I’m not hungover (honest), but I am tired and very weary. I know I should try and go for a run, but can’t really be bothered with all the work up of getting kitted out. But I’ve not yet had a shower because I know that doing so is an admission that I’m not going. Sheesh, I wish I was a less complicated person.
I can empathise with the feelings. Tuesday, I had rented a campervan for 10 days to give it a trial. I had planned to drive into the Peak district on the Wednesday and go for a bike ride, using the shower in the van and coffee facilities. Wednesday morning I procrastinated, i did some shopping, read the paper, made marinades for 2 chicken dishes, even did some paperwork. I did eventually manage to make myself go and had an absolutely brilliant time.
i have no real answer but i think part of it comes from having in my personal life little expectation of success or joy. I suspect this comes from my childhood. Whilst it was a life of luxury compared to many my mother was eventually diagnosed as a paranoid psychotic and refused to see myself, my fiancee or any of our children. She even used to phone my employers and complain about me and accuse me of awful things.
Life as a child therefore was always lived on a knife edge in retrospect and I have almost no happy memories from the first 18 years of my life.
I therefore look at how things are likely to fail and rarely like making plans. My wife knows that it is almost impossible to get me to plan dates for holidays as my mind just cannot do it most of the time. Once the date has been put in the diary by her I can then organise the holiday.
Sorry to hijack the thread.
On better news the ankle whilst swollen is not as sore as earlier so i think it will turn out to be a sprain rather than any sort of tear and hopefully running can resume sooner rather than later.
