Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread (Read 443253 times)

T42 · « **Reply #2225 on:** 05 December, 2020, 02:38:01 pm »

Stopped at a patisserie on my ride this afternoon. Completely forgot to put a mask on, so I backed out, disinterred the item from a back pocket and advanced through the doorway again. Tried to put the loops over my ears but it didn't work because I was wearing a balaclava, so I just held them together at the back of my neck. Three steps inside and one exhalation later my glasses were completely opaque. I lifted them with the other hand, which was also carrying a winter glove: this flopped across my left eye. Serving lassie approaches. "Any chocolate chip cookies?" "No. See anything else you like?" "Can't see anything. Ah, forget it. Bye bye."

The Family Cyclist · « **Reply #2226 on:** 07 December, 2020, 01:12:53 pm »

Me. Dog walk this morning and found I didn't have the roll of poo bags I thought I had in my pocket when our mini horse did what they do. Found said roll on doorstep and went back to deal with as cannot abide people who don't.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2227 on:** 10 December, 2020, 04:32:40 pm »

Cutting yourself while shaving is just one of those things, but cutting your finger while shaving is quite special.

No, I'm not a werewolf. I was looking in the mirror, holding the razor in one hand in mid air, when I suddenly moved the other hand for some reason and the two collided. Middle finger. Painless, as they are, but lots of blood.

Beardy · « **Reply #2228 on:** 11 December, 2020, 01:01:46 am »

This morning I drove 250 miles to see my dad and drop of Christmas presents. I didn’t bother calling him first because he doesn’t go out on Wednesdays.

andrewc · « **Reply #2229 on:** 11 December, 2020, 08:39:46 am »

I just opened the living room curtains & somehow pulled the curtain rail off the wall. All 4 plastic mounting clips sheared in 2.

hellymedic · « **Reply #2230 on:** 11 December, 2020, 07:43:30 pm »

I am pleased to report the curtain rail I installed here in 1999 has remained in situ, despite the failure of two previous curtain rails, as evidenced by two sets of holes above the window.

andrewc · « **Reply #2231 on:** 11 December, 2020, 09:46:07 pm »

The curtain rail was there when I bought the flat in 198mumbly...... I'm now faced with trying to find the same "Swish" fixings in the few open shops likely to have such stuff in central Liverpool. I've a feeling I'm restricted to Wilko or John Lewis. My left knee is knackered at the moment so I don't fancy a bike ride to B&Q.

rogerzilla · « **Reply #2232 on:** 14 December, 2020, 04:28:11 pm »

I bought a secondhand ADSL router to solve the intermittent 5Ghz WiFi connection on my shite Plusnet One router (which is a known issue Plusnet cannot fix).

The Netgear D6200 doesn't work on FttC. That's why it was so cheap

Beardy · « **Reply #2233 on:** 14 December, 2020, 05:07:18 pm »

Quote from: rogerzilla on 14 December, 2020, 04:28:11 pm

I bought a secondhand ADSL router to solve the intermittent 5Ghz WiFi connection on my shite Plusnet One router (which is a known issue Plusnet cannot fix).

The Netgear D6200 doesn't work on FttC. That's why it was so cheap

will it work as a wireless bridge?

rogerzilla · « **Reply #2234 on:** 14 December, 2020, 05:23:42 pm »

Probably, but the clutter is prohibitive.

rafletcher · « **Reply #2235 on:** 15 December, 2020, 11:59:36 am »

Make the jump to a (Deco) mesh? Not cheap at around £150 but really good (and will reach a garden shed 35m away in my case.).

T42 · « **Reply #2236 on:** 21 December, 2020, 03:24:21 pm »

You know that moment when you've got your Sealskinz socks on with bib tights that have stirrups, your middle layer on top and your winter jacket over the lot, then you finally work your foot into a shoe and realize that yet again you've forgotten to cut your toenails? Guess who said bugger that I haven't the time?

Right big toe's companion now in a state of ouch.

ElyDave · « **Reply #2237 on:** 21 December, 2020, 06:22:48 pm »

My worst experience with bib tights was when I put the base layer on over the top of the straps, and then had a bathroom emergency. Now I put the base layer on first, bib-tights straps over the top. One less layer between me and bowel comfort

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2238 on:** 24 December, 2020, 06:36:20 pm »

You know how when you've been faffing with notwork cables and end up rearranging some of the furniture and end up with a crate or two full of Stuffs that ought to have been relocated upstairs five years ago in a place where your feet don’t expect them to be and thus smite the said crate with the said foot a blow such as would loosen the bollocks of the very mightiest of heffalumps?

Yes, exactly like that.

Beardy · « **Reply #2239 on:** 25 December, 2020, 11:30:04 am »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 24 December, 2020, 06:36:20 pm

You know how when you've been faffing with notwork cables and end up rearranging some of the furniture and end up with a crate or two full of Stuffs that ought to have been relocated upstairs five years ago in a place where your feet don’t expect them to be and thus smite the said crate with the said foot a blow such as would loosen the bollocks of the very mightiest of heffalumps?

Yes, exactly like that.

You have my sympathy. I did similar when out running, but replace box of stuffs with semi buried steel stake placed for tying up boats on. I’m still waiting for the toe nail to grow back.

hellymedic · « **Reply #2240 on:** 27 December, 2020, 04:20:33 pm »

Quote from: ElyDave on 21 December, 2020, 06:22:48 pm

My worst experience with bib tights was when I put the base layer on over the top of the straps, and then had a bathroom emergency. Now I put the base layer on first, bib-tights straps over the top. One less layer between me and bowel comfort

Be grateful you are not queueueing for the Ladies toilets behind a bib-longs wearer, in the deep midwinter...

(There is a REASON I never got bibs...)

Kim · « **Reply #2241 on:** 27 December, 2020, 06:26:44 pm »

Quote from: hellymedic on 27 December, 2020, 04:20:33 pm

Quote from: ElyDave on 21 December, 2020, 06:22:48 pm
My worst experience with bib tights was when I put the base layer on over the top of the straps, and then had a bathroom emergency. Now I put the base layer on first, bib-tights straps over the top. One less layer between me and bowel comfort

Be grateful you are not queueueing for the Ladies toilets behind a bib-longs wearer, in the deep midwinter...

Especially if there's a limited supply of bogroll and they're going to use the rest of it drying the straps off after they end up in the bowl...

Beardy · « **Reply #2242 on:** 27 December, 2020, 07:09:05 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 27 December, 2020, 06:26:44 pm

Quote from: hellymedic on 27 December, 2020, 04:20:33 pm
Quote from: ElyDave on 21 December, 2020, 06:22:48 pm
My worst experience with bib tights was when I put the base layer on over the top of the straps, and then had a bathroom emergency. Now I put the base layer on first, bib-tights straps over the top. One less layer between me and bowel comfort

Be grateful you are not queueueing for the Ladies toilets behind a bib-longs wearer, in the deep midwinter...

Especially if there's a limited supply of bogroll and they're going to use the rest of it drying the straps off after they end up in the bowl...

You don’t carry your own supply when doing things with lots of people.

CommuteTooFar · « **Reply #2243 on:** 28 December, 2020, 11:05:22 am »

Oh dear, I'm getting old. I wanted to the roots of a quadratic equation. I found that I had forgotten the formula I learned for 'O' level maths. No problem so I completed the square on ax² + bx + c = 0. Eventually got the formula now I can not remember the quadratic equation I wanted to solve or I why I wanted to solve it in the first place.

Kim · « **Reply #2244 on:** 03 January, 2021, 08:34:18 pm »

Top tip: Next time you accidentally hoover up an important pingfuckit along with a little pile of swarf, try to ensure that it's a metal one.

After going through the stages of grief of a parent who is about 75% certain they saw a toddler swallow something inappropriate, this evening's entertainment culminated in dissecting a very full hoover bag and going through the contents mostly by touch, outside the back door, by the light of a head torch, in the freezing drizzle.

Go the bastard thing in the end, though. Grey plastic. What were they thinking?

Basil · « **Reply #2245 on:** 04 January, 2021, 11:33:21 am »

My credit card bill arrived this morning. The balance seemed odd. So assuming I'd forgotten about some purchase, I looked at the detail. That didn't seem to make any sense.
And then it dawned on me.
I looked at the balance again and this time I did notice the little minus sign.
I'd paid last month twice.

The Family Cyclist · « **Reply #2246 on:** 07 January, 2021, 08:47:29 pm »

Seeing a discussion on a cycling Facebook page about pedal spanners reminded me of this from around 10 years ago

Off to the orkneys, had our bikes with us, popped into Tiso an awesome outdoor shop in Inverness (not sure if it's still awesome as think they may have been sold) and wandering round realised my cycling shoes were hundreds of miles away down south. I was also running the ting SPD pedals you can't ride comfortably in normal shoes so ended up buying some flat pedals and a brilliant pedal spanner which was in the bargain bin

Tim Hall · « **Reply #2247 on:** 07 January, 2021, 11:37:17 pm »

I have a copy of my music collection on an SD card in the car.

The other day I went to copy some more stuffs to it to be told I had run out of space. Since then i have bought even more music, so Something Needed to Be Done.

This evening I went shoping, having made a mental note to eject the SD card to check the size. Got to Mr Tesco's House of Tooth Comestibles and forgot to eject it. Never mind, I was sure the existing one was 32GB so a 64GB would do nicely.

Got home, plugged the new! shiny! 64GB card into my computer and attmempted to copy all my music to it. Not enough space. Obvs.

Arse.

TimC · « **Reply #2248 on:** 08 January, 2021, 03:22:07 am »

Jeez. I had to trim mine down to fit in 256Gb! I think the master collection on my music PC is approaching 500 Gb.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2249 on:** 11 January, 2021, 12:30:45 pm »

EDF want meter readings. Clearing the TPsOC from in front of the the cupboard in which the 'leccy meter lurks is tedious, but simple. The gas meter, however, lives in a box outside. And while unlocking it I dropped the key. Into a bush. A horrible bush with horrible spiky leaves with horrible spikes on them