JD Buyst! Deffo not doin' nuffink 4 C Ewan 2da! Not gud 4 C Ewan! |
SD Millar: | C Ewan's confiance iz in teh sella az it iz! Hiz teme r startin' 2 think 'e's a Rubbish 2! |
Omnes: | Betta not b ne MOAR shitverts b4 teh finish, u 2, or Bethany (13) will kik u repetedli! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | Ulp! |
SD Millar: | Sketchi! Complicatd! |
N Boulting: | Chess! On weelz! LL Sanchez (93) lookin' afta M Cavendish! |
SD Millar: | Burnin' matchiz! |
N Boulting: | Gee-See rid0rz lookin' out 4 teh three (3) km banna then let teh nuttas get on wif it! R Cavagna! |
R Cavagna: | Tokyo drift! Oopsie! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Cavendish! #191! |
Omnes: | FFS, ***! We c'n hardli c thare dossards, nevvah mind rede thare numbas! |
SD Millar: | Mani roundabouts! Stringin' out teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | Five (5) km! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish long wa bak! |
M Cavendish: | Sssssssh! |
SD Millar: | TSQ Step! TA Deceuninck! |
N Boulting: | Tite U-turn! Short stepe clime! CP Sagan! Wot's 'e donin' thare! |
CP Sagan: | A crazy™! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! K-os! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ w00t! |
P Bauhaus: | Arse! |
C Ewan: | Piss! |
WV Aert: | I wuz robbed! FUMMIN! |
M Cavendish: | P6. Not bad 4 a nold git, eh? LOL! |
5's Mummy: | Jolly well played, young Mathieu! Oh, wait! I am supposed to be supporting Mr Cavendish, no? |
V Lafay: | Teh snottyjumper stas mien! Yay! |
A Yates: | yehshinyjumperer yeh |
EO Aquitaine: | Hold up! Le Roi C Prudhomme I ent issued teh result yet! Woz that a deviation? |
TP Kennaugh: | No. |
C Evans: | No. |
EO Aquitaine: | Thass me tole! |
G Imlach: | Le Roi C Prudhomme agree. Teh result stands! |
WV Aert: | Bah! |
TP Kennaugh: | Gud job bi T AS-TA-NA. They's lernin'! |
A Yates: | yeherniecdayeh staoutovtrublyehsoopahappi. yeh |
EO Aquitaine: | Anuvva sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE da 2moz in teh hart ov mi cuntri! Wotch or loes ur hed! Ur choiec! |
G Imlach: | O ha… |
EO Aquitaine: | I warnd u! I fukn WARND U!!1! Guards! Oh, thare orl d-e-d >:( Bah! Ne-wa teh staeg 2da iz a moastli flat romp thru teh luvverli cuntricide ov that Aquitaine, that they, er, dunt reeli haz ne MOAR. Wif nort but a single 4th kitteh clime 2 kepe N Pooless intrestd. Teh finish iz on teh Nogaro moto-chariot serkit ware thare dint orta b roundaboutz or trafic ilandz or nuffink, tho given wot teh Kingz0rz ov France hav doned evryware else I xpekt they's put in a spede bump or two (2). Elf'n'safeti in mi da woz MOAR about not gettin' lockjor! |
G Imlach: | Wot u orl rekn 2 teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE finish yesterda, o mi droogiez? |
TP Kennaugh: | It woz, er, fast! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
C Evans: | WV Aert c'n FUMM az much az he lieks but 'e wunt robbed! |
EO Aquitaine: | Thare's a stori that a spectidiot 'it 'im wif a fone! Iffen that's troo hedz orta role! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish's Vmax woz MOAR'n J Philipsen's! We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Cavendish! U fasta'n ne-1 yestada! |
M Cavendish: | Meh! No priez 4 that! |
D Friebe: | Diffrunt finish 2da… |
M Cavendish: | 4 sure. Ent nevvah doned a sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE onna mota-racin' trak b4. We will c! |
D Friebe: | A Darrigade! Pwned twenty-two (22) staegs! U met 'im once, no! |
M Cavendish: | Y, yes! Yes, I did! P'raps he'll sa o hai 2da 2! |
A Darrigade: | Non! C me wif V Lafay & teh snottyjumper, wot I pwned 2! Twice! |
EO Aquitaine: | Ne-wa, teh rid0rz haz alredi doned 60 (sixty) km so I s'pose we orta hed 4 teh colemantary Sheds… |
N Boulting: | O hai! O hai, ur Maj! 0 hav hapnd! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert almoast doned a assault attack but it lookd liek a aksident. |
N Boulting: | Wind? |
SD Millar: | Nope! |
C Evans: | Nyet! |
N Boulting: | Fck, this iz dull! Even teh shitverts r MOAR intrestin'… |
[…] | |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Jakobsen! |
F Jakobsen!: | O hai! Angri F Jakobsen iz angri! Stupid finish yesterda! Wot if WV Aert had doned a chute! |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Ewan! |
C Ewan: | O hai! Snoo @ F Jakobsen! I dint haz a promble. Wif it! |
SD Millar: | Doan blaem F Jakobsen, me! He neerli got killed utterly 2 DETH inna sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! Look, see! A feeld full ov sola panls! |
N Boulting: | U wanna kleen 'em? No, thort not hah hahahahahaha! |
D Friebe: | O heh, A Yates! |
A Yates: | yehezdayestadaer saevnrgyehstaoutovcarnijyeh erfanz0rzshoutminaemyeh er yeh |
D Friebe: | Wot did he just sa? |
N Boulting: | Mite A Yates retane teh shinyjumper thru teh Pair-ov-Knees? |
C Evans: | Yes. Unless T Pogačar assault attack teh mntns. Then 'e won't! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Thare onli donin' 32 (thirty-two) km/h! Evn I cud done that! |
Omnes: | 4 a hundred yards, maybe LOL! |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! |
C Evans: | Iz gonna b bonkas fast @ teh end thobut. |
SD Millar: | Innit! Orl teh sprint0rz' tranez r gonna b fresh! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Wright! |
F Wright: | O hai! I haz a bandij! [Indicates bandij] Hear! Iz 2 maek me look hard! Sili chute! I's a divvi divsta! |
D Friebe: | Ez da yesterda? |
F Wright: | 4 sure! Will b 2da 2! Mota-racin' serkit finish! Shud b a larf! |
N Boulting: | e's gud @ teh interviewz0rz! Not liek A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Welsford & ur mustash! |
S Welsford: | O hai! We will c! |
D Friebe: | O hai, B Girmay! |
B Girmay: | O hai! Soopa happi! Big support! Yay! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A shat-oh! Wif remarkabl Treez! |
C Evans: | Wow! Ta 4 that, Super D <s>! |
N Boulting: | Soon iz come teh snottysprint! Temes gettin' organisated! |
SD Millar: | V Lafay haz 0 chaenc 2 surviev! Yesterda hiz li'l sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE woz improvisd! Teme wudn't ov let 'im done it iffen 'e'd aksed! |
V Lafay: | Bof! |
N Boulting: | Kitteh &, moreover, mowse among teh sprint0rz tranez! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ |
B Coquard: | Arse! |
C Ewan: | Piss! |
M Cavendish: | Gagh! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh Chapl ov Notre Dame des Cyclistes! |
Omnes: | Looks liek a condemd garij! Or *** wif hiz shirt off! |
Bethany (13): | Pass teh mind bleech :sick: |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! *** & Super D haz gon forajin so ur stuk wif me! Ne-wa, afta teh snottysprint 2 (two) rid0rz haz fckd off up teh rode, viz. B Cosnefroy & A Delaplace. |
C Evans: | Gud tiem 2 done it, wile teh big boyz r nackad & not payin' atenshn! |
TP Kennaugh: | Teh pelican ent bovvad. Will give 'em… |
M Rendell: | Two (2) Frenchmen! Spekin'… FRENCH! No N Pooless! Bastides! Bilt bi KINGZ! Ov In-ger-lund! |
EO Aquitaine: | Wotch it, sonni! Thass a bit ov a soar point! |
M Rendell: | I, er, um… Look, see! M Pedersen's biek! |
C Evans: | Cor! Bling! M "Bling" Matthews wud b ded jelus! Ov that! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Nosh zoan! Danja & xitemnt! Hevvi! |
C Evans: | Orlwaze sent a mini0n 2 get mien! Afta I lernt evri Bad Swear in teh Eyetalyun langwij! |
TP Kennaugh: | Ol'-skool! Hist. Tradishn! |
Dokta Hutch: | Gagh! Dronez, u feckin' nobbas! |
C Evans: | U gotta hoap teh handlz ov teh noesbagz ent 2 strong, coz spectidiots tri 2 taek 'em off ov u even iffen thare hangin' roun' ur nek! |
M Rendell: | Wite liens on teh rode! |
I Kilmister: | Wite line feeva! |
EO Aquitaine: | I's inna gud mood 2da, Mr Lemmy, so I'll let u off. This tiem. U kno teh roolz! |
I Kilmister: | Soz, ur Maj! |
C Evans: | Sprint0rz r simpl creetchas! Get confuzd iffen teh wite liens ent paralell 2 teh barrios! |
TP Kennaugh: | So duz I! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | A Delaplace! Pwned Paris-Camembert! |
C Evans: | Duz u pwn cheez 2 go wif it? |
M Rendell: | Yes. Yes, u duz! L Pichon haz pwned three (3) piggies ova teh yeres! |
M Pingu: | Wot about gotes? |
M Rendell: | It dunt sa ne-fing about gotes in teh bok! |
M Pingu: | Huh! |
C Evans: | T Pinot haz lots ov aminalz! I seed 'em on Netflox! |
TP Kennaugh: | I c wot u doned thare! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Look, see! B Cosnefroy iz offrin' 2 done teh poast-raec interviewz0rz now, 2 saev tiem! |
B Cosnefroy: | Roffle! |
C Evans: | Ent that norti? |
M Rendell: | No. No, it ent xept inna limited & specific wa! I got in2 trub once 4 it, thobut! |
Radio TIP Tech: | Crrrrch… grrrrp… entranse 2 serkit ded naro… prrrrrg… nede 2 bi a tiket 2! |
TP Kennaugh: | Ooh, that'll b phun! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Did u bhaev wile we woz out? |
Omnes: | |
N Boulting: | I xpekt B Cosnefroy 2 done a assault attack soon, 4 teh combativité! Unless A Delaplace duz 1 1st! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A abbaye! |
Omnes: | |
SD Millar: | Filistines! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | MWVD Aepoerlt! |
Radio T Ineo$: | Maek shure u et orl ur din-dins or u ent gettin' ne puddin'! |
N Boulting: | Temes doan get ne sa in wot radio Stuffs gets put on teh telly! |
SD Millar: | They duz get €5000 thobut! Ker-CHINNNG! |
N Boulting: | I miss mi xtra cash from teh maires ov France! Le sigh! Look, see! A spottychikn! |
Omnes: | |
SD Millar: | A Darrigade! Luvli chap! Took me 2 lunch once! |
Omnes: | TANSTAAFL! |
SD Millar: | U horble sinix! 'e's a proppa jent! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 hav hapnd! |
Bethany (13): | Thare's a serten familiariti about that fraze! |
N Boulting: | Wot did u xpekt? M Cavendish 2 lornch a surpries assault attack wif thirty (30) km 2 go? Look, see! Teh Nogaro serkit! Looks a bit teknikl! Iz it, Super D? |
SD Millar: | No. No, it iz not. Tho thare mite b Wind! |
LL Sanchez (93): | Onoz! Mi chane! |
Omnes: | Snek! Snek! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! V Campanile! 'e dunt ware sunglassiz! |
Omnes: | |
Radio TEFE Post: | 0 assault attack unless teh brake gets cort! Spottypoints! |
N Boulting: | Moustiques! Er, mousquetaires! |
A Delaplace: | \o/ Spottypwn! Shud we pak it in now? |
B Cosnefroy: | Yeah, orlrite. |
N Boulting: | Look, see! MVD Poel pedallin' wif 1 (one) leg! |
Omnes: | Stork! Stork! Look, ***! |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 hav hapnd. Agane. & iz still not hapnin' chiz. |
SD Millar: | Temes economizin' & savin' nrg. |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Ssssssssh! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish! Relaxed! |
N Boulting: | Yes. Relaxed! Look, see! Q Simian! Iz teh 4th ov July 2da! Orl da! |
Q Simmons: | O hai! C'n u pla sum M Haggard 4 mi dog Tige? |
N Boulting: | [Sings] I's prou' 2 b a Okie from Muskogeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
Q Simmons: | On 2nd thorts… I'll taek teh wite litenin' insted! |
N Boulting: | Filistine! Look, see! CP Sagan! |
CP Sagan: | No Crazy™ 2da! Soz! |
N Boulting: | Ten (10) km 2 go! Presha! Tenshn! O mi! Iz gonna b EPIK! |
SD Millar: | Windin' it up! Look, see! Sum sili buggas from TDSM Firmenich goned teh rong wa! Orl that wurk 4 0! LOL? |
N Boulting: | Now T AS-TA-NA goned teh rong wa, onna roundabout! |
SD Millar: | Sili sods! K-os! |
N Boulting: | 3 (three) km! On2 teh serkit! No sine ov WV Aert! |
J Vingegaard: | Ware TF r u, WV Aert? I's donin' this 4 u! |
N Boulting: | Chute! F Jakobsen! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert from noware! M Cavendish on hiz weel! |
N Boulting: | Chute! M Cavendish! Anuvva chute! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ w00t! Go me! |
C Ewan: | Fckles! |
P Bauhaus: | Bumgrapes! |
M Cavendish: | P5 this tiem! Progress! |
SD Millar: | I's confuzzld! This wiz s'posd 2 b teh saef sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE ??? |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | So, iz big help 2 haz MVD Poel az a lede-out! |
J Philipsen: | Cloes finish! C Ewan! Soopa happi they confim result kwik! EZ da! MVD Poel! Full gas! Tias! Thare is still a long wa 2 go! We will tri 2 defend teh snottyjumper. 4 sure! |
C Evans: | Serkit look big on teh telly but ent! Not surpriesd thare woz chutes! |
TP Kennaugh: | Cornas ded fast! |
M Cavendish: | Meh! Dint kwite wurk proppa-liek! K-os! Wind! Orl M Pedersen's folt! 'e nevvah went 4 it! |
D Friebe: | U went teh rong wa onna roundabo… |
M Cavendish: | Woz planned! 3 (three) sprint Sprint SPRINTEEEs 2 go! Limoges 2 hili! Next 1 iz Bor-doh! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish! Doned so mani interviewz0rz he kno when 2 <<<BEEP>>> hisself! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! |
5's Mummy: | Jolly well done, young Mathieu! Though I'd be obliged if you would let Mr Cavendish win just one! |
A Yates: | yehkwietdaer yehtpogačarmntns yehtiemboneficashnser yeh |
EO Aquitaine: | O hai & welcome 2 da 5 (five) ov teh Tour ov Aquitaine plus a few otha inconsekwenshl bits ov teh France! 2da we startz teh onli proppa mntns in teh raec… |
TP Kennaugh: | Thare's teh Alpses 2! & teh Sentral Massiv & teh Jury & teh Voje(sp)! |
EO Aquitaine: | Silense wen u speke 2 me, u skwit! Them doan count coz thare 2 FOREIGN. Well, teh Massif Sentral ent, but 'snot v. impresiv compard wif teh Pair-ov-Knees! |
C Evans: | Eeeep! Teh goasti! |
Bethany (13): | U gr8 ponse! Wot we got 2da? I haz a mappe! [Indicates map] Look, see! Teh Horse Cat Col de Soudet, teh 3rd Kitteh Col d'Ischère & teh 1st Kitteh Marry-Blonk, wot haz tiem bonerfications. On it. |
EO Aquitaine: | So's we c'n xpekt T Pogačar to assault attack teh latta, unless thare's alredi a breakfroupthing hoovrin' up teh bonerfications like, er, um… |
Bethany (13): | …Slithy Gove onna nite out? |
EO Aquitaine: | Iz he teh 1 wot look liek a startld hadock? |
Bethany (13): | Thass 'im! Wnkr! |
EO Aquitaine: | Sho' iz! Teh snottysprint iz a poultry, er, paltri 49 leegs in so teh sprint0rz haz sumfink 2 do otha'n cri 4 thare mummy when teh mntns begin! S'pose we orta hed 4 teh colemantary… |
G Imlach: | Er, we orta menshn teh rid0rz wot haz had 2 gone hoam afta teh "saef" sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE yesterda, ur Maj! J Guarnieri & LL Sanchez (93)! Teh latta iz a Bad Fing 4 M Cavendish & teh 4ma 4 C Ewan. |
M Cavendish: | Sssssssh! |
EO Aquitaine: | Oh. Yeh. Hard cheez, u 2 roffle! Ahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
Bethany (13): | U sounded jus' liek TV's Evil C Boardman thare, ur Maj! |
EO Aquitaine: | Sumwun's got 2! |
LL Sanchez (93): | @ leest we ent fa from teh Spaign-o! Taxi! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | O hai & ta 2 Her Maj Kwene EO Aquitaine 4 teh brillstix intro! |
SD Millar: | Crawla! |
G Imlach: | Pore crash-damijd F Jakobsen dropt afta onli fourteen (14) km! Bigly hyooge breakfroupfing off ov teh front inc. WV Aert & J Hindley. WV Aert & V Campanile goned awa afta teh snottysprint, wot woz pwned bi B Coquard. Biek chaeng 4 T Pogačar. M Cavendish dropt. Now u kno az much az we duz! |
N Boulting: | We sent, no, not D Friebe! |
S Piquet: | O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Crazy! |
S Piquet: | Wot u rememba ov pwning teh staeg in Laruns in 2020? |
T Pogačar: | Woz crazy! We's orl a bit crazy hear! |
CP Sagan: | Oi! I iz teh onli purveya ov Crazy™ 'roun' hear! U wate until I's retierd, u ickl oik? Crazy? U doan kno teh menein' ov teh wurd "Crazy"! |
N Boulting: | Teh leed0rz haz about 3' minits ova teh pelican wile WV Aert & J Campanile haz 30" seconds ova teh breakfroupfing! I think. We sent sum random… |
Random: | O hai, J Hindley! |
J Hindley: | O hai! Goin' OK so fa! |
Random: | U scairt ov teh mntns? |
J Hindley: | No. Y wud I b? I pwned teh Giro ov Italy, u prawn! Will b xitin'! We will c! |
Random: | Now I kno y TV's D Friebe hav throne a sicki! |
N Boulting: | Dreme brake 4 J Hindley! |
SD Millar: | Sho' iz! He hav P Konrad 2 help 2! Menewile teh sprint0rz r bein' shat out ov teh fethery arse ov teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | We ect. |
D Friebe [staging miraculous recovery]: | O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | O hai! 4 sure I will tri 2 b in teh brake 2da! I hart teh spottyjumper! Mi preshusssssssss! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless dint get in teh breakfroupfing thobut, so will probli loose teh spottyjumper! @ teh otha end ov teh raec V Lafay hav bin dropt 2! |
C Evans: | C'n I menshn J Hindley? He's from Captin Cook'z Mistaek, liek me! |
Omnes: | Doan u start! Tiny P iz bad enuff! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Q Simian! He doned a chute erlia! Teh dokta gived him teh konkushn test! |
Teh Dokta: | How mani fingas iz I holdin' up? |
Q Simmons: | Lots! I sure duz miss mah pickup truck! |
Teh Dokta: | He's fien! |
N Boulting: | G Ciccone! He cud pwn this! |
G Ciccone: | I's a Beautiful Killer! |
Omnes: | Now look wot u doned! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap MOAR lusers haz bin dropt & WV Aert iz still draggin' V Campanile up teh mntn! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates pla a watin' gaem! VS Laengen! F Großschartner! |
C Evans: | Teh otha da WV Aert contest mass sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE; 2 da 'e's pwning teh mntns & teh hole raec! |
N Boulting: | Oh, WV Aert & V Campanile haz bin cort! G Ciccone doned teh damij! |
G Ciccone: | Well, I did Promise To Try! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley & E Buchmann r in teh breakfroupfing, wot haz splat gud an' proppa! |
C Evans: | C mi cuntriman J Hindley doin' 0 wurk! Kepe it up, lad! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! F Gall assault attack! Teh 4ma breakfroupfing iz splat orl ova teh mntn! |
F Gall: | \o/ Spottypwn! Did I jus' c a spectidiot dresst az D Maradona? |
D Martinez: | P2! Hav sum Spanish Lessons! |
G Ciccone: | Huh! You'll See! I's a Unapologetic Bitch! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh breakfroupfing iz comin' bak 2getha on teh descant! |
ML Maire: | Gud! Teh laem Madonna gagz r hard wurk! Y can't it b G Zimmermann? B Dylan haz phar MOAR songz! |
C Evans: | 20 (twenty) km ov valli rode b4 teh nex' clime! Nede horseypowwa & fierpowwa 2 sta awa! |
Bethany (13): | Iz mi Da… R Urán in teh breakfroupfing? |
SD Millar: | Y, yes! Yes, he iz! |
Bethany (13): | w00t! [Unleashes illegal dancing] |
N Boulting: | Teh breakfroupfing iz still ganin' ova teh pelican! 4' minits! |
SD Millar: | E Buchmann maek teh paec! |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel! Wo bist du? Hilf mir, die Wäsche aufzuhängen! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O bontag! Mi blong sieg heil! Still 4' minits! |
TP Kennaugh: | TUAE Emirates stikin' 2 thare plan! Kepe mntn gote R Majka 4 teh Marry-Blonk, wot iz horble! |
C Evans: | Iffen teh gap reech 6' minits thare gonna b in trub thobut! |
M Rendell: | E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es! Kepe hiz hyperbole inna bank vault until l8r in teh staeg! K Neilands assault attack! |
TP Kennaugh: | TJ Visma stikin' 2 thare plan! Maek shure T Pogačar dunt get teh bonerfications! They haz T Ben00t in teh breakfroupfing 2! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap K Neilands hav 30" seconds & iz neerli @ teh botom ov teh Col d'Ischère! |
C Evans: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe assault attack! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRR!!1! |
M Rendell: | This breakfroupfing iz a mess! Kepes splattin' & re4min'! |
WV Aert: | Iffen J Alaphilippe iz tryin' it on I's goin' wif 'im! [Grams: WHOOOOOSH!] |
M Rendell: | How much Cloo duz teh rid0rz got? No mirr0rz or droan shotz 2 c wot's hapnin'! |
C Evans: | Instink! Osmosis! Telepafi! |
TP Kennaugh: | Teh best layed planz0rz ov meeces… |
M Kitteh [via KittehNet]: | I h8 meeces 2 peeces! I liek fish thobut! |
C Evans: | Wot TF woz that? |
M Rendell: | Doan wurri about M Kitteh! 'e's jus' havin' trub adaptin' 2 retiermnt! |
M Kitteh [via KittehNet]: | Miaow! |
C Evans: | This plaec iz a madhowse! Get mi ajent on teh fone! |
M Rendell: | K Neilands now hav 15" seconds ova WV Aert & J Alaphilippe wif teh rest of teh breakfroupfing @ 40" seconds & teh pelican @ 3.5' minits! |
C Evans: | WV Aert! 'e's a monsta! A hangri monst… |
B Dickinson: | COWBELL! w00t! |
M Rendell: | E Bernal got fiend 4 droppin' litta yesterda! |
C Evans: | Good! |
TP Kennaugh: | Dint orta appli 2 |
M Rendell: | Holi relix but also useful! U c'n put… WATER in them! |
K Neilands: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Well, I am! Super D iz lookin' 4 teh indigeshn tablits! |
SD Millar: | BUUURRRRRRRP! Oooh, thass betta! |
Bethany (13): | :sick: |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap K Neilands cort bi J Alaphilippe & WV Aert! Teh rest ov teh breakfroupfing iz 20" seconds bak. |
SD Millar: | Teh pelican will b goin' flat out liek hell maximum assault attack, becoz J Hindley! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | WV Aert! |
Bethany (13): | :sick: |
[On teh Col de Marie Blanque] | |
N Boulting: | Teh Marry-Blonk! |
SD Millar: | Iz horble! V stepe @ teh top! Horble! H8s it! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Bjerg hav xploded in teh pelican! |
SD Millar: | Txtbok Stuffs from TUAE Emirates! M Soler taek ova! Unda 3' minits! |
N Boulting: | O Fraile drag teh breakfroupfing cloesr 2 teh 3 (three) lead0rz! WV Aert & T Ben00t wate 4 J Vingegaard? |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Soler hav xploded, WV Aert hav dropt bak 1/2 wa 2 teh mitey beek ov teh pelican, J Alaphilippe & T Ben00t chaes… F Gall & J Hindley!!1! |
SD Millar: | Wowsa! |
G Ciccone: | I'm Hung Up! Do sum werk, E Buchmann! |
E Buchmann: | Ur jokin'! J Hindley iz mi teme-maet! |
N Boulting: | F Großschartner hav xploded in teh pelican! R Majka taek ova! |
R Majka: | Bluddi amateurs! I's gonna sho u wnkrs how teh chaes iz doned! |
WV Aert: | 1 MOAR push! [Xplodes] |
J Hindley: | Rite, I's off! Bai, F Gall! |
F Gall: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Teh pelican iz totes xploded! Teh Yates bruvs! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! S Kuss lede J Vingegaard! Onli T Pogačar sta wif 'em! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley will get teh bonerfications! J Vingegaard & T Pogačar still 2' minits bhind! Oh! J Vingegaard assault attack! T Pogačar in trub! |
SD Millar: | J Hindley orta still pwn teh staeg thobut! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar iz fuXX0rd! Look, see! |
J Hindley: | \o/ Spottypwn & bonerfications 2! |
F Gall: | P2 & teh spottyjumper! |
J Vingegaard: | Onli 1' minit bhind now! Roffle! |
Omnes: | No shitverts or u DIE! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard nede 2 put az much tiem az poss. in2 T Pogačar! |
N Boulting: | Look see! J Vingegaard hav cort E Buchmann & G Ciccone! |
G Ciccone: | Woz orlwaze Borderline! |
Omnes: | Get! Out! |
E Buchmann: | I ent helpin', in caes mi Mutti c me! |
N Boulting: | Staeg bonerfications! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard ent gonna get ne! Ov 'em! 'e'll b outsprant! |
F Gall: | Onoz! Cort, liek a Treen inna, er, Inescapable Trap Ov Doom! |
Omnes: | Dint M Hirschi haz teh big lede off ov teh Marry-Blonk that tiem? |
J Hindley: | Sssssssssh! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! G Ciccone ent wurkin'! |
G Ciccone: | I Don't Give A! |
E Buchmann: | I's savin' mi nrg 4 teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE, & 2 hied from mi Mutti! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! T Pogačar cort bi A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
SD Millar: | Gap ent comin' down no MOAR! Look, see! J Vingegaard suffrin'! |
J Vingegaard: | Owwwwww! I h8 this! |
J Hindley: | \o/ Fck yeah! |
G Ciccone: | P2! Well, I did Promise To Try! |
F Gall: | P3! No bonerfications 4 u, J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard got a minit ova T Pogačar! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma pland that! But they 4got 2 wotch J Hindley! Teh silis! |
[…] | |
EO Aquitaine: | That woz phun! U wudn't get that in ne otha mntns! |
G Imlach: | So J Hindley pwns teh shinyjumper, J Vingegaard 2nd & G Ciccone 3rd. T Pogačar down 2 6th! |
J Hindley: | Not planned! Unbleevabl! Improviesd! Njoid it! Incredibl! 0 wurdz! Shinyjumper! Kewl! |
Omnes: | Not "soopa", J Hindley? Standirds r slipin'! |
C Evans: | Yay! w00tissimo! Hurrah 4 Oz! |
G Imlach: | How did J Hindley sneke in2 teh brake? |
TP Kennaugh: | TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates 2 bizi wotchin' eech uvva! |
G Imlach: | & J Vingegaard! |
TP Kennaugh: | J Vingegaard gud @ teh sustaned effut! T Pogačar sneke assault attax wurk sumtiems but not 2da! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | 2 teh podiumz! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley! Sets targitz & hitz 'em! |
SD Millar: | Spanna in 2 TJ Visma wurx but teh weelz caem off ov TUAE Emirates 2da! LOL! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Vingegaard! How much u think about J Hindley 2da? |
J Vingegaard: | Yes. Soopa gud da! |
EO Aquitaine: | MOAR ov mi mntns 2moz! Inc. teh Mitey Tourmalet & a sumit finish 2! B thare or suffa horbli! |
EO Aquitaine: | So afta a absolutli snot-rippin' da in mi manor yesterda, 2da we haz MOAR ov teh saem! G Imlach, I's inna gud mood so I lets u dun teh intro! |
G Imlach: | I, er, um, yeh, shud b az much phun az a nite ov comedi wif me, TV's G Imlach & mi batri ov joaks, jaeps, punz & jenral LOLsumness! 3rd Kitteh clime ov teh Côte de Capvern-les-Bains iz afta onli 30 (thirty) km so we ent gonna c that! Nor teh snottysprint @ fifty (50) km! Mite just get 2 c teh 1st Kitteh Col d'Aspirin, dependin' on breakfroupfings, fazes ov teh moon & WV Aert. Jus' ova a hundrid km iz teh Horse Kitteh Col du Tourmalet, a bigly hyooge descant & teh long drag 2 teh fin, wot iz anuvva 1st Kitteh clime! Ne-thing c'n hapn tho I xpekt TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates ent gonna taek thare eyes off ov teh ball agane & let a danja man liek J Hindley get awa wif two (2) strong teme-maets! |
Bethany (13): | Evn bi teh standirds ov T Moviestar that woz a craptacular mistaek! |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡NO MOVIESTAR AI HA COMETIDO NUNCA UN ERROR! ¡POR DEFINICIÓN, SOMOS INCAPAZES DE ERRORES! +++ |
Bethany (13): | Kepe tellin' urself that, pal! Roffle! |
TP Kennaugh: | TJ Visma thort they woz covvad, coz they had T Ben00t & WV Aert in teh breakfroupfing 2! |
C Evans: | & TUAE Emirates thort 1. they had enuff fierpowwa 2 control it, & iii) T Pogačar wud not xplode! |
Bethany (13): | Iffen we's lucki they ent lernt thare leson & mi Da…R Urán c'n surpries evribode! |
TP Kennaugh: | Thass onli a bit MOAR likeli'n me pwning teh stae… er, no offens! |
Bethany (13): | Offens takn! U betta slepe wif teh lites on 4 teh rest ov teh raec, Tiny P! |
C Evans: | Duz this sort ov fing hapn a lot? |
G Imlach: | Yes. Yes, it duz. 1st lesson ov P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™® iz "Doan do nuffink 2 maek Bethany (13) angri"! |
C Evans: | I betta rite that down! |
G Imlach: | Ur Da… R Urán woz in teh saem froup az WV Aert yesterda, Bethany (13). MOAR'n 8 (eight) minits bhind J Hindley. Er, soz 4 ur loss… |
Omnes: | Thorts & prairs! |
Bethany (13): | Fck! Off! [Exit @ teh Stomp] |
C Evans: | C'n u done a proppa flounce dresst liek that? |
Bethany's Mum: | Peedo! Doan u oggle mi dorter's bum, u dirti fckr! |
Omnes: | Betta lissen, C Evans! U herd wot she doned 2 Miki Mowse that tiem? |
C Evans: | I nevvah! Iffen this plaec dunt go normal soon I's goin' hoam! |
Omnes: | U liev in Schnibbleland! |
C Evans: | Oh. Yeh. Bugarup! |
EO Aquitaine: | No-1 else haz goned hoam erli thobut, so 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | O hai! We haz a brake! It haz 1. MOAR'n 3' minits & iii) WV Aert, MVD Poel, J Alaphilippe & N Pooless. In it. Sprint0rz r bein' dropt! WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert 4ce teh paec, maek teh otha temes suffa! Iz teh Plan! |
N Boulting: | Teh 1st ickl clime woz pwned bi N Pooless & teh snottysprint bi B Coquard! Amaezballs! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert xplodin' teh brake! Look, see! Tictacs! TJ Visma wunt teh shinyjumper! |
N Boulting: | P'raps WV Aert iz plain' a watin' gaem, inna Crool & Unushul wa? |
SD Millar: | WV Aert goin' faster'n teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | F Gall & hiz spottyjumper ent in teh brake but N Pooless, er, iz! |
F Gall: | Well, teh spottyjumper yesterda woz jus' a happi aksident! |
N Powless: | \o/ C me pwn teh Col d'Aspirin & teh spottyjumper 2! |
N Boulting: | I predikt TJ Visma r gonna xplode teh hole raec! Agane. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Eeeuuurgh! Laek! Maek it stop! |
Bethany (13): | Slimey fings, ***! Wif TEEFS! Big pointi teefs! J Wade! |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! We ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, J Hindley! |
J Hindley: | O hai! Ovawelmin'! Lost 4 wurdz! Shinyjumper! Wot a feelin'! |
N Boulting: | C Evans, u had teh shinyjumper wile bein' from Captin Cook'z Mistaek!?! |
C Evans: | I sort ov pwned it bi aksident! But it woz teh toy lion wot I reeli wunted! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! WV Aert & MVD Poel driev teh brake so hard they's ganed anuvva minit! |
J Vingegaard: | Soopa happi! 2 da iz anuvva day! Hard 2 predict! Taek a minit off ov T Pogačar iz soopa gud! J Hindley? 4 sure! We will c! |
T Pogačar: | Let us wate & c! |
Radio TEFE Post [no longer sounding like a Dalek]: | Kepe carm & carri on! |
N Powless: | Gee, thanx, d00d! Aside: Idiot! |
[On teh Col du Tourmalet] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap assault attack bi J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAAWWWWWR! |
SD Millar: | J Shaw, wot iz teh teme-maet ov N Pooless, go wif 'im, pureli 2 annoy! |
C Evans: | Iz wurkin' 2! Look, see! Angri J Alaphilippe iz angri! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAA…oh, fck it! CBA! |
WV Aert: | LOL @ J Alaphilippe! Y u do that? Wunt 2 c teh birbs? |
D Friebe: | O hai, BO Connor! |
BO Connor: | O hai! Betta yesterda! TUAE Emirates fckd up ha ha! I rekn J Hindley c'n kepe teh shinyjumper until teh Puy de Doem. Fanci a BEER? |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma repete teh tictacs ov yesterda! |
TJ Visma: | Doan nok it; it wurkd LOL! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap TJ Visma r xplodin' teh pelican agane! C Laporte hav doned hiz bit. |
TP Kennaugh: | No ideer y WV Aert iz tryin' so hard, thobut. 'e ent gonna b much use bi teh tiem teh rest ov teh teme catch up ??? |
SD Millar: | e's WV Aert, & u kno wot theez Beljiun hedbang0rz iz liek! |
TD Gendt [via NutMail]: | Oi! Thare woz no madness in mi methods! |
Omnes: | We. Dint. C. Ne. Method. @. Orl! |
TD Gendt [via NutMail]: | I h8 u all! |
Pingu: | Ou sont les vautours? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Ben00t hav xploded & he ent even bin @ teh front yet! |
T Ben00t: | I h8 this! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! T Pogačar & J Hindley! Thare… TORKIN'! |
N Boulting: | Mite T Pogačar b recrootin' a alli? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. Look, see! M. Le President! |
M Macrobe: | O hai! Plz 2 not set me on fier! |
TP Kennaugh: | Thare in La Mongie! Afta thare they c'n visually c teh top! |
Omnes: | Az oppoesd 2 aurally c it? |
TP Kennaugh: | I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Hindley hav run out ov domestics! Also, iz N Pooless in trub? J Hindley iz in trub! Yoicks! |
J Hindley: | Bugarup! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! Onli S Kuss, J Vingegaard & T Pogačar left! Saem az yesterda! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless hav xploded! Look, see! |
N Pooless: | Fckles! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard orta assault attack now! |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. Yes, 'e shud! 'e's still got WV Aert up teh rode & no-1 bhind! |
J Vingegaard: | OK, S Kuss, I taeks it from 'ere! |
T Pogačar: | Not so fast, J Vingegaard! I got ur numba 2da! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar not donin' ne wurk! Will b stronga 4 teh finle clime! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iffen 'e dunt xplode, obv. |
N Boulting: | Indede, mi sawn-off droogie! |
R Guerreiro: | Outta mi wa, Nogweegie scum! [Applies elbow] |
T Johannessen: | Oi! Wnkr! \o/ Spottypwn ne-wa! LOL @ u, Pork'n'Cheez silibollox! |
TP Kennaugh: | Naaah! Orl leegl & aboev bord! |
SD Millar: | Wowsa! J Vingegaard iz onli 45" seconds bhind teh lead0rz & MOAR'n 2.5' minits ahed ov J Hindley? |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Vingegaard & T Pogačar hav cort WV Aert & N Pooless & r 25" seconds bhind teh lead0rz! |
SD Millar: | Goin' accordin' 2 plan 4 TJ Visma! |
TP Kennaugh: | I doan unnerstan' thare plan! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
SD Millar: | They thort T Pogačar wud xplode agane, but 'e dint? Ne-wa, teh finle clime iz moastli harmless until it ent! Horble @ teh top! |
TP Kennaugh: | So iz that gud 4 J Vingegaard? Or 4 T Pogačar? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
SD Millar: | Teh sensibl fing 4 T Pogačar wud be 2 bied hiz tiem then outsprint Sprint SPRINTEEE J Vingegaard on teh lien! Promble iz: T Pogačar dunt do sensibl! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Vingegaard et cie hav cort teh lead0rz & took a wile 2 get organisated so teh pelican iz onli 2' minits bhind. |
SD Millar: | Iz bizniz az ushul now, thobut, coz WV Aert iz donin' it agane. |
N Boulting: | K-os in teh pelican coz onli E Buchmann donin' ne wurk! |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel? Was machst du? Du hast gesagt, du würdest für mich zur Post gehen! |
E Buchmann: | Arsch! |
N Boulting: | We's gonna get teh last set ov shitverts outta teh wa now… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Neerli @ teh botom ov teh clime! WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | Not 'ard clime @ 1st! WV Aert not tryin' hard but teh pelican haz lost MOAR tiem! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert gonna havter do this on hiz tod! No-1 else gonna tri jus' 2 get smasht bi J Vingegaard when 'e feel liek it! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert! No mersey! Er, mercy! Riski tictacs 4 J Vingegaard coz T Pogačar ent xploded 2da! |
N Boulting: | Is G Ciccone in teh shinyfroup? |
G Ciccone: | No. No, I iz not. Iz The Power Of Goodbye >:( |
ML Maire: | Gud. I h8 serchin' lists ov Madonna songz! |
G Ciccone: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | WV Aert! |
Bethany (13): | Yeah yeh, we get teh msg… :sick: |
N Boulting: | Let us menshn J Shaw! J Shaw! Not long ago 'e wuz ridin' critz. In Motherwell. Bit ov a chaeng! |
SD Millar: | E Buchmann! |
E Buchmann: | Shut! Up! Mi Mutti's gonna kill me! |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel? Bist du schon wieder mit deinem albernen Fahrrad unterwegs? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! N Pooless iz in trub! Tho 'e's still gonna get teh spottyjumper bak! |
N Pooless: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
N Boulting: | M Skjelmose dropt bi teh shinyfroup! TL Trek lost bofe thare Gee-See contend0rz! |
Omnes: | Look, see! WV Aert haz bullmøøse handlbarz! Teh 1980s r on teh fone, WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | Gettin' 2 teh stepe bit now! WV Aert flat out liek hell! N Pooless hav defiantli xploded! |
J Vingegaard: | Ta, WV Aert! I's got it from hear! |
T Pogačar: | Not so fast, J Vingegaard! I got ur numba 2da! |
M Kwiatkowski: | & so haz I LOL! |
J Vingegaard: | Haz a go iffen u think ur hard enuff! |
M Kwiatkowski: | OK, u pwn. This tiem… |
J Vingegaard: | This ent rite ??? T Pogačar ent assault attacked or xploded! |
T Pogačar: | I ate'nt D-E-D! Now wotch this, u wnkrs! [GRAMS: WHOOOOOOSH] |
J Vingegaard: | WTF? |
SD Millar: | Hard bit ov teh clime ova! T Pogačar zoom zoom! |
T Pogačar: | \o/ Rite me off @ ur peril, puni humanz! Roffle! |
J Vingegaard: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Cycling! Bluddi 'ell! |
T Johannessen: | P3. w00t! |
[…] | |
EO Aquitaine: | C! Thass wot u get wif mi mntns! Yay 4 Aquitaine! |
Pingu: | No vautours! Money back! |
G Imlach: | J Vingegaard mite ov preferd 2 sta bhind J Hindley 4 a bit insted ov that! |
EC Boardman [via GimpNet]: | Ahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
Omnes: | Crivvens! R Bardet 10th on teh staeg! No chimniz on teh parcours 2da? |
R Bardet: | I h8 u all! |
G Imlach: | Planz0rz! |
C Evans: | Orl wurkd proppa until it dint! |
G Imlach: | TUAE Emirates sed T Pogačar wuz a nü rid0r this yere! Tictacli awaer && c. |
TP Kennaugh: | Niec 2 c teh loonspud ov ol' ent bin totes killed 2 DETH thobut! LOL! |
M Rendell: | O hai, J Shaw! |
J Shaw: | O hai! Not 2 bad, eh! Staeg huntin'! Nackad, mind! |
[…] | |
Omnes: | Thare! Vautour! Or sum kinda birb ov pray! In teh Nissan shitvert! |
Pingu: | CGI! |
G Imlach: | So J Vingegaard haz teh shinyjumper but onli bi 25" seconds from T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | Not revenj, honniss! Feel betta! Wurried yesterda 4 sure! Also on teh Tourmalet! Big releef! 10 staeg pwns now! I's comin' 4 u, M Cavendish roffle! Iz 4 mi grilf! She crasht out ov teh Giro 4 Wimminz yesterda! Who r u? |
M Macrobe: | Je suis le M le President de France, dolt! |
T Pogačar: | Iz that ware we iz then LOL? |
M Rendell: | O hai, T Pidcock! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Tourmalisé! Onli evvah drivn up it b4. Thass ez-er! Ried 4 C Rodriguez! Dint tri 2 hard on teh descant! |
G Imlach: | 2moz iz Bor-doh! Ded flat staeg! Last tiem we wuz thare wuz 2010 & M Cavendish pwned it… |
M Cavendish: | Ssssssssh! |
These reports are more difficult to read than Feersum Endjinn to dyslexic hed branes like mine.
These reports are more difficult to read than Feersum Endjinn to dyslexic hed branes like mine.
EO Aquitaine: | So teh 2 daze in teh Pair-ov-Knees wuz enuff 2 get ne-one's puls raecin'… well, not mien, obv, coz I ent got 1. Woz 2 much 4 C Evans, who has goned hoam. Iffen thare's a nü gest pundit they ent tole me who it iz! Hoapfli they's gonna let mi ol' mucka Bethany (13) haz anuvva go! |
Omnes: | Yeh, rite, roffle! |
Bethany (13): | 1 @ a tiem or orl 2getha, u slagz! Maek 0 diff. 2 me… er, um, 2da iz a naled-on 1 4 teh sprint0rz bein' az it iz onli 170 (one hundred an' seventy) km & ded flat saev a 4th Kitteh bump thirty (30) km from teh end. Ware teh last 2 (two) km iz ded wied & ded flat & teh last tiem teh Tour ov France caem 'ere 1. I wuz onli 8 (eight) wekes ole & c: M Cavendish pwned teh sta… |
M Cavendish: | Ssssssssssh! |
Bethany (13): | Afta teh phun & gaems ov teh Pair-ov-Knees teh Gee-See contend0rz will probli haz a da off & let a futile brake bog off 4 moast ov teh lieulong da, an'… |
WV Aert: | Iffen ne-1 rekn I's gonna b in teh brake 2da they nede thare hed-branez replaect wif a v. small shell skript! |
Bethany (13): | Even I, wot am immuen 2 teh rampant fanboiïsm ov *** & Super D, hav 2 admit that ur a bit spesh, WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | [Turns pink] Aaaaaaww! |
EC Boardman [via SickoPost]: | Wha'evs. Iz thare ne tennis tennee on teh Ba-Beh-See? |
Tw@ In The Crowd: | Come on, Tim! Er, Andy! Liam! Katie! |
Omnes: | Fck! Off! Tw@! |
G Imlach: | I rekn ne kwestions about T Pogačar's 4m wuz rnserd yesterda! |
T Pogačar: | C'n I taek this sili fing off ov mi rist now? |
Bethany (13): | T Pogačar mite ov pwned teh staeg yesterda but iz not liek J Vingegaard xploded or nuffink! 'e still bete evri-1 else bi MOAR'n a minit! |
TP Kennaugh: | I wish I'd sed ov that! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | Ne-wa! We haz a nü gest pundit so plz 2 giev a bigli hyooge P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™® welcome 2… M Kitteh! |
M Kitteh: | O hai, also miaow! 4 sure J Philipsen iz teh d00d 2 bete! We will c! |
TP Kennaugh: | TA Deceuninck r betta organisated, becoz MVD Poel. |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish 4 teh pwn? |
M Kitteh: | Yes. |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We ent sain' nuffink! Rite, Super D? |
SD Millar: | Mmfmpppfffmpmmmmffppppmfffm mpppppfmp! Mffffp mmm ppmfmfmfm0pffffp mfmmmmppmmpp! |
N Boulting: | Imm. afta Le Roi C Prudhomme I doned hiz fing wif teh fleg WV Aert doned a assault attack 4 teh LOLz0rz! |
WV Aert: | Roffle! |
N Boulting: | But then 'e stopt, coz evn WV Aert ent that bonkas! A handful of rid0rz did go off inna brake but they orl reelized woz teh Stupidz so they stopt. S Guglielmi dint thobut & iz out on hiz tod wif a lede ov 2.5' minits! |
S Guglielmi: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure! Soopa fast finish! Wind! |
SD Millar: | Protected from teh Wind thobut, becoz Treez! |
N Boulting: | Les Landes! Treez! Did I tell u… |
SD Millar & M Kitteh [in stereo]: | HURD IT!!1! |
N Boulting: | Meeneez! |
M Kitteh: | Not a rest da thobut! Will b fast in teh last 10 or twenty (ten or 20) km! Stay focusd! No chat, or fish! I liek fish! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | S Guglielmi iz still out teh front & M Kitteh lieks fish! We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, C Ewan! Mntns? |
C Ewan: | O hai! Mntns not 2 bad this yere! Niec grupetto! Shud haz JD Buyst bak 2da! We will c! |
D Friebe: | O hai, M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | O hai! T Pogačar maek me LOL! Doan caer wot hapnd @ teh front yesterda! Jus' tryna surviev! 2da saem finish az 2010, wot woz d-e-d gud! No C Diaz or T Cruise this yere chiz! T Cruise maek me look tall! |
N Boulting: | U dint ried teh Tour ov France until 2011, M Kitteh! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure! Start afta M Cavendish & finish b4 him! |
Omnes: | MI-AOW! Sorcer ov milky-milky 4 M Kitteh! |
M Kitteh: | I dint mene it liek that! |
SD Millar: | Wile u 2 hav bin prazin' Famuss Menz S Guglielmi iz about 2 pwn teh snottysprint, & teh pelican iz speedin' up! |
S Guglielmi: | \o/ C'n I stop now? |
SD Millar: | Sprint0rz jocki 4 posishn! M Cavendish not intrestd! |
M Cavendish: | Not intrestd! |
B Girmay: | \o/ LOL @ J Philipsen |
J Philipsen: | Piss! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | *** & Super D haz fckd off so ur stuck wif me, Tiny P & M Kitteh! P Latour & N Peters hav doned a assault attack! N Peters iz nicknaemd "Teh Penguin"! Coz ov hiz feetses! |
Pingu: | Impostor! |
M Rendell: | F Jakobsen! |
M Kitteh: | Got thru teh mntns betta'n I xpektd afta teh chute! Will haz a go 2da. Miaow! |
Omnes: | Look, see! Horble gooses! Bein' herded bi a, er, goosedog! |
M Rendell: | I rekn M Cavendish wuz pist off wif B Coquard in teh snottysprint! |
M Kitteh: | He transgrest teh Unrittn Lor! |
M Rendell: | P Latour & N Peters hav cort S Guglielmi but they onli got 30" seconds ova teh pelican. Now we will sell u a sad BEAR… |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh gap iz ova 1' minit. Now u kno az much az we duz! B Coquard! |
M Kitteh: | Dunno y 'e's a sprint0r! 'e's teh rong siez, shaep && c. 2 ickl. Look liek a clima! |
M Rendell: | Hot! |
Bouncing Gril: | w00t! Allez J Alaphilip… ooowwwww! I cort a |
M Rendell: | Niec sooveneer! |
EC Boardman: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_c.jpg) |
TP Kennaugh: | Sprint0rz temes useta get pist off wif Gee-See rid0rz invadin' thare spaec on teh run-in 2 sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE finishs! |
M Kitteh: | I rememba havin' 2 fite C Froome 4 spaec on teh staeg 2 Uta Beech in 2016! |
M Cavendish: | I pwned that… er, ssssssssssh! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Haz u bin gud ickl boyz & grilz? |
Omnes: | BRIDGE! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53029799240_411fa9a75e_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oN4zMs) | |
N Boulting: | I taeks that az a "yes" then! Carm b4 teh stawm! Wind! M Cavendish doned a biek chaeng! Look, see! |
Omnes: | e's swapt it 4 teh e-biek! |
N Boulting: | Biek chaeng 4 MVD Poel 2! |
Omnes: | C r preevyus repli! |
N Boulting: | U horble sinix! MVD Poel! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! |
5's Mummy: | Not today, Mathieu! Please allow Mr Cavendish his moment in the sun! |
M Cavendish: | fankoomissispoulidorfanshaw! |
5's Mummy: | You may call me Syrah! |
N Boulting: | Bor-doh! Lotz ov water! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
N Boulting: | Wind! Mite maek teh run-in… SKETCHI! |
SD Millar: | Duz get a bit twiddli @ three (3) km. Cud get… CRUNCHI! WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | Mite WV Aert b invlvd in teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE 2da? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. They mite let C Laporte haz a go. Tho they won't. |
Omnes: | That wuz in4mativ, Super D! |
SD Millar: | I h8 u all! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Guglielmi haz bin dropt &… |
P Latour: | \o/ Spottypwn! Liek I caer… |
T Pelican: | O hai, S Guglielmi! Ware u bin? |
S Guglielmi: | Bah! |
N Boulting: | Wind! Perfick 4 teh brake! |
SD Millar: | Also they onli bin off ov teh front 4 a short tiem! Wind! |
N Boulting: | Thare fasta'n teh pelican! |
[Graphic: Tete de la course 53 km/h; pelican 57 km/h] | |
N Boulting: | Wind! Look, see! Shat-oh! HT Lautrec! He died utterly to DETH thare! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | Capian! Pourquoi pas… oh. I 4got. 0 munny ne MOAR! Sob! |
SD Millar: | Iffen teh brake kepes this up teh sprint0rz mite use thare lede-out d00dz erli! |
N Boulting: | & iffen thare not cort until teh finle 1 (one) km will b K-os! |
Omnes: | Maek it so! |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
SD Millar: | Wind! Uppa limit 2 teh spede ov teh pelican! Evn T Declercq ent makin' ne hedwa! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake still hav neerli 1' minit! D Devenyns (94) doned a long tern on teh front, az did J Alaphilippe! P Latour! Stronga'n N Peters! |
N Peters: | I's a clima! WTF iz I donin' up hear? |
SD Millar: | Teh brake iz doomd! I, TV's SD Millar, decree it thus! |
N Boulting: | P Bauhaus? |
SD Millar: | P Bauhaus! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! C Laporte @ teh front. Wot mene… WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | C me tit about in teh pelican's fethery arse! |
Radio TL Dstny: | Sta @ teh front! C Ewan! |
TL Dstny: | Wot u think we wuz gonna done, join WV Aert @ teh bak 4 a tittin'-about contest? |
N Peters: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
N Boulting: | 10 km 30" seconds! |
SD Millar: | 4cd teh pelican 2 use thare lede-out d00dz! |
T Ineo$: | LOL! |
TUAE Emirates: | Roffle! |
Omnes: | Wowsa! Bridgey goodness! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53029582394_5803e8d2ce_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oN3tjJ) | |
C Lion: | w00t! |
SD Millar: | 8 km 10" seconds! |
N Peters: | Enuff! [Explodes] |
P Latour: | Oh. Piss. |
WV Aert: | C me continu 2 tit about in teh fethery arse ov teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | A ickl birb sez S Guglielmi haz alredi gotted teh combativité! |
P Latour: | U wot? |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! C Laporte slo down! |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish! |
SD Millar: | TA Deceuninck! Erli! M Cavendish 2 fa bak! |
TA Deceuninck: | UNLEESH! TEH! M! V! D! POEL! |
M Cavendish: | Rite! Wotch this! Oh FFS! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ Niec tri, ol' man! |
M Cavendish: | Arse! |
Omnes: | Piss! |
5's Mummy: | Oh, Mathieu! You meanie! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Soem arm-wavin' thare from B Girmay! Thinx J Philipsen dun 'im! |
J Philipsen: | Soopa happi! Gr8 teme! MVD Poel! 3 staegs! Crazy! Dreme! M Cavendish reeli strong! Wud liek 2 c him pwn 1 but not bi pwnin' me! Paris Paree! |
M Kitteh: | Reeli cloes! Fele sorri 4 M Cavendish! Miaow! |
TP Kennaugh: | MVD Poel assault attack 2 erli! But J Philipsen… |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure! TA Deceuninck r confidnt! & I liek fish! |
ML Maire: | Y c'n't mi fondleslab autocarrot "Deceuninck"? Anbaric git! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | J Philipsen! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure M Cavendish will hav 2 get up v erli 2 pwn him! |
G Imlach: | B Girmay? Haz he a point re J Philipsen? |
TP Kennaugh: | No. |
M Kitteh: | No. |
M Cavendish: | Yes! Diskwalific8 'im! |
M Rendell: | O hai, T Pogačar |
T Pogačar: | O hai! How u d00dz donin' in teh hete roffle! Niec da! Hectic finish! Happi! |
G Imlach: | Narsti finish 2moz! Uphill! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure not a da 4 teh proppa sprint0rz! |
TP Kennaugh: | Brake da 2moz! I, TV's Manks Minno, thus decree! |
WV Aert: | Brake, u sa? Uphill finish? BRING IT! |
EO Aquitaine: | Once MOAR unto the breach, dear friends! Or close down the break with, er, um, I'll come in again, shall I? |
Omnes: | Wait… WHAT? |
EO Aquitaine: | Apparently P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™® has a new Wee Work Experience Lackey who knows how to operate the spelling checker. Whatever one of those is. |
5's Mummy: | Drat and, moreover, fiddlesticks! How am Ai supposed to stand out from the hoi polloi now? |
Omnes: | We can think of one or two things… |
5's Mummy: | Get out! You filthy little beasts! Go on, be off with you! |
[Exeunt omnes] | |
EO Aquitaine: | So what awaits today? Certainly not a stage pwn for M Cavendish, on his own admission. |
M Cavendish: | Naaaah! The finish is too uppery-hillary! |
Bethany (13): | I haz a Mappe! [Indicates map] Look, see! Snottysprint afta 80 (eighty) km, three (3) piddli ickl climes for N Pooless 2 pwn az he chooz, or not. 200 (two hundred) km. Now u kno az much az I duz! |
EO Aquitaine: | ??? |
WWX Lackey: | The spell check went on strike when fed Bethany (13)-speak! |
TP Kennaugh: | It ent gonna be a big bunch sprint! It is gonna be chaos! Or a least 1 (one) chao! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish fastest yesterday! |
M Kitteh: | For sure! But he still lost! I like fish, btw! |
G Imlach: | TEFE Post have their Dalek back! WV Aert! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure TJ Visma want WV Aert to pwn stages! Miaow! |
C Prudhomme: | OK, you time-expired omelettes, as soon as L Pichon gets 'ere you can fck off! [Waves fleg] |
N Boulting: | Much titting about to get in the break! |
SD Millar: | No-1 totes committed yet! |
N Boulting: | B Coquard! Got pwned in Limoges inna really close foto-finish! By M Kitteh! Wine! |
Omnes: | Is that a off-by-one (1) FAIL, ***? |
N Boulting: | I hate you all! Look, see! EH Boson! |
SD Millar: | He has… A GAP!!1! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 happened. |
M Kitteh: | For sure it is unpredictable! Wind! & fish! But mainly Wind! |
N Boulting: | We sent ect ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Pedersen! |
M Pedersen: | O hai! It is what it is! Won't a sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE today! We will see! |
D Friebe: | O hai, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | Very hard last (80) eighty km. Maybe I will lead out J Philipsen ne-way! Concentrate on snottyjumper! We will see! |
N Boulting: | Might TA Deceuninck send MVD Poel up the road early & keep J Philipsen safe in the mighty beak of the pelican? |
M Kitteh: | No. |
D Friebe: | O hai, M Cavendish! U sleep well last night after not pwning the stage? |
M Cavendish: | No. Squeaky mattress! Couldn't of done anything different! Boys done good! |
N Boulting: | Hold up a sec, you 2! We has a chute! Look, see! T Træen has fell off of his bike! |
T Træen: | Noes! Caught, like a Træen with a, er, grazed elbow! |
M Cavendish: | Mechanicals happen. It is what it is! I ent sprintin' today! Hills! Heat! Wind! We will see! |
N Boulting: | MOAR assault attacks! T Declercq! A Delaplace! A Turgis! |
SD Millar: | If the pelican thought it was a nailed-on sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE they'd let them three (3) go. But they ent. |
M Kitteh: | For sure! Need some total monsters in the break, like N Politt or V Campanile or Kitteh-Kong! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the break has 20" seconds so, er… |
SD Millar: | TA Deceuninck & TUAE Emirates wanna control it! |
M Kitteh: | Not TJ Visma, thobut! WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | 40" seconds now! They're gone! Bai! |
D Friebe: | O hai, B Girmay! |
B Girmay: | O hai! Break today, or small group. For sure will be hard! We will see! |
D Friebe: | I hate this job! |
N Boulting: | B Girmay! Beat MVD Poel inna straight fight on the Giro ov Italy! |
M Kitteh: | Bini! Yay! Fish! |
N Boulting: | Let's hope he don't shoot hisself in the eye with the champagne cork this time roffle! |
M Kitteh: | Look, see! Archive fillum of me pwning B Coquard! LOL! He should of pwned that one, coz he's only ickle! |
N Boulting: | Limoges! Hills! |
SD Millar: | Heavy roads! |
M Kitteh: | Very tirin'! Nearly did me in! But I pwned the stage ne-way! |
N Boulting: | Wile we woz talkin' bollocks the break has MOAR'n 3' minits! Time for din-dins! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! We ect! |
Random: | O hai, WV Aert! You not try yesterday because thinking already about today? |
WV Aert: | Sotto voce: No, it was because I was fukn knackered after riding my arse off in the mntns, you vacuous arsesnuffler! Aloud: Er, today is different! Good for me! Will be a sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! We will see! |
ML Maire: | Oooh, I remember that village! Someone nearly got knocked off by a doggo! Twice! |
Omnes: | |
5's Mummy: | What did I tell you foul specimens earlier? Get out, and don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves! |
M Rendell: | T Declercq! Poacher turned gamekeeper! Or is it the other way round? Er… |
M Kitteh: | ??? What did he just say? |
TP Kennaugh: | Er, T Declercq haz spent so much time @ teh front of teh pelican policin' breaks that he kno what teh pelican will be donin' right now? Or something? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Yes. That. Git! Heat! J Vingegaard! He likes it! T Pogačar! He doesn't! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Look, see! We are in the Périgord, which is… |
EO Aquitaine: | Aquitaine, sonny, & don't you forget it! |
M Rendell: | Ooops! Soz, ur Maj! T Declercq! Does so much work in the mighty beak of the pelican this is a nice relaxin' day out for 'im! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! J Philipsen & S Clarke! Talkin'! |
J Philipsen: | My dog's got no nose! |
S Clarke: | Heard it! |
M Rendell: | Terrific sunset last night! Amazeballs hailstorm here last year! Weather! Climate! Sunflowers! |
TP Kennaugh: | I like sunflowers, me! Buys 'em for teh kitchen after teh Tour ov France! On teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Maps! |
TP Kennaugh: | Used 2 have 2 use teh brake lites of teh motorbikes 2 tell where teh road went! Now they haz Gee-Pee-Ess! Makes it, er, easier! Look, see! A TJ Visma car wif a dent in teh back! |
M Rendell: | This village is where Arnaut Daniel, 12th c. Occitane troubadour, lived! |
EO Aquitaine: | Oooh, I remember him! 'e was dead good at, er, what you said! |
M Rendell: | E Pound thought so too! |
Bethany (13): | E Pound woz an horble ol' fash wot deserved 2 end up in teh loony bin! |
5's Mummy: | Quite so, Bethany dear. One does so dislike Idaho Nazis! Well, all Nazis really… |
TP Kennaugh: | [Snoring] |
M Rendell: | And you don't get that in Formula One (1)! |
ML Maire: | B €cc£e$stone would of given E Pound a drive if he'd of had a few million quid! |
Bethany (13): | Woah, edgy! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Rocks! Is time for PDV Hinsbergen again! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! U like my hat!? Look! Sad rox! Meteorite! Smooshed all of France! Stuffs! |
M Rendell: | MOAR Stuffs from PDV Hinsbergen tomorrow! Volcanoes! Oh my! |
Omnes: | Better hat than Super D or *** ever wore, Prof! |
M Rendell: | M Gurgle! 'e wanted to play… TENNIS! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53034765571_bfe7861116_o.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNv36R) | |
M Rendell: | I hate you all! Snottyjumper! |
TP Kennaugh: | WV Aert ent interested this year! Dunno why! |
A Delaplace: | \o/ Snottypwn! |
A Turgis: | Bah! |
M Rendell: | T $ky! Marginal gains! |
R Kreuziger: | Why did I need a laptop & a iPhone? I woz a cyclist, not a l33t haXX0r! |
TP Kennaugh: | Warming down! Thare all at it these days! |
NC Boardman [via NiecNet]: | It's all bollocks, y'know! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! A big bunch of sprint0rz has goned off the front after the snottysprint ??? |
TP Kennaugh: | Won't last! |
M Rendell: | TJ Visma has brung 'em back! WV Aert! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Well, I am. Super D is being massaged with banknotes, by barely-clothed handmaidens! |
SD Millar: | Oooooooh! MOAR! Aaaah! Fifties! |
Bethany (13): | U disgust me! Smash teh patriarky! |
N Boulting: | Basketball! T Pogačar! He's good! At it! |
TP Kennaugh: | I'm good at nomming spuds'n'herring! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
WWX Lackey: | Soz! It's not very good wif Manx Twerps either! P'raps if I tweak the parameters & reverse the polarity ov… |
N Boulting: | TA Deceuninck! MVD Poel or J Philipsen? |
TP Kennaugh: | They shud let MVD Poel out 2 play! |
5's Mummy: | Yes! Yes, they should! Play up, Mathieu! |
MVD Poel: | fankooauntysyrah! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Room 101! Rider 101! G Orwell's birthday! Super D recce's the finish! |
SD Millar: | Puff…pant… hard! Bridge! Climb! Aaaargh! [Dies] |
Omnes: | You ent fit! |
SD Millar: | I'm onna fukn Brompton! |
N Boulting: | Break still has 4' minutes! Wowsa! Wind! Tailwind! |
SD Millar: | Tailwinds c'n be harder'n headwinds! U read it here 1st! Look, see! Welshoviks! |
Welshoviks [via a Boss CH-1 pedal]: | Come on, G Thomas! |
G Thomas [via PubEasy]: | Roffle! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Hills! [Points] There! |
ML Maire: | Not in SD, they ent! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma! Other teams trust 'em to deliver J Vingegaard to the 3 (three) km point and then get outtathaway! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar! Puy de Dome! Iconic! No, wait! Come back! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! A château! It's gotta fireplace with the Labours of Hercules! On it! |
WV Aert: | Piece of piss, ***! Muck out the Augean Stables in the morning, pwn the stage in the pip-emma! LOL! |
N Boulting: | The Dordogne! Tourism! I came here on my holibobs as a Tiny ***! It rained! Every day! For two (2) weeks! |
SD Millar: | Oh dear. How sad. Never mind. |
N Boulting: | M Pedersen! Pwned stages in 3 (3) consecutive Gran' Tours! |
Omnes: | Bet [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.] done it! |
M Cavendish: | Sssssssssh! |
Omnes: | Bridge! Bridge with cycling cows! w00t! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53035218008_2c67f4fb71_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNxmAu) | |
N Boulting: | Hills rsn! C Ewan! |
SD Millar: | V sensible approach! Cribbed it off of M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Six minutes inside the time limit is at least 5' minutes too fast! NB: not a joak! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! E Bernal! Right in the pelican's feathery bum! T Ineo$! |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez iz their Gee-See prospect! Taking the podium by stealth! |
E Buchmann: | Does ur Mama know ur here, C Rodriguez? |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel? Wo bist du? Emanuel! Hilf mir! Ich kann meine Brille nicht finden! |
A Turgis: | \o/ Spottypwn LOL! |
N Boulting: | No-1 dropped on the 1st spottyclimb but there are many many hills to go! |
EC Boardman [via NastiBook]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_c.jpg) |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Aaaaaaargh! Lake! TL Trek! |
Omnes: | Slimy fishies wif big pointy teefs, ***! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | Cyclo-X! MVD Poel, WV Aert, T Pidcock! New breed of rid0rz! |
N Boulting: | Chute! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Sssssssssh…it! Owwwww! Shoulder! Fck! |
5's Mummy: | Oh bother! |
M Cavendish: | Piss! I gotta go home! [Goes home] |
N Boulting: | He usually bounces! |
SD Millar: | Not in that sort of chute. Bang! Splat! Ambulance! |
E Merckx: | [Puts away pins; M Cavendish doll] My work here is done! |
5's Mummy: | Ai must say Ai thought better of you than that, E Merckx! |
E Merckx: | [Mumbling] sozmissispoulidorfanshaw… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Cavendish is still goin' home chiz! |
SD Millar: | The show must go on, little hairy ***die! |
N Boulting: | Le sigh! Yes. Yes, it must. |
SD Millar: | Ne-way, the gap is below 2.5' minutes & TJ Visma are obv. setting it up for WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates have 1 (one) job: keep T Pogačar out of trub. Although he is T Pogačar & thus normal rules do not apply! |
SD Millar: | Surely not even T Pogačar is that much of a nutjob? Is he? |
Omnes: | Lake! Lake, ***! |
N Boulting: | Ag! Look, see! G Ciccone! |
G Ciccone: | Hold Tight! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! Châlus! |
Omnes: | Nice bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53035129135_9f8eb6c2f8_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNwUbc) | |
EO Aquitaine: | A pox on Châlus! That's where my boy RTL Heart got crossbowed almost, tho not quite, utterly to DETH. Then he actually did die utterly to DETH a Several of days later! In my arms1! So watch it, sonny! |
SD Millar: | Ooopsie! LO Arabia celebrated his 20th birthday here while onna bike tour ov France! |
N Boulting: | He oughter of stuck to bikes! Motorbikes is dangerous! |
Omnes: | Oooh, it's that shitvert with TV's S Perry onna big motorbike! |
Bethany (13): | U disgust me! Smash teh patriarky! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 40 (forty) km to go & the break still has a tad over 2' minutes. & M Cavendish has not staged a miraculous recovery chiz. |
SD Millar: | I thought the break would stay away today, but they won't, because it is too small! |
N Boulting: | K Asgreen assault attack! He has T Declercq in the break also! |
T Declercq: | O goodie! Now I c'n stop workin'! |
T Pelican: | 10/10 for style, K Asgreen, but minus several million for good thinking… |
N Boulting: | Les Cars! Pourquoi pas vis… oh. Bugger. |
Omnes: | Was that a 15th c. white van parked next to the ruined castle, ***, or a 16th c. one? |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Cavendish has utterly failed to rise from the d-e-d. Again. |
Bethany (13): | Thass maed teh rest da sho go bugarup! |
N Boulting: | Show some respect, you little beast! |
Bethany (13): | Cryin' ent gonna bring 'im bak, u kno! |
5's Mummy: | Ai'm not sure Ai would have chosen quite that turn of phrase, Bethany dear! |
Bethany (13): | sozmissisersyrah yeh |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | M Pedersen? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | Look, see! P Bauhaus! It's his birthday! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | TSQ Step! What was their plan ??? |
SD Millar: | Pelican bein' shredded! G Ciccone! S Calamityjane! |
L Calmejane: | Did that wnkr call me "Sue" again? |
G Ciccone: | Got To Laugh To Keep From Crying! |
N Boulting: | 17 km 49" seconds & T Declercq gurning like a good 'un! |
A Turgis: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
T Declercq: | Piss! |
A Delaplace: | Arse! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap TJ Visma are all in! NV Hooydonck! |
SD Millar: | N Pooless has been dropped :o |
A Turgis: | \o/ Spottypwn! Had enough now [Stops] At least the combativité will be mine all mine! |
N Boulting: | V Campanile! F Wright! |
Omnes: | His 'tash is a bit bounderesque too! Hellooooooooo… |
N Boulting: | Chute! S Yates! |
S Yates: | Onoz! My chain yeh! |
Omnes: | Snek, snek! |
N Boulting: | Some-1 from TT Energies still down! CP Sagan? |
CP Sagan: | No. No, not me! This is, however, Crazy™! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! T Pogačar fancies this one! |
N Boulting: | TL Trek! B Coquard! C Laporte! WV Aert! |
M Pedersen: | \o/ Fck yeah! |
J Philipsen: | Arse! |
WV Aert: | Piss! Obstructed by my own leadout! U useless tw@, C Laporte! |
C Laporte: | Where u expect me to go, into fukn space! |
Omnes: | Fight! Fight! |
G Imlach: | M Pedersen's prophet margin dissolved ha ha! Sometimes I crack me up! |
TP Kennaugh: | I said it would be chaos! |
M Kitteh: | Bit of a cockup by TJ Visma! Miaow! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar in P10! S Yates down to 6th in the Gee-See! |
M Pedersen: | Wasn't expecting that! Boys done good! Long sprint! Nearly exploded but 1 cm as good as 2 m! Was a plezh to make race with M Cavendish! Sad now! 'e's a legend, 'e is! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Give it a fukn rest, willya >:( |
M Kitteh: | Big shock. Sad. Fish! |
G Imlach: | We sent ect! |
D Friebe: | I know nothing! |
G Imlach: | Oh. |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai, C Prudhomme! |
C Prudhomme: | Emeursional day! Thought he would pwn the record yesterday! Sad! He has great rispek for the Tour ov France! U remember when he was miles off the back & les flics wanted to open the road? I say "No", because M Cavendish is still on his bike! M Cavendish always welcome on the Tour ov France, wiv or not wif his bike! |
M Rendell: | O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Sad! Grew up watching M Cavendish pwning races! Bah! |
G Imlach: | U were nearly as good, M Kitteh LOL! |
M Kitteh: | For sure! Aside: U git, G Imlach! |
D Friebe: | O hai, DDL Cruz! |
DDL Cruz: | Really shitty day! Super sad! Terrible loss! |
M Rendell: | O hai, J Vingegaard! C Laporte! |
J Vingegaard: | For sure! Great job by team! Grew watching M Cavendish pwning races! Bah! |
Bethany (13): | So 2moz iz teh iconic Puy de Dome! J Vingegaard, T Pogačar! Will b epic! |
TP Kennaugh: | Will be teh last 4 (four) km! Iconic! |
Bethany (13): | |
1: | All RTL Heart fakts r korekt, for a change… |
EO Aquitaine: | O hai! Almost, though not quite, the last day in my manor before ur race stroll off to the wrong side of the Rhône, but 's gonna be a good 'un! |
Bethany (13): | Sho' is! Simla parcours 2 teh end ov yesterda's staeg, but then teh clime ov teh iconic Puy de Dôme! Long, stepe an' horble! Evil C Boardman's bin havin' momentz orl mornin'! |
Omnes: | Eeeewwwwwwww! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz not az iconic az teh Alpe d'Huez or teh Mon Von-2! |
Bethany (13): | Onli coz iz a d-e-d end rode wif limitid spaec for teh TV Stuffs an' temes an' t'ing! Tho becoz SCIENCE orl u nede now iz noted curlifckr D Friebe wif a selfi stik LOL. |
G Imlach: | F Coppi! J Anquetil! R Poulidor! [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.]! [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.] got punched here by a angry fanboi! |
M Cavendish: | Not 'ard enough, though! Bah! |
G Imlach: | Sadly M Cavendish is still out of the race and Les Commissaires say this is very unlikely to change before we teach Paris Paree! |
5's Mummy: | Also, the stage start is the home town of dear, dear Great Semi-Uncle Raymond! Observe! Le Roi C Prudhomme, young Mathieu, et cetera! |
TP Kennaugh: | Not jus' teh Puy de Dôme thobut! Horble stage b4 they even get thare! |
G Imlach: | Look, see! L'Equipe wif piss-poor 'shopped foto of J Anquetil & R Poulidor wif the heads of J Vingegaard & T Pogačar! On them! Even the WWX Lackey could do a better job! |
WWX Lackey: | See this button? Is the difference between sounding human & sounding like a teenage gril! Er, soz, Bethany (13)! |
Bethany (13): | Wotch it, pal, or I'll do ya! |
WWX Lackey: | Ulp! |
G Imlach: | Also in L'Equipe: A Vinokourov sez if M Cavendish fancies another go @ the Tour ov France T AS-TA-NA will Make It So! |
M Kitteh: | I ent sure about that. For sure M Cavendish likes the Tour ov France & every-1 likes M Cavendish these days, but would be super hard! I, on the other hand, like fish! |
TP Kennaugh: | I, er, um, wot mi feline frend sed! I'm from teh Isle ov Man 2! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Predict, o my droogies! |
TP Kennaugh: | Unpredictably unpredictable! T Pogačar! J Vingegaard! Both! Neither! |
M Kitteh: | For sure it will depend on the teams! TJ Visma stronger'n TUAE Emirates so J Vingegaard might still have a Minion or 2 (two) left for the final climb and T Pogačar might, er, not! We will see! Miaow! |
G Imlach: | To the colemantary Sheds! |
Omnes: | Hold on a sec, ***, there's a kewl bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53036885863_686832c1ba_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNFUoB) | |
N Boulting: | A pox upon your silly bridges! Feels like the last day of the Tour ov France instead of the day before the first rest day! Ur prededictions, Super D! |
SD Millar: | Prededictions are for lusers! That's why Tiny P does 'em! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! Why ent he @ the front wif the jumper-bearers? |
SD Millar: | P'raps, you know, he didn't want to! |
N Boulting: | GPWM. Let us have some shitverts while I tolchock Super D's gulliver with this knobkerry! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Le Roi C Prudhomme I has not poked his nut out of his car yet! Gloves! T Pogačar not wearing them! |
SD Millar: | Crash protection, innit! Skinned hands are v. hurty! T Pogačar obv thinks he ent gonna crash today! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss! He didn't do much in the first two (2) weeks of the Giro ov Italy this year! |
SD Millar: | You wanna tell S Kuss that? |
N Boulting: | I, er, look, see! Le Roi C Prudh… |
C Prudhomme: | OK, u disposable raz0rz! [Waves fleg] Off to the iconic Puy with you! Driver! Close the roof and crank up the aircon! |
N Boulting: | Pelican not waiting! V Campanile assault attack! P Latour! N Pooless! |
SD Millar: | Spottyjumper is a target! |
N Boulting: | Looks like a proper break, this! Inc. N Pooless! Iffen .fr TV pull their finger out we c'n tell you who's in it, but they ent! S Geschke & his hipsta beard! We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Jorgenson! Strange climb, the iconic Puy de Dôme! No twisty-turny bits! |
M Jorgenson: | O hai! Narrow! No spectidiots! Will be weird! & interesting! We will see! |
N Boulting: | Break has a minute & a quarter over the pelicans & there's 3 (three) loons in the middle tryin' to catch up! |
SD Millar: | They won't, because I — TV's iconic Super D Millar — say so! |
N Boulting: | Bike change for W Poels! |
Omnes: | Probably got hit by his own team car! Is a Audi… |
W Poels: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | Ent set in stone yet! Look, see! WV Aert! |
N Boulting: | OK, .fr TV say the break is: N Pooless, M Mohoric, C Berthet, G Izzywizzy, M Jorgenson, M Woods eh, G Boivin, V Campanile, DDL Cruz, A Lutsenko, er, that's it! I thought there was fourteen (14) rid0rz. In it. |
Omnes: | S Geschke's hipsta beard is looking very bushy & hip this year! |
S Geschke: | :thumbsup: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap not much has happened except CP Sagan is off of the pelican's feathery arse! His chain fell off & no-1 even shouted "Snek, snek!" chiz. |
CP Sagan: | I dint mean this kinda Crazy™! |
N Boulting: | .fr TV have caught up. Also in the break is J Abrahamsen, J Gregaard (né Wilsly), P Latour & M Burgaudeaudeaudeau! |
Omnes: | Father Abraham/Had seven sens/7 sens had Father Abraham! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! |
SD Millar: | Sprint0rz teams trying to bring it back! |
N Boulting: | Will be hard for the sprint0rz today! |
M Kitteh: | For sure! It will be horrible! Miaow! |
N Boulting: | TEFE Post trying to stop 'em, because N Pooless! Looks like the pelican has given up! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAAAWWWWWR! |
SD Millar: | There's always 1 (one)! & it's usually J Alaphilippe! |
N Boulting: | CP Sagan is still 45" seconds behind the pelican! |
CP Sagan: | Totes UnCrazy™! Bah! |
N Boulting: | Gap going back up! Not far to the snottysprint, what is at the top of an 8 (eight) km climb! |
M Kitteh: | That is Cruel & Unusual, like a kitteh playin' wif a mouse before bitin' its head off! Miaow! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Lake! Eeeeep! The break has a minute and a half, though the pelican keeps gettin' ideas! |
M Kitteh: | Break is too big & too fast. No counter-assault attack gonna work now! |
Omnes: | Has Crazy P got back on? |
CP Sagan: | Yes. Yes, I haz! & it was Crazy™, but not in a good way >:( |
EC Boardman [via BadMail]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
SD Millar: | M Woods eh! Probably the fave to pwn the stage! Can't see TJ Visma closin' this one (1) down inna hurry! |
Omnes: | Look, see! B Coquard draftin' his team car! Tsk! Naughty! |
B Coquard: | Mais je suis Français! |
Omnes: | Oh. Yes. How silly of us! |
N Boulting: | When the pelican reaches the snottysprint there will be (1) one snottypoint left! M Pedersen? B Coquard? |
M Kitteh: | T Steels! Very calm! Won't get too excited! |
Omnes: | Except when he's chucking a |
M Kitteh: | I, er, um, D Gaudu! |
N Boulting: | Pretty close behing the top 3 (three) in Gee-See! T Pinot! |
J Abrahamsen: | \o/ Snottypwn! Ker-chinnngggg! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! V Campanile! Probably regrettin' startin' this break! |
V Campanaerts: | I hate this job! |
N Boulting: | 1 km to the snottysprint for the pelican! |
M Kitteh: | U expectin' a megasprint Sprint SPRINTEEE then, ***? |
N Boulting: | Chute! S Calamityjane! Spesh R Poulidor bunting assault attack his bike! |
A Yates: | eramateur yeh |
L Calmejane: | U did! U fukn called me "Sue" agane, u cnt! I's gonna fukn kill u! 2 DETH |
N Boulting: | WWX Lackey! Your gadget appears to be b0rked! |
WWX Lackey: | It's the flux capacitor! Doesn't cope well wif angry Frenchmen wif French names. Causes a overload. |
N Boulting: | Huh! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ Points mean prizes, kidz! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | FFS! Another lake! Make it stop! Break has 7.5' minutes! Wowsa! |
TP Kennaugh: | 4 sure! They mite stay away. Or not. We will c! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TA Deceuninck has spesh R Poulidor bikes today! |
5's Mummy: | Jolly good show, chaps! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss! Getting back on his bike! Has he doned a chute? |
S Kuss: | No. |
N Boulting: | R Poulidor! |
M Kitteh: | R Poli, er, Poopi, er, I'll come in again, shall I? |
N Boulting: | You can't speak every language fluently, M Kitteh! That would be selfish! |
M Kitteh: | Missis Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh speaks MOAR languages than what I does! |
N Boulting: | O RLY! |
5's Mummy: | YA RLY! English, obv. French. Spanish. German. Greek. Italian. Romansch. Russian. Mandarin. Navajo. Shall I go on? |
N Boulting: | Smart-arse! |
M Kitteh: | Super hard finish! M Woods eh! I like fish! |
SD Millar: | M Woods eh for sure! |
TP Kennaugh: | Noes! DDL Cruz! |
Bethany (13): | T Pogačar! 2 bete J Vingegaard, obv. Nix pwn teh staeg! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless! Look, see! The break has MOAR'n 9' minutes! |
A Lutsenko: | Crrrch… my ra…o…bzzzzzz…en…wor…g! |
Omnes: | Send 4 the WWX Lackey! |
WWX Lackey: | I'm busy! Keepin' this thing runnin' is a full-time job! The vacuum bank bridge is made of cheese! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the break has almost, but not quite, 10' minutes! |
Radio TSQ Step: | No, R Cavagna! Behave! No break for you today! |
M Kitteh: | I think that was about two (2) hours old! |
N Boulting: | TSQ Step! aka The R Evenepoel Project! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure they need to change approach to beat TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates! Classics & sprint Sprint SPRINTEEEs atm! But is possible! Miaow! |
TP Kennaugh: | I rekn some ov teh temes r ridin' wif teh rest da in mind! |
N Boulting: | I reckon some of the peops in 'ere are donin' that too! Roffle! |
M Kitteh: | They're just these guys, you know! Team spirit! V. supportive of sprint0rz. Me. E Viviani. M Cavendish. Ect. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has happened! TJ Visma still on the front! & Super D is back from meeting his accountant & has J Weltz wif him! J Weltz is a Dåne, so he might not of heard my Nogweegie sto… |
J Weltz: | O hai! I heard your Nogweegie story, ***. It was crap! |
SD Millar: | J Weltz! He invented Girona! & pwned the Puy de Dôme stage last time we wuz here! |
N Boulting: | Was it like today's stage! |
J Weltz: | Noes! Took 70 or 80 km for break. Rode wif R Gölz most of the way, then pwned him @ the end. Beat P Delgado by MOAR'n 5' minutes LOL! 'e wuz FUMMIN'! |
P Delgado: | I'm still FUMMIN'! [FUMMS] |
J Weltz: | Also I wuz on a supermarket BSO! Weighed a tonne! 41x23! No carbon in them days! |
N Boulting: | Amazeballs difference these days! |
J Weltz: | For sure! Will be different today with 0 spectidiots! Will still be v. hot thobut! |
N Boulting: | Ur best day onna bike? |
J Weltz: | [Dodges question] R Millar! S Roche! S Yates! |
S Yates: | Eh yeh? |
J Weltz: | No, the other S Yates, clot! |
N Boulting: | Denmark! J Vingegaard! Is I pronouncin' it right? |
J Weltz: | Dunno! I c'n't pronounce it either! Last year! HC Andersen fairy story! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! We haz the archive fillum! |
J Weltz: | @ least it ent in black & white LOL! Was super hard! Owww! |
N Boulting: | Danish media? Giving J Vingegaard a hard time? |
J Weltz: | A bit. They want him to finish it! Not me, thobut! I wanna see a RACE! |
N Boulting: | Right, back to today! While J Weltz was 'ere the break haz MOAR'n 10' minutes. Nearly 11 (eleven)! |
Radio T Ineo$: | Hydration! Hydration! Hydration! |
Omnes: | Is Mister Tony Blair their new D/S? |
Bethany (13): | I hoap not! I'd haveta done a citizenz arrest 4 wor criemz, wot wud mess up mi planz0rz 4 this evenin'! |
N Boulting: | Ooooh, bit of political Stuffs Missis Thatch my name's B Elton! |
Bethany (13): | Fck! Off! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 2 (two) races for the price of 1 today. Gee-See & stage! N Pooless should keep the spottyjumper unless 1. he explodes & c) T Pogačar pwns the stage! |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fight me for this single spottypoint, are you? |
T Break: | |
N Powless: | \o/ Ta! |
N Boulting: | Volcanoes! Time for PDV Hinsbergen & Rocks! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! Let's go inside a volcano! Smash plates! Pressure cooker! No hole in the middle! These volcanoes not long-lived! Lava! |
N Boulting: | Cor! Intrestin'! |
SD Millar: | Rocks, bah! |
N Boulting: | Puy de Dôme! Mythical! Iconic! |
SD Millar: | Box Hill! 2012! No spectidiots there either! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! View from the train up the iconic Puy de Dôme! Note how narrow the road is! |
Un Flic: | See me polis the non-existent fanz0rz! |
N Boulting: | Time-trail on the Giro ov Italy had 0 spectidiots too! P Roglič lost his chain! Pushed off again by a non-existent spectidiot who woz a pal from his ski-jumpin' days! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! 'e's domestiquated again! |
SD Millar: | And why not! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the gap is back under 10' minutes! An' it's been Not Excitin'! |
SD Millar: | Only two (2) riders got a chance now! |
TP Kennaugh: | V Campanile! Alwaze tryna get in teh brake! Sili sod! |
SD Millar: | Wind! Tailwind! Made it easier! |
N Boulting: | Teams with no reason to make race! Missed break! TSQ Step! |
SD Millar: | Lost their mojo! |
S Valiant: | Well they ent gettin' mine LOL! |
Omnes: | Wheel change for J Gregaard né Wilsly & you lot woz wibblin' about TSQ Step! |
J Gregaard: | Piss! Wait for meeeeeeee! |
M Jorgenson: | Owww! Something bitted me! |
Omnes: | A dog? A shark? A snek? |
M Jorgenson: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | G Ciccone! |
SD Millar: | No. No chance! |
N Boulting: | 11' minutes! Shitverts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | M Jorgenson! Just gone back to the medical moto! |
M Jorgenson: | It 'urts! |
N Boulting: | Helmet rules! You're allowed to take them off inna limited and spec… |
B Dickinson: | Cowbells! MOAR plz! |
N Boulting: | [Stuffs from P York on WhatsApp] & she should know! T Pogačar FTW! Unless TJ Visma think otherwise, obv! |
TP Kennaugh: | "Early" in this context mean "early in the last 4 (four) km", obv. |
N Boulting: | I, er, T Pogačar, um, or wuz it, er… |
TP Kennaugh: | Last 5 (5) km again. Like that second day in teh Pair-ov-Knees! |
Omnes: | Flippin' 'eck, Tucker! Nearly 12' minutes! |
N Boulting: | G Boivin assault attack! |
SD Millar: | Allow M Woods eh to stop working! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless make chase! Why he do that? |
SD Millar: | Panic! |
G Boivin: | Why did I do that? |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap G Boivin has been caught & the break has MOAR'n 12' minutes! |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fight me for this single spottypoint, are you? |
T Break: | |
N Powless: | Oi! Wnkrs \o/ |
N Boulting: | Why he done that? |
SD Millar: | Pointless! |
N Boulting: | M Mohoric! |
SD Millar: | 0 organisation in break now! Reboot! |
N Powless: | Pack it in, u divs! |
N Boulting: | Is this a break from the break? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. They haveta close it down NOW or them lot is GONE! |
N Boulting: | Oooh, they're bringin' 'em back! |
SD Millar: | Break split again? N Pooless look to be strugglin'! |
N Powless: | I hate this! C'n I stop now! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson assault attack & haz 15" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Dangerous! M Jorgenson a time-triallist wot c'n climb! |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡NUESTRO PLAN! ¡ESTA FUNCIONANDO! ¿QUÉ SE SUPONE QUE HAGAMOS AHORA? +++ |
SD Millar: | N Pooless has made a doggo's breakfast of this! |
N Boulting: | M Woods eh using his loaf! |
SD Millar: | While they tit about M Jorgenson is laughing! |
M Jorgenson: | Roffle! |
N Powless: | Fooled you! |
SD Millar: | N Pooless! Great ridin'! Like I said all along! Playin' a blinder! |
Omnes: | Is that fence comfortable, Super D? |
N Boulting: | N Pooless, DDL Cruz, M Burgaudeaudeaudeau & M Mohoric make chase & not M Woods eh! |
M Woods: | Wtf eh? |
N Boulting: | M Mohoric! Keeps assault attackin'! |
SD Millar: | Has to kill N Pooless utterly to DETH before the iconic Puy de Dôme! |
N Boulting: | Nearly all downhill now until the iconic Puy de Dôme! & the pelican is MOAR'n 15' minutes back |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson has 35" seconds & DDL Cruz' chain has fell off! |
DDL Cruz: | Shitty day again! Shit! Shittens! |
N Boulting: | Chute! Chute in the pelican! LVD Berg! |
LVD Berg: | Arse! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson has just started up the iconic Puy de Dôme with a lead of MOAR'n a minute! |
SD Millar: | 1'45" back to M Woods eh but you c'n't write him off yet! Eh! V Campanile? WTF is he doin'? |
N Boulting: | Dunno! |
SD Millar: | 0 change there then LOL! Look, see! They have caught DDL Cruz! |
DDL Cruz: | Shittles! |
SD Millar: | Stasis until the last five (5) km! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme says one of the official motos has doned a chute! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | N Pooless! Goin' faster! |
SD Millar: | Smart! Keep M Woods eh @ bay! |
N Boulting: | 10 km 1 minute! V Campanile still workin' like a doggo in the 3rd group ??? Pelican now on the nursery slopes! |
SD Millar: | Pelican falling to bits! TJ Visma! |
N Boulting: | 6 km 70" seconds! M Jorgenson gettin' away! Wowsa! |
SD Millar: | For sure but there is still a long way to go & anything can happen! DDL Cruz take up chase! |
Omnes: | 5 km 75" seconds! Get in, M Jorgenson! |
M Jorgenson: | Wait…WHAT??? Up that? Eeep! |
SD Millar: | Will get narrow & windy so chas0rz will not be able to see M Jorgenson! |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle has exploded! WV Aert take over! M Jorgenson all on his tod now! No MOAR spectidiots! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma still in control! Look, see! Here comes S Kuss! |
N Boulting: | M Mohoric assault attack! |
SD Millar: | N Pooless has 0 left! & M Woods eh coming up too! Like I said all along, N Pooless made a total mess of that! |
Omnes: | Get in, M Jorgenson! |
N Boulting: | 2.5 km 1 minute! |
M Woods: | O heh, N Pooless! Bai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | M Woods eh is the real threat! Though M Mohoric is still doning good! 2 km 50" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! TJ Visma runnin' out of minio… oh! Where did W Kelderman come from? |
M Woods: | I's comin' 2 get you, M Mohoric eh! |
N Boulting: | Gap to M Jorgenson still coming down! 1.5 km 40" seconds! |
M Woods: | O heh, M Mohoric! Also, bai! |
N Boulting: | Top six on Gee-See only ones left. Apart from S Kuss, obv. |
SD Millar: | A Yates dropped! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | 1 km &, er, not gettin' a time gap! Wnkrs! |
SD Millar: | Radio Free Prudhomme says 12" seconds! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley dropped! |
M Woods: | O heh, M Jorgenson! Also, bai! |
M Jorgenson: | Arse! U git, M Woods eh! |
M Woods: | \o/ Victoreh! On the ehconic Puy de Dôme eh! |
P Latour: | P2! |
M Jorgenson: | Where TF did he come from? |
M Mohoric: | P3! |
M Jorgenson: | And him ??? FFS! |
[Some time later] | |
SD Millar: | S Yates! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar assault attack! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard too! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar almost dropped 'im, but J Vingegaard hangin' on! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar has it! J Vingegaard limit losses! |
J Vingegaard: | I ate'nt ded! |
T Pogačar: | Oh yes you are! |
N Boulting: | Another 7" seconds for T Pogačar! S Yates & T Pidcock drop C Rodriguez! T Pidcock's best moment on the Tour ov France! |
T Pidcock: | Better'n pwning on the iconic Alpe d'Huez? Don't think so, ***! |
[…] | |
M Woods: | I… |
G Imlach: | Well, M Woods eh is Canehdian so we won't bother lettin' you hear 'im. Eh! |
TP Kennaugh: | Gr8 ride bi M Woods eh! |
G Imlach: | TIP Tech only here as wild cards! Justified their inclusion! |
M Kitteh: | 4 sure! Big day for theh! |
G Imlach: | Let's have another go at the M Woods intehview… |
M Woods: | Pinchin' mehself. Spehcial! |
Omnes: | Turn the other fukn audio off, u gibbons! |
M Woods: | Ehconic climb! Super happeh! |
ML Maire: | [Checks with Mr Google] Ah, that railway wasn't there I went up the iconic Puy de Dome in 199-something! I ent goin' senile! |
Bethany (13): | & doan 4get, kids, r iconic rest da sho l8r tonite! Summareez, feechas & meeeeee, TV's BD Sade (13)! Unless I get relegué bi M Cavendish, obv… |
Bethany (13): | O hai & welcum 2 teh iconic 1st rest da sho! Inna packt sho 2nite we haz… Stuffs! |
WWX Lackey: | Nope, still not there! This API's a total 'mare! |
5: | Horsey? |
WWX Lackey: | No. No, not one o' they either. |
Bethany (13): | Ne-wa, M Kitteh haz otha fishies 2 fri so he's scarprd! Probli a spesh gest on J Wade's sho. R nü pundit iz… |
G Imlach: | 1st here is TV's Super D Millar to summarise the race so far, inna-rich-man-enterin'-the-eye-of-a-needle stylee! Who wrote this rubbish? |
Bethany (13): | [Innocent whistling] |
SD Millar: | Bilbao…something old, something new, something, er, green & white & red…the Yates bruvs yeh er yeh…T Pogačar J Vingegaard WV Aert…V Lafay…MOAR Basques…N Pooless…L Pichon…J Philipsen…day off for the pelican…chutes…F Jakobsen…Q Simian…mntns…WV Aert…J Hindley shinyjumper…J Vingegaard yay T Pogačar boo…& then the other way round…WV Aert…Bor-doh…S Guglielmi…M Cavendish noes…gears…M Cavendish chute b0rked gone home…M Pedersen…iconic Puy de Dôme…F Coppi…R Poulidor J Anquetil…M Jorgenson…M Woods eh…T Pogačar pwned J Vingegaard again…rinse & repeat! Who wrote this rubbish! |
WWX Lackey: | You did! |
SD Millar: | Did I? |
WWX Lackey: | Yes. Yes, you did! |
SD Millar: | Was I drunk? |
WWX Lackey: | Not for me to say! Above my pay grade, innit! |
Bethany (13): | Let us pors a sec & sa bai 2 teh rid0rz who haz had 2 gone hoam erli: E Mas, R Carapace, J Guarnieri, M Cavendish, S Gras & Q Simian! Bai, boiz! |
Q Simmons: | Bai! At least Ah'll get to see mah dog Tige earlier'n I thought! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish! |
PDP Liggett: | M Cavendish is there! & he's done it! |
C Prudhomme: | 'e is ze best sprint0r in the 'istory of the Tour ov France! |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish draws level with the great [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.]! |
R Aldag: | Is he ze best sprint0r of all time? Yes! |
M Kitteh: | He was the one I wanted to beat! Also, miaow! |
B Eisel: | I spent MOAR nights with M Cavendish than with Mrs B Eisel! |
Bethany (13): | :o |
B Eisel: | Not like that! Young people today! Heart as big as his legs! Always appreciated his team! |
M Trentin: | Beeg heart! Although I could hardly understand a word 'e said! |
M Renshaw: | Never questioned that he was gonna do the biz! |
C Prudhomme: | Will always be welcome, wiz or wizout 'is bike! |
ML Maire: | Shitverts plz! I got something in my eye… |
[…] | |
Omnes: | Well, at least Super D has his wankhat on the right way round this time! |
N Boulting: | During the Time ov teh Plague a pal told me a reel of fillum was up for auction! I wrote a book! About it! Stage 4 of a Tour ov France but what year? 412 km. In Bretagne! Race route exactly the same imm. after WW1 for a Several of years. Best guess: 1923. It's got H Desgranges in it! He invented the Tour ov France, you know! Poss. the only fillum of H Desgranges in teh Wurrrrld! Also the Pélissier bruvs! H Pélissier pwned teh race! O Bottecchia! Pwned it in 1924 but TP Fairy assault attacked him in 1923. A lot! |
TP Fairy: | Soz! Jus' doing my job! |
N Boulting: | T Beckmann! |
Omnes: | Now that's a bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53036927886_89e7dc0da6_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNG7T9) | |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! Assault attacked wif 165 km to go. On his own :o He dint pwn teh stage, thobut. A Dejonghe did but that bit ent on the fillum! But was unforgettable seein' the film for the first time! w00t! |
[GRAMS: Dull thud as Super D pitches face-first into own laptop; snoring] | |
G Imlach: | Wake up, Super D, & tell us about Break-o-Nomics! |
SD Millar: | C'n't Bethany (13) do it? It's time for my daily massage! Bring on the handmaidens & the crispy banknotes! |
Bethany (13): | U disgust me! Smash teh patriarky & giz me teh skript! Brakes! We c'n c teh whole staeg from teh moment Le Roi C Prudhomme I tell teh pelican 2 fck off! In teh ol' daze u'd switch on ur telly & a brake wud be off up teh rode & u'd haz no cloo how it gotted thare! 2da iz no mistri! Thare's a prossess! I corls it… Brakonmix! FFS, er… Three (3) tipes ov staeg: 1. Sprint c) Hilly v: Mntn & n+1} x-wind! Hold on, thass four (4)! 1st rool, teh EZr teh brake 4m teh less liekli it jz 2 sukseed! Liek 2da, u mene? Onna sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE staeg is ushuli teh smalla temes wifout teh cash 4 big naems! 2 get thare spons0rz on teh telly, obv. Onna hilli staeg iz MOAR diff 2 get in. Ushuli taeks a few goze b4 WV Aert fcks off! Staeg huntas! Mntns! EZ 2 get in iffen u got teh legses! Gee-See temes nede 2 be on thare toesies! Also nede 2 be in iffen u wanna pwn teh spottyjumper! Xwinds! 4get it. Iz pointless. MOAR 2 it than that, obv. That wuz just Brake-o-Nomix 101, 4 simps. But iz teh pelican wot decieds. Unless ur WV Aert, natch. Who wrote this rubbish? |
G Imlach: | Quick, shitverts, before Super D gets back! |
[…] | |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, G Marcarini, vendor of old team kit! |
G Marcarini: | O hai! U like my van? I live in it too! Kewl, no? I moved to France as a small G Marcarini! Went to work wif… a wheelbarrow! |
ML Maire: | Why doesn't iOS know the word "wheelbarrow"? It'll be "teatime" next! |
G Marcarini: | Then I started to race bikes, then had a shop, now I sell my Stuffs out of the van! Beats workin' for a livin'! Wanna buy a jumper? |
G Imlach: | Now, Tiny P will tell you about his 3rd div. team! |
TP Kennaugh: | We iz Trinity Racin' & we does |
T Pidcock: | Is a Good Thing! C'n I have a biscuit? |
TP Kennaugh: | Teh big temes haz development squads 4 teh yoofer so iz not EZ 2 persuade 'em 2 come 2 us insted! But iz phun when u kik sand in teh face ov 4 eg TJ Visma! Kik! Hahaha! |
[Tiny P shouting at W Smith, no, not the W Smith ov Hollywood USAnia] | |
TP Kennaugh: | U liek r van? Look, see! We haz a pikey old Beemer 2! |
Omnes: | Your jumpers are horble! Make the TV picture go all wibbly like M Fish's jackets used to! |
M Kitteh: | Did someone mention fish? I like fish, me! |
Omnes: | Scram, M Kitteh! Yesterday was ur last day! Push off or iz teh SooperSoaka! |
WWX Lackey: | Aaaarrrgh! It's gotta mind ov its own! The spillchucka, obv. Not Tiny P! |
TP Kennaugh: | I 'erd that! Ne-wa, next rest da thare's MOAR! |
Bethany (13): | C'n't wate roffle! But soft! Wot manna ov creetcha iz this, wif a pointy hed & ears liek satelit dishs? |
M Rendell: | O hai! Mi blong sieg heil! S Cummings! 2016 Tour ov France! |
S Cummings: | Bidin' my time! That's wot I did! Not overthinkin'! Make faces! Bide my time! Col d'Aspirin! w00t! |
M Pingu: | The one when u shoved R Bardet & T Pinot up teh lum was better! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Teh press0rz! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pogačar! U got momentum over J Vingegaard? |
T Pogačar: | Maybe. For sure I feel super good! We will see! |
J Vingegaard: | Nice duel! Nice to fight every day! For sure! Will be excitin'! |
T Pogačar: | I could be worse again in 3rd week but I don' think so haha! |
J Vingegaard: | Will be MOAR fatigue! Next days soopa SOOPA hard! We will see! |
J Hindley: | Those two inna league of their own. Soopa strong! Smart too! Fancy a BEER? |
T Pidcock: | Will be big test! Wanna be consistent! Gee-See! Watch out, C Rodriguez LOL! |
G Imlach: | & give a big P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™® welcome 2 our new guest pundit EV Dijk! |
Bethany (13): | O hai, sista! |
EV Dijk: | ??? |
G Imlach: | You'll get used to this place! |
Bethany (13): | Unless ur C Evans, teh gr8 wuss! |
EV Dijk: | Wimminz Tour ov France start in .nl next year! w00t! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar or J Vingegaard? |
EV Dijk: | Too close to call but will be soopa exciting next weekend! |
TP Kennaugh: | For sure T Pogačar is going good but J Vingegaard stronga on teh long climes! |
EV Dijk: | Also he has WV Aert! Which helps. A bit. |
G Imlach: | T Pidcock! |
TP Kennaugh: | Couple of downhill finishs. Will suit T Pidcock! Good bet 4 teh podium in Paris Paree! |
Omnes: | Wot happened to your piece, Bethany (13)? |
Bethany (13): | M Cavendish hapnd 2 it >:( |
EC Boardman [via DETHPOST]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
EO Aquitaine: | OK, I looked at one of them new-fangled Mappes wot my BFF Bethany (13) has on her thingy she keeps in her pocketses an' I reckon the Tour ov France ent in Aquitaine no MOAR so I'll let G Imlach take over! |
G Imlach: | Aside: 'bout fukn time! Er, o hai! & after a rofflesome & LOLful rest day show what better way to start the second week of teh Tour ov France than a hilly 168 km pootle through the volcanoes of the Central Massive, eh? |
C Ewan: | Experimental pile surgery? |
F Jakobsen: | Bein' fired into the sun? |
B Coquard: | Coldplay? |
EO Aquitaine: | Havin' yore head chopped off? |
EV Dijk: | Who said that ??? |
Bethany (13): | Thass teh promble wif gest pundits! Orlwaze gotta introduce 'em 2 EO Aquitaine! |
EV Dijk: | Ent she d-e-d? |
EO Aquitaine: | 4 sure, but it ent the handicap some peeps think it is! Who r u? |
EV Dijk: | EV Dijk, Hour record holder & multiple champ of the Wurrrrld, your Maj! |
EO Aquitaine: | 's funneh how the wimminz always take me in their stride while the rufty-tufty hairy-arsed menz hide under the desk! Except that D Martin! I liked him! |
D Martin [from a SEEKRIT bunker]: | fankoomissisovoccitan! |
EV Dijk: | Soz, your Maj, but why are you hauntin' this TV prog? |
Bethany (13): | Stik wif me, EV Dijk & I'll cloo u in on how Stuffs wurk roun' 'ere! |
EV Dijk: | I should of listened to C Evans! |
Bethany (13): | Y? Wot did 'e sa? |
EV Dijk: | Run teh fck away! A ghostie, a teenage gril, a wannabe comedian and Super D Millar? |
TP Kennaugh: | Wot about me? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
EV Dijk: | Aaaargh! |
N Boulting: | & me! It's my birthday too! Sing, you miserable oaves! |
EV Dijk: | HELP! ME! Hilfe! Au secours! |
5's Mummy: | Shíká anilyeedá? |
EV Dijk: | Eeeep! |
5's Mummy: | Syrah Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh. Lovely to meet you! Young Bethany here is my protégé. |
EV Dijk: | Thank fck! A Normal! |
Bethany (13): | Jus' wate until Cyclopædia Rendellica gets bak from teh wurkshop! An' if mi mum shows up tell 'er 2 fck off, teh fukn C-O-W! |
G Imlach: | Now we been interdooced, today's stage! Oh, P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™®'s R Bradley was knocked off of his bike in London's Famous London yesterday & b0rked his collarbone & two (2) ribs but has still come to work today. Go hoam, u maniac! |
N Boulting: | O hai! It is hot! A break is away and has 1'50" on the pelican. Group inc. J Alaphilippe & BO Connor make chase! Volcanoes! G Martin attempt to escape from the mitey beak of the pelican. The six (6) lead0rz: K Asgreen, P Bilbao, M Skjelmose, G Zimmermann, E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es, W Barguil, N Schultz! |
Bethany (13): | Eegl-eyd view0rz may notiec that that iz 7 (seven) naems. & W Barguil iz 1! Ov them! w00t! |
N Boulting: | I, er, chase group! 25" seconds behind! |
SD Millar: | Has been horble & chaos! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar & J Vingegaard made assault attack on 1st climb! J Hindley & T Ineo$ missed it! Big chase! |
SD Millar: | E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es & W Barguil force pace of break. K Asgreen explodes! I think… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 1st 2 spottyclimbs pwned by A Charmig & W Poels respectively. Now we is on the Col de la Croix Saint-Robert, what is a 2nd Kitteh! BO Connor has caught the lead0rz! |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
N Boulting: | Time limit! The WWX Lackey reckons 37' minutes! |
EC Boardman [via HorbleGram]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
SD Millar: | All the lead0rz are climbers! w00t! |
W Barguil: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es: | Bum! Soz, N Pooless! |
Bethany (13): | [Improper dancing] |
Bethany's Mum: | Oi! Cut it aht, u l'il slappa! |
WWX Lackey: | Keep her away or she'll break the spill-chucker! |
Bethany (13): | Soots me! |
N Boulting: | Would of thought N Pooless would of been in the break today. But 'e ent. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Scenery! |
Pingu: | Vautours? |
N Boulting: | Ent seen any! |
Pingu: | Bah! |
N Boulting: | K Asgreen is now in the chase group! Work like a doggo! |
K Asgreen: | Woof! Also, I hate this! |
N Boulting: | We ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Skjelmose! You make assault attack today? |
M Skjelmose: | O hai! For sure! Obvious stage for assault attacking! Reckon I haz a good chance! We will see! |
N Boulting: | The chas0rz are getting closer! M Skjelmose told .dk TV that WV Aert is goning home tomorrow because Mrs WV Aert is about to sprog! |
SD Millar: | That might explain why WV Aert is ridin' like a loon today! |
D Friebe: | O hai, M Kwiatkowski! U gone well in the first week! |
M Kwiatkowski: | O hai! 4 sure! Team goin' good. No chutes! But will be soopa hard. Maybe I pwn a stage. We will see! |
N Boulting: | Assault attack! E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es! |
SD Millar: | The chas0rz caught the break! Pelican 3' minutes behind E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es; 2.5' minutes behind break! |
TP Kennaugh: | 15 km descant inna bit! Not so good 4 E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es! |
E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Powless: | Good lad! |
TP Kennaugh: | Y E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es assault attack on hiz tod wif 80 (eighty) km 2 go ??? Thare orl ridin' liek nuttas! |
N Boulting: | Canicule! |
SD Millar: | Sho' is, honeychile! |
N Boulting: | ??? |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es has bin caught! |
E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es: | Meh! |
TP Kennaugh: | Still got 3' minits ova teh pelican thobut. |
N Boulting: | Who c'n fathom TJ Visma's tictacs? Listen, hear! EV Dijk! |
EV Dijk: | O hai! Is very hot! Must be horble for these guys goin' full gas! |
Omnes: | BINGO! |
EV Dijk: | ??? |
N Boulting: | You also are soon to sprog, no, like L Deignan last year! |
EV Dijk: | Ten weeks to go. I hope! |
N Boulting: | Hope so too! No-1 want Tiny P for a midwife! |
TP Kennaugh: | I's alredi married! 2 Mrs Tiny P! |
EV Dijk & N Boulting [in stereo]: | :facepalm: |
Radio TIP Tech: | Racing will start in 40 (forty) or fifty (50) km! |
EV Dijk: | Roffle! What they think the rid0rz has been doin' all day? Msg like that super annoying! |
N Boulting: | After the last spottyclimb the parcours keeps goin' up! Until it doesn't! Look, see! G Ciccone! |
EV Dijk: | Always fiddling wif his bike. Or his shoes! V. Italian! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! Cowz0rz! Thare lyin' down! That mene iz gonna rane! |
EV Dijk: | Or that they're tired? |
TP Kennaugh: | O RLY? |
EV Dijk: | YA RLY! |
TP Kennaugh: | Oh. |
Omnes: | Lake, ***! Teefs! Slime! J Wade! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! Weather 4cast is for storms, but they ent showed up yet! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! Volcanoes! R Bardet! Bad day on the iconic Puy de Dôme! |
M Pingu: | Is there a chimney up there, then? |
R Bardet: | Fck! Off! |
M Rendell: | P Bilbao! |
EV Dijk: | Givin' money to trees! 1 €uro per rid0r he pwns! |
M Rendell: | T Walloper! |
T Gallopin: | Gagh! |
EV Dijk: | Soopa nice guy. Retirin' @ the end of the year! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! CP Sagan! Shat out ov teh pelican's fethery arse! |
CP Sagan: | Wrong sort of Crazy™! Arse! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! N Pooless! He has… A BANANANANA! |
EV Dijk: | |
M Rendell [undeterred]: | Today was like… A MADISON! |
EV Dijk: | Matter of luck getting in the break today! |
M Rendell: | Meeja say the T Pogačar – J Vingegaard scrap will be on hold this week. Wait for mntns! |
EV Dijk: | Naaaaah! |
M Rendell: | WV Aert! Leaving? |
EV Dijk: | Well, he oughter! Some things are MOAR important than a silly old bike race! |
5's Mummy: | You are so right! Ai made mai husband return from a business trip in Borneo when Vivalda was due! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap MVD Poel power the pelican! Bring down the gap! |
EV Dijk: | Is J Philipsen still in the, er, pelican? |
M Rendell: | Yes. Yes, he is! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAWWWWWWR! [Assaults &, moreover, attacks] |
M Kwiatkowski: | Pack it in, u nobber! |
M Rendell: | K Asgreen dropped for good this time! Cowz0rz! In the shade! |
K Asgreen: | No. No, I have not! |
EV Dijk: | & who c'n blame the cowz, eh? |
TP Kennaugh: | Post-rest-da blooz! Hevvi legses! |
EV Dijk: | For sure you need to ride on the rest day, or your legses stop workin' the nex' day! |
M Rendell: | Descant! MVD Poel! WV Aert! Poetry! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel & WV Aert got away on the descant! |
SD Millar: | Big aks to make up MOAR'n 2 (two) minutes thobut! |
N Boulting: | TJ Alula! They haz a plan, but I c'n't for the life of me think what it is! G Zimmermann! |
G Zimmermann: | See me 'Cross The Green Mountain! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A Perez hav exploded! |
N Boulting: | M Kwiatkowski & M Skjelmose in trub too! |
SD Millar: | N Schultz ridin' his sox off! |
WWX Lackey: | She cannae take much MOAR of this, Captain! |
SD Millar: | K Neilands! |
N Boulting: | Wowsa! |
SD Millar: | W Barguil dropped! Take cover! |
Bethany (13): | Gagh! |
SD Millar: | Dunno why TJ Visma make it so hard! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! WV Aert haz dropped MVD Poel! Break droppin' J Alaphilippe! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel back in the mitey beek of the pelican! BO Connor has had enough! |
BO Connor: | Bugarup! Ne-1 fancy a BEER? |
N Boulting: | T Ineo$ make pace on front of pelican! |
SD Millar: | Not fast enough to put their opponents under presh, thobut! |
N Boulting: | K Neilands gettin' away! |
ML Maire: | EDF! Fck off w. ur txt msgs! |
K Neilands: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert nommed by the pelican! |
SD Millar: | T Ineo$ starting to string out teh pelican, but too little too l8! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez! |
N Boulting: | Whither J Hindley? We will see! Descant coming! Dunno whether K Neilands is any cop but P Bilbao is a bit handy! |
SD Millar: | Gap comin' down! |
Omnes: | Shitverts? Now? FFS! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap K Neilands' lead 20" seconds! TJ Visma on the tip of teh pelican's mitey beek! What were T Ineo$ donin'? |
WWX Lackey: | The needles on mah brass dials are bendin', Captain! |
N Boulting: | Might J Alaphilippe et cie catch P Bilbao et al? |
SD Millar: | Yes. Yes, they could. Because E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es is tittin' about! Too early to tit about, dolt! |
N Boulting: | K Neilands onna small climb! Gainin' time again! |
Radio TIP Tech: | Get in! |
SD Millar: | E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es continue to tit about! Thought A Pedrero was tittin' about too, but 'e's exploded! |
A Pedrero: | Bai! |
N Boulting: | Pelican has calmed down now! |
SD Millar: | Still catchin' lead0rz thobut! |
B Dickinson: | Hold up! Cowbellz! Yay! |
N Boulting: | 11 km 15" seconds! Yoicks! |
SD Millar: | A Pedrero back on! P'raps 'e was tittin' about after all! |
N Boulting: | J Alaphilippe et cie still catchin'! Wind! 8 km 15" seconds! |
Omnes: | Get in, K Neilands! |
SD Millar: | They's gainin'! E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es bein' sneeki, like a fukn Russian! |
N Boulting: | All over for K Neilands! Bah! |
Omnes: | Bah indeed! |
SD Millar: | Now they will slow down! |
G Zimmermann: | Noes! Don't Let My Deal Go Down! |
N Boulting: | Split! G Zimmermann P Bilbao! |
SD Millar: | Tittin' about! Back together! |
N Boult: | P Bilbao! |
P Bilbao: | \o/ |
G Zimmermann: | Gagh! That was a Turkey Chase! |
BO Connor: | BEER! Now! |
[Shortly thereafter] | |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma have reduced the pelican over a high heat until the on!ons are translucent! |
N Boulting: | No sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE for the minor places & I for 1 (one) don't blame them! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Well, that made for a few roffles! & cost P Bilbao a few sovs for trees! |
EV Dijk: | RIP poor d-e-d G Mader! |
Omnes: | Ur wiv da angles now! |
EV Dijk: | Fck! Off! |
G Imlach: | P Bilbao up to P5 in the Gee-See! Wowsa! Ahead of both Yates bruvs! |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh |
G Imlach: | T Ineo$? |
TP Kennaugh: | They nede 2 figga out wot thare tryna do! |
P Bilbao: | Full focus! Soopa mentalised! Many attacks! Full full full! On the limit! Nice try K Neilands! Knew I had it in last few km! Is for poor d-e-d G Mader! |
Omnes: | Aaaaaw! |
P Bilbao: | Well, that and the Gee-See! Special! |
EV Dijk: | Some things MOAR important than a bike race! |
G Imlach: | WV Aert! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iffen 'e is gonin' hoam, 'e fort "Y not haz a pop?" |
G Imlach: | Flatter 2moz! Will probably be quieter! Hot! |
EV Dijk: | For sure! Hard enough jus' comin' out 'ere from the luxury air-conditioned, er, fish crate! |
G Imlach: | If WV Aert goes home… |
EV Dijk: | …4 sure will make a difference for J Vingegaard! I don' think J Vingegaard care whether is a boi or a gril! |
[Rewind] | |
N Boulting: | Is my birthday! 2 the Pubbe! |
[Exeunt omnes] | |
SD Millar: | Boy! Bring me another chota peg! |
WWX Lackey: | I hope you ent talkin' to me, pal! |
Bethany (13): | Come, EV Dijk, let us adjourn somewhere more civilised, ere *** starts "dancing" on the table wearing only grubby Y-fronts an' a lampshade on his head! |
EV Dijk: | Does he really do that? Sounds soopa icky! |
Bethany (13): | Oh, it is! Worserer than u c'n possibly imajin! |
[GRAMS: Whooooosh] | |
M Rendell: | Я люблю тебя, приятель! Nire lagunik onena zara! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wot did 'e jus' sa? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! Hic! |
WWX Lackey: | I think he just proposed. To the fireplace. |
TP Kennaugh: | [Falls off chair; starts snoring] |
G Imlach: | …and then the actress said to the bishop… |
N Boulting: | Kepe 'em comin', pot-man! |
Bethany's Hippie Nana: | Rite on, ***! Hahaha! |
N Boulting: | Not that kinda pot! |
Bethany's Hippie Nana: | U square, man! |
G Imlach: | …and then he asked the Nogweegies… |
SD Millar: | And a Long Sloe Comfortable Screw Against The Wall! |
WWX Lackey: | Aaah, FFS! Who's goan tae get these numpties back tae the hotel? |
D Friebe: | Don't look at me! Hic! |
WWX Lackey: | Taxi! |
[FFWD] | |
Bethany (13): | Looks like iz just us grilz then! |
EV Dijk: | For sure! Your Maj? You up for this? |
EO Aquitaine: | Is the saem every fukn year! U'd ov thort they'd ov growd up bi now! |
WWX Lackey: | Mornin', ladies! Sorry I'm a wee bit l8! U wudn't bleev teh mess! :sick: Aaah, teh fukn spill-chucker's goned off-line. Bear wi' me… |
ML Maire: | No, BEAR with me! Ba-dumm and, moreover, tish! |
WWX Lackey: | OK, let's c iffen this wu… |
[FX: Exploding boiler, G Baker drum solo, five (5) thousand sheep, chalk on blackboard, single cowbell] | |
WWX Lackey: | All good! |
EV Dijk: | So today's stage is not soopa hard but will for sure be soopa hot, especially if the pelican is going full gas! |
Bethany (13): | I haz a Mappe! [Indicates Mappe] 'ere! Two (2) 4th Kitteh climes b4 teh snottysprint @ sevnti (70) km, another one afta & then moastli harmless to teh finish! |
EV Dijk: | Not flat by any means, for sure! |
EO Aquitaine: | Could be a day for a break, or for a bunch sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! The pelican will decide. |
WWX Lackey: | Might suit WV Aert if he ent gone home! |
Bethany (13): | J Vingegaard sed yesterda that WV Aert, teh pelican's numbawang ST Hedgepig imperson8r, ent goin' hoam an' he orter kno! |
EO Aquitaine: | If the paysans have made it to the colemantary Sheds we could aks them! |
N Boulting: | What time is it? Aaaaah, my head! |
Bethany (13): | ***! ***! I got u a luvli prezzi! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53039950335_ba87f0b7e0_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oNXBmk) | |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | [Retching] |
WWX Lackey: | Youse c'n fukn clean that up yersel', pal! |
Bethany (13): | I kwite liek this new WWX Lackey! |
Omnes: | Get yer coat, m8, you've pulled! |
Bethany (13): | Fck! Off! Wnkrs! |
Bethany's Mum: | Peedos! |
EV Dijk: | Are you gonna tell us what's happening in the race… |
EO Aquitaine: | …or is it hostile takeover time? Again… |
Bethany (13): | Roffle! Teh Fryin' Pan Ov Spang! |
EV Dijk: | ??? |
Bethany (13): | Las' yere G Imlach wiz bein' a git so Missis Kwin 'ere put 'im in hostipal wif konkushn! LOL! |
EV Dijk: | [Unattractive snorting noise] |
EO Aquitaine: | Best laarrff I's had since the Second Crusade! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | We's mucked out teh colemantary Sheds & bungd Super D & *** inna skip! Eeva they's gonna slepe it off or they end up in landfill! Rite, woss 'apnin' in teh raec? |
EV Dijk: | I's impressed! Where did u learn how to do that? |
Bethany (13): | Deelin' wif mi Mum wen shes bin on teh tramp jooce, teh fukn C-O-W! |
EO Aquitaine: | Well, there is a break & if you're all good little boiz & grilz .fr TV might tell us who's in it! They ent gonna stay in front to the end, mind! I, EO Aquitaine, decree it thus! |
Bethany (13): | Thare's onli 3 (three) rid0rz off ov teh front an' they got less'n 2' minits ova teh pelican. M Louvel, A Amador & hary bassman D Oss. |
EV Dijk: | M Louvel pwned the first spottyclimb & D Oss the second. Now you know as much as we do! |
Bethany (13): | Wind! Oh. Shittens! I's startin' 2 soun' liek ***! Thare's a kewl shat-oh thare but ***'s hid teh gide-bok so I c'n't tell u peeps about it! |
EV Dijk: | For sure the pelican won't allow the break much rope today. |
M Louvel: | \o/ Snottypwn! |
Bethany (13): | One (1) pwnage 4 each rid0r in teh brake. Semes fare. |
B Coquard: | \o/ |
J Philipsen: | \o/ |
B Coquard: | No, \o/ |
J Philipsen: | I think you'll find it was \o/ to me, actually! |
B Coquard: | Piss. |
[…] | |
Omnes: | No Tiny P today? We know he goes down after sniffin' the barmaid's apron but even so… |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! Far out! |
Bethany (13): | Eeva 'e's chanellin' mi hipi nana or 'e's found ware M Rendell kepe hiz dryd frog pills! |
TP Kennaugh: | Hahahahahaha man! Woo! Crazy! |
EO Aquitaine: | Quick, send noted curlifckr D Friebe to stick a mike up some poor paysan's nose! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, J Philipsen! |
J Philipsen: | O hai! Why you not got overhang? |
D Friebe: | Sense! I haz it! You pwn stages! |
J Philipsen: | For sure! But is soopa hard! |
EV Dijk: | J Philipsen! Soopa good! C'n climb a bit too! Saves nrg that way! Big motor. Paris-Roubaix. Best leadout. Almost unbeatable! Shame he's Belgian! |
D Friebe: | O hai, WV Aert! News? |
WV Aert: | O hai! Nothing yet tho Mrs WV Aert is doing good! Maybe sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE today. We will see! J Philipsen soopa strong, soopa fast leadout! |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Roodhooft, d/s of TA Deceuninck! MVD Poel? |
C Roodhooft: | O hai! MVD Poel! Mystery virus! Better today! Give him a day off tho he's still gotta lead out J Philipsen! J Philipsen! |
Bethany (13): | A ickl birb tell me J Philipsen dint share teh room wif MVD Poel, becoz Mystery Virus! |
EV Dijk: | For sure, but MVD Poel still soopa strong even when he's ill. |
D Friebe: | O hai, B Girmay! |
B Girmay: | O hai! Better chance to pwn stage as race goes on because other sprint0rz are beeg and will be tired! |
D Friebe: | How you beat J Philipsen? |
B Girmay: | |
EV Dijk: | I used to done lead-outs but I got slo! Now I's MOAR like T Declercq LOL! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! The ladeez have gone to lunch so you got me & chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh. |
TP Kennaugh: | Oooh! Teh colours! Teh musik ov teh spheers! Woooo! |
M Rendell: | M Louvel! Has a black belt in judo! A Amador! Punched a police van after a traffic stop! I can keep this up for hours, you know! |
Omnes: | |
D Friebe: | O hai, P Bauhaus! Big boost for TB Notorious yesterday with teh stage pwn! |
P Bauhaus: | Reeli amazing! Team did soopa well! P Bilbao soopa strong! Not like me. I's a Rubbish after rest days! J Philipsen soopa strong with or without MVD Poel. We will see! |
F Jakobsen: | I ate'nt d-e-d after yesterday. But it's close… Still hurtin' from chute! We will see! |
M Rendell: | Expecting better from F Jakobsen! |
TP Kennaugh: | I's xpektin'… PEACE LUV & EGG & CRESS SAMWICHS! |
M Rendell: | FFS! WWX Lackey? Your big chance! |
WWX Lackey: | Is there any money involved? |
[…] | |
WWX Lackey: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the pelican has closed the gap to 30" seconds & it's rainin'! A bit. |
M Rendell: | All the teams bein' told to concentrate & stay safe. Bleeding obv. much? |
TP Kennaugh: | It's ranin' CHEEZ! |
WWX Lackey: | Leave 'im tae me! I got exp. wi' this sorta thing! [FX: Slaps] Snap oot of it, ye junkie waster! |
TP Kennaugh: | Owwww! 'e 'it me wen I ent lookin'! I's jus' a harmless chirpi Manx idiot! [Curls up in corner, sobbing quietly] |
WWX Lackey: | Southern Jessie! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! G Moscon! Right @ the back! |
E Gesbert [via Firewire]: | Good! Did 'e stop to punch sumwun? Wnkr! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaack! Though I for 1 (one) wish I wasn't! |
SD Millar: | Shut! Up! |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
TP Kennaugh: | Naah. Not enuff xposed rodes. |
SD Millar: | Break goin' through the motions. Bit like me. Eeeuuurgh! |
N Boulting: | Wind! Well, it is here. Winding! T Ineo$, protect C Rodriguez & Tim Pidcock! |
TP Kennaugh: | Tom. |
N Boulting: | I, er, um… That's down to M Kitteh! |
M Kitteh: | Miaow! |
N Boulting: | Rain! |
SD Millar: | Could get… SKETCHY!!1! |
D Oss: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
SD Millar: | C Ewan doesn't seem bovvered. Therefore, ***, I call your wind prognostication a Wrong Thing. |
N Boulting: | Not today! I's got a headache! Deer! Runnin' away from the helichopter! |
Le Biggles: | C'est la chasse! LOL! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Louvel has exploded! |
A Amador & D Oss [in stereo]: | C'n we stop too? We h8 this! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap hairy D Oss has fckd off the front! He has 30" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Orter be a v. fast finish today! I would of ridden it this morning but, er, didn't. Why didn't teh WWX Lackey do it? |
WWX Lackey: | No' in mah job description, pal! |
N Boulting: | TSQ Step! They're a Rubbish this year! Except J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAAWWWWWR! I ent pwned a stage though, chiz! |
SD Millar: | TSQ Step in disarray & F Jakobsen is leavin'! No confiance! Boo! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap hairy D Oss haz 45" seconds! Er, 50 (fifty). CP Sagan! |
SD Millar: | CP Sagan is a Rubbish & orter pack it in! |
N Boulting: | C'n't see Crazy P reinventin' hisself as a domestique… |
CP Sagan: | No. No, I will not do that! Insuff. opportunities for Crazy™! |
N Boulting: | Big rain! |
T Pelican: | & we's wearing sunglasses! |
D Oss: | Not raining on me roffle! Oh. It is now. Arse. |
N Boulting: | Biggest grimace from T Declercq. Because he's got the biggest face! |
Omnes: | :facepalm: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Still rainin' & hairy D Oss has 34" seconds. & W Kelderman has a flappy jumper! |
Omnes: | |
SD Millar: | Pelican is on it now! D Oss will be caught ne second now! |
[Quite a bit later] | |
D Oss: | What kept u? |
N Boulting: | Pelican got strung out in that village! |
SD Millar: | TSQ Step make pace! Pelican will close up because I, TV's Super D Millar, say so! |
N Boulting: | F Wright! |
5's Mummy: | Ooh, jolly good! Play up, F Wright! |
F Wright: | I ent gonna pwn it! I's leadin' P Bauhaus! |
5's Mummy: | Well Ai'm sure you will do an exemplary job! |
F Wright: | fankoomissispf! |
N Boulting: | Hottin' up! |
SD Millar: | Road furniture! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma! Keep pace high & J Vingegaard out of trub, while T Pogačar chatting 1/2-way down the pelican. |
SD Millar: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | 3 km! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma ent easin' off! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel not up there! Sprint SPRINTEEE! |
J Philipsen: | \o/ We doan need no MVD Poel roffle! |
D Groenewegen: | Bah! |
P Bauhaus: | Bah auch! |
CP Sagan: | OK, I didn't pwn it, but I beat WV Aert! Crazy™! |
WV Aert: | I wuz robbed! P Bauhaus dun me! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | J Philipsen! |
J Philipsen: | Soopa happi! |
EV Dijk: | For sure is not all about MVD Poel! D Groaningwagon too early. |
TP Kennaugh: | Maek it look EZ, tho it ent. I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Wright! |
F Wright: | O hai! Tailwind! Sketchy! Hard, but P Bauhaus done good! |
5's Mummy: | Well played, young man! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | J Philipsen! Could pwn 7 (seven) stages! Not even M Cavendish done that! |
M Cavendish [via ManxMail]: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | With or without MVD Poel. |
N Boulting: | Gee-See hottin' up 2moz! Time bonerfications on last climb too! |
G Imlach: | M Cavendish reckoned only 5 sprint stages! J Philipsen sez 7! |
P Bauhaus: | Soopa hard! Soopa difficult! Didn't have the power. F Wright! |
D Groenewegen: | Good lead. Went too early. J Philipsen was better. Bah! |
EV Dijk: | Is the way it is! |
Omnes: | Ooooh, a new one! |
EV Dijk: | Fck! Off! Is that the English phrase, yes? |
J Vingegaard: | Had to be careful. Could lose everything! Team keep me safe. Ready for mntns. We will see. |
Bethany (13): | Five (5) spottyclimbs 2moz! Bonerfications! B hear or b skware, Daddio! |
G Imlach: | Too hard for J Philipsen! |
EV Dijk: | You never know! We will c! |
G Imlach: | O hai & welcome to another day of laughter and merriment on teh Tour ov France with me, the capo of comedy, the hitman of hahahahaha, the Reuben of ridicule, the made man of mirth, the one, the only, TV's G Imlach! Who wrote this Rubbish? |
Bethany (13): | R u sain' u doan rite ur own matereel, G Imlach? |
G Imlach: | F Jakobsen has goned home, to the gr8 surprise of absolutely no-1… |
Bethany (13): | Rnser! Teh! Kwestion! Or I's gonna peg u az a fukn TORY! |
G Imlach: | I, er, I does write most of it but thare's only 24 hours inna day. The rest comes from a mail-order company in Cleveland OH. |
Bethany (13): | ::-) I mite ov known! Wot els iz hapnin go on tell us o u mite? |
G Imlach: | D Teuns, M Pedersen & T Ben00t are off the front. 10" seconds behind them are A Amador, M Jorgenson & I Izzywizzy. The froup with the shinyjumper is 30" seconds down while poor |
Bethany (13): | This iz simpli not gud enuff! C'n't sumwun pa J Wade & hiz big-teefed fishies 2 go on holibobs wile teh Tour ov France iz on >:( |
G Imlach: | The top ten (10) on Gee-See are all in the shinyfroup. Started after a chute by Q Pacher & DDL Cruz. DDL Cruz has goned home… |
DDL Cruz: | Bai! Bah! |
G Imlach: | The Yates bruvs nearly missed it! T Pogačar bein' frisky! T Pidcock too. J Vingegaard threee. Chaos! To teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | Things are comin' back together! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma are being attacky to stop T Pogačar from getting ne bonerfications! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates! A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
J Vingegaard: | Pack it in, u monosyllabic gabbletwat! |
A Yates: | neh |
N Boulting: | Still totes disorder! T Pinot! |
5: | w00t! |
SD Millar: | T Pinot caught teh lead0rz! Best climber in the break! |
N Boulting: | G Martin catch 'em too! |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe try to done teh same! |
N Boulting: | J Stuyven 2! |
WWX Lackey: | No' gonnae do this, u rid0rz! The spill-chucker cannae keep up! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Break - 30" seconds - chas0rz - 1' minute - shinyboiz - EV Dijk! |
EV Dijk: | No, I'm here! |
N Boulting: | T Pinot! |
SD Millar: | T Pinot! |
EV Dijk: | Three (3) hard climbs after the snottysprint. Well, hard for me & mi Bump. For sure it will be… DECISIVE! |
N Boulting: | Calming down! J Alaphilippe & J Stuyven closin' on break! |
EV Dijk: | For sure they are having to work soopa hard thobut! No coöperation in break. Soopa frustrating! |
N Boulting: | Bonerfications? |
SD Millar: | Not for T Pogačar, for su… chiz curses wot am i saying! |
EV Dijk: | M Pedersen not working, so's J Stuyven c'n catch up! |
M Pedersen: | \o/ Snottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe & J Stuyven has caught the break |
J Alaphilippe: | raaaaw… Ne-1 mind iffen I just sit in for a bit? |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Stasis! Finally! Shinyfroup @ 3.5' minutes, spottyfroup @ 6.5' minutes! EV Dijk, u rode the last 60 (sixty) km this morning, no? |
EV Dijk: | First climb is long, second is steep, last one is both! Will be interesting! |
5's Mummy: | Ai must congratulate you on doing that while heavily preggers, EV Dijk! Rispek, as Ai believe the Young People say nowadays! |
EV Dijk: | fankoomissispf! |
5's Mummy: | Please do call me Syrah! |
Bethany (13): | I rekn teh betta clim0rz r gonna gang up on M Pedersen becoz 1. Long descant 2 finish & c: J Stuyven. |
EV Dijk: | Smart by TJ Visma to stop T Pogačar getting bonerfications? |
Bethany (13): | Not so sure. T Pogačar mus' b teh fave 4 teh Gran Columbeer 2moz! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wich 1 ov u horbles locked mi travellin' baskit? I's onli just escaepd! |
[Sur le Col de la Casse Froide] | |
TP Kennaugh: | A Amador! |
M Rendell: | M Jorgenson! WTF are TAG2R Citron doning @ the front of the shinyfroup? |
TP Kennaugh: | Serch me! I's onli a chirpy Manx idiot! |
Bethany (13): | I xpekt thare d/s iz punishin' 'em 4 missin' teh brake! |
EC Boardman [via a :demon: trapped in EV Dijk's earpiece]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
M Rendell: | How knackered will J Stuyven & J Alaphilippe be? |
Bethany (13): | MOAR'n T Pinot, thass a d-e-d sert! |
5: | 'ere, Bef'ny, u rekn 'e's gorra chans? |
Bethany (13): | Doan c y not! PS: plz send kumquats! |
G Martin: | \o/ Spottypwn |
EV Dijk: | Look, see! M Pedersen fetching a bottle for J Stuyven! P'raps they're settin' it up for J Stuyven? For sure he has good legses today! |
M Rendell: | Chute! M Woods eh! G Ciccone! A Kirsch teh road race champ ov Luxembourg! |
G Ciccone: | Ooooohmeknee, er, well, um, I'll have some Beautiful Scars afterwards! |
ML Maire: | U dun that on purpose, G Ciccone! |
G Ciccone: | No I nevva! & now I need a teme-mate to Rescue Me! |
ML Maire: | Gagh! |
EV Dijk: | Tired rid0rz not paying attention! |
M Rendell: | Might teh shinyboiz still catch teh breakfroupfing? We will… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Nearly at the Col de la Grand Montmain! MVD Poel & A Amador assault attack the breakfroupfing! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel need a gap over teh proper clim0rz! |
N Boulting: | Scorchio! |
SD Millar: | Cruel & unusual! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Woods eh appears to be okeh after that chute! |
M Woods: | |
SD Millar: | I reckon Bethany (13) is right about TAG2R Cit… M Jorgenson! |
N Boulting: | M Pedersen dropped! |
SD Millar: | Also J Alaphilippe! |
N Boulting: | Also also V Campanile & J Stuyven! M Jorgenson assault attack failed! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel assault attack! Drop A Amador! Reboot! Messy! |
N Boulting: | Breakfroupfing tittin' about! MVD Poel pullin' away! |
5's Mummy: | Ai say! How splendid! Keep it up, young Mathieu! |
N Boulting: | A Amador back in the breakfroupfing. A Kirsch dropped by shinyboiz. |
SD Millar: | TAG2R Citron! WTF they doin'? Put N Peters on teh front, u clots! |
MVD Poel: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | Spottyjumper group catchin' shinyboiz! Less'n a minute now! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Nearly on the Col de la Croix Rosier! TJ Visma played a good 'un today! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates don't think so LOL! |
N Boulting: | M Jorgenson & T Pinot make chase! |
SD Millar: | They nede to smash MVD Poel on the climb coz thare doomed iffen he's still thare on the descant! |
N Boulting: | TAG2R Citron has given up! |
T AG2R Citroën: | Ur a d-e-d man, J Jurdie! |
SD Millar: | Radio Free Prudhomme says gap to MVD Poel only 10" seconds while clock says 20 (twenty). Gagh! |
Omnes: | It appears that the spottyjumper group has caught the shinyjumper 1? |
N Boulting: | T Pinot & M Jorgenson catch MVD Poel! I Izzywizzy set pace behind for & on behalf of G Martin! |
SD Millar: | & now the front lot are all back together! |
MVD Poel: | Piss! Altho' I c'n still pwn this from 'ere! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma take control. Job done. |
I Izaguirre: | I'm off! Bai! |
ML Maire: | Look, c'n .fr TV & teh Tour's webby SCIENCE agree on spelling of names plz! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel in trub! T Pinot! M Jorgenson! |
SD Millar: | Need to keep working! Kill MVD Poel utterly to DETH! |
N Boulting: | Iffen they don't MVD Poel is nailed on 4 the pwnage. |
I Izaguirre: | \o/ Spottypwn! 25" seconds! w00t! |
N Boulting: | C'n MVD Poel still pwn this? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. It depends. |
N Boulting: | T Ineo$ push pelican because T Pinot a minor threat on Gee-See to C Rodriguez & T Pidcock. |
Fan [on a sign]: | ALLEZ BEN O'CONOR! |
BO Connor: | Iz 2 (two) "n"s, ya flamin' galah! |
Fan: | Soz. Mi piece of cradboard was too small! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap T Træen doned a big chute! |
T Træen: | Owwwww! FFS! |
N Boulting: | I Izzywizzy gettin', er, bizzy! |
SD Millar: | T Ben00t tryna get the chas0rz to work together, except G Martin obv. 45" seconds! |
N Boulting: | Small climb comin' soon! |
SD Millar: | T Pinot & M Jorgenson need to assault attack. On it. |
5: | Nooooooooooo! Daddy? Do something! |
N Boulting: | I Izzywizzy on the li'l hill! M Jorgenson! |
SD Millar: | 2 little 2 late! |
N Boulting: | M Burgaudeaudeaudeau! G Martin police 'im! |
SD Millar: | They got back 3" seconds! Er, 10" seconds! |
N Boulting: | Er, 8" seconds… |
SD Millar: | M Jorgenson & T Ben00t! Still 40" seconds to make up in 11 km! G Martin spoilin' it! |
G Martin: | Roffle! |
Omnes: | Get in, I Izzywizzy! |
N Boulting: | M Jorgenson get away! Or does he? OR DOES HE? Oh, look, see! O Fraile hit in the mush by a fleg-shagger! |
O Fraile: | Oi! Bunting-nonce! No! |
SD Millar: | Nope. Thare fitin' for second place now! |
N Boulting: | The tattered remains of the initial break is catching up. R Guerreiro & D Teuns. Tho' not MVD Poel! |
B Fernandez [from T Cofidis car]: | Yaaaaaaaaa! |
Bethany (13): | Doan thump ur car liek that! U'll b0rk teh 'lectrik window! |
SD Millar: | G Martin! Jumpin' on every assault attack attempt! Good lad! |
N Boulting: | 3 km 1' minute! |
SD Millar: | M Jorgenson & M Burgaudeaudeaudeau has got away! Not enough to pwn the stage, thobut! |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
I Izaguirre: | I roffle @ ur wind, ***! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Ben00t catchin' M Jorgenson & M Burgaudeaudeaudeau! |
I Izaguirre: | \o/ Yes! Fukn yes! |
SD Millar: | M Jorgenson & M Burgaudeaudeaudeau tit about! Doan do that! |
M Burgaudeau: | Hah! |
M Jorgenson: | Piss! |
T Ben00t: | Arse! |
C Vasseur: | Wooooooooo! Yay! Ect! |
TJ Visma: | No bonerfications! Job's a good 'un. |
T Pogačar: | I's still gonna sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE, jus' for teh LOLZ0RZ! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Wowsa! Wot a race eh! Roffles all round! Hic! T Pinot into the top ten (10) on Gee-See @ the expense of S Kuss. |
TP Kennaugh: | Was never gonna be a Gee-See day, unless it was. I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | S Kuss & N Pooless caught in early split! |
EV Dijk: | For sure the first two (2) on Gee-See is set but third? |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, T Johannessen! |
T Johannessen: | O hai! For sure I Izzywizzy best on descants! Helped to have G Martin! They doned good! Chapeau! |
T Shitverts: | Buy! Buy a phone from Tesco! Buy a very small air-conditioner from all good stockist & most crap ones a river cruise from a woman with the wierdest accent in hist. a cremation from TV's S Cook insewerants from Crazy Razor Ruddock MOAR Stuffs u doan need & can't afford! Buy! Shopping is power! Debt is… |
D Friebe: | O hai M Jorgenson! |
M Jorgenson: | O hai! We had passengers in the froup! I ent naming names but T Johannessen & G Martin & T Pinot… I's pissed off, me >:( |
M Rendell: | O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Felt soopa good today! Good day! Hope 2moro I haz good legses again! |
Bethany (13): | Big da 2moz! Onli 1 spottyclimb but iz a horse kitteh finish! |
EV Dijk: | T Pogačar lookin' fresh for sure! |
Bethany (13): | Midday1start 2! No J Wade & hiz fishies! Skive off work 4 this 1! |
Pingu: | Will there be vautours? |
Bethany (13): | We will c! |
G Imlach: | O hai & welcome to MOAR LOLZ0RZ than sticks c'n be shaken at without deforesting Nogweegia, in the shape ov the Tour Ov France with me, TV's MC LOLapalooza himself, G Imlach! Cheer, you bastards! |
[FX: Wind, crickets] | |
G Imlach: | I h8 u all! Droogies, what mite occur today? |
EV Dijk: | For sure I predict that it will be unpredictable! |
TP Kennaugh: | For sum reezn 2da iz important 2 teh Frenchish rid0rz, but I doan know y coz I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
Bethany (13): | I haz a Mappe! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! Pan-flat 4 teh 1st seventy (70) km. Cud b a brake off erli, wif WV Aert on teh opshnz list. Or not. Becoz horble C Prudhomme haz put teh snottysprint onna hili bit, tho not hili enuff 2 kwalifi 4 spottypoints! Long descant then Horse Kitteh clime to teh finish. Iz a bit liek teh Ironing Board ov teh Priti Grilz or sumfink, onli wifout the gravil wot maed D Martin sa a Rood Word on liev TV! |
ML Maire: | Long descant then a horble climb sounds like a recipe for T Pidcock to pwn the stage like wot he doned on the iconic Alpe d'Hughie last year… |
Bethany (13): | …tho hes hi enuff in teh Gee-See that sum temes 4 eg TJ Alula, TB Notorious or TB Hansgrohe mite tri 2 stop 'im! |
G Imlach: | If we had the same amount of air time as wot we had before J Wade & his ***-scarin' fishies annexed |
EV Dijk: | For sure that is a soopa chiz! I do not think this would be allowed in The Nether Lands! |
J Wade [via FishNet]: | I c'n speak Portuguese1, u kno! |
D Friebe: | Well, iffen I ever interviewz0rz R Guerreiro I'll bring u along 4 moral support! |
M Kitteh [via a dangly piece of string]: | I liek fish! Also, miaow! |
Bethany (13): | Not theez fishies, M Kitteh! They'd nom u hole & then haz a pudden aftawuds! Teefs liek tigas, not liek Felis catus! Oh no! |
EC Boardman [via interpretive Satanism]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
G Imlach: | Enough of these gay bants! Let us adjourn to teh colemantary Sheds, that Super D & *** may apprise us of the state of play! While I go for a drink or six! |
N Boulting: | Break! 20 rid0rz has a minute & a half inc. A Petit, P Latour & Q Pacher. All French Frenchmen with French names. But TUAE Emirates are driving the pelican hard! |
Omnes: | Did we have the snottysprint yet? |
N Boulting: | No. No, we did not. ~ 20 (twenty) km. Is scary for pelican? |
EV Dijk: | For sure. Soopa soopa fast and will be full gas racing on the Grand Colombier! I dint ride up it this morning though! |
N Boulting: | No-1 of note in the break. Best-placed rid0r is nearly 1 (an) hour back! |
SD Millar: | Bazillions of spectidiots on the climb! V. diff. from the Puy de Dôme! |
EV Dijk: | New record on the climb? Strava! O my! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss? |
SD Millar: | S Kuss! Need to keep his hyperbole under a dust sheet until is needed! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect 0! We sent… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O heh, M Woods eh! Crazy starts to stages this year! |
M Woods: | O heh! Yeh, is crazy. T Pogačar, J Vingegaard! V tiring eh! We will seh! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Haig! |
J Haig: | O hai! Not riding for P Bilbao yet! Try to get in break this week! Not likely to work today thobut! Not too tired even though I's already doned the Giro ov Italy & teh Dolphiné this year! T Pogačar FTW today! |
N Boulting: | Might T Pogačar or J Vingegaard crack? As colemantators we dunt want that! |
EV Dijk: | For sure it might be seconds but soopa hard climb so could be minutes! Next two (2) days are soopa hard. We will see! |
N Boulting: | Onoz! It's… |
D Friebe: | O hai, A Yates! |
A Yates: | ohaieryeh erbingoodahtrikistagesersoopahardyeh ernotbinezaaaahteamernuvvatrikidayer. yehgcahyehynoterwecerbreakah. yeh. |
D Friebe: | ??? |
Omnes: | He threw the odd "ah" in there to confuse you, Curlilox! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma assault attack in teh Pyrenees because T Pogačar out of practice! Expect TUAE Emirates to assault attack now! |
Radio TIP Tech: | Crrrrch… save nrg until the… bzzzzt last climb! |
SD Millar: | Alexa! What is "the bleeding obvious"? |
EV Dijk: | TBH I'm not a fen of this radio Stuffs! Makes the teams sound a bit Stupidz! |
N Boulting: | Iffen you got SEEKRIT Stuffs you tell a rid0r In person, not on teh wireless! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | O hai! Final climb very long, very hard. Will be exciting. And warm. Not too bovvered about result as long as T Pogačar dunt kill me utterly to DETH! |
Not D Friebe: | O hai, T Pogačar! Fireworx? |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Beeg fireworx last night LOL! Beeg fireworx today also! Good day for France roffle. Same finish as three (3) years ago so hope for same result haha! Not try to gain time today. Honest! |
Bethany (13): | Yeah, rite! Ne-1 wanna buy a bridge? Apart from C Lion, obv. |
Omnes: | Oooh, a Nalp! Mon Blonk! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! TJ Visma! Passive aggressive! |
SD Millar: | Iffen you has the shinyjumper you defend it! It's, like, a law or sumfink! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect 2' minutes 55 km. M Trentin! |
EV Dijk: | V strong! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Mohoric assault attack teh break! A Petit & C Bol dropped! |
SD Millar: | That's what M Mohoric does! Biff! Bang! Pow! SPAAANNNG! |
EV Dijk: | ??? |
SD Millar [undeterred]: | KA-POW! Onna normal day this break wud pwn the stage, but not today! |
EV Dijk: | Some of the rid0rz fite to get in breaks before & fail. Now they's in the break & don't wanna be! |
SD Millar: | C'n b easier being in the break! Otherwise you'd be dropped straight away when the pelican starts goin' full gas! |
EV Dijk: | Some rid0rz has the knack of gettin' in breaks! Not me thobut… |
M Teunissen: | \o/ Snottypwn! |
M Mohoric: | While thare attention is elsewhere I shall assault att… oh. |
T Break: | We're wise to ur wily ways, M Mohoric! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Trentin is still where he was, unlike Super D. Here instead is chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh! Whoopee! |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! |
N Boulting: | A Petit has been dropped by the break again but is on telly because he's a French Frenchman with a French name! TJ Visma or TUAE Emirates? |
EV Dijk: | TJ Visma for sure are soopa strong! |
Bethany (13): | TUAE Emirates haz betta clim0rz on paper but we ent racin' onna Mappe LOL. Thare not consistent enuff 4 eg M Soler! U nevva kno iffen he's got hiz racin' trousis on or hiz loll about in teh pelican moanin' ones! |
TP Kennaugh: | Harsh but fare! |
N Boulting: | C Ewan! Only just xed the snottysprint! On hiz tod too! |
EV Dijk: | Will be soopa hard for him from there! No real climbing yet! Also, whither A Yates? |
N Boulting: | yeh. I mean, er… Tiny P, you rode up teh Grand Colombeer onna Brompton this a.m., no? |
TP Kennaugh: | No. No, I did not. |
N Boulting: | Oh. |
TP Kennaugh: | I ran up it! Big crowd! |
Omnes: | Nutta! |
N Boulting: | P Latour! Y he descant liek a grilz blouse? |
Bethany (13): | Smash teh patriarky! |
EV Dijk: | We of TL Trek does spesh downhill training so we doan end up bein' dropped… |
N Boulting: | …like P Latour jus' has bin! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap TUAE draggin' the pelican 3.75' minutes behind the break. P Latour & A Petit in the gap. They wouldn't get a menshn normally but thare French Frenchmen with French names and it's Basteel Da! We sent ect… |
SD Millar: | Puff…aah…hard…flattens…kick up…ooog…10%… [dies] |
EV Dijk: | Gagh! Super D c'n talk & climb mntns @ the same time! Git! |
TP Kennaugh: | Very steep @ the bottom! No so bad after the first 8 (eight) km! We haz a mntn on teh Isle ov Man 2! |
EV Dijk: | Is it, by any chance, called "The Mountain"? |
TP Kennaugh: | Wowsa! How u kno… |
N Boulting: | Stop press! Radio Free Prudhomme says C Ewan haz goned home! No surprise! Look, see! T Pogačar chattin' wif WV Aert! |
T Pogačar: | O hai, WV Aert! Wot hair gel u use? |
WV Aert: | Cow gum! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 20 km 4 minutes! Tictacs? |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates need to not use all thare domestiques too early! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TAG2R Citron dint even try to get in break today! |
TAG2R Citroën: | We's on strike! |
N Boulting: | A Bettiol & J Shaw lead onto teh climb! |
Omnes: | w00t! |
SD Millar: | Is worse climb than Alpe d'Hughie! Pelican go full gas to foot of climb! M Bjerg! |
N Boulting: | Randoms bein' shelled out the break! Q Pacher assault attack! |
Q Pacher: | C'est pour la France! |
N Boulting: | M Trentin & M Bjerg has both exploded & fallen out of teh pelican's fethery bum! |
SD Millar: | VS Laengen on the front! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert off the back! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Soler on the tip of teh pelican's mitey beek; J Shaw & co chase Q Pacher who still haz, er, no lead! |
SD Millar: | Pelican not catching as quick as they orter! |
Omnes: | Get in, J Shaw! |
N Boulting: | Three (3) lead0rz now J Shaw, MV Gils & H Tejada. BO Connor dropped! |
BO Connor: | Bugarup! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley! Only got 1 (1) minion left! Might get duffed up by C Rodriguez and/or P Bilb… |
SD Millar: | M Kwiatkowski assault attack! |
M Kwiatkowski: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | Pelican still not gaining! No bonerfications for T Pogačar! |
SD Millar: | 11 km 3’ minutes! Still a big pelican! |
Omnes: | Allez Kwiato! |
N Boulting: | M Soler still @ front! DV Baarle look cooked! Clock talkin' bolleaux again! |
M Soler: | [Doesn't die] |
N Boulting: | R Bardet dropped! |
Omnes: | Up teh chimney wiv 'im! |
R Bardet: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | M Kwiatkowski haz 1’ minute near enuff over the chas0rz & MOAR'n 3' minutes on teh pelican! Gettin' to the nex' steep bit! |
N Boulting: | F Großschartner to the front! T Pinot off the back! |
5: | Daddy! Daddy! Make them stop! |
B Dickinson: | Cowbells! Yay! |
SD Millar: | Clock's fuxx0rd again >:( |
N Boulting: | Q Pacher nommed by teh pelican! No .fr pwnage today! |
SD Millar: | Convos among TUAE Emirates! F Großschartner too slow? |
N Boulting: | Gap still reducing! |
SD Millar: | Yebbut not so steep @ the top! |
N Boulting: | R Majka 2 front! |
T Pogačar: | Look, I tole you I wasn't after gaining time today! Muppets! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss orter get back into the Top Ten (10) @ the expense of T Pinot! |
5: | Daddy! Do something! |
SD Millar: | Nope, they's blown this! M Kwiatkowski FTW! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates has the numbers but ent using 'em? Doan get it ??? |
T Pogačar: | Y u not listen, clots? |
N Boulting: | R Majka! Finally! |
SD Millar: | Too late! |
N Boulting: | J Shaw assault attack! A Yates assault attack! D Gaudu & P Bilbao dropped! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates play waiting game? Big assault attack in last 800 m? |
M Kwiatkowski: | \o/ 0 gift this time either! w00t! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! Assault attack! Drop J Vingegaard! Bonerfications for P3 & time gap on J Vingegaard too! |
T Pogačar: | U know when I said I wasn't gonna try to gain time today? I lied! Roffle! |
J Vingegaard: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | 4" gap between T Pogačar & J Vingegaard + 4" bonerfications means, er, um… |
G Imlach: | …J Vingegaard still has the shinyjumper, by 9" seconds! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | P5 for T Pidcock, P7 J Shaw & teh Yates bruvs 9 & 10! Hurrah for BRITAIN! S Kuss back in top 10 on Gee-See; P Bilbao fall to P7 behind teh Yates bruvs & only 10" seconds ahead of T Pidcock! Hurrah for BRITAIN! |
M Kwiatkowski: | O hai! Nice break! Crazy xperience! Dint think we'd stay away! Crazy! Best legses of my life! Full gas from start! Crazy! |
CP Sagan: | Oi! |
Omnes: | No "soopa", M Kwiatkowski? U disappoint us! |
M Kwiatkowski: | Fck! Off! |
TP Kennaugh: | TUAE Emirates control all the way! |
EV Dijk: | For sure TJ Visma were not so good today! |
G Imlach: | Onoz! Iz… |
M Rendell: | O hai, A Yates! Very fast to bottom of climb! Plan? |
A Yates: | yehkeeppacehisprint4tpogačarer2moarharddaser. yeh. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | M Kwiatkowski! |
SD Millar: | e's a gud boy, 'e is! |
N Boulting: | MV Gils hung on for P2! Unlike N Pooless, who lost 23' minutes! |
N Powless: | I's still got the spottyjumper! |
Sign: | Hors-Delai – 33:36 |
EC Boardman [via writing on the wall with a spectral finger]: | Ahahahaha! Oh yes! |
M Rendell: | O hai, J Shaw! |
J Shaw: | O hai! Put it on black! Came up, er, white! Come back next year; try again! |
G Imlach: | Wot next, o my droogies? |
EV Dijk: | Tomorrow is v. different! TJ Visma need to up their game for sure! |
G Imlach: | Sho' is! Five (5) climbs, bonerfications on teh Joux Plane & downhill finish! |
Bethany (13): | Also, we reeli iz on @ midday 2moz! Sumwun gaev me teh rong bit ov paper yesterda! |
WWX Lackey: | You gonnae no' look at me like that! |
1: | Trufax! |
G Imlach: | O hai & bienvenoo to a spiffing Saturday of jollity and roffles on the Tour ov France! With me! LOL factory and House ov Roffles G Imlach. Plus them lot [Points] there! |
Omnes: | May we point out, G Imlach, that pregnancy notwithstanding, EV Dijk looks very much as though she could beat you utterly to DETH wif one (1) hand tied behind her back! |
Bethany (13): | Sounds liek phun? Nede ne help, EV Dijk? |
EV Dijk: | They don't call me "The Animal" for nothing! |
Omnes: | W.A.S.P. joak goes here ==> |
5's Mummy: | Get! Out! You revolting creatures! |
Omnes: | Phwoar! She's even hotta wh… [FX: dull thud, a thousand mice squeaking, silence] |
5's Mummy: | And so perish all enemies of |
EO Aquitaine: | Nice 1, Syrah, LOL! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wot jus' hapnd? Mi dangli earing felled out! |
G Imlach: | Quiet, u floppy-haired Manx idiot! Yesterday we all predicted fireworx but apart from the Bastille Day ones ha ha they turned out to be a bit of a damp squid! Squib! FFS! |
Bethany (13): | Today haz mani MOAR oppatoonits 4 major assault attackery & Stuffs! I has teh Mappe! [indicates Mappe] Hear! 1 third-kitteh clime 2 get teh rid0rz k-nees warmed up, three (3) 1st-kitteh 1s 4 teh LOLZ0RZ & teh horse-kitteh Joux Plane wot, altho not iconic iz still priti bigly hyooge! Wif bonerfications also. 12 km descant 2 teh finish 4 survivin' nuttas. Could suit T Pidcock, wot is snekin' up on hiz teme-maet C Rodriguez in teh Gee-See! |
TP Kennaugh: | 2da TJ Visma will come out wif thare gnus blazin'! Ka-pow! Blammo! Taek that, ya Ay-rab varmint! |
EV Dijk: | For sure TUAE Emirates will feel yesterday in their legses today! Also, WTF is the little one on about? |
Bethany (13): | He duz that sumtiems. Nedes resettin' wif a slap! We c'n done it durin' teh shitverts wen thare ent ne-1 wotchin'! |
5's Mummy: | Bethany! What did Ai say last year about being horrid to poor Tiny P? |
Bethany (13): | sozsyrah… |
G Imlach: | Look, see! J Vingegaard! Never change his expression! |
Bethany (13): | Spent 2 long in teh fish factri & now look liek a hadock! |
5's Mummy: | Bethany! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Rainin' here in Morzine! Make the final descant, errrr, well. We sent ect. |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, A Hansen, teh M. Le President of teh Rid0rz Association, teh CPA! |
A Hansen: | O hai! |
D Friebe: | Teh descant off of teh Joux Plane! |
A Hansen: | Signs before dangerous corners! Resurfacing! Signs which shout at rid0rz to slow down! Should only be a small froup ne-way! |
EC Boardman [via DETHnet]: | Spoilsport! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | O hai! Super D, u rode this stage in May, no? |
SD Millar: | O hai! Yes. Yes, I did but I 4got. Probably because it wuz horble! Teh Joux Plane was shut, thank Dog! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! J Vingegaard! |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | Pissin' down outside r Sheds! |
SD Millar: | Luvverly this mornin'! |
N Boulting: | Weather! Lake! Ag! |
Bethany (13): | Teefs! Fishies! |
N Boulting: | Fck… |
C Prudhomme: | OK, u assisted suicides! Off u fck! |
Omnes: | Yay! S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard 1st to hav a go! |
S Geschke: | Phe@r teh be@rd! |
N Boulting: | Didn't come to ne-thing chiz. |
SD Millar: | Will be a while b4 the break forms! Rid0rz wary after Thurs. which was an horble mess! |
N Boulting: | O RLY? |
SD Millar: | No. Gettin' strung out. |
N Boulting: | N Pooless needs to assault attack iffen he wants to keep the spottyjumper! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! T Pinot! Shoutin' @ his team car! |
5: | [Uncontrollable sobbing] |
N Boulting: | Chute! Big chute! F Wright! F Frison! E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es! D Martinez! |
SD Millar: | Hyooge mess! |
N Boulting: | Race neutralised! Good 1, C Prudhomme! |
SD Millar: | D Martinez look 2 have concussion! Go home, D Martinez! |
N Boulting: | I Izzywizzy! L Meintjes! Flippin' 'eck! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap they's still clearing teh wreckage & A Pedrero has been bunged in the ambulance! |
SD Millar: | A Petit & D Martinez carry on thobut, which is a surprise! |
N Boulting: | O hai, EV Dijk! |
EV Dijk: | O hai! Big chaos! Difficult for rid0rz even if they dint chute! |
N Boulting: | Race had to stop because all ambulances in use! |
SD Millar: | Good call by Le Roi C Prudhomme I! |
Radio Ineo$: | Check ur bieks! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
EV Dijk: | Concussion! You never know how long it will take to recover! Took me three (3) months after I fell on mi head in Paris-Roubaix! |
N Boulting: | C'n the dokta overrule the teams? |
SD Millar: | Yes. Yes, because lawyers! |
J Random Fanboi: | Oooh, u didn't wanna do it like that! [Points] |
DV Baarle: | |
SD Millar: | Slomo! TL Dstny rid0r on teh wet road! |
N Boulting: | F Frison & I Izzywizzy! |
EV Dijk: | We'll see a lot of asses today haha! |
Omnes: | Look, see! M Trentin sittin' on teh crash barrier! Doin' a Super D impression! |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! W Barguil! He ent damaged, before Bethany (13) starts smashing the furniture! |
SD Millar: | Still waiting 4 ambulances! |
J Vingegaard: | U OK hun? |
T Gallopin: | Yeah! Gettin' bored thobut. |
N Boulting: | 2 (two) km neutral before Le Roi C Prudhomme I wave hiz fleg, & L Minkies is also gonin' home! |
EV Dijk: | Meintjes! |
Omnes: | Gezondheit! |
EV Dijk: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Big pagga between C Ewan & The Mgt @ TL Dstny after C Ewan goned home yesterday! |
EV Dijk: | For su… |
[…] | |
C Prudhomme: | OK, try agane, u festering piles of wombats' do! |
SD Millar: | Eeep! Took us by surprise! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! |
T Pidcock: | Will be full gas! Familiar roads. We will c! |
Omnes: | Informative. Not. |
N Boulting: | Sa "O hai" to S & G Pidcock, wot iz T Pidcock's Ma & Pa! |
G Pidcock: | O hai! Morzine! We usedta come 'ere mntn bikin'! |
S Pidcock: | I rekn we kno the mntn bike trails betta'n the roads, thobut! |
G Pidcock: | He sounded priti bullish about the end of this stage! Get in, son! |
N Boulting: | C'n he turn into a Gee-See rid0r? |
G Pidcock: | Yes. |
S Pidcock: | Now 'e's stopped fidgeting! |
N Boulting: | No presh on T Ineo$! |
ML Maire: | C'n we haz MOAR of Ma & Pa Pidcock! They's good at this! |
N Boulting: | Wot you do this arvo! |
G Pidcock: | Go to the top of the Joux Plane & shout! |
EV Dijk [in writing]: | What's it like as parents to watch yore boi? |
S Pidcock: | I was hidin' behind a cushion on the iconic Alpe d'Hughie stage! |
G Pidcock: | Tho' we been skiing & mntn biking wif 'im, so we kno 'e kno wot 'e's doin'! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es is goning home! |
E [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]es: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | & D Martinez assault attack! 'e's not built right! |
N Boulting: | OK, we haz a break! J Alaphilippe, A Lutsenko, K Neilands, LVD Berg, D Martinez. S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard chase! |
D Martinez: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap something happen only we doan know what! |
TP Kennaugh: | Was a chute! |
M Rendell: | R Bardet! J Shaw! |
EV Dijk: | Dunt look good! |
M Rendell: | Col de Coo! Er, Cou! |
TP Kennaugh: | 0 ideer wots goin' on! |
M Rendell: | A Lutsenko was in the break & now isn't! |
ML Maire: | Teh graphic sez N Pooless is in teh break 30" seconds up the road ??? |
M Rendell: | R Bardet! Still bein' repaired! |
TP Kennaugh: | No sine ov J Shaw eeva! |
EV Dijk: | I think for sure during the shitverts is all change & the break now is not the same break wot lead over the Col de Saxel! |
ML Maire: | Ta, EV Dijk! That maek sense! |
EV Dijk: | TJ Visma control the pelican now. |
M Rendell: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez J Shaw iz gonin' home! |
J Shaw: | Arse! |
M Pingu: | What of R Bardet? |
M Rendell: | He, also, is gonin' home! |
M Pingu: | Bah! 0 MOAR chimney joaks! |
B Dickinson: | Plenty of cowbells thobut! MOAR plz! |
TP Kennaugh: | TJ Visma not gonna let teh brake get awa! 2 big! |
M Rendell: | TJ Visma let yesterday happen on purpose? |
EV Dijk: | For sure! Aside: WWX Lackey, plz c'n u take this thing back 2 €uroland? |
WWX Lackey: | Have ye tried rebootin' it? Stick a pencil in the hole in the back of its neck & count tae 10 (ten). |
TP Kennaugh: | Spottysprint! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Ain't No Big Deal… |
N Powless: | Git! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh big breakfroupfing has 40" seconds & l'autobus is 3' minutes behind the lead0rz! We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai, P Bilbao! Downhill finishs? |
P Bilbao: | O hai! Yes but also no. It depends. Glad to see the Eh-Ess-Oh takin' precautions! We will see! |
M Rendell: | U good @ descants, EV Dijk? |
EV Dijk: | Usedter be, when I was young & foolish! Now I's old & scared so I's only average LOL! |
M Rendell: | R teh Izzywizzy bruvs the only bruvs in the race this ye… |
EV Dijk & TP Kennaugh [in stereo]: | Teh Yates bruvs, u div! |
S & A Yates [in stereo]: | yeh |
M Rendell [undeterred]: | Col de Feu! Fire! Feu! Fire! |
E Gesbert [via Firewire]: | It wasn't me! |
Bethany (13): | It weren't me neeva! I had nuffink 2 do wif mi poxy skool goin' on fier! How mani times duz I haz 2 tell u! |
EV Dijk: | ??? |
Bethany (13): | Tell u during teh shitverts… |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap T Pinot, M Landa G Ciccone, M Woods eh & A Aranbaru has tiny lead! N Pooless chase! Feu! Fire! FEU! |
EV Dijk: | We tried teh restart but for sure it didn't help :( |
M Rendell: | U'd of thort T Pinot G Ciccone & M Woods eh would be gud enuff climb0rz tototototo… |
WWX Lackey: | Did youse install the last set of updates? |
TP Kennaugh: | [Alarmed] Eeep! I dunno! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
EV Dijk: | Gizzit 'ere! [FX: Loud buzzing, exploding transformer, skipload of breeze-blocks falling from great height, single sheep] Oopsie! I b0rked it! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! Back In Business! |
EV Dijk: | For sure N Pooless' hold on the spottyjumper is slipping! |
Bethany (13): | I's sure we c'n manij without M Rendell 2da. We c'n reinstall Rend-OS 2nite tho iffen that dunt werk 'e'll haveta go bak 2 teh factri! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake iz back 2getha! N Pooless et cie 20" seconds bhind & teh pelican 40" seconds! |
EV Dijk: | U often have technical problems with Cyclopædia Rendellica? |
Bethany (13): | Hoo yus! Altho las' yere they lost 'im b'twene Denmark & France! 'e ended up in Niugini LOL. Thass how I gotted mi big brake! |
EV Dijk: | Roffle! |
Bethany (13): | & they lost teh key 2 Tiny P's travellin' baskit & woz also 0 2 do wif me! |
TP Kennaugh: | It weren't funneh! |
Omnes: | Oh! Yes! It! Was! |
TP Kennaugh: | I h8 u all! |
Bethany (13): | Gap 20" seconds 2 pelican wile chaes0rz has cort lead0rz. On2 teh Col de Jambaz! |
TP Kennaugh: | Rasbry! Thass mi fave! |
Bethany (13): | ??? |
TP Kennaugh: | I fort u said "jam"! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Snottypwn! I'm Going Bananas! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaack! Were you nice to the B Team? |
Bethany (13): | The wot >:( |
N Boulting: | I, er, break! Still has 30" seconds! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma keep pace high! Pelican coming apart @ teh seams. |
Bethany (13): | TJ Visma doan caer about teh brake, onli teh staeg! |
N Boulting: | Rocks time! PDV Hinsbergen! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | Alps! Just a few slices left ov a very big cheez! Look, see! I haz a different hat! Many slices of cheez! Italy collide with Europe! Look, see! I demonstrate with actual cheez! Like zis! [Noms cheez] Mmmm! |
N Boulting: | Kewl Stuffs! I nevvah knew Italy woz in Africa! |
SD Millar: | Le sigh! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! |
Bethany (13): | Might he assault attack on the descant off ov teh Col de la Ramaz? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
Bethany (13): | :facepalm: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the pelican is in bits, G Ciccone & M Woods eh gone away & haz small lead over rest of lead0rz! C Rodriguez! Has he bin dropped? |
SD Millar: | He has M Kwiatkowski wif 'im! He'll be reet! |
N Boulting: | R Sinkeldam haz also goned home! |
B Dickinson: | Æxcellent stage 4 cowbells thobut! |
N Boulting: | C Laporte has exploded! As has M Kwiatkowski! Remnants of break caught! NV Hooydonck on it! |
SD Millar: | I reckon G Ciccone & M Woods eh will be caught before long! |
M Woods: | Or sooner eh! [Stops eh] |
G Ciccone: | Well, I ent surrendering! Where's The Party? |
SD Millar: | Why doesn't G Ciccone lurk in the pelican's fethery bod for a bit & jump out of its mitey beek @ teh top? |
G Ciccone: | You'll See! Oh. I haz been nommed. Why's It So Hard? |
[…] | |
B Dickinson: | F Xmas! With a cowbell! My cup runneth |
N Boulting: | E Buchmann dropped! J Hindley's last team-mate! Eeeep! Is T Pidcock in trub also? |
SD Millar: | T Ben00t haz done his bit! DV Baarle take over! Save WV Aert for pudden! |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle, good day or bad day? |
SD Millar: | Bad. Dropped rid0rz are gettin' back on! |
N Boulting: | E Buchmann back on! |
E Buchmann: | Sssssssssh! |
SD Millar: | Climb not so horble from here to the top! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock hangin' on. Just. |
T Pidcock: | I h8 this! Bring on teh |
N Boulting: | Iffen he's dropped he's fuXX0rd. J Castroviejo will haveta stay with C Rodriguez. |
Omnes: | Get in, T Pidcock! |
N Boulting: | Ent gonna happen! DV Baarle exploded! Pace lifting, because WV Aert! |
Omnes: | Bah! |
SD Millar: | Iffen T Pidcock dunt lose too much he cud get back in on the descant thobut! |
Bethany (13): | Ne slimy teefy fishies in that pond, ***? |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
WV Aert: | \o/ Spottypwn! Like I care! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock @ 35" seconds! TUAE Emirates still got numbers too. All poised… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap T Pidcock haz not caught up. Not a technical descant! |
SD Millar: | 'ere, WV Aert ass… oh. They're back together. |
N Boulting: | Except J Castroviejo, coz his leg just seized up. |
J Castroviejo: | Owwwww! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme says R Guerreiro has goned home! T Pidcock losing time on descant :o S Yates distanced! |
SD Millar: | J Hindley still there thobut! P Bilbao also! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! Will lead all the way 2 the bottle of teh Joux Plane & maybe MOAR! |
SD Millar: | For sure. Then it depends on S Kuss! |
N Boulting: | D Gaudu! Still in lead froup & now ahead of T Pidcock on Gee-See! The rotter! |
SD Millar: | 12 (twelve) only left, though S Yates & co only 7" seconds back now! |
N Boulting: | S Yates' own fault! Tittin' about in teh pelican's arris instead of payin' attention! Ne-way, they's caught up & has 6 (6) km to recover before TJ Visma kill them utterly to DETH! |
[Onto the Col de Joux Plane] | |
N Boulting: | Wooo! Yeehah! Ect. |
W Kelderman: | Ta, WV Aert! My go! |
WV Aert: | Only a temporary break, mind… |
SD Millar: | Oi oi! R Majka! |
TJ Visma: | Shittens! U wreck r plan! |
W Kelderman & WV Aert [in stereo]: | We h8 this! Bai! |
R Majka: | Fukn nails, me! |
SD Millar: | Hang on a sec! WV Aert back from the d-e-d! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! :o |
R Majka: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | He stopped! He fukn stopped! & now he's xploded the whole froup! |
Omnes: | Coff, coff, ["Fruit" – Ed.]! |
WV Aert: | Ok, Boss, back to Plan A [Dies a second time] |
N Boulting: | S Yates & P Bilbao dropped. |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | No MOAR shitverts! w00t! S Kuss lead froup. J Vingegaard, T Pogačar, A Yates, J Hindley, C Rodriguez, F Gall left! |
T Pogačar: | Shittens! Dropped my |
A Yates: | erhaveermineer yeh |
N Boulting: | F Gall dropped! J Hindley also! |
T Pogačar: | Off you go, A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
S Kuss: | [Dies] |
T Pogačar: | Roffle! |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez dropped! & then thare woz three (3). |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar! Assault attack! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard gapped! But 'e ate'nt d-e-d! |
Omnes: | Yet… |
N Boulting: | Still 3 km to the top! |
Omnes: | Bonerfications! |
N Boulting: | Stabilised! J Vingegaard keepin' station! He's comin' back! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar ease off a bit! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard back on! Still 1.5 km! |
SD Millar: | Like a track sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE but on top of a Nalp! |
J Vingegaard: | Y my bike not got a mirror? |
T Pogačar: | 1st rule of Slovenian cycling! No mirrors! & no merc… fckles! Fukn moto! |
J Vingegaard: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | While these 2 (two) tit about C Rodri… J Vingegaard! Outsprant T Pogačar! |
J Vingegaard: | \o/ Spottypwn & bonerfications! Roffle! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar asleep! Still another little climb b4 the big descant thobut! |
N Boulting: | A Yates & C Rodriguez nearly caught back up! |
SD Millar: | Fukn motos! |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez to the front :o |
C Rodriguez: | Bai, suXX0rz! |
A Yates: | erthisizamugzgameer yeh |
N Boulting: | They ent gonna catch C Rodriguez! R they? |
SD Millar: | No. Yes. No. Er. |
Omnes: | Don't drop it now, C Rodriguez! Fukn clock bollixed again >:( |
N Boulting: | Ooooh! Wide by T Pogačar on that corner! |
SD Millar: | Waiting for A Yates! Deny J Vingegaard teh bonerfications! |
C Rodriguez: | \o/ |
T Pogačar: | /o\ |
J Vingegaard: | Meh. |
A Yates: | yehersozbosserdunmibester. yeh. |
N Boulting: | J Hindley! Keeps P3 on Gee-See by a sec or 2! Wot a bonkers stage! |
SD Millar: | Ur not wrong there, ***! |
G Imlach: | & we thought teh Tour ov France wouldn't be decided by bonerfications LOL! Onoz, its… |
A Yates: | eryehthorttheydtrisumfinger soopaharderyeh ersoopahotgoodjob pogcanpwntourer yeh |
D Friebe: | Nope. Might as well be Aramaic! |
EV Dijk: | Y no barriers @ top of clime ??? Spectidiots made the road narrow! |
C Rodriguez: | Incredible! No words! Soopa happi soopa grapeful, er, grateful! Full gas descant! Soopa happi! Gr8 teme! M Kwiatkowski! Big day tomorrow! |
G Imlach: | C Rodriguez iz in P3, because we 4got the bonerfications for the Joux Plane! |
[…] | |
ML Maire: | Glad I caught the recording early! ITV4 haz switched off P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™®'s feed! |
G Imlach: | J Vingegaard increase Gee-See lead to 10" seconds! S Kuss up to P6; F Gall P9. T Pidcock out of Top 10 (ten) boo! |
TP Kennaugh: | TUAE Emirates & TJ Visma sick ov teh site ov each uvva! |
EV Dijk: | WV Aert! |
TP Kennaugh: | Good plan 2 kepe WV Aert in pelican 2da! |
G Imlach: | C Rodriguez! |
EV Dijk: | Soopa young! |
TP Kennaugh: | Smart 2! Dint hang aroun' when 'e cort up, jus' fckd off! |
N Boulting: | Wonder how well he'll go in the time-trial on Tues.? |
SD Millar: | Still 2moz before we c'n think about that! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Vingegaard has also the spottyjumper, because the Joux Plane is horse kitteh! Equal on spottypoints! |
N Powless: | I wears it tomorrow thobut! |
M Rendell: | O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Good day. Could of been better, mind. Moto? Bah! Probli dint make much difference thobut! |
EV Dijk: | We has a saying in .nl: when 2 doggos fight over a bone a third doggo runs off with it LOL! |
C Rodriguez: | Woof &, moreover, woof! |
G Imlach: | O hai! 'tis teh witchin' hour! No, er, wait! 'tis teh Roffling hour. 5 (five) hours! |
Omnes: | On the sauce last night, were we? |
G Imlach: | Fck! Off! Longer stage ov teh Tour ov France today. M'colleague has a Mappe! |
Bethany (13): | Indeed I do! [Points @ Mappe] Hear! 179 km wif five (5) kittehgorizd climes tho non ov 'em is horse kitteh. |
Omnes: | Are ne of 'em iconic? |
Bethany (13): | Teh Mappe dunt sa! |
TP Kennaugh: | I can haz look? [Has look] Wot's that yello Stuffs @ teh botom? |
EV Dijk: | Giz! [Also has look] For sure none of them is iconic but they will be soopa hard! |
Omnes: | We're goin' back 2 beddy-byes! Fone us when they start goin' full gas roffle! |
EV Dijk: | What's funneh about "full gas" ??? |
Bethany (13): | Iz becoz thare made entierly ov cured pork & thare4 doan liek FOREIGNS! |
G Imlach: | Ne-way, after all the biff-bang-wallop of yesterday netted J Vingegaard a whole extra second in the Gee-See, let us hie ourselves to teh colemantary Sheds… |
C Rodriguez: | Wot about me? |
G Imlach: | Soz, there isn't time! |
C Rodriguez: | Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | O hai! |
SD Millar: | Gilts! Index-linked offshore derivatives! Swaps! |
Omnes: | Wot ??? |
N Boulting: | He's dreaming of money again! [FX: Slap] Wakey-wakey! Hands off wallets, on mics! |
SD Millar: | Whafck? Ag! U cnt! |
N Boulting: | The two (2) motos wot made T Pogačar's assault attack go bugarup yesterday haz bin thrown off of the race… |
Omnes: | Yay! |
N Boulting: | …but only for today. Also, D Martinez has goned home! |
EV Dijk: | For sure there should have been barriers at the top of that climb yesterday! In wimminz cycling we ent got crowds liek that – yet – but it must be soopa annoyin'! |
Omnes: | C'n we chuck teh spectidiots off of teh race too? |
B Cosnefroy: | I liked it! Stopped on the way up for a drink & to dance wif teh fanz0rz! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Long rollout today! I need a heart-starter! [FX: Cork] Aaaah, that's better! Bangin' stage yesterday! |
SD Millar: | Sho' was! TJ Visma! TUAE Emirates! C Rodriguez! O my! |
N Boult: | Look, see! A Wenger iz in teh Prudmobile! |
A Wenger: | :thumbsup: |
SD Millar: | Who he? |
N Boulting: | Is a foopball thing, Super D. You would not understand. |
Omnes: | Up the Arse! Come on u Spurs! Ect. |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez! |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez! |
T Pogačar: | [Mitey yawn] Get! On! Wif! It! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | Off the lead now! No Gee-See ambitions! C'n chase stage pwns! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert! |
Omnes: | WV ["Fruit" – Ed.]! |
5's Mummy: | What ghastly cynics you all are! Were it up to me Ai should have you banned from the race! |
Omnes: | Phwoooaaar! Look, see! Some prat inna car having it explained to him by un flic that he cannot pull out of this side road because there is a teh Tour ov France in the way! |
C Prudhomme: | [Waves fleg] OK, boomers! Git &, moreover, skit! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel assault attack! J Philipsen in move because snottysprint is before the big climbs today! G Ciccone on the charge also! |
G Ciccone: | I'm a Superstar! |
WV Aert: | No, that would be me! |
N Boulting: | Oi oi! WV Aert feelin' frisky! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert ent pwned a stage yet! Angry WV Aert is… FAST! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert is on the front & tryna stir things up so we'll haz some shitverts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 haz hapnd tho TGFD J are donin' their best to change that! |
M Madiot: | Allez! Vite! Mmmmm, ce tapis a bon goût! |
N Boulting: | Spatchcocked pelican! Second bit MOAR'n 20" seconds back! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates & TJ Visma ent gonna take control until the pelican is back together, because 1/2 their rid0rz are in its fethery bum! |
N Boulting: | Back 1/2 catching up, coz it's calmed down a bit @ the front. TAG2R Citron doned the work! |
SD Millar: | F Gall, innit! |
N Boulting: | Assault attack by N Pooless so we's gonna give you MOAR shitverts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Nine rid0rz up the road inc. N Pooless but not G Ciccone! 15" seconds! |
SD Millar: | TL Trek missed teh bus! |
G Ciccone: | I'm So Stupid! |
Omnes: | U got that right, G Ciccone LOL! |
SD Millar: | J Stuyven pretending to work so's G Ciccone c'n catch up! |
N Boulting: | Break is BO Connor, G Izzywizzy, S Küng, N Pooless, M Dillon, er, Dinham, MVD Poel, J Stuyven, A Bettiol & A Turgis. |
SD Millar: | Look, see! B Coquard is FUMMIN'! |
B Coquard: | [FUMMS] |
N Boulting: | T Cofidis has brung the break back thobut! Solo assault attack by N Politt! Fck knows why! |
N Politt: | Was a accident! |
N Boulting: | O hai, ladeez! |
EV Dijk: | O hai! I would have expected a break by now for sure. TL Trek! G Ciccone! |
N Boulting: | A Lutsenko, J Alaphilippe, A Papier-Peinture make chase of N Politt! |
EV Dijk: | Nooooo! For sure TL Trek need to get up there! |
N Boulting: | Bunch of other riders chasin' to get in break also! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | M Rendell is still in teh wurkshop so u got us! Wile u woz bein' sold crap WV Aert stretch pelican byond its lastic limit, liek teh skool bieks nickas! |
EV Dijk: | WV Aert! 1 man team on his own! How cool is that? |
Bethany (13): | Tho I disliek rampant fanboiïsm I's gotta admit 'e's a bit handi! |
EO Aquitaine: | High praise, WV Aert! Take note! Or I'll have ur head chopped off! Tcheeek! |
WV Aert: | Ulp! |
EV Dijk: | Look, see! A Petit in trub! Got banged up in the big chute yesterday! Hurting. |
Bethany (13): | Pelican crappin' rid0rz out ov its fethery bum & this clime ent even kittehgorizd! |
EV Dijk: | J Alaphilippe assault attack! |
Bethany (13): | A Lutsenko also. But not N Pooless! |
5's Mummy: | Oh, do try harder, N Powless! The honour of Native America is at stake! |
N Powless: | yesmissispoulidorfanshaw! |
Bethany (13): | We ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Too hot yesterday! Need good ride today! Too many late nites becoz ["Fruit" - Ed.] control & ridin' back down mntns & shit. C'n go for stage pwns now thobut! |
TP Kennaugh: | V. hard for Gee-See rid0rz! |
Bethany (13): | Iffen ur l8 for wurk agane, Tiny P, ur inna world ov hurt! |
TP Kennaugh: | Sumwun hid mi sox! |
5’s Mummy: | Ai hope you had nothing to do with that, Bethany dear! |
Bethany (13): | Not mi folt iffen Tiny P's a nidiot! |
EV Dijk: | For sure that Stuffs is something the public doesn't see! Long days! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Alaphilippe & A Lutsenko haz 30" seconds ova… |
TP Kennaugh: | Chute! Big chute! |
EV Dijk: | High speed! TJ Visma rider! NV Hooydonck? |
Bethany (13): | Radio Free Prudhomme says mite ov been a spectidiot wif a fone >:( Fukn idiot! |
EV Dijk: | NV Hooydonck back on his bike but for sure will be a soopa hard day for him today! |
Bethany (13): | Slomo! Spectidiot, deffo! Wnkr! Look, see! Rid0rz neutraliz teh raec themselfs! |
TP Kennaugh: | Niec that teh fanz0rz c'n get so cloes but they's gotta b not-Stupidz! |
J Random USAnian: | O hai, T Pogačar, J Vingegaard! |
T Pogačar: | Anything c'n happen today! Yesterday too many motos too many fanz0rz! Fanz0rz! Plz to stand back, m'kay! |
J Vingegaard: | Motos too close. Too many fanz0rz. Plz to give us space, m'kay! |
Bethany (13): | Chance ov spectidiots takin' notiec: 0. |
EV Dijk: | This ^^^^. For sure. |
Bethany (13): | Nü generashn ov spectidiots! Less rispek! |
EV Dijk: | Also fones! No-1 want to see your vids filmed in portrait wif a potato! |
Bethany (13): | Annecy! |
ML Maire: | O hai, GD France, F Pervis & the IUT team! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Look, see! Lac d'Annecy! Thass teh laek wot ***'s reeli scairt ov! Full of slimy fings wif teefs watin' to drag 'im in2 teh icy depfs & nom big chunx ov 'im b4 bein' :sick: |
EV Dijk: | O RLY? |
EO Aquitaine: | YA RLY! |
Bethany (13): | Well, I fink it woz that laek… J Alaphilippe & A Lutsenko has 40" seconds ova teh 35 (35) chas0rz & MOAR'n 5' minutes on teh pelican. |
EV Dijk: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez it was S Kuss wot got hit by the spectidiot then NV Hooydonck ran into him, causing the chute! 0 you can do! & iffen you manage to stop someone else will crash into you! Soopa annoying! |
Bethany (13): | Soon iz come teh snottysprint! In Bluffy! Bluffy teh Vlampire Sayer LOL! |
TP Kennaugh: | Slimy teh Vampier Buffer! |
Omnes: | |
D Friebe: | O hai, A Wenger! Why u here? |
A Wenger: | O hai! I am Français, clot! Aussi I am ami of le Roi C Prudhomme & B Hinault! Ent gonna predict a race pwner! Bof! I did not see the incident! |
J Alaphilippe: | Y u not show me pwning the snottysprint? RAAAAAWWWWWWR! |
Bethany (13): | Teh pelican is MOAR'n 7' minits back! R they takin' teh da off? |
J Alaphilippe: | Ur d/s sez it's time u were watered, A Lutsenko! [Pours water on A Lutsenko] LOL! |
A Lutsenko: | Ta! Is a tad warm today! |
Bethany (13): | Col de la Forclaz de Montmin! Teh bok sez thare r mani Cols de la Forclaz in teh mntns ov France & also Schnibbleland! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has hapnd! Xept A Lutsenko not wantin' a |
EV Dijk: | TJ Visma set pace on front of pelican but 8.5' minutes down now :o |
Bethany (13): | C Rodriguez! |
TP Kennaugh: | e's arrived as a Gee-See contend0r! |
EV Dijk: | For sure! |
TP Kennaugh: | A Lutsenko! Drop J Alaphilippe! |
EV Dijk: | Don't think he wants to drop J Alaphilippe yet! |
A Lutsenko: | No. No, I do not! C'mon, J Alaphilippe! Pull ur finger out! |
Bethany (13): | Look, see! W Barguil! Get in! |
TP Kennaugh: | Markin' N Pooless! |
Radio TIP Tech: | We got a good chance today! Keep on ur toesies! |
Bethany (13): | They haz four (4) rid0rz in teh chaes froup, inc. M Woods eh! Staeg pwner from teh chaes froup? |
EV Dijk: | Will take big effort to close that gap, for sure! |
TP Kennaugh: | Still mani mntns 2 come! |
A Lutsenko: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
[Shortly…] | |
G Ciccone: | I Deserve It! |
N Powless: | Piss! Still, spottypoints for me & 0 for J Vingegaard! |
EV Dijk & TP Kennaugh [in stereo]: | Ooooooooh! |
A Lutsenko: | Whoopsie! Bit of a moment there! |
J Alaphilippe: | EZ, tiger! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaack! Did u nom yore greens? |
Omnes: | No. Iz BEER o'clock! |
N Boulting: | Looks like the big boys are having a day off! And A Lutsenko is descanting like a nidiot today! |
A Lutsenko: | Yoicks! |
J Alaphilippe: | Concentrate, man! |
N Boulting: | RIP pore d-e-d J Birkin! Here 4 ur listening plezh is J Birkin & S Gainsbourg singin' about secks! |
[GRAMS: Je T'aime ect] | |
SD Millar: | Banned in many places for naughtiness! |
RD Sanctimonious: | Florida? |
SD Millar: | Dunno! |
RD Sanctimonious: | Lemme hear it again! BAN IT! |
N Boulting: | P Latour! Lost his descanting mojo! |
SD Millar: | Psychological! T Pinot! He practiced! |
N Boulting: | Yipps! Glof! Drats, er, darts! E Bristow! |
TP Fairy: | O hai, B Coquard! |
B Coquard: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Ne-wa, wile we was listening to J Birkin & S Gainsbourg the chas0rz has caught A Lutsenko & J Alaphilippe! Every team has a rid0r in the break except TJ Visma! |
WV Aert: | :facepalm: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap B Coquard has b0rked his handlebars :o |
B Coquard: | Cheap soot Rubbishes! |
N Boulting: | Pelican closed gap to 7' minutes anna bit! Spottyfite! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone haz no team-mates to rob spottypoints off of N Pooless! |
G Ciccone: | All By Myself! |
Omnes: | That wasn't Madonna! Also, u has at least one (1) team-mate in the group. & Super D is a nidiot! |
G Ciccone: | Oh. Arse! |
A Wenger: | ??? |
C Lion: | Bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53050088285_632308c7fa_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oPRz1z) | |
N Boulting: | & iffen u look carefully u can see the name of pore d-e-d G Mader. On it. |
Omnes: | Not on r telly u c'n't! |
SD Millar: | Pelican inside 7' minutes! M Haller off the front of the big front lot! 20" seconds! |
N Boulting: | D Friebe sez M Haller is an Arsenal fanz0r! |
Omnes: | |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | M Haller has 40" seconds, the pelican is still almost 7' minutes back & I h8 lakes! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma & T Ineo$ on front of pelican. Good race for T Ineo$ all things considered! |
N Boulting: | Col de la Croix Fry! M Haller? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | MOAR shitverts before teh fun starts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap R Costa assault attack! Catching M Haller! |
SD Millar: | TL Trek not panicking. Yet. You never know what R Costa will do! |
R Costa: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | M Haller caught! R Costa 1 day specialist who pwns stage races! |
Omnes: | |
N Boulting: | Pelican shedding MOAR feathers! E Bernal! M Trentin! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap WV Aert on 1! R Costa out front on his tod! N Pooless dropped by lead group! 40" seconds back! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma push pelican! C Laporte doned his bit! |
N Boulting: | Running low on minions thobut. NV Hooydonck bashed up in chute! |
SD Millar: | D Gaudu in trub in the pelican! |
Omnes: | Look, see! Bethany's Da… R Urán is in the front Mobb! |
Bethany (13): | Y U NOT SA SO ERLIER >:( |
B Dickinson: | Major cowbells! Yay! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone, the lone TL Trek rid0r in the front group, has lost all his team mates! |
G Ciccone: | That's a load of Baluka! |
M Skjelmose: | Yes. Yes, it is! [Catches R Costa] |
JP Lopez: | O hai, C Rodriguez! Wanna |
C Rodriguez: | Ta! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! Ur on Borrowed Time, J Vingegaard! |
R Urán: | Soz, N Pooless! Too old for this Stuffs! |
Bethany (13): | Bah! |
N Boulting: | Only a short descant before the Col des Aravis, wot 1. is only a 3rd kitteh & c: sounds like after-shave! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma still on tip of pelican's mitey beek! DV Baarle! |
N Boulting: | Not to forget the Gee-See rid0rz will likely rob spottypoints at the end, like they doned to s Geschke & hiz hipsta beard last year! |
SD Millar: | But will encourage the break to keep ridin' hard! |
N Boulting: | M Soler assault attack! |
SD Millar: | Haz TUAE Emirates let 'im off the lead to pwn the stage? |
N Boulting: | Reckon so! |
G Ciccone: | Fckles! This Used To Be My Playground! |
WV Aert: | Nope! I don't like it & I'm not 'avin' it! |
M Soler: | Well, come on then! Have a go iffen u think ur hard enuff! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert not so fiery this year! |
Omnes: | P'raps is because that Netflix thing made 'im look like a bit of a dick? |
WV Aert: | Right! Wnkrs! |
M Soler: | \o/ Spottypwn |
SD Millar: | WV Aert, K Neilands & W Poels make chase! 10" seconds! |
N Boulting: | Chute! C Hamilton & Bethany's Da… R Urán! Bethany's Da… R Urán haz straw sticking out his pocketses! |
R Urán: | Ooh &, moreover, arrr! |
SD Millar: | Soft landing inna field, Bethany (13), in case u were thinkin' of smashin' Stuffs up… |
Bethany's Mum: | 'e c'n stay inna fukn field 2! |
Bethany (13): | Iz u wot blong inna field, u fukn C-O-W! Oops, did I sa that out loud? |
N Boulting: | WV Aert & K Neilands assault attack descant! |
SD Millar: | M Soler & W Poels not dropped thobut! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap, chute! Horble chute for K Neilands! Hit wall hard! |
SD Millar: | Lucky not to go over it! Strange! Not a v. tricky corner! & they were workin' together! |
N Boulting: | Though WV Aert sees a road & assault attack it! C'n WV Aert pwn the stage today? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. WV Aert pwned the iconic Von-2 but that was a downhill finish. W Poels & M Soler proper clim0rz! |
N Boulting: | Gap coming, er, up! Time for even yet MOAR Joy of Shit! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | The three (3) lead0rz have a 1 minute on the poursuivants & 7' on the pelican! Last spottyclimbs still to come! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma might assault attack TUAE Emirates. Or TUAE Emirates might assault attack TJ Visma! |
N Boulting: | Mite they call a truce today? |
SD Millar: | No. Because T Pogačar will always try to get a gap. That's what he does. |
N Boulting: | Iffen G Ciccone finishes high up on the stage he c'n pwn the spottyjumper good an' proper! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard & T Pogačar won't get ne spottypoints today! |
G Ciccone: | Not what u call an Easy Ride, thobut! |
Omnes: | Oh, very crisp! |
N Boulting: | Let's haz some MOAR shitverts before the short, steep & horble 2nd kitteh Côte des Amerands! |
Omnes: | Fckles! |
[…] | |
Omnes: | Wile we woz bein' sold crap we discovered that the Viking Shitvert Woman is one Louisa Gummer. & she's from Surrey, not the outer reaches of the solar system! |
N Boulting: | Nevvah mind all that! M Soler has been dropped by the Wouts onna little descant! |
SD Millar: | That's him fuXX0rd! |
N Boulting: | H Houle & G Martin make chase, until G Martin gatecrash someone's garden party! |
G Martin: | Soz! Left tyre tracks in ur CAEK! |
N Boulting: | M Soler back on! Too late! W Poels has fcked off! |
SD Millar: | This is teh steepest part ov teh climb, & then it gets steeper! |
Omnes: | ??? |
N Boulting: | E Buchmann! |
E Buchmann: | Ssssssh! |
SD Millar: | Looks like 'e fell off of his bike! M Soler! Pass WV Aert! Need to kill WV Aert utterly to DETH before he spring out like a tiger! RAAAAAWWWR! |
J Alaphilippe: | Oi… |
N Boulting: | W Barguil assault attack from froup the second! |
Bethany (13): | [Improper dancing] |
N Boulting: | Oh. W Barguil has bin caught! M Landa done it! |
Bethany (13): | Piss! |
N Boulting: | S Yates had 2 work to get back in pelican's fethery bod! Tittin' about! |
SD Millar: | Again! |
W Poels: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! WV Aert has caught M Soler! |
N Boulting: | 30" seconds behind W Poels! |
SD Millar: | Much MOAR WV Aert's kinda climb thobut! WV Aert gapped M Soler on the short descant! Menewile, TUAE Emirates @ front of shinybois! |
N Boulting: | D Gaudu has somehow got back in the shinyfroup! |
M Madiot: | [Stops chewing carpet] ALLEZ ALLEZ! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock in trub! WV Aert slowly gainin'! M Soler definitively fuXX0rd. |
Omnes: | Iffen the clock's right W Poels is gettin' away! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert ent likely to catch up now! Look, see! K Neilands is still on his bike! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme says K Neilands chute was when tryna get a |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez! Escaped teh pelican's slightly less'n mitey beek! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock, S Yates, J Hindley dropped! But not D Gaudu! |
R Majka: | OK, Boss, u kno the score! |
SD Millar: | & then there were 7, er, six. D Gaudu has been dropped! |
N Boulting: | Five, er, 4. Three! A Yates, J Vingegaard & T Pogačar! Might A Yates get on the podium? |
SD Millar: | Look, see! M Burgaudeaudeaudeau has passed M Soler! |
ML Maire: | T Pogačar will wait until the instant W Poels pwn the stage, then assault attack! Maybe. |
N Boulting: | No bonerfications for the shinyboiz. Iffen T Pogačar wants the shinyjumper he's gonna haveta do it the hard way! |
SD Millar: | A Yates is goin' away! |
A Yates: | yeh |
W Poels: | Oi! Remember me? \o/ Wnkrs! |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez is back with J Vingegaard & T Pogačar! WTF is goin' on? A Yates has caught M Soler! |
A Yates: | yeh |
WV Aert: | P2. Ooof! |
M Burgaudeau: | P3! |
N Boulting: | L Craddock, M Landa, T Pinot! All finished! M Skjelmose, G Martin, S Guglielm… T Pogačar! |
J Vingegaard: | Like I dint see that comin'! |
N Boulting: | They's caught A Yates & M Soler! Foto-finish! No gap! |
C Rodriguez: | Ha! Nice try, A Yates, but P3 in the Gee-See is still mine! & I's teh lead0r of T Ineo$ while ur gonna be fetchin' bottles again on Weds LOL! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! He looks… TIRED! |
G Imlach: | Wowsa! |
Omnes: | Wot's hapnin' @ Wmbldn roffle? |
5's Mummy: | Alcaraz 2-1 up! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Pity pore |
W Poels: | Alway dream of this! G Mader! Soopa happi! Only believe in last 1 km; WV Aert is 0 pancake! |
EV Dijk: | Soopa cool to see! |
G Imlach: | Onoz, it's… |
A Yates: | yeh. harddaer yeherfullgaseryehsoopahappitemesoopaer goodyehnextwekeer. yeh. |
Omnes: | Nope. Not a scooby. |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | W Poels! Give 'im a big hand! |
Omnes: | Wot of the spottyjumper? |
Bethany (13): | G Ciccone from N Pooless on gole diffrence. J Vingegaard 3rd! |
Omnes: | Ta! |
T Pidcock: | Soopa hard day. Yeh! Oops! Do what we c'n for C Rodriguez! All good experience! |
G Imlach: | Rest day 2moz, then the time trial! |
EV Dijk: | Will be soopa interesting! |
Omnes: | O woe! Onoz! Oh crikey, you rotters, don't punish us with a Tour ov France-free day! We beseech thee! |
Bethany (13): | Ph3@r not, o mi droogies, 4 we haz bilt a spesh soopa rest da sho teh liek ov wich hav nevvah bin seed b4! Apart from teh bit ware TV's Super D Millar atempt 2 sumariz teh 2nd weke ov teh raec wifout menshning M Cavendish! M Cavendish, btw, still ent bak in teh raec & mi spyz sa thare's 0 chance ov this lamentabl staet ov afarez changin' chiz! |
G Imlach: | She's right, you kno! |
Bethany (13): | Wate…WOT? [Faints] |
The Makeup Gril: | Gosh! Bethany daahling! Are you OK? May Ai fetch you a glass of water, or a kumquat? |
Bethany (13): | Oops, dunno wot hapnd thare unless woz teh shok ov TV's G Imlach 1. not crakin' a crap joak & iii) TV's G Imlach not dissin' me liek a shit rappa! |
The Makeup Gril: | Oh, sooopa! Ai simply couldn't bear it if anything unpleasant were to happen to you! |
Bethany (13): | EZ, tiga! |
Omnes: | We'd p… |
5's Mummy: | Ai know exactly the kind of crude innuendo you ill-educated guttershipes are about to utter! Well, you can jolly well go and utter it somewhere else! Ai will not tolerate you upsetting poor Bethany any more! |
Omnes: | Phwooooaaar! 'kinell! Ect! |
The Makeup Gril: | Oooh, what ghastly oiks! |
5’s Mummy: | And now you're upsetting poor Pandora too! Go on, get out! |
Omnes: | Sassafrassummassumrickrastardry! [Exeunt omnes, with a pointy-toed shoe up their collective arse] |
Pandora The Makeup Gril: | Gosh, thank you, Mrs Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh! |
5's Mummy: | Syrah! |
G Imlach: | Er, perhaps we oughta get the show on the road… |
5’s Mummy: | Oh, Ai'm so sorry! Pray continue! Ai'm sure it will be as fascinating as ever! |
TP Kennaugh: | Is she bein' sarky? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
5’s Mummy: | Certainly not! It is, they say, the lowest form of wit. |
Bethany (13): | Not 2 low 2 stop Tiny P from walkin' unda it wif a hat on roffle! |
5’s Mummy: | Bethany! Stop bullying the poor little chap! |
Bethany (13): | sozsyraher soztinip yeh |
EV Dijk: | What did she just say? |
G Imlach: | C'n we get on? Super D, you're it & 0 returns! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard…T Pogačar…hot…K Neilands no! P Bilbao…pore d-e-d G Mader…tigers…crocogators…hairy D Oss…J Philipsen…F Jakobsen DDL Cruz…MVD Poel…I Izzywizzy! Gron Colombeer…C Ewan…B Turner…M Kwiatkowski! T Pogačar! Big chute…many peops goned home…TJ Visma…T Pidcock…Joux Plane…motogate…C Rodriguez…J Vingegaard! Spectidiots…TUAE Emirates…A Yates yeh…M Soler…W Poels! Stalemate! |
Bethany (13): | Wot, 0 WV Aert ??? |
SD Millar: | Bugger! C'n I start again? |
G Imlach: | No. Time 4 Scenery & Shitverts! |
[Scenery & Shitverts] | |
G Imlach: | Youth! There's a lot of it about! Super D was gonna do this bit as well, only Bethany (13) threatened all sorts of Horble Revenj (sic) if we didn't have a actual young person present it instead of Super D (46) or Tiny P (34)! |
Bethany (13): | Fckles! That woz a joak. Er… [Makes eyes at camera] O hai! Time was when onli rinkli oldsters woz even entered in teh Tour ov France! Even Super D dint done hiz 1st until 'e woz twenty-three (23)! M Indurain! M Pantani! B Riis! Not ne MOAR tho! J Ullrich (23) started it, tho he was just a |
Pandora: | Gosh! Soooper! |
G Imlach: | And now, Tiny P & his toy race team! |
TP Kennaugh: | Nat. Rode Raec Champs! Let teh rid0rz legses done teh torkin'! It raned! |
N Boulting: | F Wright! |
5's Mummy: | Jolly well done, young man! |
TP Kennaugh: | We doned OK, I s'poses… |
G Imlach: | Spons0rz! Fortunately we got Rend-OS running again thx to teh WWX Lackey, who kno Stuffs… |
WWX Lackey: | Any risk of bein' paid, eh? |
G Imlach: | It's in my other trousis! |
M Rendell: | Spons0rz! 1960s & 70s: Consumer durables! 1980s: Retail! Shopping! 1990s into nü Millennium: finance electronics & telecoms! & now? Well, still the same but also Big Oil & dubious regimes. Orica! Total! Ineo$! Saudi Arabistan! Russistan! Kazakhstan! Bahreinistan! Teh You-Eh-Ee! Bring back teh old days! No MOAR greenwashing! No MOAR sportswashing! Or no MOAR money? |
Bethany (13): | (click to show/hide) Iffen a bunch of murderin' patriarkikl fckrs take over I's switchin' 2 tennis tennee >:( |
T Director: | Cut! FFS, Bethany daaahling, I know you feel quite strongly about, well, that stuff but we can't broadcast that before the watershed! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | & now, noted curlifckr D Friebe! |
D Friebe: | O hai! T Pinot! Very French! Very, 'ow you say, emeurshnl! He has goats… |
M Pingu: | Not bingly-bongly ones, though! |
D Friebe: | …& a career of ups and, moreover, downs. And then: 2019! |
[GRAMS: dramatic chords] | |
M Madiot: | Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Alleeeeeez! |
[GRAMS: MOAR dramatic chords] | |
D Friebe: | A .fr pwner of teh Tour ov France after waiting thirty (30) odd years? No. He goned home. To his goats. |
La France: | Boooo! Saboteurs! Allez! Ooo-ooo-Thi-eeee-Baut-Pi-Not! Ect! |
J White: | Oi! Royalties! |
D Friebe: | Shut! Up! |
S Küng: | T Pinot dunt like it to go smooth! |
T Gallopin: | T Pinot's jus' zis guy, y'know! |
T Pinot: | Next year I'll be @ the roadside shoutin'! Not with my goats, though. |
G Imlach: | And now… FOOD, |
[Archive film from last week: T Pogačar nomming a baguette] | |
TP Kennaugh: | Food! Spudz'n'heringz! Cheez'n'chips'n'gravy… |
H Houle: | U mean aaaaaaah, poutine, non? |
TP Kennaugh [undeterred]: | …food! Is important! Wine, chicken, rice, tapioca, eggses, covfefe, champagne! But that woz M Garin in 1893, b4 even *** woz born! Now we haz SCIENCE! |
Omnes: | SCIENCE & Tiny P go together like ballet & S Seagal LOL! |
5's Mummy: | Oh bother! Ai must have forgotten to lock the back door! Ai'll have to telephone Animal Control! |
TP Kennaugh: | Fck! Off! We aksed… |
G Garabello: | O hai! I iz G Garabello of T AS-TA-NA & is important to plan r strategy! |
N Moschetti: | O hai! I iz N Moschetti of TB Notorious & the rid0rz need many carbo'ydrates! For sure! |
A Viribay: | O hai! I iz A Viribay of T Ineo$ & is very important the food, yes! |
TP Kennaugh: | Get it rong & ur toste! Not litruli, obv. Liek C Froome on teh Alpe d'Hughie that tiem! Gotta penalti 4 takin' a jel off ov R Porte but mite ov saevd hiz BACON in teh long run! I fanci a BACON samwidge now! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! Lunch! 8000 calories onna mntn staeg! Pudden! |
[MOAR scenery, châteaux, consumer durables] | |
G Imlach: | Press0rz! |
J Vingegaard: | O hai! Hardest Tour ov France I's done! Dunno who's gonna win! I will fight! We will c! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Enjoy this fight! We will c! Time-trial! Mntns! Will be interesting! |
C Rodriguez: | O hai! Maybe I will be P3! Dunno! We will c! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! All in for C Rodriguez, wha'ever that means! |
P Bilbao: | O hai! Dunt matter whether rival is J Hindley or A Yates! Focus! Fight all the way 2 Paris Paree! |
G Imlach: | 5 (five) stages left wif proper racin' except teh sprint0rz! Three (3) gonna affect teh Gee-See, viz. the time-trail & teh (2) two mntn ones! |
EV Dijk: | Time-trial not flat. Will suit climbers for sure! |
G Imlach: | Bike changes? |
TP Kennaugh: | Probably not! |
EV Dijk: | I agree with the little guy! |
G Imlach: | Pwner? |
EV Dijk: | Dunno! |
G Imlach: | A Yates? Better @ time-trails'n C Rodriguez. |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
EV Dijk: | Whatever A Yates does ent gonna have an effect on T Pogačar. |
G Imlach: | Queen stage on Weds. No summit finish but bonerfications on last climb! |
Bethany (13): | Ent no-1 gonna be sprintin' 4 teh bonerfications coz thare gonna be nackad! Iz horble staeg! Mucho mntns! |
EV Dijk: | For sure! |
G Imlach: | & Friday in teh Vosges. Not so horble… |
EV Dijk: | Might be decisive but I think that's gonna be Weds. |
TP Kennaugh: | Err, I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | & teh final pwner? |
EV Dijk: | J Vingegaard! |
TP Kennaugh: | T Pogačar! |
Bethany (13): | Whoeva duz betta in teh tiem-trail! |
G Imlach: | MOAR 2moz! Be there or EO Aquitaine will be angry. & u won't enjoy it! |
G Imlach: | O hai & welcome to teh most amazeballs Tour ov France since, er… |
M Rendell: | 1989? |
G Imlach: | …wha'evs, with TV's numbawang master of mirth, chief of cheeriness, lord of levity and, er… |
Bethany (13): | Hitler ov hilarity roffle? |
G Imlach: | Ye…NO! No, not that! I am TV's G Imlach and have never once annexed the Sudetenland! |
Bethany (13): | I's glad 2 here it. I doan liek Nazis. Not even a ickl bit. |
EV Dijk: | Nor do we in the Nether Lands! They stole our bikes! Soopa annoying! |
G Imlach: | In the absence of the C Boardmen I c'n b as rude as I like about tiem-trials & how borin' they is. Promble is, this 1 iz gonna keep us on the edge of our seats right 2 the end, on account of T Pogačar & J Vingegaard bein' last 2 go… |
Bethany (13): | …sepratd bi onli 10" seconds. And it ent a EZ parcours, az u c'n c from teh Mappe! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! A bit uppy 4 4 (4) km then a bit downy 2 teh 1st tiem check hereinafta referd 2 as "TC"… |
Omnes: | Top Cat!/The most effectual!/Top Cat!/Who's intellectual!/Close friends get to call him "T.C.,"/Providing it's with dignity! |
Bethany (13): | WTF r u gammon-faced pig-botherers on about? Az I woz sayin' TC1 iz @ 7.1 km afta which iz priti flat 2 TC2 @ 16.1 km. Afta witch it go up teh Côte de Domancy wot iz 2.5 km & 9.4% & thare4 neerli az evil az EC Boardman… |
EC Boardman [via Nogweegie1 board]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
Bethany (13): | Rite on queueueue LOL! Teh Côte de Wossname iz actually a second kitteh doo-dah so G Ciccone will haz to tri iffen he wunt 2 kepe teh spottyjumper! |
G Ciccone: | I's gonna be Burning Up that mntn, just u watch! |
Bethany (13): | Afta that it kepe goin' up, jus' not as stepe! 22.4 km ov Horble & poss. 2 much 4 WVAert! |
WV Aert: | Pish &, moreover, tosh, young la…er, hang on! Lemme c that Mappe a sec… Oh. Piss. |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz gonna b ded xcitin'! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
Bethany (13): | Y did u sa that in bloo, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Dunno! Glitch in teh Matrix? WWX Lackey prest teh rong buton? Spaec Nazis? |
Omnes: | Certainly ent coz Tiny P iz cool LOL! |
5's Mummy: | Stop being beastly to poor Tiny P! Ai hate bullying and may have to ask mai husband to sort you slags out good an' proper! |
Omnes: | Crikey, she is batey 2da! Awooga! Awooga! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53054932890_a95571b187_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQhp9f) | |
5's Mummy: | Oh, oh, Ai… oh just fuck orf! [Flounces] |
Bethany (13): | U dint orter ov doned that, u lot! Remember wot hapnd 2 that Gabbitas bloke? |
Omnes: | Ulp! |
Bethany (13): | [Smiling sweteli @ teh camera] Ne-wa, teh 1st rid0rz fckd off up teh rode teh thik end ov two (2) hours ago so lets go 2 teh colemantary Sheds & here from r veri own thik ends, Super D & ***! Wich forlorn Weeble iz curentli in teh hot'n'stiki sete, ***die, eh? |
N Boulting: | WTF did that brass husky call m…oh! Iz this thing on? |
WWX Lackey: | Aye. Aye, it is! |
N Boulting: | Fckles! Er, iz R Cavagna! 35'42"! & is trying to rain! M Bjerg done a very slow bike change so we c'n expect one from T Pogačar also! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma ent saying! |
Omnes: | Hat! Fukn Super D! Ur 46, u mental! Take teh fukn bazball hat off b4 teh Style Polis pay u a visit! |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! P Latour, onna downhill! Looks OK ??? |
SD Millar: | P'raps he's only shit @ descants on road stages. |
N Boulting: | Shit for TDSM Firmenich! S Welsford l8 for start, J Degenkolb felled off of his bike & then N Eekhoff felled off of his bike! |
SD Millar: | Tyres! Should of gone for softs, not inters! It ent even raining yet! |
N Boulting: | Bike changes! We sent ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Bjerg! U done bike change. U think will save time? |
M Bjerg: | O hai! Durrrrr, we wouldn't of done it if we thort it would cost time, dolt! |
N Boulting: | Chute! V Lafay! WTF! |
SD Millar: | Tyres! |
V Lafay: | [Waves to crowd] LOL! |
N Boulting: | Listen, hear! EV Dijk! For teh last time, sob! Not ur sort of course, no? |
EV Dijk: | For sure! Hard course! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! MVD Poel! |
EV Dijk: | Takin' it very easy on first corner! Diff. tyres, diff. wheels! Soopa unprepared! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Wright! |
F Wright: | O hai! Felt hung over yesterday! Not from teh demon booze! Honiss! OK today! Fun! |
D Friebe: | Bike changes? |
F Wright: | Naaah! Not 4 me ne-way! |
N Boulting: | F Wright! |
SD Millar: | F Wright! Sat. probably his best chance! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! V Campanile! V. high cadence! |
EV Dijk: | For sure doing a recovery ride! Concentrating on breaks this year! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! S Küng! Time-trail specialist! |
EV Dijk: | Course will not suit S Küng though. No pwn today! |
SD Millar: | Not so many tiem-trial specialists these days! |
N Boulting: | EV Dijk! Ur good @ tiem-trails! 55 pwns! |
EV Dijk: | :smug: |
N Boulting: | P Latour! Overtake Bethany's Da… R Urán! |
Bethany (13): | Meh! Mi Da…R Urán cant tiem-trail 4 tooffe! |
EV Dijk: | WTF is V Campanile doin'? Cranking hyooge gear up teh hill! |
SD Millar: | Doin' the whole thing in 1 (one) gear 4 teh LOLZ0RZ? |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! |
EV Dijk: | For sure he has the right body for time-trials, just the wrong head! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Küng is on one! |
EV Dijk: | Plezh to watch. Iffen you like that sort of thing. |
N Boulting: | Look, see! N Pooless! Use road bike with disc wheel for whole course! |
EV Dijk: | Will be strange for G Ciccone & N Pooless! C'n take it EZ until the spottyclimb! |
G Ciccone: | I'll be going Deeper And Deeper on that section! |
Omnes: | :facepalm: |
EV Dijk: | S Küng! Nose on teh handlebars & hem-hem in conjunktion with the planet Jupiter! Positions changed over the years! |
SD Millar: | N Pooless faster'n ne-1 on spottyclimb! |
EV Dijk: | Bike change for S Küng! For sure I'm not convinced! |
N Boulting: | The WWX Lackey has fiddled with his wossname and says 19" seconds for bike change. |
WWX Lackey: | I c'n haz biscuit? |
SD Millar: | S Küng slower'n R Cavagna e'en before bike change! |
EV Dijk: | Look, see! S Küng's bike has 0 bar-tape! |
Omnes: | Weight Weenie! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe! |
Crowd: | Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Allez! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAWWWWWR! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! S Küng! Pain face! |
EV Dijk: | I like to see this! |
Omnes: | U ever met Bethany's Mum? |
Bethany's Mum: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | S Küng's a big lad! Dunt often get courses wot suit 'im! |
EV Dijk: | For sure… |
N Boulting: | Races are changing! |
Bethany (13): | No surpries! Tiem-trails maek 4 crap TV! |
N Boulting: | S Küng slow! J Alaphilippe also! WV Aert! He hasn't started yet! |
EV Dijk: | Not a good course for WV Aert! He is too big! |
Omnes: | WV Aert pwned the time-trail last year & that one weren't flat! |
J Vingegaard: | Only coz I let 'im! |
N Boulting: | Age! Wrinkly oldsters pwning stages! |
SD Millar: | Age & guile beat yoof, innocence & a bad haircut! Endurance! |
EV Dijk: | For sure us wimminz get better at that as we gets older! AV Vleuten! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Ciccone & his spottysuit! |
G Ciccone: | I Promise To Try! |
Omnes: | Get out! |
N Boulting: | He doned a bike change too ??? |
Radio TL Trek: | U look good in the spottyjumper! |
G Ciccone: | I'm in Vogue! LOL! |
N Boulting: | G Ciccone stomped on N Pooless on the spottyclimb! |
N Powless: | Piss! |
G Ciccone: | I'm In The Spotlight! |
D Friebe: | O hai, V Campanile! Gears? |
V Campanaerts: | They dint work! 54-17! CBA to change bike! LOL! |
N Boulting: | Silly sod! Er, WV Aert! Fastest @ TC1! T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | WV Aert bike change? He's @ the bottom of the spottyclimb so we'll have some shitverts! |
EV Dijk: | DV Baarle already done the spottyclimb but we dint see 'im, so we don't know if he change his b… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap we's still lookin' @ V Madouas, becoz he's French! |
V Madouas: | Bof! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! S Yates! WV Aert! 0 bike change! Goin' like teh clappas! |
R Cavagna: | Eeeep! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao! Not far ahead of S Yates! M Skjelmose into P2! :o S Kuss on the course. |
SD Millar: | S Kuss ent gonna go full gas but will still go full gas! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley! |
R Cavagna: | [Waves, puts on shoes] Bai! |
N Boulting: | S Yates off like stabbed rat! A Yates start! |
A Yates: | yeh |
WV Aert: | OK, lusers! Top that! |
Omnes: | Coff! Coff! ["Fruit!"] |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez! Might be moving to T Moviestar! |
Omnes: | Nooooooo! Put urself at the mercy of that AI? R u mad? |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | OK, time for my serious face! |
SD Millar: | P Bilbao & S Yates still close! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | U liek mi gold hat? |
Omnes: | No. It look just as daft on u as it did when GV Laundromat had 1! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 haz hapnd! T Pogačar slightly faster. We think… |
WWX Lackey: | Dunno who does their timin', but they're a numpty! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard faster'n T Pogačar? |
WWX Lackey: | I'm sayin' nothin'! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar fastest @ TC1, but J Vingegaard look faster! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard killin' it! 16" seconds @ TC1! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard pushin' on descant too! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar still slow :o |
SD Millar: | 31" with 10 km to go :o |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao! Lost MOAR time to S Yates, tho probably not enuff for S Yates to get ahead on Gee-See! No bike cha… |
SD Millar: | Bike change for T Pogačar! Has 'e been holdin' back? |
N Boulting: | D Gaudu finish! Passed G Martin too! |
M Madiot: | Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Yaaaaaaaaaaa! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar taking some time back but not enuff! |
N Boulting: | S Yates! P2 7" behind WV Aert! & J Vingegaard still gainin'! |
SD Millar: | Jus' like I said all along! |
P Bilbao: | Hah! Faster'n u, S Yates! |
S Yates: | Arse! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar same time as WV Aert @ TC3! Looks… FUXX0RD! |
SD Millar: | Nope, T Pogačar was 45" seconds faster! Fukn clocks! |
N Boulting: | We's gonna haveter wait for the finish >:( |
Radio TJ Visma: | Today u pwn teh Tour ov France! |
N Boulting: | J Hindley finish! Not bad. A Yates! P5! |
A Yates: | yeh |
J Vingegaard: | I c'n see u, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | |
J Vingegaard: | I's comin' to get u, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | Ah, bollocks! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar 1’12" faster'n WV Aert, but J Vingegaard 1'38" faster'n T Pogačar! Wowsa! |
WV Aert: | [Doffs hat] |
Bethany (13): | Tole u teh tiem-trail wud decied it! I shud ov doned a bet wif Tiny P roffle! |
G Imlach: | A Yates would appear to have nabbed P3 on Gee-See, thobut, so it ent all doom'n'gloom 4 TUAE Emirates! |
TUAE Emirates: | Er, it is, actually… |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | So in spite of his wanky gold hat, J Vingegaard monsta the stage! J Vingegaard lead Gee-See by 1'48"! A Yates 3rd by 5" seconds! G Martin out of Top 10 (10) in favour of F Gall. |
TP Kennaugh: | I's shoked! & stunnd! |
EV Dijk: | Unexpected! Fab to watch! |
G Imlach: | Bike change? |
EV Dijk: | Bike change or not, T Pogačar was nevvah gonna pwn that 1! |
D Friebe: | O hai, A Hauptman, d/s of TUAE Emirates! Thoughts? |
A Hauptman: | O hai! For sure T Pogačar done a good time-trail! Just that J Vingegaard doned a betta one! Amazeballs! We test; bike change quicker! Not over! For sure still a long way to go & ne-thing c'n happen! |
D Friebe: | O hai, G Niermann of TJ Visma! |
G Niermann: | O hai! I not seen numbers yet but for sure J Vingegaard's bestest tiem-trial evvah! Bit of a surprise all teh same! No bike change. We decide months ago! |
Omnes: | Polish fleg hangin' on that crane! Must be M Kwiatkowski's mates on teh buildin' site! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Let's hear from… |
J Vingegaard: | Couldn't hear radio! Thx to team! Feelin' gr8! Really happy! Surprised miself! But it ent over yet! |
G Imlach: | Tomorrow! Horble day! Col de la Loze! The bitsteepfulness of it is most bodacious! |
EV Dijk: | J Vingegaard been holdin' a bit back! T Pogačar in trub now! |
TP Kennaugh: | I nevva fort T Pogačar wuz gonna pwn teh Tour ov France ne-wa! |
Bethany (13): | Ooooh, u lier! |
1: | Similar to a ouija board, but with horns |
G Imlach: | O hai & iffen you thought the Tour ov France woz loaded way beyond its plimsoll line with LOLZ0RZ, roffles & jollity, er, you're right! However, since J Vingegaard kicked everyone's donkey yesterday, the only giggles & mirth will come from me, TV's G Imlach! |
Bethany (13): | Ja, Herr LOLamdant roffle! |
G Imlach: | Oi! |
Omnes: | Now the fair & virtuous EV Dijk haz goned hoam might we expect yet another speshul guest in the manner of she, M Kitteh & C Evans? |
G Imlach: | For sure there is still a long way to go and anything can happen! |
Bethany (13): | He dunt kno! They ent tole 'im! LOL! |
G Imlach: | They're runnin' late… A Renard of T Cofidis has goned home! |
Bethany (13): | :o 'snot mi mum teh fukn C-O-W, iz it? |
G Imlach: | Although is probably all over for the shinyjumper and definitely for the juniorshinyjumper, and J Philipsen will pwn the snottyjumper as long as he reach Paris Paree, the spottyjumper could still go anywhere. Well almost. G Ciccone iz gonna haveter ride his spottysocks off iffen he want to keep it! |
G Ciccone: | It's all about Survival! |
G Imlach: | Also the Gee-See is d-e-d close. A Yates only 5" seconds ahead of C Rodriguez & iffen T Pogačar needs him for bottle-fetchin' & b0rking TJ Visma… |
Bethany (13): | Liekwies 4 S Kuss in P6, onli 10" seconds ahead of P Bilbao. & P Bilbao haz 40" seconds over S Yates! For sure will b soopa xcitin'! |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh |
G Imlach: | Today is d-e-d hard. You has teh Mappe? |
Bethany (13): | Indede I duz! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! Four (4) spottyclimbs. Some MOAR horble than teh othas. Teh Col de la Loze is teh wurst! [Indicates Mappe again] 28 km @ 6% avg, but some bits r 24% :o & teh finish, altho not a kittehgorizd climb, iz 18%! As u c'n c vvvv |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53055856090_91f1759d57_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQn8zu) | |
Omnes: | Crikey! Did EC Boardman design this stage? |
EC Boardman [via psychic projection]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | O hai! T Pogačar! C'n he fight back? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. 4000m of climbing is a lot. This stage has MOAR'n 5000. We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, BO Connor! Wot c'n we expect! |
BO Connor: | O hai! Will be a mess @ start! People tryna get in break! Fireworx! Fancy a BEER? |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone will want to get in break! & the pelican will probably let 'im! |
G Ciccone: | I'm gonna be Causing A Commotion! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! |
S Yates: | O hai! Gonna be a hard day but I's lookin' forward to it! Lot going on! Yeh! |
C Prudhomme: | [Waves fleg] Scram, cyclist-shaped objects! Roffle! |
N Boulting: | V Madouas & MC Nielsen assault attack! Look, see! Men sitting on a Sheds! |
Omnes: | Was any of them R Gullit? |
N Boulting: | ??? Break caught. MOAR tittin' about tryna get in break! |
D Friebe: | O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | O hai! Feel pretty good! We will see! |
D Friebe: | Sometimes I h8 this job! |
N Boulting: | It's about to get worse… |
A Yates: | erbitofashocker yehdonetehbestwecudahregrouperyeh yknoerhardda2daerppahsoopahardweerwillerc yeh |
D Friebe: | I don't mind if their Ing. is a bit poor because they's unfortunate enuff to be a FOREIGN but A Yates is a fukn Manc! [Hurls mic to floor, jumps up and down on it] |
N Boulting: | While u woz tryna grok A Yates 6 (five) rid0rz haz fcked off & teh pelican has splat. Briefly! TUAE Emirates caught nappin'! |
SD Millar: | Break has 19" seconds! Is N Powless, G Ciccone, M Pedersen, L Mezgec & J Gregaard! |
N Boulting: | Shitverts before the Col de Saisies, wot look the same iffen u write it umop-ap!sdn… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap many assault attacks off of the pelican's mitey beek, & M Pedersen gettin' X wif N Pooless! |
M Pedersen: | Do some work, u layabout! |
N Powless: | Make me! |
N Boulting: | Major assault attack by TSQ Step in general & T Declercq in particular! Achieved not a lot. |
SD Millar: | Spottyrace! Bethany's Da… R Urán closin' stuff down! |
B Dickinson: | For sure! But listen to all those cowbells! w00t! |
SD Millar: | Sprint0rz gettin' dropped already! Look, see! D Groaningwagon! S Welsford! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! J Vingegaard time-trail? |
T Pidcock: | |
D Friebe: | Today? |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Would be nice to assault attack. We will see! |
N Boulting: | Breakfroupfing augmented by escapees from teh pelican! M Skjelmose! R Majka! Wait…WHAT :o Mon Blong! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Still 5.6 km 2 clime. 18 rid0rz in breakfroupfing! P Latour chase. & T Pogačar felled off of his bike! Where u bin, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Sumwun hid mi… |
SD Millar: | G Martin assault attack pelican! |
N Boulting: | Noes, is F Wright! |
G Mühlberger: | Iz ME, u slow children! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | |
Bethany (13): | We's gettin' fed up wif u skivin' off, Tiny P! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! Blud on his knee! TJ Visma! T Ben00t apply Frying Pan of Spang! |
SD Millar: | Pelican in bits! J Vingegaard & T Pogačar catch lead0rz! |
TP Kennaugh: | N Pooless dropped! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! That's one (1) to Cherish! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap G Ciccone, J Alaphilippe & K Neilands off the front! 20" seconds ahead of shinyboiz & 45" seconds away from teh pelican's sumwat less than mitey beek. |
TP Kennaugh: | G Ciccone! Haz a touch ov teh R Virenque about 'im! |
G Ciccone: | Without the ["Fruit" – Ed.] obv. None of that Hanky Panky for this boi! |
TP Kennaugh: | They orta re-fink teh spottycomp! Not fare on 4 eg G Ciccone or S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard! |
N Boulting: | Pelican unsplitted! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma wait for rest of TJ Visma! Usual Suspects assault attack before WV Aert catch up! MC Nielsen & V Madouas assault attack! |
Omnes: | MOAR repeats! |
J Alaphilippe: | \o/ Snottypwn &, moreover, RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWR! |
N Boulting: | 0 idea wot TJ Visma is doin'! |
SD Millar: | Nor me! |
[Onto the Cormet de Roselend] | |
B Dickinson: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap there's cowbells galore! Yay! |
M Rendell: | Shut! Up! Lead group is now seven (7) strong with 55" seconds over the shinyfroup. |
Bethany (13): | & thare's some pore fkr onli jus' goin' thru teh snottysprint! |
TP Kennaugh: | 'ere! 2 (two) rid0rz each from TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates assault attack! Y they do that? |
M Rendell: | R Majka, T Ben00t, W Kelderman &, er, someone else! T Pinot tryna get up to lead0rz! |
Bethany (13): | & hes sukseded! |
5: | Yay! |
M Rendell: | Bethany's Da…R Urán tryin' it too! |
Bethany (13): | Yay! |
M Rendell: | M Soler also! |
TP Kennaugh: | Tiem-trails! Pwned bi Gee-See mntn gotes theez daze, not tiem-trailers! |
WV Aert: | Ahem! |
Omnes: | Shut it, Sonic! U was MOAR'n 2' minutes behind! |
WV Aert: | Fck! Off! |
M Pingu: | They're not bingly-bongly goats. Your goats, Tiny P, & T Pinot's also — a pox on them until they get… |
B Dickinson: | COWBELLS!!1! |
M Pingu: | GOATbells, svp! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! The Roselend dam! Is… BIG! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap T Ben00t & W Kelderman has got into lead froup. Dunno iffen R Majka did too ??? |
TP Kennaugh: | Iffen T Pogačar assault attacks J Vingegaard has alliez up teh rode! |
M Rendell: | Edumafication time! PDV Hinsbergen & his pet rocks! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! No hat today! Water! Glaciers! Lakes full of slimy fishies with pointy teeth… |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! Ur puttin' me off my lunch! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | …SNO! SNO line rising! Climate change! Glaciers melt! Water makes rivers! Rhine! Rhône! Po! |
Omnes: | Bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53057598960_e9c7df4ce2_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQw4EY) | |
PDV Hinsbergen: | Shut! Up! Provide water! & powwah! Glaciers retreat! Booo! Like rid0rz who dint nom enough before the last climb! They don't pwn teh race! |
M Rendell: | TJ Visma still lead shinyfroup! Iz WV Aert havin' a bad day? |
WV Aert: | Hang on, I checks! [FX: riffling pages] Nope! Nothing in my dictionary for "bad day"! |
M Rendell: | M Soler's havin' one! |
M Soler: | ¡Piss! |
M Rendell: | Lead froup haz MOAR'n 30 (30) rid0rz. In it. Inc. S Yates. P Bilbao? |
TP Kennaugh: | Dunno! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! P Bauhaus is gonin' home! |
P Bauhaus: | Bai! |
Omnes: | Sings: Daddy wouldn't buy me a Bauhaus! |
5: | Mai Daddy did! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap… look, see! A fone box! |
TP Kennaugh: | O RLY? |
ML Maire: | YA RLY! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53057403164_bda1246391_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQv4tb) | |
TP Kennaugh: | Long wa 2 walk iffen ur fone run out ov voles haha! |
M Rendell: | Wonder what's really in there? |
Omnes: | Tart cards! |
M Rendell: | Teh WWX Lackey says a defibrillator! Could be useful l8r today roffle! Great helichopter pics! |
Pingu: | Tchah! Send it to look for vautours! |
M Rendell: | Race, like Gaul, in tres partes divisa est! Forty-odd rid0rz in breakfroupfing & shinyfroup. Rest off the back dans l'autobus. Tho K Neilands & S Küng falling out of back of lead froup! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! N Pooless is History! |
Bethany (13): | Gap now 1.5' minits! Iz mi Da…R Urán still in wif teh lead0rz? |
M Rendell: | Err… |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | …yes. Yes, he is! As is T Pinot! |
5 & Bethany (13) [in stereo]: | Yay! w00t! Dancin'! |
M Rendell: | M Soler ent, thobut! |
Bethany (13): | Poo 2 sili ol' M Soler! |
K Neilands: | Onoz! Nommed by teh pelican like a slimy fishie! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! Garçon! Another Armagnac! |
TP Kennaugh: | M Soler has cort bak up! S Küng also! |
M Rendell: | 30 (thirty) km descant before the Côte de Longefoy. Pelican slower'n breakfroupfing! Spottypoint! Hard sums! |
WWX Lackey: | If G Ciccone pwns the nex' climb & J Vingegaard doan cop any spottypoints G Ciccone will have a 31 spottypoint lead. |
M Rendell: | Thx, WWX Lackey! Double spottypoints on the horse kitteh Col de la Loze thobut, so G Ciccone need to stay in touch all the way! |
Bethany (13): | TJ Visma still maek paec on front ov shinyboiz! Onoz! *** is back! |
N Boulting: | O hai! Wot did I miss? |
Bethany (13): | M Soler fitin' wif M Soler! |
N Boulting: | Ent you had ur lunch yet, Bethany (13)? |
Bethany (13): | I brung a pique-nique! Doan wanna miss ne ov this! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 1. the gap is now MOAR'n 2.5' minutes & c: Tiny P has goned back to his baskit for a nap! |
SD Millar: | Am I on? Fckles! [FX: cork forced back into bottle] T Pogačar! |
N Boulting: | Côte de Longefoy! Only 6.6 km long but steeper'n Roselend. |
SD Millar: | Horble stage! Climbiest in ten (10) years! Tho the Giro ov Italy still likes 'em! |
N Boulting: | Le Roi C Prudhomme I like to shake Stuffs up! Look, see! M Mohoric & K Neilands dropped by shinyfroup ??? |
SD Millar: | Not so surprisin'. K Neilands has been v. active & doned that big chute. |
N Boulting: | Troo, dat! Look, see! C Laporte haz doned his bit & is being shat out of teh pelican's fethery arse! |
SD Millar: | 0 diff. between TUAE Emirates & TJ Visma except J Vingegaard! I, TV's Super D Millar, decree that it won't kick off until the second half of the Loze! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! D Devenyns (94)! He's retirin' at the end of this year! |
D Devenyns: | I h8 this! & I's stoppin' soon! Yay! |
N Boulting: | Wurrrrld Champs in a couple of weeks! F Wright! |
SD Millar: | F Wright yes but also MVD Poel, WV Aert & R Evenepoel! R Evenepoel ent done teh Tour ov France so will be less tired! |
N Boulting: | Also, F Wright has just been dropped… |
F Wright: | Bah! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates still has all their rid0rz in the pelican and/or the breakfroupfing, except C Laporte! |
SD Millar: | NV Hooydonck! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss! Both hit the deck hard the other day |
[Back up the pointy end] | |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! I Don't Search, I Find! Also, I hope T Pogačar's got his climbin' trousis on today, coz J Vingegaard c'n still turn me Inside Out. |
ML Maire: | I wish I'd never started the Madonna thing >:( |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Küng dropped by lead froup, also H Houle & S Guglielmi. Gap 3' minutes. T Ineo$ on the front of the pelican :o |
SD Millar: | :o indeed. |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez must be feelin' good. Look, see! M Soler bein' dropped on teh descant! Again! |
SD Millar: | M Soler savin' too much nrg! |
N Boulting: | M Trentin to front of pelican! |
WV Aert: | Oh! No! U! Don't! |
N Boulting: | Chute! E Bernal! Biffed his nut but no dokta. |
E Bernal: | Owwwwww! Fck! |
N Boulting: | 'e dunt look happy! |
E Bernal: | That's coz I ent >:( |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma has given the break enuff fun & now they's on it proper-like! |
N Boulting: | Teh stage finish today will be ICONIC! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has happened, except that E Bernal is miles behind the shinybois, M Soler is still fighting with M Soler & S Küng has undropped himself! G Ciccone! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone quiet in 1st week! |
G Ciccone: | Let N Pooless tire hisself out. Now I'm Levitating! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao! S Yates! |
SD Millar: | While M Soler tit about R Majka lay low & say nothing! |
R Majka: | |
Omnes: | Double bridgey goodness! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53057695343_60708993ae_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQwyjK) | |
C Lion: | w00t! |
N Boulting: | TB Hansgrohe? WTF they do? J Hindley way down on C Rodriguez & A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao ahead of J Hindley in teh virtual Gee-See! S Yates in break also. So that's y TB Hansgrohe do wot they's doin'… |
[On the Col de la Loze] | |
N Boulting: | Wha-hey! Gap 2' and a half! M Soler? Dropped? Tittin' about? G Ciccone dropped! |
G Ciccone: | Nobody's Perfect… |
SD Millar: | P Bilbao! S Yates! & their teams, obv. |
Bethany (13): | J Alaphilippe dropped by lead0rz 2. |
N Boulting: | We'll use up r shitvert quota b4 shit really gets, er, real… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap various rid0rz haz bin dropped & teh gap is still reducing, but slowly. Look, see! M Soler caught by the shinyboiz! |
M Soler: | ¡Arse! |
Bethany (13): | Blimey! G Ciccone hav past strate thru teh pelican's fish-scoffin' bod wifout touchin' teh sieds! |
SD Millar: | M Soler slot into shinyfro… oh! Look, see! WV Aert has exploded! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! MC Nielsen & Bethany's Da…R Urán just spectidiots as the shinyboiz pass by! |
R Urán & MC Nielsen [in stereo]: | U gotta LOL thobut! |
N Boulting: | Last shitvert break! Promiss! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap O Fraile & J Castroviejo ride thare sox off for C Rodriguez! We sent… |
SD Millar: | Wowsa…soopa fast descant…3 km…400 m…aaaagh…puff…pant…18%…gasp…[Dies] |
N Boulting: | U enjoy that, Super D? |
SD Millar: | No. Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | J Haig & BO Connor still make pace @ front! |
SD Millar: | Flat bit soon, then a ickle downhill bit. Then gets proper horble! |
N Boulting: | Méribel! T Pogačar said that woz where he might assault attack! Though he might of bin lying… |
SD Millar: | Or not. Look, see! S Kuss! Lurking! |
S Kuss: | [Lurks] |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma's tictacs confuse everyone! |
Radio TAG2R Citröen: | Crrrch…bzzzzt…grrrrp only in .fr. |
N Boulting: | J Castroviejo runnin' out of voles! |
J Castroviejo: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
SD Millar: | Gap still comin' down! Not much over 2' minutes! |
N Boulting: | Will TJ Visma assault attack TUAE Emirates? Or will TUAE Emirates assault attack TJ Visma? |
J Haig: | Wha'evs happens they c'n do it without me! [Dies] |
P Bilbao: | Ta, J Haig! I buys u a BEER tonite! |
SD Millar: | M Sol… |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle exploded & he ent been on the front yet! |
SD Millar: | F Großschartner also! |
N Boulting: | R Majka, W Kelderman & T Ben00t still in lead froup thobut! TG FDJ not doned any work in lead froup! |
SD Millar: | M Soler! Now he's on J Castroviejo's tail! |
BO Connor: | [Dies] |
Fanboi: | Wanna bit of pizza? |
BO Connor: | BEER! Give BEER! |
J Castroviejo: | [Dies] |
T Pogačar: | [Dies] |
N Boulting: | Wait…WHAT ??? |
T Pogačar: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | C Harper make pace @ front for S Yates! |
SD Millar: | A Yates c'n go for it! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao dropped by lead0rz! |
SD Millar: | R Majka c'n go fo… F Gall assault attack lead froup! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao, D Gaudu & W Kelderman deffo dropped! Only C Harper, S Yates & R Majka left to chase! |
T Ben00t: | O hai! Where you lot been? |
Bethany (13): | Look, see! W Kelderman droppin' back 2! T Pogačar MOAR'n a minit down! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Ben00t! Oh. J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | Who's teh Daddy? Me, that's who! |
SD Millar: | F Gall has 4 km of climb & 20" seconds lead! |
Omnes: | Get in, F Gall! |
N Boulting: | C Harper exploded! Just S Yates & R Majka now! Back down teh road A Yates on his tod! |
A Yates: | yeh |
SD Millar: | Gap from J Vingegaard to F Gall comin' down but not v. fast! |
W Kelderman: | O hai, Boss! Need a hand? |
J Vingegaard: | Yeah, OK. Jus' for a bit! |
Radio TUAE Emirates: | A Yates! Fite 4 podium! |
T Pogačar: | I's d-e-d! Go A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
R Majka: | I, also, is d-e-d! Bai, S Yates! |
Omnes: | C'mon, F Gall! U c'n do this! |
N Boulting: | WTF! Fukn moto stalled! Block W Kelderman & J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | FFS! |
F Gall: | I didn't orter roffle, but I's gonna! [Roffles] |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard still 2' minutes back! Too late? |
J Vingegaard: | Bai, W Kelderman! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard c'n still done this on the climb to the finish! |
N Boulting: | F Gall still keep gap around 20" seconds! |
F Gall: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
Omnes: | Yay! |
G Ciccone: | Ta, F Gall! I have One More Chance! |
N Boulting: | S Yates over the summit! 23" seconds! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard still pushin'! 1'26"! |
N Boulting: | Whither R Majk… oh! There! Back with A Yates! |
F Gall: | Descant! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! |
S Yates: | Descant! yeh |
N Boulting: | A Yates & R Majka over the top. Whither C Rodriguez? |
F Gall: | Over that ickle lump! Yay! Go me! |
N Boulting: | 1 km 22"! |
Omnes: | Get in, F Gall! |
SD Millar: | Last 400 m look flat but are horble climb! |
F Gall: | \o/ Fck me, that was aardvark! |
S Yates: | Arse! Whither P Bilbao? |
P Bilbao: | ¡P3! ¿Bonerfications? |
N Boulting: | Not enough to make a difference, I rekn! |
P Bilbao: | ¡Piss! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar so far back we c'n haz shitverts before 'e finish! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Soler & T Pogačar! Seven & 1/2 minits down on F Gall! A Yates unable to find words! |
Bethany (13): | Tho when A Yates duz find 'em u c'n't unnerstan' 'em! |
A Yates: | yeh |
[…] | |
F Gall: | Incredible! Doan kno what to say! Incredible year! Incredible! Thx to team! Stressy race! Scairt S Yates wud catch me! Incredible! |
Omnes: | & not a single "soopa" throughout! Incredible! |
G Imlach: | Gee-see! A Yates secure in P3! S Yates 5th! P Bilbao 6, J Hindley 7, F Gall up to P8! S Kuss 9th & D Gaudu 10th. |
Bethany (13): | Wait… ware's teh spesh guest? Thass Super D u got thare! |
G Imlach: | Errr… |
TP Kennaugh: | F Gall! Boy doned good! |
SD Millar: | BO Connor also! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar! |
SD Millar: | Sad to hear on radio! |
TP Kennaugh: | 'e's a good boy! Think of A Yates! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! |
S Yates: | O hai! Never know how fast J Vingegaard comin'! C Harper doned great job! Altitude! Pretty happy! Chapeau to F Gall! Don't give a fck about Gee-See! yeh |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! Plan work to perfection, like I said along! |
Bethany (13): | Min' u, if T Pogačar wasn't such a nutta it wud ov bin d-e-d borin'! Ta, T Pogačar, u loon! |
T Pogačar : | Awwwwwww! |
G Imlach: | O hai & what better antidote to teh phun, phrivolity & phabnness of the last two (2) days on teh Tour ov France than MOAR of teh same with me, TV's ultimate LOL-fountain G Imlach! |
Bethany (13): | U lied! U lied, G Imlach! U sed thare wud b a nü spesh guest & thare werent! U horble lier! |
G Imlach: | Ooooh, tetchy! & it ent like u been 100% truthiness since u first popped up on my show! |
Bethany (13): | Thass diffrunt! That woz about survival! |
G Imlach: | U told *** you'd joined teh French FOREIGN Legion! |
Bethany (13): | Yeah, OK, I mite ov doned that, but teh sili fckr bleevd it roffle! |
G Imlach: | Actually, that was quite funneh, though not in my league obv. Also, is it u wot keeps hiding chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh's Stuffs? |
Bethany (13): | [Wide-eyed & innosent] As if :o |
G Imlach: | Better not be, or teh Producers will fire your, er, you! |
Bethany's Mum: | U bin ogglin' my dorta's bum 2, u perve? |
G Imlach: | She's facin' me! U got the Mappe, Bethany (13)? |
Bethany (13): | Indede I haz! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! 2da teh parcours goes from here [indicates Mappe again] to thare [indicates Mappe a 3rd time]! Bourg-en-Bresse wot, as any fule kno, iz wurrrld-famous 4 its chickinz1! |
G Imlach: | O RLY? |
Bethany (13): | YA RLY! Quote The poulet de Bresse or volaille de Bresse is a French chicken product which has appellation d'origine contrôlée status, and which was registered as a Protected Designation of Origin under EU and UK law as Volaille de Bresse / Poulet de Bresse / Poularde de Bresse / Chapon de Bresse. It may be produced only from white chickens of the Bresse Gauloise breed raised within a legally-defined area of the historic region and former province of Bresse, in eastern France! So nyurr! |
Omnes: | The fukn pies are fukn old/teh fukn chips are fukn cold/teh fukn beer is fukn flat/teh fukn flats have fukn rats/teh fukn clocks are fukn wrong/teh fukn days are fukn long/It fukn gets you fukn down/Evidently Chickentown! |
Bethany (13): | WTF r u lot wibblin' about ??? |
Omnes: | Is Culture! U don't get John Cooper Clarke on DingoVision! |
EO Aquitaine: | Ooooh, I like 'im! Beasley Street is fukn ace! |
G Imlach: | Kung Fu International always make me roffle! |
Bethany (13): | Shut! Up! Onli a cuple ov kitteh 4 climes 2da so G Ciccone's spottyjumper iz saef, az he haz a six (6) point lede over F Gall! |
G Ciccone: | Yay! I can have a Holiday! |
B Dickinson: | Did u know: Madonna was credited with playing cowbell2 on her 1983 eponymous debut album! |
Bethany (13): | Soz, ML Maire! I orter ov kep' mi gob shut! Staeg iz moastli harmless & probli low in cowbellz so orter go 2 a sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE finish & thare4 b pwned bi J Philipsen but this iz teh Tour ov France & ne-thing c'n ha…chiz curses wot am i sain'? |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar sez he will keep tryin'! |
Bethany (13): | 4 sure, but 'e ent gonna pwn teh raec unless 1. J Vingegaard maek a uncontrolled flite in2 terrane or c) France iz invaded bi Spaec Nazis. Bofe of them outcomes iz priti unliekli, xept 2 Tiny P Kennaugh, obv. |
G Imlach: | Where's he got to today? |
Bethany (13): | Dunno! Dint c 'im @ brekfuss. Probli went lookin' 4 a copy ov teh D**li M**l & got lost! |
G Imlach: | Well, we c'n't wait for 'im! To teh colemantary Sheds for this arvo's snoozefest! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | O hai! WV Aert has goned home! A Perez has also goned home! T Pogačar dint sho up at the tip of teh pelican's mitey beek so we thought for a bit that he might of goned home too, but 'e was jus' hidin' in the pelican's fethery tum. We has a break, wot is V Campanile, J Abrahamsen & K Asgreen. They has a (1) minute on the pelican. Now you know as much as we does! |
SD Millar: | We thought TA Deceuninck would send MVD Poel up the road. But they dint. Also, wind! |
Bethany (13): | Noes! |
N Boulting: | Côte de Chambéry-le-Haut! Kitteh 4. S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard in trub alredi! |
SD Millar: | S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard only just made it in time yesterday! |
Omnes: | Noes! Get in, S Geschke & ur hipsta beard! |
J Abrahamsen: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
G Ciccone: | Take A Bow roffle! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has happened. J Philipsen! Might pwn seven (7) stages this year. Even M Cavendish dint manage that. Wind! |
Bethany (13): | With ur wind off u must fck, ***! We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, J Philipsen! Who help TA Deceuninck today? |
J Philipsen: | O hai! TJ Alula. And. No, just them. For sure feel sorry for T Pogačar. 'e's not a robot! |
N Boulting: | He sounded cheerful. Not. |
SD Millar: | Don't blame 'im. Horble day yesterday. |
N Boulting: | Listen, hear! chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh has deigned to show up! |
TP Kennaugh: | I went 2 teh paper shop & got lost! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Lac de Bourget! Wouldn't mind diving in there to cool off! |
Omnes: | Wait…WHAT ??? |
Bethany (13): | Even tho iz full of slimy fishies wif big pointy teefs & srs apetites? |
N Boulting: | I, er, um, we sent… |
D Friebe: | O hai, B Girmay! Spectidiots? |
B Girmay: | O hai! Was spesh! Like! Really nice. Motivatin'! Paris Paree! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard still off the back! |
SD Millar: | S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard said 'e ent ill, jus' had a bad day yesterday! |
TP Kennaugh: | Saem 4 P Bauhaus, accordin' 2 mi bruv! 'e's from teh Isle ov Man! |
N Boulting: | Savoie! Counts, Dukes, ect! |
EO Aquitaine: | Arrivistes! All they got to show for it is a fukn cabbage! LOL! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect: 0. Look, see! They're inna tunnel! We ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Laporte! U sprint today! |
C Laporte: | O hai! Spr…tr…[inaudible over traffic noise] T Pogačar blowup unexpected. We will see! |
TP Kennaugh: | C Laporte v. relaxed but will not pwn J Philipsen! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard has such a big lead he c'n stop for a coffee on the run-in to the finish thobut! TJ Visma doan need to protect 'im! |
D Friebe: | O hai, M Gianetti team principal of TUAE Emirates! How T Pogačar feel today? |
M Gianetti: | O hai! Very hard for T Pogačar yesterday! But OK today. Team amazing! Concentrate on podium! For sure injury earlier in season not help! Not in right place yesterday! |
D Friebe: | T Pogačar concentrate on Tour ov France? |
M Gianetti: | When T Pogačar pwn races early in season people say: Yay! T Pogačar is teh Aces! Now they say: Noes! T Pogačar should concentrate only on Tour ov France! ??? We likes T Pogačar the way he is! |
D Friebe: | & A Yates? |
M Gianetti: | For sure A Yates is going good! Big satisfaction! Jus' wish I could unnerstan' 'im! |
SD Millar: | And why not! |
Omnes: | Bridge! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53059511889_be86c4b878_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQFSjv) | |
TP Kennaugh: | U put me off! 4got wot I woz gonna sa! Roters… |
Omnes: | Better angle! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53059329926_0cdce0b766_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQEWed) | |
TP Kennaugh: | Shut! Up! T Pogačar still 2nd! That ent bad! |
T Pogačar: | Is! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! I has de-lurked! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wish I new how 2 done that! |
Bethany (13): | I wish u… |
5’s Mummy: | Bethany! |
Bethany (13): | sozsyrah |
Omnes: | Much bridgey æxcellence today! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53058746327_b17f8f7cca_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQBWKa) | |
C Lion: | Keep 'em coming! |
M Rendell: | Racin' sneks! J Abrahamsen said 'e tried to be one but couldn't! Got 20 kg heavier & c'n now get in breaks & pwn stages & be MOAR useful! |
TP Kennaugh: | Young rid0rz often maek this mistaek! Not evri-1 c'n b a racin' snek! Considered harmful! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Break is on the Côte de Boissieu! Some 0-hopers assault attack the pelican. & fail. |
TP Kennaugh: | A Turgis! Or M Burgaudeaudeaudeau! Diff. 2 tell 'em apart! |
A Turgis & M Burgaudeau [in stereo]: | We grew the facial hairs so people would think we was J Alaphilippe! |
Omnes: | Roffle! |
J Abrahamsen: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
M Rendell: | J Philipsen! G Ciccone! F Wright! Q Pacher! Didn't amount to ne-thing. |
TP Kennaugh: | TL Dstny kepe tryna Do Stuffs! |
M Rendell: | J Philipsen not happy with P Eenkhoorn! He gone on the grass to done an assault attack! |
J Philipsen: | Pack it in, u tit! |
P Eenkhoorn: | Fck! Off! U ride ur race & I'll ride mine! |
Omnes: | LET THEM FIGHT! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the break has 30" seconds & S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard have both goned home! |
TP Kennaugh: | EZ days r sumtiems harder! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | V Campanile! From Hoboken! F Sinatra! Also from Hoboken! But Hoboken.be not related to Hoboken.nj! No indeedy! Latter a Native American name! |
Omnes: | |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Hindley! |
J Hindley: | O hai! Soopa hard! Hot! Super cool! Back still hurts from chute! Fancy a BEER? |
Omnes: | J Hindley doned a chute ??? |
M Rendell: | He was in the big chute on Stage 14. |
Omnes: | :thumbsup: |
M Rendell: | While u was listening to J Hindley P Eenkhoorn escaped from the pelican's mitey beek; V Campanile drop out of break to wait for 'im! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap P Eenkhoorn is in the break, wot now has 40" seconds. TL Dstny! |
SD Millar: | Windin' up for the snottysprint! J Philipsen playin' the Big I Am again! |
J Abrahamsen: | \o/ Snottypwn! |
N Boulting: | J Philipsen P5 then B Coquard! |
B Coquard: | Puts me ahead of M Pedersen! Iffen the Space Nazis get J Philipsen the snottyjumper shall be MINE! |
N Boulting: | We sent, no, Super D Millar & his biek to recce the finish! |
SD Millar: | Bit downhill…soopa fast…long corner…up…ooof…puff…gasp! [Dies] |
Bethany (13): | Booo! Rubbish! Bring back EC Boardman! |
EC Boardman [via Linda Blair with her head on backwards]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
N Boulting: | Gap over 1' minute! Team cars brought up to lead0rz! |
SD Millar: | Not yet nailed on sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! Domestiques gettin' tired! |
N Boulting: | D Martinez! Carryin' |
D Martinez: | Good trick, that, seein' as how I dint start stage 15! |
N Boulting: | Ruins! Castle! |
Omnes: | No birbs? |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | Wind! |
N Boulting: | TA Deceuninck! TDSM Firmenich! TJ Alula! |
Omnes: | We bet the Cardinal Richelieu impersonator down there is gonna b angry when he finds out he was only inna helichopter shot! |
SD Millar: | Chasing sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE teams losin' rid0rz! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect gap still 1' minute! Wowsa! |
SD Millar: | J Philipsen shoutin' at P Eenkhoorn might of been counterproductive! Motivate P Eenkhoorn! |
Bethany (13): | Might he get a slapped rist 4 ridin' on teh grass, liek Q Simian did las' yere? |
N Boulting: | GPWM! T Walloper on the front of the pelican! |
T Gallopin: | Le sigh! |
N Boulting: | V Campanile! |
SD Millar: | V Campanile! |
Bethany (13): | 'e's afta teh Soopa-Combativité innit! |
V Campanaerts: | Bah! Rumbled by the leetle gril! |
Bethany (13): | Less of the "little", Mr Cad-Mustash! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Philipsen on the radio! But 0 idea what they said! |
M Gögl: | Nor me! Xlation, plz! |
N Boulting: | 45" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Sprint teams gettin' worried! Chase ent working! |
N Boulting: | Got goin' in earnest when P Eenkhoorn rocked up! |
SD Millar: | Pelican is still losin' time! Or is it? OR IS IT?!? Iffen the break is still in front with 5 (five) km to go… Why other teams not just leave to TA Deceuninck? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! They are! Or are they? OR ARE THEY?!?!? |
SD Millar: | :smug: |
N Boulting: | Small climb comin'! Might we see… |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe! Tittin' about in support of K Asgreen! |
J Alaphilippe: | Roffle! |
Bethany (13): | One (1) chute in teh pelican & Tcheeeeek! Not that I wud wish 4 such a thing, natch! |
SD Millar: | TJ Alula & TB Hansgrohe lead pelican, just like I said they orter! |
N Boulting: | Break nearing top of climb! Gap down under 30" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Chas0rz burnin' their rid0rz! |
N Boulting: | Gap up & down & up … |
Bethany (13): | Liek teh skool bie… |
5's Mummy: | Bethany! |
Bethany (13): | sozsyrah |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe tit about some MOAR! |
SD Millar: | Txtbook Stuffs! Though iffen it weren't J Alaphilippe they'd get a ear-bashin'! |
J Alaphilippe: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | TL Trek only team still trying! M Skjelmose! |
J Alaphilippe: | LOL encore! [Tits about] |
SD Millar: | TJ Alula havin' another go! TIC Wanky movin' up! |
TIC Wanty: | WANTY! Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Gap below 20" seconds, unless the clock's gone bugarup again! |
SD Millar: | Mitey turn by N Politt! 5 km 14" seconds! |
N Boulting: | Looks like Game Over for break chiz! |
Bethany (13): | Bah! |
N Boulting: | 3 km 8" seconds! |
SD Millar: | Chaos comin'! |
N Boulting: | TB Notorious! WTF? P Bauhaus has goned home! |
SD Millar: | TA Deceuninck! |
N Boulting: | V Campanile! Mitey push! K Asgreen! |
K Asgreen: | \o/ Yes! Fukn yaaaa! |
P Eenkhoorn: | Piss! [Thumps bike] |
P Eenkhoorn's Bike: | Oi! Weren't my fault! |
SD Millar: | Top tittin' about by J Alaphilippe! |
T Declercq: | Ur a legend, K Asgreen! Faaarkin' 'ell! |
G Imlach: | Most assuredly rofflesome, I do declare! |
TP Kennaugh: | Mega by V Campanile! 'e's a nutta! |
V Campanaerts: | :smug: |
TP Kennaugh: | P Eenkhoorn assault attack was a bit norti but is teh Tour ov France! |
J Philipsen: | Manager please (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53054932890_a95571b187_t.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQhp9f) |
K Asgreen: | Not ideal break. Too small. But sometimes it works! Team time-trial to finish! All four of us deserve pwnage but really happy! Dedicate to D Devenyns (94)! |
G Imlach: | No impact whatsoever on any of the standings! Enter r competition! |
Bethany (13): | Considrin' we wuz s'posed 2 be bored utterly to DETH this arvo, that wuz priti gud! MOAR 2moz plz! |
1: | All chicken fakts are korekt. |
2: | All cowbell fakts are also korekt. |
G Imlach: | O hai! I do luv it when a break comes together and stays away from an enraged pelican! MOAR roffles even than one of my intros, which are usually at least LPF 30! LPF = LOL Production Factor, in case you were wondering! |
Bethany (13): | Ware's Tiny P? Hes az relible az mi hipi nana when shes bin on teh funneh sigarets! |
Bethany's Hippie Nana: | Hahahahahahahahaha! I've gotta orgone accumulator! |
Bethany (13): | Tho Tiny P duz tork MOAR sense. Well, ushuli! |
G Imlach: | Today we has 2 provide your RDI of mirth & roffles 173 km. Bethany (13) has let me do the Mappe today! |
Bethany (13): | I's all hart, me! |
G Imlach: | Look, see! [Indicates Mappe] Kitteh 4 climb @ this end, kitteh 3 climb @ that, snottysprint smack in the middle. Lumpy until the last thirty (30) km. Might we see another pwnage by the break or will Angry J Philipsen pwn this one? |
Bethany (13): | LOL @ Jasper Disaster! & @ teh Roodhooft bruvs, wot look liek seedi pr0nograf0rz 2 this gril! |
G Imlach: | Careful, Bethany (13), or the legal team will be down on us like EC Boardman checking a sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE finish! |
EC Boardman [via a letter written in legalese]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
Bethany (13): | Iz troo tho! I c'n jus pikcha 'em, sayin'… |
G Imlach: | So let's go to the colemantary Sheds & our very own pair of disreputable chancers, Super D & ***! |
Bethany (13): | Spoilsport! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | What did he… er, yes! The stage! Lively! Nine (9) rid0rz haz a minute over the pelican! M Pedersen J Haig W Barguil… |
Bethany (13): | [Dancing liable to lead to arrest] |
N Boulting: | …M Trentin J Alaphilippe G Zimmermann T Ben00t N Politt & — surprise surprise — V Campanile! |
V Campanaerts: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | Where's he get the nrg? TEFE Post, TIP Tech & TU X lead pelican coz they failed to get ne-1 in the break, the lusers! |
SD Millar: | Also the pelican, unlike for e.g. Gaul, is splat into 2 (two) bits. The second of which (grammer) is 2.5' minutes behind the 1st. All the jumper-bearers is in the front 1 (one). Break is crammed wif stage pwners, & V Campanile! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Philipsen & P Eenkhoorn haz kissed & made up! The back of the pelican is 38 "strong" haha & is mostly poids lourds, rabits, no-hopers & P Latour. We sent noted curlifckr D Friebe & his selfi-stik… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, MVD Poel! Yesterday! Ur view? |
MVD Poel: | O hai! J Philipsen a bit of a tit! Missed opportunity for us! Bah! |
N Boulting: | M Pedersen doned the damage! Even put A Yates in danger! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | A Lutsenko went wif M Pedersen & pwned the 1st spottyclimb. |
SD Millar: | Typical Yates bruvs. They tit about. Always danger of being caught out by sneeki assault attack! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Bethany's Da…R Urán lead the pelican! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Küng! How u feel? Hard race? Mucho climbing… |
S Küng: | O hai! For sure hard because 1. the parcours & c: TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates kickin' each other! Mental mindset! If the head wants the legses must follow ha ha! |
Omnes: | Very E Cantona! |
D Friebe: | Motos help break yesterday? |
S Küng: | For sure. A bit. But props to V Campanile! 'e's a good boy! |
SD Millar: | Meh! Motos make v. little differe… |
Omnes: | Lakes, ***! Four (4) of 'em! Full of fishies! Slimy! Teefs! |
N Boult: | Shut! Up! Cue PDV Hinsbergen until the lakes, fishies & slime are behind us! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! Look, see! Return of my #1 hat! Jura mntns! Give name to Jurassic Park! Dinosaurs! Fossils! Ammonites! Like squids! [Mimes squid] Like this! Lots of 'em, everywhere! Common as Bethany's Mum! |
Bethany's Mum: | Fck! Off! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | Right here! Right on the course! Troo Jurassic Park! [Points] Footprint! Shoe size fifty (50)! Brontosauruses! |
A Elk (Miss): | All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | Shut! Up! They went [points again] THATAWAY!!!1! On the course! |
N Boulting: | Bike change for N Politt! But not because of a brontosaurus on the road, obv. |
N Politt: | No! Not that bike! Or that one either! FFS! |
N Boulting: | Rubbish by neutral service! No suitable bike! Snapped his chain! |
Omnes: | Snek! Snek! |
N Politt: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | If it had been TP Fairy he could of kept goin' but you c'n't do nuffink without a chain! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap N Politt is back in the fethery bod of the pelican & J Vingegaard has been shouting @ |
J Vingegaard: | Git! Orf! Moi! Laaaaand! |
Bethany (13): | Back froup MOAR'n 6' minutes down now! Thare not gonna catch up from thare! |
N Boulting: | Gap to break is coming down! |
SD Millar: | 's workin'! Tho the pelican is all stretched out… |
Bethany (13): | …like a brontosaurus? |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! Where's chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh got to, teh slacker? |
Bethany (13): | Dunno! Ent seed teh ickl oik sinse last nite! |
M Pedersen: | \o/ Snottypwn! Take that, B Coquard, LOL! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Le Roi C Prudhomme I has put his car in front of break! |
SD Millar: | Assault attack after snottysprint! J Philipsen MVD Poel & 1 (one) or two (2) others! |
TJ Visma: | Oh! No! You! Don't! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Philipsen et cie still make chase! 10" seconds only! Pelican 1' minute! Poids lourds 8' minutes! |
Radio TAG2R Citroën: | You screwed up, |
Bethany (13): | We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai, Crazy P Sagan! Last chance to pwn stage? |
CP Sagan: | O hai! Maybe also Paris Paree haha! We will see! F Frison? Crazy™! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Frison, professional Crazy P Sagan impersonator! |
F Frison: | O hai! [Adopts CP Sagan voice] Aaah, is my last Tour ov France will try to do my best happy to be here an' aaah come back as CP Sagan! |
D Friebe: | [Snaps selfie stick in half, stomps off] |
Omnes: | You forgot the Crazy™, F Frison! Try harder! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! Although J Philipsen & co has caught the break V Campanile assault attack again! |
Omnes: | Birb! Birb! Quick, ***! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53061795885_e6da7a775a_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQTzgK) | |
Omnes: | Oh. Iz a light æroplane roffle! |
Bethany (13): | Iffen V Campanile dunt pwn teh Supercombativité this yere thares gona b pagga! |
M Rendell: | S Clarke with V Campanile! Pwned a stage last year! Only 7", mind! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Clarke & V Campanile has 22" seconds, snottyfroup 2' minutes back & rabits nearly 9' minutes! |
Bethany: | Snottyfroup v. strong &… |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! The WWX Lackey found some gaffer tape! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Feelin' OK! Will try to get in break! Give it some beanz! Maybe pwn stage? We will see! |
Bethany (13): | Az long az they ent Dokta Ferrari's Astana Beanz™, T Pidcock! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Wright! Break? |
F Wright: | O hai! So many ppl want to be in break there might not be one (1)! But I rekn there will. We will c! |
Bethany (13): | Tho iffen J Philipsen iz still wif teh lead0rz @ teh end, no-1 else haz a chaenc! |
M Rendell: | The snottyfroup is strong enow that they ent gonna get caught! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap V Campanile & S Clarke has 48" seconds! :o |
SD Millar: | V Campanile has had the odd day off while teh Gee-See fight was on! |
Bethany (13): | TU X! Four (4) rid0rz in brake & that spottyclimb in 10 km! |
N Boulting: | S Clarke! Didn't orter forget him! |
SD Millar: | TU X are burning matches! |
Bethany (13): | Troo, dat! Still, iz a phun staeg! |
N Boulting: | Many potential pwners in the snottyfroup! [Names 53.4% of froup] |
Bethany (13): | M Mohoric FTW! 'e's a sneeki fckr! |
N Boulting: | Ptui! I predict it will be unpredictable! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | 3 (three) km to Côte d'Ivory, S Clarke & V Campanile only has 25" sec… |
S Clarke: | [Cramps up] Aaaargh, bugarup! |
N Boulting: | Two (2) of the TU X rid0rz have exploded & the spottyclimb ent even started yet! |
SD Millar: | K Asgreen assault attack! :o |
N Boulting: | A Charmig donin' a bigly hyoooge turn! |
A Charmig: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
Bethany (13): | V Campanile cort by K Agreen also M Mohoric & BO Connor! Liek I sed! |
V Campanaerts: | Piss! [Explodes] |
Bethany (13): | Niec tri, u nutta! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Sprint0rz struggl… M Pedersen! K Neilands! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel! Is he ridin' for himself or J Philipsen? |
T Pidcock: | What's the descant like roffle? |
SD Millar: | M Pedersen! What's 'e on? |
M Mohoric: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | Sprint0rz strugglin' again! Utter chaos! Snottyfroup has splat! Shitverts while we try to work out WTF is goin' on! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect chute! C Strong on descant. Snottyfroup nearly back together! |
SD Millar: | MVD Poel not ridin'! All in for J Philipsen. |
N Boulting: | Main pelican not interested today. MOAR'n 8' minutes back! |
ML Maire: | Calm down! I c'n't keep up! |
SD Millar: | Just like I said, MVD Poel make chase! |
Bethany (13): | O RLY? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. G Zimmermann! |
5’s Mummy: | Sort yourself out, young Mathieu! |
MVD Poel: | yesauntysyrah! |
Radio TEFE Post: | GET IN A BE-TI-OL! |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz listening to the return of TEFE Post's tame Dalek J Philipsen is back on! |
SD Millar: | Froup has to work with J Philipsen, who will then pwn the stage! Unless 'e dunt! |
N Boulting: | Lead trio still has 20" & 12.5 km. |
SD Millar: | J Philipsen froup in disarray… J Philipsen froup work together! |
Bethany (13): | I's surpriesd that fence ent fell down bi now, Super D! |
SD Millar: | Oh yeah, Little Miss Smartyknickers! You still standin' by your prediction? |
Bethany (13): | Sho' am! |
N Boulting: | 10 km! 30" seconds to J Philipsen, 1' minute to chas0rz! |
SD Millar: | K Asgreen! BO Connor c'n't sprint for tooffe! |
N Boulting: | M Mohoric! 'e ent a Russian but 'e's still a sneeki fckr! |
SD Millar: | J Philipsen! Spoil party for rest of froup! |
N Boulting: | Pelican 10' minutes back & A Yates no longer tit about! |
A Yates: | yeh |
SD Millar: | Lead0rz has 1 (one) thing missing, viz. V Campanile! |
V Campanaerts: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | Lead0rz has 30" seconds! Inside 5 km! |
SD Millar: | If they tit about they're DOOMED! BO Connor early assault attack? |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel? Dunt look as lively as you'd expect! |
SD Millar: | As I's been saying all the lieulong day, J Philipsen froup is DOOMED! |
J Philipsen: | A Bettiol! I want to speak to your manager! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53054932890_a95571b187_t.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQhp9f) | |
A Bettiol: | Ooooh, hark @ Sprint Karen! |
N Boulting: | BO Connor gettin' ready… |
BO Connor: | Aaargh, bugarup! |
K Asgreen & M Mohoric [in stereo]: | ??? Who pwned that? |
J Philipsen: | P4? U useless fukn wnkrs! |
Omnes: | LOL @ J Philipsen! Roffle also! Who pwned it? |
C Prudhomme: | M Mohoric! By un pneu! |
Bethany (13): | :smug: |
G Imlach: | w00t! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | Look, see! M Mohoric blub like a gri… er, because pore d-e-d G Mader, obv! |
Bethany (13): | Niec swerve, G Imlach! Wotta staeg, eh! M Mohoric jus' wanted it a teeny bit MOAR'n K Asgreen! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock again! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Done what I could! |
D Friebe: | Some tired rid0rz in chase? |
T Pidcock: | Yeah, me! Chapeau to the pwn0rz! D-e-d strong! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! A pelican! Nearly 14' minutes behind! |
SD Millar: | For sure today & yesterday no picnic for pelican. They'll still be tired 2moz! |
M Mohoric: | [At 100 mph] Means a lot! Hard job, this is! Backroom team work soopa hard! K Asgreen v. strong! Pwn for pore d-e-d G Mader! |
Bethany (13): | Aaawwwwww! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Haig! |
J Haig: | O hai! TP Fairy got me early on! All over the race, me! |
G Imlach: | Tomorrow is horble! Spottyjumper! P3 in Gee-See! Doan miss it! |
Bethany (13): | TJ Visma orter b able 2 control but iz still gonna b… |
Omnes: | Bridge!!1! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53061896958_23768909f6_c.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQU6jo) | |
TP Kennaugh: | Hello! Help! Teh bathroom dor's stuk! Hello? |
5’s Mummy: | Bethany! |
The words from the last line of the Top Cat song.
Edit: given that the programme was, according to Wikinaccurate, first broadcast in the UK in May 1962, that would make it more than 60 years.
T Producer: | Bethany (13)! Did you squirt superglue™ into the lock of chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh's bathroom door? |
Bethany (13): | Sertinli not! [Flutters eyelashes] Duz I look liek sum kind ov 1/2-crazed Vizigoff? |
Omnes: | TBH, Bethany (13), u don't look much like any kind of Goff! |
Bethany (13): | C mi comment in teh intro re Andi Sex Gang! [To teh Producer] Also, I wudn't set foot in Tiny P's room evn iffen u pade me! Leeve that sort ov Stuffs 2 Modesti Blaze or Deliveroo rid0rz! Is teh horble ickl squit Em-Eye-Eh agane? |
T Producer: | Les sapeurs pompiers had to smash the door wif an axe! He ran off shouting about spudz'n'herrings! Have you seen him since? |
5's Mummy: | Tell the truth now, Bethany! |
Bethany (13): | I ent seed 'im sinse Thursda nite! Probli thort Spaec Nazis woz afta 'im! |
G Imlach: | C'n we get on? We's got the whole stage live and I need to tell the boiz & grilz how funneh I, TV's G Imlach, am! |
Bethany (13): | U jus' did! |
G Imlach: | Oh. Yes. Um. Short stage today! Only 133 anna bit km but 6 (six) spottyclimbs! U haz the Mappe? |
Bethany (13): | Indede I duz! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! Three (three) second kitteh ones 2 get G Ciccone intrstd… |
G Ciccone: | I'm gonna be Back In Business, you betcha! |
Bethany (13): | …a 3rd kitteh [indicates Mappe again] hear, & a cupple ov kitteh 1 jobs 2 finish wif! Tho afta teh last spottyclimb it go up a bit MOAR b4 goin' down agane! Kwestion iz: iz F Gall gonna 1. fite 4 teh spottyjumper, c: protect hiz P8 in teh Gee-See or ii) both? |
G Imlach: | And while on the subj. of the Gee-See, what of S Yates vs. C Rodriguez vs. P Bilbao? J Hindley onli 1 (1) minute behind P Bilbao. S Kuss only a minute & a bitty ahead of D Gaudu too! |
Bethany (13): | 4 sure it wud be a c'lossl roffle iffen TUAE Emirates went full gas flat out liek hell maximum assault attack from teh moment le Roi C Prudhomme 1 waev hiz ickl fleg, but I c'n't c it hapnin'! Chiz. |
G Ciccone: | All or nothing! I's a Gambler! Hold Tight! |
Bethany (13): | Jus' doan Let Down Your Guard, G Ciccone! Or ur gonna b Looking For Mercy! |
G Ciccone: | What did she just say ??? |
Bethany (13): | Klene ur lug'oles out, dopi! Ne-wa, Le Roi C Prudhomme 1 ent doned hiz fleg-noncin' fing yet so shitverts >:( |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Iz this a laek I c b4 me? Big, wet & full of beesties wif big pointi teefs? TV's J Wade on teh shoar wif a fishin' rod anna sertin glint in hiz eye? |
N Boulting: | [Incoherent whimpering] |
5's Mummy: | Bethany! |
Bethany (13): | sozsyrahersoz***yeh |
A Yates: | erwotdidsheaaahjussaer yeh |
N Boulting: | Expecting action, adventure, danger, excitement & rilly wild things today! T Pinot! He's local! Let's haz MOAR shitverts! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Le Roi C Prudhom… |
C Prudhomme: | OK, u discarded sex toys, bugger off! [Waves fleg] |
V Campanaerts: | Bai, suXX0rz! |
SD Millar: | JD Buyst with 'im! Nutter! N Oliviera chase! |
Omnes: | Birbs, ***! Hyooge birbs! |
N Boulting: | Fukn gliders! Wnkrs! |
SD Millar: | N Oliviera nommed by pelican. All quiet so far. |
N Boulting: | T Pinot! Bidin' his time! Not quite the biff-bang-pow start I wuz expecting! |
SD Millar: | TL Trek bidin' their time! Waitin' for the Ballon d'Alsace! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! La Chapelle Notre-Dame de Haut! Le Corbusier! |
L Corbusier: | C'est une machine pour worshippin' in, innit! |
SD Millar: | They got a monastery roun' the back too! |
Bethany (13): | Look liek a grane silo from 'ere! |
N Boulting: | Palest…Philistine! The Ironing Board ov teh Priti Grilz is over there too! |
SD Millar: | TL Trek all in for G Ciccone. |
G Ciccone: | Veni Vidi Vici! |
N Boulting: | Weren't that J Caesar? |
Bethany (13): | Mite b, but woz also on Rebel Heart (2015)! Ur so unhip, ***! Iz a surpries ur bum ent felled off! |
N Boulting: | We sent ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, S Yates! U find 18" seconds to kill C Rodriguez utterly to DETH? |
S Yates: | O hai! Not really think about it! Stage pwn? We will see! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! V Campanile & JD Buyst is on teh Ballon ov Alsace! Spottyjumper! |
SD Millar: | Nice to see spottyjumper competition! |
D Friebe: | O hai, F Gall! U say u not chase spottyjumper! Bluff? |
F Gall: | O hai! I say this to everyone inc. G Ciccone! Is J Vingegaard he need to worry about! Not 1st priority! We will see! |
Bethany (13): | Well, 'e wud sa that! |
N Boulting: | P Latour! G Ciccone! B Cosnefroy! |
SD Millar: | Plus some others. TL Trek control! |
N Boulting: | G Ciccone markin' moves! A Petit dropped from pelican's fethery bum! J Stuyven also! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap V Campanile iz onli 4" seconds awa from teh mitey beek ov teh pelican! |
Radio T Ineo$: | TUAE Emirates target stage pwn! |
T Ineo$: | O RLY! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Vingegaard! T Pogačar? |
J Vingegaard: | Vell, T Pogačar's just zis guy, u kno! |
Bethany (13): | Haz ne ov r lissenas notiecd teh remarkbl resemblnc btwene J Vingegaard & a 1958 Packard Hawk? |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53063509119_968021599d_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oR3myg) | |
J Vingegaard (https://flic.kr/p/2oR3myg) | |
Bethany (13): | YA |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53064013283_da0aa44597_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oR5WqK) | |
1958 Packard Hawk (https://flic.kr/p/2oR5WqK) | |
Bethany (13): | RLY! |
5’s Mummy: | Bethany! Stop that sniping! Really! And apologise at once! |
Bethany (13): | sozsyrahersozjvingegaard |
J Vingegaard: | Nice car! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Alaphilippe! How is ur legses today? |
J Alaphilippe: | O hai! One on the left & 1 on the right haha! Bit tired! Go as fast as possible to ze 'otel! We will see! |
N Boulting: | TL Trek control. M Pedersen on the front! M Skjelmose also! M Pedersen v strong @ this end of teh Tour ov France! |
SD Millar: | Doned loadsa damage yesterday! Biff! Bang! Ka-POWWW! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! F Gall sneekin' up! J Vingegaard also! |
SD Millar: | Nope, F Gall not interested! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! More, plz! |
N Boulting: | TL Trek take 1st 3 (three) spottyplaces! DV Baarle 4th! |
SD Millar: | Nul point for J Vingegaard! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless assault attack! G Ciccone make chase! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect pelican MOAR or less still together, tho J Alaphilippe try to change this state of affairs. |
SD Millar: | Soon is come the snottysprint. J Philipsen c'n pwn the spottyjumper! Chute, according to Radio Free Prudhomme! |
N Boulting: | T Ineo$! |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez! |
N Boulting: | Eeep! Blood! O Fraile tow him but 40" seconds back! |
Radio T Ineo$: | Crrrrch…C Rodriguez crash…slo down…brrrzt! |
SD Millar: | Onoz! C Rodriguez in all sorts of trub! & pelican splat! |
M Pedersen: | \o/ Snottypwn! Nul points for u, Sprint Karen! |
J Philipsen: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | C Rodriguez draft team car! |
N Boulting: | Overcooked corner! Took down S Kuss, I rekn! Look, see! The dokta is mendin' 'im! |
SD Millar: | Not so much a splat pelican as a big froup off the front! 20" seconds. Tho J Vingegaard is in it, so is goin' nowhere! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates chase like crazy! Look, see! MOAR repairs to S Kuss! J Vingegaard d-e-d lucky! Just in front of C Rodriguez! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap C Rodriguez back in teh safety of teh pelican's fethery tum, the front froup still has 15" seconds & S Kuss lookin' v. secondhand. |
SD Millar: | M Pedersen! |
N Boulting: | TL Trek concerted assault attack! M Pedersen M Skjelmose G Ciccone! Oh. That went nowhere. |
SD Millar: | TL Trek try to make this break stick! M Pedersen :o |
N Boulting: | Complicated day! Gee-See, spottyjumper & stage pwn! |
SD Millar: | Big assault attack by TB Hansgrohe! M Pedersen explode! A Yates chase also! |
N Boulting: | Small froup clear inc. G Ciccone! M Skjelmose also! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone, M Skjelmose, T Pidcock, K Neilands, MV Gils & W Barguil in lead froup. |
Bethany (13): | [Further improper dancing] |
N Boulting: | Only 55-60 rid0rz left in teh pelican! & MOAR bein' shat out all the time! |
SD Millar: | S Küng & I Izzywizzy 15" behind lead0rz. |
G Ciccone: | You ent gonna fite me for teh spottypwn, r u? |
T Break: | |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! It's Me Against The Music! Er, mntns… |
N Boulting: | Blimey! Bethany's Da…R Urán on the move! T Pinot also! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | O hai! Mi blong sieg heil! T Pinot! O hai, Tiny P! Where u bin? |
TP Kennaugh: | [Looks daggers @ Bethany (13)] Mi dangli earing goned AWOL! |
Bethany (13): | I wudn't touch ur ear'ole iffen u pade me wif dimondz, u chirpi Manx idiot! |
5's Mummy: | Bethany! |
Bethany (13): | I! NEVVAH! DONED! NUFFINK! 2! TINY! P'S! STUFFS! Syrah. |
M Rendell: | Meanwhile… T Pinot has caught teh lead0rz & K Neilands haz uncaught 'em! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! Closer to Champagne Rosé time! |
[…] | |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap C Harper has caught the lead0rz; V Madouas, K Vermaerke & Bethany's Da…R Urán 7" seconds behind. Pelican @ 1' minute. |
TP Kennaugh: | G Ciccone donin' it rite! |
Bethany (13): | Look, see! Teh froup wif mi Da… R Urán haz cort teh lead0rz! Mi Da… R Urán an' W Barguil in lead froup! Yay! |
5: | T Pinot 2! |
5 & Bethany (13) [in stereo]: | [Dancing verging on the obscene] |
M Rendell: | TUAE Emirates! TJ Visma! Both! |
M Bjerg: | Gagh! Work like doggo & make 0 ground on break! [Pulls face such as would frighten small children & domesticated goats, bingly-bongly or otherwise] |
TP Kennaugh: | Gr8 stage for day b4 Paris Paree! Thort last three (3) daze b4 Paris Paree wud be d-e-d dull but they ent! |
M Rendell: | Iz a 1-day race today! T Pinot! |
Bethany (13): | Pelican still loosin' tiem! w00t! |
TP Kennaugh: | Still a long wa 2 go! Ne-thing c'n… |
N Oliviera: | Noes! My bike! |
Omnes: | Snek, snek! |
N Oliviera: | Fck! Off! |
M Rendell: | Thirty (30) km descant after this spottyclimb wot they are now on! Would suit nutter. Ring BRITAIN 227 & ask for Tom! |
G Ciccone: | You ent gonna fite me for teh spottypwn, r u? |
T Break: | |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottyjumper! Time for a Celebration! |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
ML Maire: | You c'n pack it in now, G Ciccone! |
G Ciccone: | Can't Stop! |
ML Maire: | Aaaaaaarrrrrggggh! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Le Petit Ballon! Crammed wif T Pinot fanz0rz! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone! |
N Boulting: | G Ciccone! |
SD Millar & N Boulting [in stereo]: | G Ciccone! |
G Ciccone: | I Deserve It! |
ML Maire: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51872906425_d40301d557_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2n2QcRB) |
N Boulting: | MV Gils! Dark horse! |
SD Millar: | For sure! Totes ignored by .fr TV when 'e finished 2nd the other day! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! C'n outsprint Sprint SPRINTEEE the rest of the lead0rz! Look, see! C Rodriguez safe in pelican! T Ineo$ still has numbers inc. D Martinez. |
D Martinez: | :facepalm: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap they's on the Petit Balloon, er, Ballon! |
SD Millar: | T Pinot! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! But not W Barguil. Oh, wait. There he is! |
Bethany (13): | Wotch it, ***! Ur laptop look xpensiv! |
N Boulting: | I, er, V Madouas! T Pidcock, T Pinot, C Harper, W Barguil &… G Ciccone still in lead froup. |
SD Millar: | V Madouas work soopa hard for T Pinot! |
N Boulting: | M Madiot will need a new carpet after this! Last shitvert break before stage finish! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap thare's 5 anna bit km of teh clime left & T Pinot out front on his tod! :o |
5: | w00tissimo! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock & C Harper c'n't keep up! |
SD Millar: | Only person who c'n beat T Pinot is T Pinot! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock on his own now! Unless he ent. |
T Pidcock: | What's the descant like LOL? |
SD Millar: | T Pidcock hold gap! |
N Boulting: | Front of race gainin' on pelican! |
SD Millar: | & T Pinot gainin' on every-1! T Pidcock caught by C Harper & W Barguil! |
T Pinot: | [Looks over shoulder] Where is every-1! |
SD Millar: | Not sure who's louder: the fanz0rz or M Madiot! |
5: | ALLEZ T PINOT! [Furious dancing] |
N Boulting: | W Barguil with T Pidcock! 0 sign of C Harper but .fr TV mostly showin' T Pinot. 25" seconds. |
Omnes: | Still 1 (one) MOAR climb to go, thobut! |
T Pinot: | Shut! Up! |
N Boulting: | C Harper back on! C Harper back off! |
SD Millar: | Blah TJ Visma blah blah… |
Omnes: | Who cares? |
T Pinot: | \o/ Not me, for sure! |
N Boulting: | 34" seconds to T Pidcock & co. |
Omnes: | Get in, T Pidcock! |
5: | Shut! Up! Or mai Daddy will have you killed! Er, did Ai say that out loud? |
SD Millar: | Chute! D Gaudu! |
N Boulting: | In Top Ten (10) on Gee-See too! |
D Gaudu: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | Had to wait ages for a nü bike! Could happen to ne-1 inc. J Vingegaard! |
N Boulting: | T Pidock & co ent catching as fast as you'd think! |
SD Millar: | Based on absolutely 0 evidence I, TV's Super D Millar, assert that T Pidcock overshot a corner! |
N Boulting: | Last climb! 7 km! T Pinot! 23" seconds! |
T Pinot: | [Discards gloves] Gloves off! |
SD Millar: | C Harper dropped! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock & W Barguil closing gap! 17" seconds. Clock goin' bugarup again! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates! TJ Visma! |
TGFD J Bloke: | O hai, T Pidcock & W Barguil! Wanna ice pack! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! Assault attack! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard! |
N Boulting: | They's stopped! |
F Gall: | Wait… WHAT ??? I doan wanna lead u two! |
N Boulting: | The Yates bruvs! P Bilbao! T Pidcock & W Barguil catch T Pinot! F Gall, J Vingegaard & T Pogačar nearly done it too! |
W Barguil: | [Pats T Pinot on back] U OK, hun? |
T Pinot: | No. [Explodes] |
T Pidcock & W Barguil [in stereo]: | Us too! |
N Boulting: | S Yates try again! |
F Gall: | [on radio] What do I do now, Boss? |
Radio TG2R Citroën: | |
N Boulting: | Both Yates bruvs caught T Pinot & W Barguil! S Yates P4 on Gee-See! Look, see! T Pidcock back with C Rodriguez! |
SD Millar: | Yates bruvs drop teh .fr pair! |
Omnes: | Get in! yeh |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao distance J Hindley. |
J Vingegaard: | [Impersonates wol] Where's 'e hidin'? Sneeki fckr! |
N Boulting: | Narrow road! J Vingegaard & F Gall block road! |
F Gall: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
N Boulting: | Yates bruvs @ 15" seconds! No proper descant! |
Bethany (13): | Doan 4get it kepe goin' up 4 a bit! |
Radio Free Prudhomme: | V Lafay has goned home! |
Omnes: | :o |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao catch T Pinot & W Barguil. |
J Vingegaard: | C'mon, F Gall! |
F Gall: | Fck off! I led u all the way up that mntn! |
N Boulting: | Yates bruvs work together! |
SD Millar: | & they's on the lead0rz! 5 km! |
N Boulting: | T Pidcrack cocked1! |
SD Millar: | Complicated finish! Could get… SKETCHY!!1! |
N Boulting: | Wind! J Hindley! C Rodriguez! S Yates! |
SD Millar: | Wind! |
N Boulting: | A Yates lead out… |
T Pogačar: | \o/ Yes! Fukn yes! |
F Gall: | & LOL @ u, J Vingegaard! |
A Yates: | ergratestuffaah yeh |
Bethany (13): | Wowsa! Gr8 staeg 2 round Stuffs off! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | & in all that pore d-e-d C Rodriguez finish 12th & lose P4 in Gee-See to S Yates! We sent… |
D Friebe: | O noes! O hai, A Yates! |
A Yates: | eryehwannasetuptpogačar4 staegerespritikwikah kepeundacontrolernotezyeh erholetemechaesyehgooddaer yeh |
D Friebe: | Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh! |
G Imlach: | Yates bruvs! |
TP Kennaugh: | Epic…[Drowned out by fanz0rz] |
SD Millar: | TL Trek…G Ciccone…T Pinot…T Pogačar! So many stories! |
T Pogačar: | Feel myself again! Feel good! Soopa soopa happy! A Yates! Yates bruvs soopa good! Team done great job! Soopa happy! |
TP Kennaugh: | J Vingegaard scairt ov T Pogačar! Wif good reezn! Duel cud go on 4 yeres! |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates done a great job! |
[…] | |
Bethany (13): | Had 2 roffle @ F Gall sneekin' in2 P2! LOL! |
J Vingegaard: | Fck! Off! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! Ur bruv… |
S Yates: | O hai! Lucky he was there on climb! Work together. Pretty happy with race. Very happy! yeh |
M Soler [crossing finish]: | \o Thank fck that's over! |
Bouncing Dane: | I! Caught! Teh! Flowers! Yeeeee! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss out of Top Ten (10) after chute; G Martin into P10. G Ciccone! |
SD Millar: | Nice to see spottyjumper go to someone who try for the whole race! |
G Ciccone: | I'm a Ray Of Light! |
ML Maire: | I swear onna stack of Beano Annuals, G Ciccone, that iffen u pwn teh spottyclimb 2moz I will kill u! 2 DETH! |
SD Millar: | F Gall orter of fought for it! Booo! |
F Gall: | I was after the stage pwn! |
SD Millar: | Chapeau to F Gall for not chasing silly jumper! |
Bethany (13): | 4 once in ur lief, Super D, tri not sittin' on teh fe… NO CARRIER |
1: | Joak shamelessly robbed off of T42… :thumbsup: |
Bethany (13): | Onoz! O woe! Last da ov teh Tour ov France b4 we return 2 teh mundane & humdrum teduim ov reel lief & also mi mum teh fukn C-O-W! Still, woz a rippa raec until T Pogačar xploded! |
G Imlach: | Oi! I'm supposed to do the intro, crack a joke or two, ect &, moreover, ect! Did that WWX Lackey press teh "Start" button too early? |
WWX Lackey: | Dinnae look at me, pal! Ah was tryin' tae track chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh's phone, only realistically instead o' how they duz it on the telly! |
G Imlach: | Don't tell me, the Eccles of Ellan Vannin, the dope of Douglas, the cretin of Crosby, the, err… |
Bethany (13): | Bellend ov Ballaugh? |
G Imlach: | Ye…NO! You can't say that! Not even in the highlights show! |
Bethany (13): | Y not? Tiny P iz a bellend, tho not a coloosal 1 liek Piers “Morgan” Moron… |
Omnes: | :thumbsup: |
G Imlach: | & you don't know where 'e's got to this time? |
Bethany (13): | Probli runned off 2 join teh serkus or hidin' from Spaec Nazis unda hiz bed agane… Xekutiv sumri: doan kno, doan caer! |
G Imlach: | If you've been telling him MOAR fairy stories about Space Nazis… |
Bethany (13): | Er, I mite ov gived 'im teh ideer that Iron Sky wuz a documntri… |
5's Mummy: | Oh, Bethany, really! |
Bethany (13): | But 'e's such a, a, a, well, u kno! |
EO Aquitaine: | She's right, you know! Bethany (13), obvs. Look, see! Notre-Dame! They knew how to build 'em in them days! Tho' they dint finish it until I woz d-e-d chiz! Also my idiot gr8-grandson Louis Eye-Ecks put a whole bunch of s'posed "relics" in in. Bought 'em off of that grifter Baldwin Eye-Eye, the daft tit! Crown Of Thorns? Splinter of teh Troo Cross? 0 wonder the 7th & 8th Crusades wuz such frescoes! Er, fiascos1! |
WWX Lackey: | Repairs comin' on nicely, aye! |
EO Aquitaine: | For sure! Better'n Louis' crusades ne-way! Pope Bonyface Vee-Eye-Eye-Eye made 'im a Saint, c'n u believe it? My boi RTL Heart, now he knew how to done Crusadin'! |
G Imlach: | Thanks you for the hist. leçon, ur Maj, but in spite of the valiant attempts by certain members ov teh pelican, a bike race is about to break out! Though for sure is a swiz because 0 M Cavendish! Let us have a condensed version, because 1. the rid0rz will still be tittin' about & c) Super D is still having his massage! |
SD Millar: | Oooooh! Mmmmmm! Eeeeeep! Twenties! MOAR! |
Bethany (13): | :sick: |
G Imlach: | To the gr8 surprise of absolutely 0 V Campanile doned a assault attack the moment Le Roi C Prudhomme I waved his ickle fleg… |
Bethany (13): | …& to a simla 0 surpries V Campanile also pwned teh Soopacombativité, probli coz T Pinot wuz teh onli French Frenchman wif a French naem 2 maek a impresshn. Xactli once! |
D Gaudu: | Oi! |
Bethany (13): | Shut! Up! Motos! Jumperbearers! T Pogačar givin' a juniorshinyjumper 2 a ickl boi! Aww! 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | Fab Tour ov France! |
SD Millar: | Mi…ne…ot wo…ing! |
WWX Lackey: | Plug in it, ye great chieftain o' the pudden race! |
SD Millar: | [FX: Buzzing noise, loud bang, screaming feedback robbed off of Neil Young c. 1991, coins] Oh. Yes. Right… |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap a bunch of .fr rid0rz doned a assault attack but G Ciccone thwarted it with, er, thwarts! |
G Ciccone: | ??? |
N Boulting: | D Gaudu! |
SD Millar: | D Gaudu! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | D Gaudu! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Verse-Eye! |
EO Aquitaine: | I's jealous! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Ciccone! Totes spotty! |
SD Millar: | Mntnspots! Like Marmite! |
G Ciccone: | ??? What is this "Marmite" of which u speak? |
Bethany (13): | Trus' me, G Ciccone, ur betta off not knowin'! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect: 0. Again. Here for ur listening plezh is Y Offredo off of .fr TV! |
Y Offredo: | O hai! I ride ze Tour ov France three (3) times & fall in leurve wiz it! Retire after beeg crash, was like bein' d-e-d! |
EO Aquitaine: | No. No, it ent! |
Y Offredo: | Soz, ur Maj! I mean iz v. difficult to adjust! |
N Boulting: | U doned a big break, 2018! |
Y Offredo: | 200 km out front! Was beeg fun even though was goin' nowhere! LOL! |
N Boulting: | T Pinot! |
Y Offredo: | OK, so on papeur 'e is not so spesh but is emeurtion, innit! Very French! We doan like it when ppl pwn too much! |
N Boulting: | The .fr public. How they feel about the Tour ov France these days? |
Y Offredo: | Tour ov France ees MOAR'n jus' a bike race! Beeg crowds thees year! |
SD Millar: | Netflix! |
Y Offredo: | For sure but ees national institution! C'est La France, innit! Every-1 has memory of it even iffen they doan like cycling! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! This has for sure been Something To Remember! |
N Boulting: | Nice that spottyjumper go to a rid0r who fight for it, not as a by-product of the Gee-See! |
Omnes: | That ent wot LV Impe sez! |
G Ciccone: | Yarbles 2 LV Impe! Bolshie gr8 yarblockoes! I Rise! |
Y Offredo: | I agree wiz G Ciccone! Breakaway rid0rz! Much MOAR funs! |
SD Millar: | Long wait for .fr pwner of teh Tour ov France! |
Y Offredo: | For sure, but we 'az some new kidz comin'! We will see! Need MOAR monnaie! |
SD Millar: | Like we BRITONS did! :smug: |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile ect TJ Visma on the front of the pelican & will lead it thru the burbclaves… |
Omnes: | Birb? Where? |
N Boulting: | BURB, clots! |
SD Millar: | Is all about… RISPEK! |
N Boulting: | For sure some 0-hopers will have a go but is not EZ! |
SD Millar: | For sure! Long drag uphill, soopa fast downhill, big wide roads! We will see! |
N Boulting: | Finish line moved last year! Will the sprint0rz remember? |
SD Millar: | Was talkin' 2 J Bakelite earlier… |
Bethany (13): | Y? Gr8 sexist oinka! U orter ov kikt 'im! |
SD Millar: | I, er, Danes! Lots of Danes here today! Gr8 race for, er, Denmark! |
Bethany (13): | >:( |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! La Loover! The Roo de Ravioli! w00t! |
Bethany (13): | Did mi Da… R Urán do 'iz birb impreshn agane? |
N Boulting: | Dint see! Soz! |
Bethany (13): | Bah! |
SD Millar: | Wind! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Is, er, hang on! Where's S/L Le Beegles & his merry æronauts? Two poxy prop planes? Gagh! |
SD Millar: | Will take a while to settle! |
N Boulting: | Last two sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE stages dint go well for the sprint0rz! |
K Asgreen: | LOL! |
M Mohoric: | Roffle! |
J Philipsen: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53054932890_a95571b187_t.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oQhp9f) |
N Boulting: | Is this a break I see before me? |
SD Millar: | Not iffen TA Deceuninck haz anything to do with it! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Nogweegie Corna! Did I… |
SD Millar: | [Hurriedly] Securité! Haveta keep Nogweegies in cages! |
N Boulting: | Who's that in the white jumper doning a assault attack? |
T Pogačar: | Only meeeeeeeeee! Roffle! |
TJ Visma: | NV Hooydonck? |
NV Hooydonck: | Who, me? |
TJ Visma: | Yes. Yes, you! Chase that Slovenian loonspud & kill him! 2 DETH! |
NV Hooydonck: | Piss! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh has showed up & T Pogačar lead by 17" seconds! |
NV Hooydonck: | Ooog! |
N Boulting: | Where u been, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Thare woz Spaec Nazis on teh news, so I hidded until they goned! |
Bethany (13): | U had it on repete, no? |
TP Kennaugh: | I… |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! 8 (eight) rid0rz now make chase! |
SD Millar: | TA Deceuninck! Will break work? Or leave to T Pogačar? |
T Pogačar: | They'd better not! |
N Boulting: | Bike change for M Soler! |
M Soler: | ¡Piss! |
SD Millar: | F Wright bridged across! |
5's Mummy: | Oh, jolly good! Play up, F Wright! |
SD Millar: | Wait…WHAT? T Pogačar assault attack again! |
T Pogačar: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | Ten (10) rid0rz out front! |
SD Millar: | Sprint teams under presh! Ent nevvah seen a final stage like this! |
N Boulting: | TJ Alula close down break! |
Omnes: | Awwwww! Rotters! |
SD Millar: | R Cavagna! K Neilands! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless! |
SD Millar: | S Clarke! |
N Boulting: | V Campanile! |
Omnes: | Yay! |
N Boulting: | Oh. Is F Frison, not V Campanile. |
Omnes: | Boo! |
SD Millar: | Hold up! T Pogačar is chasing the break! Loon! |
T Pelican: | Pack it in, you knobber! |
J Vingegaard: | Quit pissin' on my chips, u wnkr! |
T Pogačar: | Roffle! |
N Boulting: | Surely T Pogačar has finished tittin' about by now? |
T Pogačar: | Doan bet on it, ***! |
N Boulting: | N Oliviera, F Frison & S Clarke! MOAR the sort of break the sprint0rz were hopin' for! |
[…] | |
N Boulting: | Look, see! The Eiffel Tower! We's in Paris Paree! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
N Boulting: | YA RLY! & the break still has 18" seconds. 3 (three) MOAR laps! |
SD Millar: | TSQ Step rid0r assault attack! |
N Boulting: | Is D Devenyns (94)! Oh. He has been caught. |
SD Millar: | Sprint0rz teams now workin' in earnest! G Cicco… |
N Boulting: | J Hindley! Chain! |
Omnes: | Snek! Snek! |
J Hindley: | Fck! Off! |
Omnes: | Look, see! Teh bridges of Paris Paree! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53066104411_ea84787e7f_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oRgE3F) | |
C Lion: | Yay! |
N Boulting: | M Pedersen! On form! |
SD Millar: | Indeed he is. |
N Boulting: | Will he pwn the stage? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | 2 laps 18" seconds! S Küng bike change! |
S Küng: | Arse! |
Omnes: | Is that rain on the cameras? |
EC Boardman [via NastiNet]: | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53027389096_62cb89bba8_m.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oMRekf) |
N Boulting: | A Petit! Orter ov goned home after stage 14, but dint! Chapeau! |
SD Millar: | Chapeau. |
N Boulting: | Assault attack! J Alaphilippe MC Nielsen & N Eekhoff! |
SD Millar: | TA Deceuninck & TL Trek will shut 'em down or mi name ent Barrington Womble! |
N Boulting: | Closed down! T Ineo$! D Martinez! |
D Martinez: | :facepalm: |
N Boulting: | O Fraile! V Campanile! |
T Bell: | Ding &, moreover, dong! |
N Boulting: | Caught! |
SD Millar: | MOAR chaos! Some loon from T Moviestar! A Bettiol! |
N Boulting: | Caught! |
A Bettiol: | Not yet, I ent! |
SD Millar: | R Cavagna! TU X! |
N Boulting: | 3 km! TJ Visma leave 'em to it! Fast'n' |
SD Millar: | 'ere we go!!1! |
N Boulting: | MVD Poel! Sprint SPRINTEEE! Photo-finish! J Meeus? J Philipsen? |
[Some time later] | |
TJ Visma: | O hai! |
J Meeus: | Wot, me? w00t \o/ |
Omnes: | Ooooh, Sprint Karen's gonna be FUMMIN'! |
J Philipsen: | [FUMMS] |
G Imlach: | So there you has it! Shitverts while Le Roi C Prudhomme I build the podium! |
[…] | |
J Meeus: | Went perfect! Soopa happy! Felt good all day! M Haller! M Pedersen! Soopa nice experience! For sure! |
G Imlach: | Chaotic finish! |
Bethany (13): | J Meeus done it all rite! Niec 1, fella! |
TP Kennaugh: | Complanci bi J Philipsen? Ded xcitin' tho! |
G Imlach: | MOAR shitverts while Le Roi C Prudhomme I build the podium! |
[…] | |
G Imlach: | In case u missed it, J Vingegaard pwned teh Tour ov France! |
J Vingegaard: | Proud! Happy! Team! Denmark! Soopa good fight wif T Pogačar! Try 4 #3 next year! For sure! |
G Imlach: | J Vingegaard goin' to Vuelta ov Spaign-o too! |
TP Kennaugh: | Cool as a, er, one o' they long grene fings! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar ent had the shinyjumper since J Vingegaard took it last year! |
Bethany (13): | T Pogačar scair J Vingegaard 1/2 2 DETH! We sent ect! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, MVD Poel! T Pogačar? |
MVD Poel: | O hai! Had bike trub so only saw it on big screen! Not such a good race. Ill in 2nd week! Managed leadout today! For sure! |
5's Mummy: | Good show, young Mathieu! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Hindley! |
J Hindley: | O hai! Soopa happi for J Meeus! This stage really hard! All good though! BEER o'clock! |
N Boulting: | Finally they's finished the podium! Look, see! J Meeus! |
J Meeus: | Flippin' 'eck! I gets a spesh trophy too! w00t! |
N Boulting: | V Campanile! |
V Campanaerts: | O hai! LOL! U like my moustache? |
Omnes: | Helloooooooo! Oooh, MOAR bridges! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53066393274_5dfeedfd95_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oRi8V5) | |
C Prudhomme: | OK, shove off! We's got a lot to get thru! |
N Boulting: | Team comp. TJ Visma! |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡Esperar! ¡Eso no está bien! +++ |
SD Millar: | S Kuss! Looks like 'e's bin inna fight! Did 'e say something Bethany (13) dint like? |
S Kuss: | I crashed yesterday, you muppet! |
SD Millar: | Oh. Yes. So you did. |
N Boulting: | Juniorshinyjumper! T Pogačar for the last time! |
SD Millar: | Great relief to anyone a year or MOAR younger'n 'im! |
T Pogačar: | Roffle! |
N Boulting: | Spottyjumper! G Ciccone! Deny the Gee-See contend0rz! Dint do the Giro ov Italy because Covid! Came 'ere instead! |
G Ciccone: | Crazy! |
CP Sagan: | Oi! |
Bethany (13): | Off of Madame X, 2019! |
CP Sagan: | Oh. |
N Boulting: | Snottyjumper! J Philipsen! |
J Philipsen: | |
N Boulting: | & J Vingegaard! Teh great Dane! |
Bethany (13): | Woof! |
N Boulting: | Many singleton pwners of TdF but not 'im! How to beat 'im? Look, see! T Pogačar & A Yates join in. |
A Yates: | yeh |
A Hidalgo [Mme La Maire]: | Que vient-il de dire? |
J Vingegaard: | Amazing year! Amazing team! Long time planning! Party time! Amazingly amazing! Next year haha! Family! Thx! Bai! |
G Imlach: | O hai, F Wright! |
F Wright: | O hai! Non-stop assault attacks! D-e-d hard today! T Pogačar! Amazing legs today, the nutjob! Party time! |
5's Mummy: | Oh, Ai do like that young man! |
Pingu: | Boo! No vautours |
WWX Lackey: | Ah found this! Best ah cud do! |
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53066594455_6da65edf90_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oRjaHH) | |
1: | All Louis IX ov France fakts are korekt, or at least cribbed off of Wikinaccurate. |
WWX Lackey: | Ah found this! Best ah cud do! | (https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53066594455_6da65edf90_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2oRjaHH) |
What | Who | Why |
Teh P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz™® BRITON ov teh Match: | M Cavendish | Didn't actually finish but displayed True BRITISH Dignity when beset by FOREIGNS! |
Teh Syrah Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh Certificate Of Good Conduct: | F Wright | He's still a nice polite young man! |
Bethany (13) | Hold up! I's gotta SEEKRIT list wot I smuggled in wile… |
PC Pan-Am | O RLY? Ur fukn nicked! Turn teh fukn camra off! |
Bethany (13) | Owwww! Gerroff! Fascist! |