Grammar that makes you cringe

[Auntie Helen]

mouse - mice
house - hice ?

goose - geese
moose - meese ?

Oh, the joy and simplicity of the English language! 
 

goose - geese
Moose - meese
Mongoose - mongeese

[Tim Hall]

Usage. 'Literally'.

This week I have heard it used twice, by people who should probably have known better, when  its antonym, or nothing at all, should have been used.  Margaret Hodge said something on Question Time about the MOD 'literally throwing money down the drain'.  And Sally Bercow on the 10 O'clock Show: "If we do switch to AV MPs are going to literally have a rocket shoved up their bottom".  Daily in work I hear the twenty-somethings in the team use it as an intensifier: "I was literally in at 7 o'clock". I sigh and bite my tongue.

http://xkcd.com/725/

[Bledlow]

mouse - mice
house - hice ?

goose - geese
moose - meese ?

Oh, the joy and simplicity of the English language! 
 

goose - geese
Moose - meese
Mongoose - mongeese

Choose - cheese.

I'll get my coat.

[Palinurus]

A work-related one. I formulate really dull chemical products for the electronics industry.

Tech sales ask- "is this the same chemistry as XCV932?" (I made that up, but the real names aren't any snappier)

Yes I say.

If I was designing hammers: "Hmmm, I like it- is this the same physics as that blue hammer you did last week?"

[border-rider]

Spam email:

Is Your Data Protected?

[L CC]

  Clarion!

Out to Bethnal Green next, where we saw Oxford House (or Oh! these days), which was a mission house, complete with Fives court in the basement for the Eton lads who went their to provide paternalistic intervention as 'lamps in the darkness'. 

[clarion]

[Mr Larrington]

mouse - mice
house - hice ?

goose - geese
moose - meese ?

Oh, the joy and simplicity of the English language! 
 

goose - geese
Moose - meese
Mongoose - mongeese

Noes!

Mongoose - polygoose.

[SandyV]

Mongoose - mesgeese?

[clarion]

Mon oeil!

Or mon oie...

[Wendy]

Spam email:

Is Your Data Protected?

If you write "Are your data protected?", then I will hate you!  I can't argue with the capitalisation problems there.

[Andrij]

Spam email:

Is Your Data Protected?

If you write "Are your data protected?", then I will hate you!  I can't argue with the capitalisation problems there.

"Do you have adequate data protection measures implemented?"
 

[citoyen]

"Have you protected your data?"

d.

[Ian H]

"Do you have adequate data protection measures implemented?"
 

[clarion]

Not grammar exactly, but if I hear the word 'enormity' misused on the BBC again, I may head down there accompanied by a* BEAR




* Clearly not teh BEAR.  M. le Maire has the monopoly thereof.

[Cudzoziemiec]

"... is a whole nother topic."

Reading an article where instead of the author saying, "... is another topic," or, "... is a whole other topic," uses his own method, splitting up the word another. It is quite amusing.

Have you actually seen this in writing? I've only come across it in speech, where it at least has a certain flow to it - the 'n' somehow helps the transition between 'whole' and 'other' - but to actually write it down is worrying.

[Gandalf]

Not grammar exactly, but if I hear the word 'enormity' misused on the BBC again, I may head down there accompanied by a* BEAR




* Clearly not teh BEAR.  M. le Maire has the monopoly thereof.

I heard a classic the other day from the Beeb, chap suggested that folk might want to 'emanate' entenpreneur James Caan.

[Cudzoziemiec]

So it's an article on a forum, where people write in conversational tone, something like here. That makes it understandable, but not excusable, to me. "A completely different... " would be grammatical while still being informal.

[HTFB]

That's quite unrepro-tmesis-achable.

[mattc]

I know this is the grammar thread, but getting uffish and frumious at the use of slang on a web forum?

[clarion]

I just used the word 'upliftment', but it's so damn ugly to write and say that it's probably wrong, though I can't think what the correct word would be

[Bledlow]

Spelling, not grammar -

Bulgar wheat instead of bulgur. Bulgur is a Turkish word which has nothing to do with Bulgaria or Bulgarians.

[Greenbank]

Upgradation.

Seen it twice now (both of sub-continent origin). The Sainsbury's Local had a sign up saying that the store will be closing an hour early one evening for "Systems upgradation."

[mattc]

I just used the word 'upliftment', but it's so damn ugly to write and say that it's probably wrong, though I can't think what the correct word would be

Well I can tell you it is also damn ugly to read, if that helps your decision!

Without seeing your context I can't be sure, but I suspect your problem and GB's example could both be solved by sensible pruning:
...ment -> delete it
...dation -> de

[clarion]

Spiritual Uplift?  Is that a church-approved brassiere?