Cyclists shouting stuff at Oiks/Motorists/pedestrians/Cyclists etc........

[fuzzy]

To compliment the Oiks shouting stuff at cyclists thread, I have decided to start a thread for moments when our wit and fast thinking has served us well.

I present our starter for 10.

Last night as I approached Marlow Bridge, I spied a Range Rover crossing in the opposite direction. The vehicle slowed and the driver then started to hang out of his window to enable him to negotiate the width restriction islands.

"You need a smaller car!" shouts I.

"Fuck off!" shouts he.

 

[orienteer]

My standard riposte to "You should be on the cycle path" is "You should be on the bus".

[Kim]

To compliment the Oiks shouting stuff at cyclists thread, I have decided to start a thread for moments when our wit and fast thinking has served us well.

Prior art, I'm afraid: https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=37592.0

[rr]

To compliment the Oiks shouting stuff at cyclists thread, I have decided to start a thread for moments when our wit and fast thinking has served us well.

I present our starter for 10.

Last night as I approached Marlow Bridge, I spied a Range Rover crossing in the opposite direction. The vehicle slowed and the driver then started to hang out of his window to enable him to negotiate the width restriction islands.

"You need a smaller car!" shouts I.

"Fuck off!" shouts he.

 

Top of the range range rover is over 3.5 tonnes as well.

[fuzzy]

I know. More than one local has been ticketed by the BiB for driving an Wankpanzer over the bridge.

"But- but Occifer, I art driving an CAR!"

"Correct Sir/ Madam, however, 'tis a BIG CAR that art TOO BIG for our bridge. Cop for this ticket"

[T42]

Nothing verbal comes to mind, but:  A good few years ago I was riding on one of our forest roads when a bunch of German hikers, all of them swilling beer, appeared from a side trail and bunched up at the roadside.  One of them, pretending to be one of those johnnies who hold out water bottles etc. at feeding stations on the TdF, waddled alongside me waving his beer, so I took it and rode on.

I did go back and return it, though.

[spindrift]

I got yelled at by some bloke in Germany for some breach of cycling etiquette. I thought we were both riding correctly but he was furious. I think I may have failed to yield to the right but I'm not sure,. 

[Whitedown Man]

Many moons ago I was in the back of a black cab which too-close-passed a bike messenger. Waiting at the next red light she pulled up at the driver's window and - somewhat forcefully - asked him "did that make you hard?".  Never seen a cabbie look so embarrassed and chastened!

[mattc]

Nothing verbal comes to mind, but:  A good few years ago I was riding on one of our forest roads when a bunch of German hikers, all of them swilling beer, appeared from a side trail and bunched up at the roadside.  One of them, pretending to be one of those johnnies who hold out water bottles etc. at feeding stations on the TdF, waddled alongside me waving his beer, so I took it and rode on.

I did go back and return it, though.

That would make a great story either with or without the epilogue

(somewhere on Youtube there is a "prankster" comedian with a TdeF-style crowd plus finish banner on some deserted col. It's quite amusing ...)

[Si S]

Tonight cut up by an Audi with the full body kit on the A57, Reg W20 NKR, caught him at the next lights, tapped on the window and it comes down an inch.

"what's the matter? Couldn't they spell wanker when they made the plate?" 

[Legs]

While driving into town at lunchtime, I jinked left to pass a stationary queue of traffic that was trying to turn right.  My (necessarily low-speed) jink took me momentarily into the unoccupied cycle lane.  However, there was a nearby middle-aged 'cyclist' - who, as I headed back out of the SMIDSY-lane, emerged from a junction on the LHS of the road (still nowhere near me), riding on the wrong side of the road, making furious hand-gestures at me!  Go fuck YOURSELF, nobber-on-BSO!

[clarion]

'Cycle path's over there!'

'A27's over there!'