The deep, deep joy of the summer holidays

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

As I cycled home tonight I got stuck on the cycle path behind 4 boys who wouldn't let me past. Well, one of them moved over to let me past but the rest didn't, so I asked them if they'd mind letting me past. One of them deliberately stopped right in front of me so I had to brake sharply, then said "I stopped to let you past and you didn't go." They kept that up, swerving in front of me and around me and cycling really slowly, for about a mile and a half, getting in the way of people coming from the opposite direction too. At one point I nearly got past them by getting round them on the grass, but not quite.

Then they all had to slow right down as a huge bloke came barrelling down towards them from the opposite direction and I got ahead of them, with just one of them keeping up with me, and then he had to go back as a cry of "Steeeeeve, come baaaack, I've craaaashed" could be heard from behind us. I said "good, I hope he's broken his neck" and went on my way.

There'll be 6 more weeks of this until the schools go back. I might keep my heavy chain to hand for belting the little shits round the head.

[peliroja]

Oh. I thought this was going to be a happy post. 

[Deano]

Shame about that crash

May I suggest a stick through the spokes next time?  It'd also be handy for beating them around the head, and you can withdraw it quicker than you can a bicycle chain.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Oh. I thought this was going to be a happy post. 

Sorry.

There are lots of sticks lying about, so I might try that next time.

[Wowbagger]

Oh. I thought this was going to be a happy post. 

Sorry.

There are lots of sticks lying about, so I might try that next time.

It sounds as though you have a choice of ways and places to employ them.

[Notsototalnewbie]

Little shits.

I had some play the 'jumping out in front of me' game a few weeks back, which is not what someone of a nervous disposition needs...unfortunately I think the look on my face was just what they were after 

[little miss mac]

I hate, hate, hate that kind of behaviour and feel terribly intimidated by it.

Would an airzound help? Not your fault if it's discharged near to the eardrum of one of the offending pieces of crap, of course.

[Cunobelin]

Fox 40

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Oooooh I just ordered a pink one with a purple lanyard.

[rower40]

This time of year a few years ago, I was out rowing on the river, when a group of local youfs decided to throw stones at me.  They missed, but only just.  After getting out of the boat, I happened to be cycling back into town that way, and saw one of the offenders, walking along the road with his back to me.

As I approached him, I had a full water bottle.  When I rode away, I had an empty one.
I don't know if he put 2 and 2 together to link my act of revenge with his assault-with-a-deadly-weapon (a stone on the head while in a boat doesn't bear thinking of) but it made me feel better.

[HTFB]

South London yesterday was saturated with 17-year-olds all stalling their driving instructors' cars having started lessons on Monday.

[JohnP]

Luckily most of our schools haven't finished yet.

[tiermat]

If they offenders are walking I find that a swift kick to the back of their knee works wonders, especially effective if you are wearing carbon soled shoes at the time

If they are cycling then emptying your water bottle over them or some other such unexpected tactic can work equally well.

[Elleigh]

We have a fortnight before our little darling break up from school!

 

[nuttycyclist]

As I cycled home tonight I got stuck on the cycle path behind ...

And that, boys and girls, is why Nutty prefers the roads.

[dkahn400]

Oooooh I just ordered a pink one with a purple lanyard.

Fantastic, let us know if it has the desired result. It has the advantage that you're not only giving them a shock but are attracting attention in a "Help, help, I'm being molested" kind of way.

[dkahn400]

As I approached him, I had a full water bottle.  When I rode away, I had an empty one.

In the circumstances I think that was very restrained of you.

[blackpuddinonnabike]

As I cycled home tonight I got stuck on the cycle path behind ...

And that, boys and girls, is why Nutty prefers the roads.

This particular cycle path (if it's the Innocent Railway) is particularly good, save for the fact that it passes and heads to bandit country. I use it virtually every day - I'd like to see one of the little buggers try it on with me.

[Parris]Chicken wire should be strung across the paths[/Parris]

Pity we head in opposite directions when using the path Kirst - I would have offered some chaperoning.   

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

And that, boys and girls, is why Nutty prefers the roads.

The roads would be twice as far and take at least twice as long. And both road options are pretty horrific just now, owing to roadworks everywhere forcing traffic onto roads they wouldn't normally be on, and construction work attracting big lorries. The cycle path itself is pretty good, it's wide, reasonably well-maintained, very well used - it just runs through one of the less salubrious areas. I happily use the roads when they're the best option, but they're definitely the worst option for my commute.

I did wonder if you'd meet them, Anth. I didn't feel particularly threatened by them, just annoyed and frustrated. I'm looking forward to the delivery of my whistle now, and will consider a handlebar basket to put a lot of big sticks in. Or maybe a flame-thrower.

[teethgrinder]

I heard a story some time ago about shops playing classical music to stop the local yoof from loitering outside.
Maybe you should fit some speakers to your handlebars and rig up some of your favourite classical stuff. You'll enjoy your ride more and it might even shift the kids.
If someone is deliberately trying to annoy you, the best thing to do is show them that you are enjoying youself. I've used that one many times. They expect you to fight back. But you are unbeatable if they can't upset you. Chill out, maybe stop and take a swig from your bidon. Beat them at their own game and go even slower than they do. They'll lose interest if they make no impact on you.
Try being happy and enjoying yourself, you have nothing to lose. Better than being upset.

[fuzzy]

You have just conjoured visions of Kirst towing beatrix playin Ride of the valkyries at full balst with a basket full of sticks and a flame thrower- bring on the Zombpocalypse!

[rae]

I generally find that closing on jerks like this at an immense speed with a bellow of "coming through" tends to have the desired effect.   God help them the day it doesn't, 16 stone at 20+ would hurt. 

[Torslanda]

I generally find that closing on jerks like this at an immense speed with a bellow of "coming through" tends to have the desired effect.   God help them the day it doesn't, 16 stone at 20+ would hurt. 

Seconded. 2 cwt+ @ >15mph = mmmmmmmmmm! MOMENTUM 

J

[Gandalf]

Working outside I dread the summer holidays.  A few years back when I was up a pole doing my telephone engineer thing a throng of the little gits were  gathered round the bottom of the ladder "you won't have look silly if I take this ladder away" quoth the ringleader. 

I replied with " not as silly as you'll look with a pair of 6 inch wire cutters sticking out of the top of your head yer little maggot"

[Mr Larrington]

I heard a story some time ago about shops playing classical music to stop the local yoof from loitering outside.

They do it in Brixton tube station...