Grammar that makes you cringe

[clarion]

Folk who say 'Korta' instead of 'quarter'.  It's just an affectation.

Edit:

And the word is 'vulnerable'.  I know the 'l' is dark, but not pitch black!

[Ian H]

People who say "o" instead of "zero" to represent the figure 0.

Number.

Not a letter.

Room one-zero-one.

[gordon taylor]

I love some changes: like when young people use "aks" instead of "ask."

It sounds really cool and I wish I could do it naturally.

[Manotea]

People who say "o" instead of "zero" to represent the figure 0.

Number.

Not a letter.

Go directly to Room 101, do not pass...

Edit: Dammit, Ian beat me to it!

[iakobski]

It's an affectation they think makes them sound Jamaican.

It's also how Chaucer wrote it  

[Zoidburg]

I love some changes: like when young people use "aks" instead of "ask."

It sounds really cool and I wish I could do it naturally.

When you reach 80 and all your teeth have gone I am sure you will be able to old chap.

[drossall]

...one of R4's Today program chaps insists on telling me that it is "Huff past seven".
Don't know why it annoys me, but it does.

Don't get in a half about it.

[gordon taylor]

I love some changes: like when young people use "aks" instead of "ask."

It sounds really cool and I wish I could do it naturally.

When you reach 80 and all your teeth have gone I am sure you will be able to old chap.

 

[rogerzilla]

Miss Z ote all her dinner, or so she tells me.

[Moloko]

"Lose" "Loose" "losing" "loosing"

Put 'em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity-boo.

[Zipperhead]

Burglarized.
Monetized.

[iakobski]

On the train, every night, different staff, same phrase:

Anyone dining for dinner this evening?

Plus:
... in the vistibbles at the end of each carriage
... please hesitate to ask.

[drossall]

Burglarized.
Monetized.

Hospitalised: a witch waved her wand and turned me into Great Ormond Street.

Burglarised: I was honest till I met you, but you've turned me into a thief.

[Greenbank]

Speaking of which:-

"Controlled" used as a verb with respect to Audaxes, as in:-

"We controlled at the petrol station on the outskirts of Wibbletown."

It just makes me cringe for some reason.

[Wowbagger]

On the train, every night, different staff, same phrase:

Anyone dining for dinner this evening?

Plus:
... in the vistibbles at the end of each carriage
... please hesitate to ask.

The NEEA trains' staff use an irritating turn of phrase as well. "We will soon be arriving in Ipswich." Surely not. We will soon be arriving at Ipswich station. I'm happy for the word "station" to be omitted - after all, it would be a surprise if the train arrived at Ipswich Town Football Ground - but the preposition should remain the same.

[Wowbagger]

I hate the expression "contact telephone number".

What else is a telephone number for?

[drossall]

"We controlled at the petrol station on the outskirts of Wibbletown."

It just makes me cringe for some reason.

It's because "to control" is a transitive verb and the sentence lacks an object.

[drossall]

Then there is the abuse of "-ee" words. Normally, the "-ee" is the object of the action and the "-er" is the subject. For example, a referee has disputes referred to him (or her), and a lessor lets a property to a lessee.

So what is a conference attendee? Presumably, the person to whom the attendant at the event serves drinks?

And a retiree is someone who has been retired, presumably against his will by an aggressive HR department? If it was his own choice, he'd be a retirer, obviously - or maybe the HR manager is the retirer, because he or she creates all the retirees?

[rogerzilla]

Mortgagee is the most frequently-confused.  The borrower is the mortgagor; they mortgage their house to the lender, who is the mortgagee.

[Gasman]

Surely the attendee is the conference itself.  Those who attend are attenders or attendants.

Similarly I had head in hands at a sign on a bus; "2 standees only"

[drossall]

Drunk, obviously. Had to be stood up by others.

[Thor]

"Controlled" used as a verb with respect to Audaxes, as in:-

"We controlled at the petrol station on the outskirts of Wibbletown."

When such "speak" is creeping into the Audax world, there can be no hope. 

[Julian]

BBC NEWS | England | Hampshire | Polish priest helps murder police

Rilly? 

The article says that the priest helps the police investigate a murder. which is slightly different.

[border-rider]

Our (very) local paper really did have an article titled "Antique clocks under the hammer"

[rogerzilla]

There was a classic one from the DM or the News of the Screws (I forget which), decades ago:

LUCKY MAN SEES PALS DIE