Author Topic: Let's not talk about mental health  (Read 2323 times)

Let's not talk about mental health
« on: 22 March, 2018, 12:43:04 pm »
I don't know whether I want to tell a story in the hope that somebody will find it interesting or whether I just want to put a few words on paper. I will begin and see what happens.

I have worked for the same company for over 40 years and last year I saw an opportunity to leave, taking voluntary redundancy. I spent, with my wife, about a week going over the figures and working out whether it was a viable option or not. In the end we decided that it was and I should apply. So I did. That was it, so I thought. They want to get rid of people, I am a willing volunteer so I am about to retire.

About a month after pressing the button I received news that I had skills they wanted to keep and so my application had been rejected. I didn't know of anybody that had been rejected before. I assumed it would be "rubber stamped" and I would go.

A few months later I was hearing comments, through my wife, about Bob not being himself, about me being quiet. I suppose I said I was ok and that was it. One person asked me if they had offended me in some way as I was quiet towards them. I said not and they lost interest.

Nobody spoke to me about it. Not one person said "are you alright?" Not once did anybody say "I can see that you are down, can we talk about it?"

If you are not yourself the best thing is to be left alone to "get over it" and cheer up.

I always thought that these are enlightened times and we can talk about mental health. I have done my research mostly by watching videos and reading articles. I have depression or I am depressed not sure which is correct. I said it. Doesn't make me feel any better but I said it. I know, or at least I think I know, what caused it. But surely that is such a trivial thing can it really be it? It is apparently quite usual for people feeling like me to just carry on and not to seek attention or even help.

I have worked through last year and tried to understand what happened. I abandoned several bike rides because I couldn't be bothered to finish them. Yes I gave an excuse, knee hurting, legs no good today, the usual reasons. I tried to hide the real problem. I could not be bothered. I was in a cloudy, and very lonely, place.

This year I have made up my mind. I am leaving work. I'm leaving on my terms. I am leaving because I want to. I am leaving when I want to. I want to get my love of being out on a bike back. I want to change. Maybe writing these words will help. Maybe it's not in the right place. Or maybe they might just strike a chord with somebody.

I know one thing for sure. If I ever see somebody that looks like they are suffering, I will go up to them and ask if they are alright. I will ask if they want to talk. I will ask if they need somebody just to sit with them, maybe in silence.

Sorry for rambling on. I just wanted to put some words down.

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #1 on: 22 March, 2018, 12:50:13 pm »
Hi Bob.  Say what you like - we are listening.

As an aside, are you sleeping well?  At one stage in my life I was under extreme stress. I ended up worrying so much I could nto sleep.
My brother, who is a doctor, was alarmed - sleep is needed to 'process' the events of the day. If you do not sleep then thoughts keep runnign round in your head.

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #2 on: 22 March, 2018, 12:57:04 pm »
Hi Bob.  Say what you like - we are listening.

Thank you for say that. It helps that somebody is listening.

I am sleeping ok. Not great. Not terrible. But ok. I have to say that it has improved since my decision to leave work.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #3 on: 22 March, 2018, 01:12:23 pm »
Well rambled, Bob.  I've been through a few periods like that, when apathy set in and ICBA doing anything.  It's good to have people who will listen, although often it's hard to put a finger on exactly what's wrong. Winter's a bloody time for it to happen, too.

Things might improve as your quitting date approaches. Here's hoping.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #4 on: 22 March, 2018, 01:13:23 pm »
Nothing in the way of advice but it's definitely worth talking about.

Edit: Definitely worth reading about too.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #5 on: 22 March, 2018, 01:25:16 pm »
It is a right bugger, feeling trapped in a job. I don't know how someone could go on for 40 years, that's a heck of a stint. No wonder you had had enough. You must have felt crushed when you were caught, just as you were about to escape.

Much sympathy, Bob. Hope you can find a way out that leaves you financially secure and gives you a break.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #6 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:39:06 pm »
Thanks for sharing, and well done for coming up with a plan. Facing something you’re done with day in day out is really draining. Good luck with it, I’m looking forward to hearing about it.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #7 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:49:13 pm »
Absolutely right to talk about it, Bob.  All the very best to you.

Peter

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #8 on: 22 March, 2018, 10:03:17 pm »
Bob,

What you been brave enough to put into words is what many many reading this will feel or have felt sometime in the past.  I feel like I have been there more than once in the past 25 years but I find it almost impossible to talk about. 

Here's hoping that leaving on your terms and doing things that make you smile bring back the joy to your life.

Thank you for sharing.

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #9 on: 23 March, 2018, 09:43:57 am »
Bob

Thank you for putting this out there.  I have suffered from bouts of depression for many years.  Occasional very energetic episodes but these are less common.  I had one period where i did contemplate just stopping but family and faith helped m through that.  I have invested in counselling, courses on TA and knowing my own Myers-Briggs as well as surmising those around me.
My wife is wonderfully empathetic and can sense when i am sinking.

I have not yet needed medication but may done day.

This is on a background of a mother with major psychiatric problems, so it runs in the family.

I self medicate with endorphins supplied courtesy of Trek and Tacx.  For me sleep is vital and increasingly so. Alcohol whilst pleasant is increasingly bad for me I think.

I have not needed to stop work as I thoroughly enjoy my work still but it is certainly an option.

My very best wishes for the future and congratulations on your courage in getting out.  You may want to pursue ill health retirement if you can to enhance your pension or otherwise help with finances.

Chris

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #10 on: 24 March, 2018, 07:46:49 am »
All the best to you, Bob

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #11 on: 24 March, 2018, 08:09:41 am »
Bob, I reckon sharing is good. Hopefully makes you feel a little better & I'll bet there are others who have similar experiences.
How sad that a company who value your skills couldn't find a way to retain you without impacting your health, again a common story.
Hopefully having identified the problem and taken action you will reclaim your life. As already mentioned endorphins are natures own feel good medication so if you can get out on your bike again all should be right in the world. I also strongly recommend putting the world to rights over coffee and cake on a club run as an anti-depressant with little or no adverse side effects.

Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #12 on: 29 March, 2018, 04:52:09 pm »
I wish you well and positive thoughts. I can't imagine what it feels like because I've not really had those kinds of feelings. Talking I guess is a good thing. Talking about it here is possibly not the best place for help but could be a good place to realise you're not alone in having such thoughts and feelings. Go to a self help type forum for this and you meet loads with similar feelings. Come here and there's less but it's likely to be reassuring because it's support from those with similar issues and support (as much as we can) from people who don't have these issues.

BTW as much as it sounds negative, I would not rely on online tests for personality. If you read up on MBTI you'll get a lot of fans but the science behind it is, well not really there.

The other thing is if you need help seek it. That's one advice I tried with my issues. I believe (and those who know me best also believe) I am not NT (Neuro Typical). My issues are possibly ADHD or something else. I went to my gp for help with a whole A4 sheet of paper with symptoms, views, notes, etc (both sides with no blank paper showing). Needless to say on reading it at the gp surgery it was so muddled it wasn't much use. But I got a referral to a telephone consult because it was clear to the gp I had something. The resulting call lasted nearly an hour with almost all of it with the lady the other side trying to make me say I was anxious or depressed. I wasn't and being stubborn I wasn't going to acquiesce. The last 5 minutes was about the lady telling me it sounded like I had ADHD but she only deals with depression. She did go off and speak to her supervisor to find out who I needed to see. She came back 20 minutes later and both she and her supervisor couldn't find anyone to help despite ringing round the county.

Anyway, I've lost my train of thought. I guess what I'm saying is there's help for depression and anxiety type of conditions within the NHS. Better than other areas of mental health. If you're having issues seek them out. Preferably before you really need them.

BTW please keep what I've typed secret, I've not talked about my issues with anyone. Shhhh! Our secret. Seriously though I gave up embarrassingly too early. My issues I can manage. I'm in a workplace that's not taxing me and they accept my faults without me getting into trouble. It has stopped me with the confidence to go for another, better job. So I know I'll be like you in a few years time. Currently I'm about 21 years in. I'm a lifer!

Anyway, sorry for the ramble.

TL:DR Seek help, talk to people, best of luck and you're not alone.

mr ben

  • Some routes may be arduous.
    • ramblings and randonees
Re: Let's not talk about mental health
« Reply #13 on: 11 April, 2018, 12:11:04 pm »
Thank you for sharing this Bob, like you say it's still not easy to talk about.  I'm sorry you haven't received support from those around you.  Working in the same place for 40 years and approaching leaving is a massive thing, so it's totally understandable that it not working out as you expected would have an impact on your mental health.  I hope you do as you say get to finish on your terms and wish you well with finding your passion for being out on your bike again.

Quote
I know one thing for sure. If I ever see somebody that looks like they are suffering, I will go up to them and ask if they are alright. I will ask if they want to talk. I will ask if they need somebody just to sit with them, maybe in silence.
Made me :'(

I've had several bouts over the years, medicated and not; I'm in one at the moment.  I was going to say something about work but it's probably inappropriate in 'public'.

Exercise, and being outdoors can be very helpful, for me it's definitely beneficial, I'd be worse without it, but it's more complicated than feel shit -> go for bike ride -> feel better.  The fact that you say you want to love being out on the bike again sounds really good though.
Think it possible that you may be mistaken.