Butterfly and I have different styles. I'm much more spinny than her, so on the tandem, she ups her cadence, and I have to grunt in higher gears than I would normally use.
Maybe it's a function of The Ride, but we find it varies as to what we consider "OK" wrt cadence and gearing. Generally, we've found a norm that works. But in extremis, such as fatigue, our styles depart and a compromise is required. For example:
Me: <Selects a gear - I have all the controls>
FBoab: "Easier, Please"
Me: <Downshifts>
or, later in the ride when we tire at different rates:
Me: <Maintains a spinnier gear on a climb>
FBoab: "I can handle one harder"
Me: "Erm... you're on your own with that one - I'm spent"
The compromise of The Tandem is a constant ebb and flow of fortunes, capabilities and desires; and that's the rub. If you have an understanding and tolerance with each other, you'll handle it - if you don't... well... it'll be something of a shouting match.
We've only really had a couple of incidences where it got out of hand; one notable being when I was losing patience with the inability to select granny over some hilly terrain (Southern Uplands of Scotland). I kept trying, and Fboab lost it:
FBoab: "Stop. Stop now."
Me: <Stops>
Fboab: <Gets off the bike>
Me: <Rides on up the hill>
Me: <Stops and Waits further up the road>
FBoab: "Don't you
ever ride off like that again."
Me: "Well, don't get off then."
Sigh. Not our finest moment. But we managed, and we got over it.
Someone said to us "Wherever your relationship is heading - the tandem will get you there faster."