The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[mcshroom]

Someone in an adjacent pitch has had their car engine idling for the last umpty minutes.  I'm suspicious that they're doing this in order to recharge a smartphone.

I'm sure the combined wits of the Mildenhall Rally could rustle up some rollers and a dynamo-equipped bicycle. Or one of the many mains sockets in the village hall, FFS.

Or just charge the phone without running the car. It won't deplete the battery enough to cause any problems. My fiesta will charge with the key removed and car locked up.

[Kim]

Someone in an adjacent pitch has had their car engine idling for the last umpty minutes.  I'm suspicious that they're doing this in order to recharge a smartphone.

I'm sure the combined wits of the Mildenhall Rally could rustle up some rollers and a dynamo-equipped bicycle. Or one of the many mains sockets in the village hall, FFS.

Or just charge the phone without running the car. It won't deplete the battery enough to cause any problems. My fiesta will charge with the key removed and car locked up.

Many cars turn off the power socket when the ignition's off.  This sort of thing is easily defeated with a bit of electrical-fu (admittedly the sort that tends to go with forward planning WRT powering your phone while camping).

I installed an extra bonus always-on power socket at the back of the glove compartment of my last car for this sort of thing.

(It's still running.)

[Cudzoziemiec]

Large potato, exhaust. Failing that, a bucket of cold water (for the owner, not the car). Or just nick the car and/or phone.

[ElyDave]

Someone in an adjacent pitch has had their car engine idling for the last umpty minutes.  I'm suspicious that they're doing this in order to recharge a smartphone.

I'm sure the combined wits of the Mildenhall Rally could rustle up some rollers and a dynamo-equipped bicycle. Or one of the many mains sockets in the village hall, FFS.

I forgot that was this weekend, had contemplated doing one of their audaxes.   Which probably explains the hordes of happy hairy cyclists with bar bags I encountered in my jaunt through suffolk this afternoon.

[ian]

Reading the magazine from the council advertising the benefits of 'wellbeing' and 'active lifestyles' while at the same time looking at the local swimming pool timetable which no longer has a lunchtime swimming session (because it seems the school are unwilling to relinquish even an hour at lunchtime). So if you're a working person and fancied doing something other than stuffing sandwiches into your gob at lunchtime, fuck off.

There's some joined-up thinking for you.

[hellymedic]

My brother has just shared this on Facebook. I am speechless. Apologies for lack of swearyrant!

Ryanair flight 792 this morning saw probably the nastiest display of cabin crew behaviour I have ever seen .... a young lady was ill and was sick in the galley area. The crew led by a female called Eli refused to give her water unless she paid. She only had US dollars which they refused - I purchased some water for her ..... then the crew asked her to clear up and wipe the cabin floor. As she cleaned up they continued to sell their products with no regard whatever for the welfare of the passenger. Ryanair - is there no bottom to how low you stoop?

[Canardly]

Are they a fit organisation to have a license to fly?

[spesh]

Lyin'Air - sorry Ryan Air - perhaps ought to be renamed the Grace L. Ferguson Airline (and Storm Door Co.)

https://youtu.be/XNjqrS96SiA?t=50s

[essexian]

What a way to operate a business!!!

Safestyle windows, you are a bunch of something rude!

Now, I know that getting double glazing quotes can be difficult what with the cowboys out there, but to phone a company and ask them to attend to give a quote only to be told that they couldn't do so unless both myself and CBH were at home is outstandingly twatish.

It seems that they insist that both of the couple are at home as they have loads of difficult styles and stuff to explain... Yeah okay but I am more than capable of making a choice and CBH is happy for me to do so.

But no, that's not good enough for them and both parties must be there.

One terminated call later: there is no way they will ever get my business.

[orienteer]

Most likely due to high pressure sales technique whereby they play one off against the other.

[essexian]

Most likely due to high pressure sales technique whereby they play one off against the other.

Yep, that's what I thought.

When my brother and I lived together pre CBH, we physically removed a salesman from our house who would not take no for an answer. Its a shame that the bloke we used twice previously has retired to Spain as there was no nonsense with him.

[hellymedic]

Most likely due to high pressure sales technique whereby they play one off against the other.

Is that the glazing or the trolley sales on Ryanair flights? 

[essexian]

Most likely due to high pressure sales technique whereby they play one off against the other.

Is that the glazing or the trolley sales on Ryanair flights? 

Well it can't be double glazing as despite phoning three other companies at around 9am this morning, not one of them has bothered to phone me back to make an appointment.  Doesn't anyone want my business? 

[Torslanda]

Measure your windows, pick your style, find your local double glazing manufacturer/wholesaler and place your order.

Easily fitted by a local tradesperson/builder . . .

[Canardly]

Depends if you require a FENSA certificate or not. However an awful lot of firms out there do buy them in from generic manufacturers. IME a Fensa cert is not a guarantee of a quality installation. A local builder would probably take things through building control and serve notice, which is fine.

[tiermat]

Trying to check in for a flight, online. Doesn't work as I just get a blank screen at the point it says "get your boarding pass". Try the live chat, explain the situation and get "the problem is that you are not checked in".

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.

Seriously, see that bit, up there, where I say what the problem is? Yes, go and read it again. Stop sending me random YouTube links and suggestions from your standard script and actually help me.

I gave up in the end, just after he suggested that they are having website issues and that I should try again, later.

Guess which airline?

[Aunt Maud]

Guess which airline?

Quantas ?

[tiermat]

Just or the shitz and gigglez, here's the transcript...

 
    Zoltan.T    Tue, 09/26/17 08:09:13 am Europe/London    
 
   Hello Tiermat. How may I help you?     
   
    Tiermat    08:09:23 am    
 
   Googd morning, Zoltan     
I am trying to check in, I get through the first two bit (passport number then seat selection) then just get a black window when it says "Get your boarding cards"    
   
    Zoltan.T    08:10:27 am    
 
   Let me check.     
#1sse    
To pass our Security Check, could you give me your reservation number, please? May I also take the e-mail address which you have used to make the reservation and the last 4 digits of the card that you have paid with?

In addition to these, could you provide us one of the following details that you have used to make your booking:
Phone number/ Billing Address / Name of the passengers booked    
   
    Tiermat   08:10:42 am    
 
   XXXXXXX     
xxx@yyyy.com

1435    
Tiermat    08:11:02 am
   
    Zoltan.T    08:11:44 am    
 
   Thank you. Let me check this for you.     
   
Tiermat   08:11:53 am    
 
   Thankyou     
   
    Zoltan.T    08:12:15 am    
 
   As I can see you are not checked in for this flight. Please go to our webiste first. On the top you can see 'Check in', please click on it. After retrieving your booking, please click on 'Check in now'. You will be able to check in and get your boarding passes if you follow the steps indicated there. If you would like to get some guidance with online check in, let me suggest the below link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYqnEhz0ft8&feature=youtu.be
   
    Tiermat    08:13:02 am    
 
   I have tried that and each time I get a blank screen when it gets to the bit where it should show my boarding cards     
I don't need help checking in, I need to be able to get my boarding cards...    
   
    Zoltan.T    08:15:29 am    
 
   The problem is you are not checked for any of your flight.     
You also have no seat.    
Advance online check-in (opens 60 days before each flight) is only available to customers who select to purchase an allocated seat.
If you do not wish to select and purchase your preferred seat on board, then online check in will be available from 4 days up to 2 hours before each booked flight. In this case, you will be allocated a seat randomly, free of charge.    
Is there anything else I can help you with today?    
   
     Tiermat    08:16:02 am    
 
   I know, because the process doesn't complete     
I enter my passport details, select a seat, then get a blank screen.    
I have runt hrough this process numerous times before, I know what is required but I still cannot get my boarding cards.    
You haven't helped me, yet, you are just randomly picking answers off your hint sheet    08:17:15 am
I booked a Plus ticket, so I can check in now, I select a seat (it makes no difference if I select one that I need to pay for or not), slect a seat for the return journey then when I click on "Get your Boarding Passes" I get a BLANK SCREEN.    08:18:28 am
Can you at least work out what the issue is and get it so I can check in and get my boarding card, or are you going to give me another random Youtube link and a random hint from your script?    08:19:11 am
Hello? Any further assistance?    08:26:49 am
   
    Zoltan.T    08:29:17 am    
 
   Thank you for your patience. I was just checking this for you.     
   
    Tiermat    08:29:37 am    
 
   OK, thanks     
   
    Zoltan.T    08:37:01 am    
 
   It seems to me there is a temporary issue with the website.     
On behalf of TFUAir, we sincerely apologise for this issue.    
   
    Tiermat    08:37:54 am    
 
   I have been trying this since yesterday morning, and getting the same issue.     
   
    Zoltan.T    08:37:57 am    
 
   We adivse you to try to check in later.     
   
    Tiermat    08:39:20 am    
 
   In other words "We don't have a clue, kindly go away". Thank you, TFUAir, for wasting half an hour of my time. I will try later and go through the whole rigmarole of trying to contact you through the live chat, again.     
You have been no help, whatsoever.    
   
 

[Aunt Maud]

FUAir needs you to use Chrome for their website to work properly.

[essexian]

As an addendum to yesterdays double glazing rants, we had a bloke come around to give us a quote this morning.... well he explained that he had been with the company since they opened in 1977 and frankly, he couldn't be bothered to try to get us to buy something we didn't want, so he would give us one price and that was it..... 

I mean, WTF.... someone who wants to deal with customers in a straightforward way! What a way to run a business!!!! CBH was very disappointed too as she was looking forward to throwing someone out of the house for being a twat but didn't get the chance!

Anyway, their one price was £500 less than we had budgeted for so we signed up. Yes yes, of course you should get three quote: that's what I used to tell my clients, but frankly, the bloke was so nice we couldn't be bothered to!

Nice and straightforward sales persons.... that's just wrong! 

[ian]

Some idiot, let's call him ian, somehow got a something black and bitumeny wedged in the bottom of his slipper. From where he doesn't know. Now it's everywhere. It's a good job I'm the official cat sick cleaner and a dab hand with the mop and carpet cleaner. Bizarre. No idea what it is, sort of black and waxy. Maybe mascara, I suppose. I don't even wear mascara. Not at work, anyway.

[tiermat]

FUAir needs you to use Chrome for their website to work properly.

That, I know. I tried with Chrome, IE and Firefox.

[Mr Larrington]

Dear HorseyBank,

I know my debit card is about to expire, because:

• A mobile phone service provider has recently e-mailed me to say "your debit card is about to expire"
• An internet service provider has recently e-mailed me to say "your debit card is about to expire"
• "EXPIRES END 09/17" IS WRITTEN ON THE FRONT OF THE FUCKING CARD

Now, I am in USAnia.  You know this because:

• My debit card has a holiday flag set on it, telling you that I am in USAnia, and return to the UK on September 28
• You have sent me two text messages while I've been away telling me my card has been used in a USAnian ATM yadda yadda

Therefore, there is absolutely no need to send me a text to tell me my debit card is about to expire and I should have received my new one and I can start using the new one straight away, because:

• I know, and
• The new one had better be waiting on the doormat of Larrington Towers, about five thousand miles away

Moreover, there is even less need to send that text at three o'clock in the fucking morning.  Anyone would think that HorseyBank Card Services don't talk to, er, HorseyBank Card Services.

[ian]

Some idiot, let's call him ian, somehow got a something black and bitumeny wedged in the bottom of his slipper. From where he doesn't know. Now it's everywhere. It's a good job I'm the official cat sick cleaner and a dab hand with the mop and carpet cleaner. Bizarre. No idea what it is, sort of black and waxy. Maybe mascara, I suppose. I don't even wear mascara. Not at work, anyway.

Soot from next door's wood stove is the current theory. Must have blown in. Found a few pieces.

[Mrs Pingu]

Some idiot, let's call him ian, somehow got a something black and bitumeny wedged in the bottom of his slipper. From where he doesn't know. Now it's everywhere. It's a good job I'm the official cat sick cleaner and a dab hand with the mop and carpet cleaner. Bizarre. No idea what it is, sort of black and waxy. Maybe mascara, I suppose. I don't even wear mascara. Not at work, anyway.

Soot from next door's wood stove is the current theory. Must have blown in. Found a few pieces.

I've trampled in bits of coal from my next door neighbour's pile and got it all over the sodding carpet. Hence we now have a outdoor shoes rule in Pingu Towers.