Author Topic: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language) (Read 2959808 times)

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #18750 on:** 11 April, 2015, 02:04:32 pm »

I call these new-fangled rain sensors a Silly Thing.

tiermat · « **Reply #18751 on:** 11 April, 2015, 02:21:24 pm »

With my car, the bracket that holds the sensor needs to be bonded to the screen, otherwise it warps in sunlight and pulls the sensor away from the screen. The sensor itself is a common part, and has a gel pad that goes between the front of the sensor and the glass. This sensor attaches to the bracket with a sprung clip, which maintains the right pressure against the glass. If windscreen fitter really can't be bothered to bond the bracket, or thinks he can get away with it, double sided tape is used. Fair play to the tech that came out this time he said it shouldn't be like that, the guys down in Swansea just tried to make a bad job good by carrying out another bad job.

spesh · « **Reply #18752 on:** 11 April, 2015, 07:53:22 pm »

Dear lurgi,

Dogdonkeyfeckinbolloxnobsarsebiscuits, even flu-strength decongestant has had knack-all effect today. Plz be fucking the fuck right off, and when you have done that, kindly fuck off some more.

Kthxbai.

Torslanda · « **Reply #18753 on:** 11 April, 2015, 08:39:56 pm »

Sorry T. Faulty memory.

I was of course thinking of the gel pad as the TING what attaches the sensor to the screen . . .

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #18754 on:** 16 April, 2015, 01:52:12 pm »

Automated phone spammers can fuck right off, and when they've fucked right off they can fuck off some more. This morning's hit a new low: I can almost understand, though not condone, the sort of sillybollocks who tries to persuade me that I've won a cruise or been mis-sold PPI (though they will be sent to the camps for re-education with a cattle prod shortly after I lead the Panzers down Whitehall) but today some cretin has gone to all the effort and expense of setting up an automated wossname to ring me up and tell me that Jesus Christ is the Saviour. And the Messiah. And the answer to all my problems. Hello? He's dead. So he doesn't need my fucking money, does he?

The answer to this particular problem is not the platitudes of a dead hippie but rather a Louisville Slugger applied firmly and repeatedly to the cranium of the massive wankspanner who thought this was a good idea. Leaving messages on God's voicemail (aka "prayer") doesn't work, y'know, so why this dribbling arse thinks "God" leaving a message on mine is a good idea is a mystery that would stump the greatest analytical minds of the era, like Professor Brian Cox or Angela Lansbury.

Kim · « **Reply #18755 on:** 16 April, 2015, 01:56:27 pm »

This morning's phone spammer played dialtone into our voicemail. Haven't had that before.

rr · « **Reply #18756 on:** 16 April, 2015, 02:12:20 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 16 April, 2015, 01:52:12 pm

Automated phone spammers can fuck right off, and when they've fucked right off they can fuck off some more. This morning's hit a new low: I can almost understand, though not condone, the sort of sillybollocks who trIes to persuade me that I've won a cruise or been mis-sold PPI (though they will be sent to the camps for re-education with a cattle prod shortly after I lead the Panzers down Whitehall) but today some cretin has gone to all the effort and expense of setting up an automated wossname to ring me up and tell me that Jesus Christ is the Saviour. And the Messiah. And the answer to all my problems. Hello? He's dead. So he doesn't need my fucking money, does he?

The answer to this particular problem is not the platitudes of a dead hippie but rather a Louisville Slugger applied firmly and repeatedly to the cranium of the massive wankspanner who thought this was a good idea. Leaving messages on God's voicemail (aka "prayer") doesn't work, y'know, so why this dribbling arse thinks "God" leaving a message on mine is a good idea is a mystery that would stump the greatest analytical minds of the era, like Professor Brian Cox or Angela Lansbury.

Funnily enough I had a spam evangelical text last week, from Nigeria, in txt speak and there was no request for money.

clarion · « **Reply #18757 on:** 16 April, 2015, 04:38:13 pm »

Mr Larrington has had a Message from God!

He is the Messiah!

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #18758 on:** 16 April, 2015, 04:40:20 pm »

We knew that already and so did the Bear.

Bledlow · « **Reply #18759 on:** 16 April, 2015, 05:45:34 pm »

"About your mis-sold PPI"
"I don't have a mortgage. My house is paid for."
"Ah, but the PPI you had before you paid off your mortgage . . "
"When was that? You seem to know all about it."
(cue wriggling & obfuscation . . .

What a job, eh?

It's like the frequent calls about the motor accident in our household has had in the last two years, which has suddenly become true again after not being so for over four years - but that didn't stop the bloody phone calls!

citoyen · « **Reply #18760 on:** 16 April, 2015, 07:15:20 pm »

The latest wheeze they've come up with is automated phone calls or text messages asking you to complete a customer satisfaction survey following a recent business interaction.

They don't include an option to tell them that being plagued with these calls or messages greatly reduces the satisfaction of this customer and makes it less likely that he will do future business with them.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #18761 on:** 16 April, 2015, 07:53:53 pm »

Quote from: clarion on 16 April, 2015, 04:38:13 pm

Mr Larrington has had a Message from God!

He is the Messiah!

I am but a poor penitent sinner

(Pokes a badger with a spoon)

CrinklyLion · « **Reply #18762 on:** 17 April, 2015, 08:35:05 am »

Quote from: clarion on 16 April, 2015, 04:38:13 pm

Mr Larrington has had a Message from God!

He is the Messiah!

Is he? Or is he a very naughty boy?

Ashaman42 · « **Reply #18763 on:** 17 April, 2015, 08:44:16 am »

Oh he's definitely the latter

Feline · « **Reply #18764 on:** 17 April, 2015, 12:38:26 pm »

Quote from: citoyen on 16 April, 2015, 07:15:20 pm

The latest wheeze they've come up with is automated phone calls or text messages asking you to complete a customer satisfaction survey following a recent business interaction.

They don't include an option to tell them that being plagued with these calls or messages greatly reduces the satisfaction of this customer and makes it less likely that he will do future business with them.

My employer sends every client a text like this after we see them. I think it has actually increased the number of complaints (mostly about costs) we get from people who otherwise might well have just forgotten all about it and not bothered. Obv the purpose is to use this info against the staff and make them hit targets in performance, but I agree with you that as a customer this kind of thing just pisses me off

perpetual dan · « **Reply #18765 on:** 17 April, 2015, 02:56:38 pm »

Yes, this! Also websites that ask you to complete surveys about the experience with them before you've had a chance to so much as click a link.

Kim · « **Reply #18766 on:** 17 April, 2015, 03:35:04 pm »

Quote from: perpetual dan on 17 April, 2015, 02:56:38 pm

Yes, this! Also websites that ask you to complete surveys about the experience with them before you've had a chance to so much as click a link.

+1

Pickled Onion · « **Reply #18767 on:** 19 April, 2015, 09:55:53 am »

Quote from: Feline on 17 April, 2015, 12:38:26 pm

Quote from: citoyen on 16 April, 2015, 07:15:20 pm
The latest wheeze they've come up with is automated phone calls or text messages asking you to complete a customer satisfaction survey following a recent business interaction.

They don't include an option to tell them that being plagued with these calls or messages greatly reduces the satisfaction of this customer and makes it less likely that he will do future business with them.

My employer sends every client a text like this after we see them. I think it has actually increased the number of complaints (mostly about costs) we get from people who otherwise might well have just forgotten all about it and not bothered. Obv the purpose is to use this info against the staff and make them hit targets in performance, but I agree with you that as a customer this kind of thing just pisses me off

I had a positive experience with one of these. I ticked zero for everything, then filled up the comment box with details about the piss-poor service and the difficulty getting any information about several open queries that hadn't been resolved for months. I had absolutely no expectation that anyone would read it - not so, I was phoned directly within the hour by a competent person who resolved everything and personally handled the case until it was fully resolved.

spesh · « **Reply #18768 on:** 19 April, 2015, 07:40:58 pm »

To the so-called electrician who originally installed the electrickery sockets in my kitchen...

Fuck knows how you got your qualifications (assuming you had any), given what I found when I rashly decided to re-position the electric socket on the north wall of my kitchen today. I knew something was amiss when I started undoing the screws that secured the back box to the wall, and felt something move.

That something was the joist off-cut that you had used to not quite fill the gap between the rear of the back box and the inner face of the cavity wall outer leaf. Ordinarily, there should be brick or breeze block between the back box and the cavity, but it looks like you fucked up quite badly when chasing out the hole, and you broke right through when you spalled a great big lump off the cavity-facing side of the inner leaf. You could have at least tried to make an effort when bodging a repair, and actually mortared the wood in place.

It's a good thing I happened to have a couple of spare bricks in the shed, and some rapid-set mortar left over from another DIY task, so that I could carry out the proper repair that you should done in the first place, you fucking moron.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #18769 on:** 20 April, 2015, 10:58:33 am »

PVR! How hard can it be to remember my scheduled recordings when you want a retune? I nearly neglected to record yesterday's BTCC coverage because of your memory-impaired dickery. Fortunately I only missed the first thirty minutes, which generally consists of three advert breaks and Louise Goodman waving six thousand bracelets at innocent racing drivers, and Jason Plato.

David Martin · « **Reply #18770 on:** 20 April, 2015, 02:20:53 pm »

Washing machine: Your bearings are supposed to hold the drum up. So why do I get nasty noises and then even nastier sounds of pouring water? That would be because the bearings have given up and the drum has worn a hole through the tub. Whoopy do. And the parts are available as a single assembly.

But why wait till 11.30 on a Sunday night?

This will be a busy week.

rafletcher · « **Reply #18771 on:** 20 April, 2015, 02:38:07 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 20 April, 2015, 10:58:33 am

PVR! How hard can it be to remember my scheduled recordings when you want a retune?

IME impossibly difficult

They've only recently got the hang of the clocks changing!

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #18772 on:** 20 April, 2015, 07:05:10 pm »

Quote from: David Martin on 20 April, 2015, 02:20:53 pm

Washing machine: Your bearings are supposed to hold the drum up. So why do I get nasty noises and then even nastier sounds of pouring water? That would be because the bearings have given up and the drum has worn a hole through the tub. Whoopy do. And the parts are available as a single assembly.

But why wait till 11.30 on a Sunday night?

This will be a busy week.

Did you not recently repair your bearings?

Feanor · « **Reply #18773 on:** 20 April, 2015, 10:10:10 pm »

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 20 April, 2015, 07:05:10 pm

Quote from: David Martin on 20 April, 2015, 02:20:53 pm
Washing machine: Your bearings are supposed to hold the drum up. So why do I get nasty noises and then even nastier sounds of pouring water? That would be because the bearings have given up and the drum has worn a hole through the tub. Whoopy do. And the parts are available as a single assembly.

But why wait till 11.30 on a Sunday night?

This will be a busy week.

Did you not recently repair your bearings?

I think you've just Bared his Repairings!

David Martin · « **Reply #18774 on:** 20 April, 2015, 10:12:14 pm »

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 20 April, 2015, 07:05:10 pm

Quote from: David Martin on 20 April, 2015, 02:20:53 pm
Washing machine: Your bearings are supposed to hold the drum up. So why do I get nasty noises and then even nastier sounds of pouring water? That would be because the bearings have given up and the drum has worn a hole through the tub. Whoopy do. And the parts are available as a single assembly.

But why wait till 11.30 on a Sunday night?

This will be a busy week.

Did you not recently repair your bearings?

Brushes. Not bearings. The bearings on this model are not serviceable as the tub is sealed. Or at least it was till the bearings went. Took a while to find a place with the assembly in stock but it should be winging its way the length of the country over the next few days.