<kim> bad CGI dinosaurs (no feathers)
<kim> rudely interrupted by the landcruiser with a flux capacitor from the end of the last film
<kim> you need a velocity of 88mph to activate the time vortex
<kim> and he's got to stop the first sharknado
<kim> "oh boy"
<REDACTED2> ...
<kim> i think wosshername's cyber-head just got nicked by a stampeding dinosaur
<kim> oh, he's still got moses' stick. that'll come in handy
<kim> he just said hi to a T-Rex
<kim> ...and jumped on its head
<REDACTED1> ...
<kim> then used his surfing skills to slide down its tail while the T-rex got attacked by a shark
<REDACTED1> makes my unicorn look tame
<kim> weirdly nova and brian are here
<kim> because time travel
<kim> and april. on a pterodactyl
<kim> "we're all kind of dead as it is, so this is a bonus round"
<kim> "and by the way fin, i know you've been eaten by a lot of sharks, and you've survived, but i've actually been eaten and pooped out by a lot of dinosaurs because they couldn't digest me. it's been rough."
<kim> oh, thank fuck for that, a meteor strike
<REDACTED2> :)
<kim> "there it is, the first sharknado! i'm going to need a bigger chainsaw"
<kim> so they're riding into the sharknado on the pterdactyl, and hitting meteors at it with a baseball bat
<REDACTED1> I've done that boss fight
<kim> he's feeding multiple meteors to the same shark
<kim> ...to make an explosion
<kim> ...and destroy the sharknado
<kim> ...activating the flux capacitor
<kim> "it's a timenado! let's do the timewarp again!"
<kim> and roll credits
<REDACTED1> bet that's not it
<kim> they appear to be spoilering the whole film in scooby-doo style flash animation
<kim> so maybe i don't have to watch any more?
<kim> okay, well, medieval castle, they're on a pterodactyl, that's not going to end well
<kim> yeah, that last scene left as an exercise for the reader
<kim> so, sword fight with morgana
<REDACTED1> wait, when did arthurian legend come into this?!
<kim> timewarp, innit
<REDACTED2> jumping the shark
<kim> "this looks like sharknado weather" "i thought we got rid of the sharknadoes" "you thought we were home"
<kim> ah, merlin
<kim> oh, it's everyone's favourite weatherman (i think)
<kim> no wait, it's Neil deGrasse Tyson
<kim> i think that's my minor american celebrity knowledge exhausted
<kim> oh, morgana wants him to use SCIENCE to release excalibur, in exchange for stopping the sharknado
<kim> i think we can see where this is going
<kim> oh, she's magicked the sharks into fire-breathing dragonsharks
<kim> i genuinely didn't expect that
<REDACTED1> who would?
<kim> fin needs something more powerful to defeat the sharknado
<kim> oh there we go, chainsword-from-the-stone
<kim> and really implausible timewarp...
<kim> "the british are coming!"
<kim> "the sharks are coming!"
<REDACTED1> I hope they don't expect us to fix it
<REDACTED1> we have enough problems with brexit, forget sharks
<kim> naah, USAnian revolution
<kim> ah, here's franklin
<kim> with a kite
<kim> "the british are throwing flying sharks at us!"
<barakta> ugh fuck off new karlie kloss wix
<REDACTED2> oh, yeah, that was annoying.
<REDACTED2> wix
<A_BOT> fuck off wix!
<kim> "hamilton! you know, i'm still trying to get tickets to your musical"
<kim> turns out those revolution era cannon are just the thing for shooting sharknadoes
<REDACTED2> wixnado isn't far off, I'm sure
<kim> only a matter of time
<kim> they've electrified the sharknado and defeated the british!
<kim> now they're trying to mess with the timeline by warning nova's grandfather not to go fishing
<kim> presumably because fishing is boring and stupid
<REDACTED1> makes sense
<kim> they're back-to-the-futring washington's carriage to make it do 88mph as the lighting hits... you know the drill
<kim> so they're in the old west, and it's full of minor american celebrities
<kim> and like all westerns, it's basically dull
<kim> there had better be some sharks in a minute
<kim> yes, that's better
<kim> billy the kid just got impaled on a shark
<kim> swordfish sort of thing
<kim> not sure those are actually sharks
<kim> ah, the traditional old west way to get to 88mph
<kim> they appear to have landed in the 60s
<kim> a weird low-budget version of the 60s
<kim> probably squandered it all on renting that steam locomotive
<kim> shark using a surfboard to surf on sand
<kim> that's like being jumped by the shark
<kim> it's a shark-and-roll-nado
<kim> they've bumped into fin's parents, who have a caravan with a laser
<kim> and a flux capacitor
<kim> and a great many back to the future references
<kim> uhoh, they appear to be in 1997
<kim> nova's trying to stop her grandfather from going fishing again
<REDACTED2> Terminado?
<kim> desmond tutu was right. fishing is boring and stupid
<kim> especially when you're having an angsty scene about messing with causality
<REDACTED3> back from [REDACTED] :)
<REDACTED3> how're you lot?
<kim> they made another sharknado film, the bastards.
<REDACTED3> what's the gimmick this time?
<kim> time travel
<REDACTED3> oh yeah, I was the one who found the trailer, I remember
<kim> if this scene doesn't end in Jaws, i'm going to be really disappointed
<REDACTED3> bit high brow for the Sharknado crowd
<kim> half the cast just got eaten by sharks. in the ocean.
<kim> that's pretty jawsy
<REDACTED3> sharks ...in the ocean?
<REDACTED3> that seems pretty radical
<kim> and the flux capacitor's broken
<REDACTED3> did it get caught in a tornado, made of wind?
<kim> they've hooked a shark and it's waterskiing them up to 88mph
<kim> and now they're in the BTTF2 alternate timeline
<kim> oh, no, power of ten error. thye're in 20013 and there are flying cybersharks
<REDACTED2> oops
<REDACTED1> I feel a headache brewing
<REDACTED3> ah, we've all been there
<REDACTED3> I mean. not 20013, but we've got it wrong by a power of ten
<kim> and an army of cyber-aprils
<kim> "it's planet of the aprils!"
<kim> they have holo-chainsaws
<kim> they've frozen skye in carbonite and they're after fin's DNA
<kim> worst delivery of "get away from him you BITCH" ever
<REDACTED3> this sharknado sounds like it's pitched to the sort of pop culture I enjoy
<kim> they've made up for that by making it a terrible film
<REDACTED3> it's probably also full of cameos of shit American Z list reality TV celebrities that you don't recognise
<kim> we had neil degrasse tyson earlier
<kim> that's my limit
<kim> because it all got a bit confusingly scifi, they're now back on a boat shooting at a sharknado
<kim> and fin's got a chainsaw
<kim> and cyber-april's manipulated the time vortex to save the sharknado
<kim> because that makes snese
<kim> they've shorted out the flux capacitor and it's a cameo-nado
<kim> shark! with april's frikkin laser head in its mouth!
<kim> "it's time for a reboot!"
* kim thinks . o O ( oh hell no )
<barakta> it's all the holodeck ending?
<kim> i think we're back in the first movie
<kim> they've got a letter from the hoff (who's busy in space)
<kim> and skye's going to be president
<kim> fin's moving to texas to be a tree surgeon, on account of his chainsaw skills
<kim> ...this moving speech isn't very moving
<kim> and our favourite weatherman is on the telly, forecasting a sunny and calm day
<kim> *the end*
<kim> WORST. SHARKNADO. FILM. EVER.
<REDACTED3> wow
* kim liquids
* kim returns, muttering about how terrible that film was
<kim> now i need to post this scrollback to YACF to make sure nobody else has to go through what i just did. and delete the file. and zero the disk.
