Cycling words and phrases you really like

[Asterix, the former Gaul.]

I would hang it on a wall. Maybe drill a few more holes first.  I can't believe that chain has solid plates, there's room for holes there.

[Kim]

Might as well chuck an ACME Instant Hole over it and have done with it.

[Asterix, the former Gaul.]

Might as well check an ACME Instant Hole over it and have done with it.

[Ian H]

Heaven forfend that a "real steel" bike with a generous dressing of drillium parts gets used on a proper ride - to me, it screams "pootle a couple of blocks to a cafe and spend a sunny afternoon sipping coffee and posing in one's Rapha gear" bike. 

Ironic beards and quiffs optional.

The original was probably Alf Engers—at least he took it to extremes—and definitely for 'proper' rides, record-breaking ones in his case.