Dear Microsoft Word
Firstly, I miss Paperclip Guy. He would have written this for me. If I were ever to become friends with a paperclip, he'd be the one I'd choose. Of course, I'm not actually considering friendship with any kind of office sundry at present. That's no reflection on Paperclip Guy, I mean he was great, but I have a big red stapler that I suppose I like a bit more. But no, I'm just not into office supply friends. Not like that.
I also liked the cat that did the searching. He was a good cat. Not very good at searching, but then when you've misplaced your house keys, would you ask a cat for help? It best you don't, they're no good at it.
What I don't like is when Word crashes because I – oh I don't know – pressed the enter key funny. How was I to know that was going to cause terminal offence? Once upon a time, Paperclip Guy or search cat might have stepped in to avert disaster. But not now, it's just gone. I know you're sorry. I'm sorry. We're all sorry. It's a big festival of sorry. We should build a marquee, get catering, hire some portaloos and a rock band. That's how sorry we all are. Would I like to report it to Microsoft? Of course, but I think Paperclip Guy would have done it better. It looks like you're writing an angry letter to Microsoft. Sure am, Paperclip Guy, over to you.
Would I like to restart Word and recover my file? Sounds like a plan. Hold on, that's the file I opened this morning? I'm sure I did some work today. I'm sure Paperclip Guy used to autosave my work. He was good like that, always looking out for me. Ah, you did autosave my work, just in a file four layers down in a hidden library folder. Even search cat wouldn't have found that. Well, he never actually found anything, but then he did insist on looking under a carpet. No one ever lost a computer file under a virtual carpet. I once dropped a floppy disk down the toilet though.
So, Microsoft, I think (a) Word shouldn't crash when I press 'enter' and (b) you probably should recover the file you autosaved most recently not the one I saved yesterday.
thanks Microsoft!
your best pal, ian.