Worst Video Rentals Ever

[thelazycyclist]

At one time, before you could get films sent to you in the post, I used to stand for hours in video libraries trying to make the right selection.  More often than not I would choose an absolute pile of dog poo.  Sometimes I would get 2 so that I had twice the chance of getting a good one.

My worst ever combination would have to be 'Dollman' and 'Chopper Chicks from Zombie Town'. 

The first was about a superhero whose special powers consisted of being shrunk to the size of a doll.  This seemed to enable him mostly to hang onto cars without being detected.  The second film doesn't really need any explanation.  There's a clue in the title.  Think Shaun of the Dead with all the entertainment value sucked out of it.

Can anybody top this for incompetent movie selection?

[Zoidburg]

This is why you should always look at who made the film.

If it says "Troma" then you know what to expect.

Troma Entertainment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Andrij]

Troma Entertainment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 
 

[andyoxon]

We once went round to friends, and mrs ao and friend went off to choose a video for us to all watch.  They came back with... "9 months" - Hugh Grant...  How my heart sank rapidly, into the depths of the abyss.  

edit. ...it's obvious no one can compete with this...  

[thelazycyclist]

We once went round to friends, and mrs ao and friend went off to choose a video for us to all watch.  They came back with... "9 months" - Hugh Grant...  How my heart sank rapidly, into the depths of the abyss.  

edit. ...it's obvious no one can compete with this...  

I'm pretty sure I have also rented 9 Months.  Apart from Robin Williams I quite enjoyed it!

[Manotea]

I've somehow resisted the urge to watch 'The Time Travellers Wife' recently acquired by Mrs Manotea. I almost felt my head explode just reading the cover notes.

Now, where's my copy of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/PmJC3ZaXBEc&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/PmJC3ZaXBEc&rel=1</a>?

[Zoidburg]

Being bored while house sitting I put on a DVD copy of Mamma Mia.

By christ it's a childrens puppet show for women of a certain age, the last time I saw something that simplistic and reliant on pretty sounds and shapes was aged 5 when we went to see Captain Beaky.

5 minutes in and no plot was forthcoming so it was binned.

[rogerzilla]

This is why you should always look at who made the film.

If it says "Troma" then you know what to expect.

Troma Entertainment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Surf Nazis Must Die is probably the best film title ever, but it's unwatchably bad.  The Toxic Avenger is just about tolerable.

[Redlight]

I once rented a "thriller' in which High Grant played a surgeon. That's all I remember about it; the rest must have been so dreadful that I have buried it in my subconscious and will need seven years of therapy to get it out.

"Lost in Translation" was memorably dire too. 1 good actor, one wooden one, one awful script.

[thelazycyclist]

I once rented a "thriller' in which High Grant played a surgeon. That's all I remember about it; the rest must have been so dreadful that I have buried it in my subconscious and will need seven years of therapy to get it out.

On the subject of Grant, Mickey Blue Eyes is pretty dire.  He accidentally ends up in the mafia and he goes through some excruciating attempts to talk like a New York mafia person.  Went to see it at the cinema which was a waste of an hour and a half of my life, as well as a fiver.

[border-rider]

I've somehow resisted the urge to watch 'The Time Travellers Wife' recently acquired by Mrs Manotea.

Good move

[mikeitup]

This is why you should always look at who made the film.

If it says "Troma" then you know what to expect.

Troma Entertainment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Surf Nazis Must Die is probably the best film title ever, but it's unwatchably bad.  The Toxic Avenger is just about tolerable.

I liked Toxy! Class of Nuke em High was funny too.

Worse vhs I saw was called the Barbarian. Conan/Lord of The ringsy cover illustration contatining very sub par 1950's Jack Palance b movie 

[Redlight]

I've somehow resisted the urge to watch 'The Time Travellers Wife' recently acquired by Mrs Manotea.

Good move

Some novels are just too good to be filmed.

[Jaded]

If this can be extended (for those that don't rent videos) to rubbish TV films too, there's one I cannot remember the name of.

It is where a house gets enclosed in an impenetrable black box and the family try various American ways of getting out before the box disappears as fast as it came.


I hope I haven't spoiled it for anyone, but the one sentence above is probably the best way of watching it.

[CAMRAMan]

There's a film called The Pathfinder in English. It was the first film made in the Same language apparently. It was a ripping yarn set in mediaeval Norway. Really quite good at the cinema.

So, a few years later, I saw it in the video rental shop (would have been about 1990) and saw it there. I got it home expectantly and put it in the VCR. It took 10 seconds to realise that it had been dubbed into septic English. Bad, very bad.

[Zoidburg]

There's a film called The Pathfinder in English. It was the first film made in the Same language apparently. It was a ripping yarn set in mediaeval Norway. Really quite good at the cinema.

So, a few years later, I saw it in the video rental shop (would have been about 1990) and saw it there. I got it home expectantly and put it in the VCR. It took 10 seconds to realise that it had been dubbed into septic English. Bad, very bad.

If you thought that was bad you haven't seen the 2007 remake set in the new world.

It's got vikings in it still - and native americans.

I would not say it was completely crap but it is not exactly a worthy treatment of the source material of Sami legend.

[Manotea]

I once rented a "thriller' in which High Grant played a surgeon. That's all I remember about it; the rest must have been so dreadful that I have buried it in my subconscious and will need seven years of therapy to get it out.

On the subject of Grant, Mickey Blue Eyes is pretty dire.  He accidentally ends up in the mafia and he goes through some excruciating attempts to talk like a New York mafia person.  Went to see it at the cinema which was a waste of an hour and a half of my life, as well as a fiver.

The most interesting aspect of Micky Blue Eyes is spotting actors from The Sopranos. Nominally both film and TV series date from 1999 so the question is which came first? Could be The Sopranos was a spinoff from MBE. Scary.

[andygates]

Rollerblade Warriors, now that's classic.

[thelazycyclist]

I once rented a "thriller' in which High Grant played a surgeon. That's all I remember about it; the rest must have been so dreadful that I have buried it in my subconscious and will need seven years of therapy to get it out.

On the subject of Grant, Mickey Blue Eyes is pretty dire.  He accidentally ends up in the mafia and he goes through some excruciating attempts to talk like a New York mafia person.  Went to see it at the cinema which was a waste of an hour and a half of my life, as well as a fiver.

The most interesting aspect of Micky Blue Eyes is spotting actors from The Sopranos. Nominally both film and TV series date from 1999 so the question is which came first? Could be The Sopranos was a spinoff from MBE. Scary.

There's a fat guy with really bad skin who seems to be in every mafia film ever made.  Can you imagine having the good / bad fortune to be born with the stereotypical features of a mafia hoodlum?  He must just sit at home waiting for the phone to ring.

[Exit Stage Left]

I once rented a "thriller' in which High Grant played a surgeon. That's all I remember about it; the rest must have been so dreadful that I have buried it in my subconscious and will need seven years of therapy to get it out.

On the subject of Grant, Mickey Blue Eyes is pretty dire.  He accidentally ends up in the mafia and he goes through some excruciating attempts to talk like a New York mafia person.  Went to see it at the cinema which was a waste of an hour and a half of my life, as well as a fiver.

The most interesting aspect of Micky Blue Eyes is spotting actors from The Sopranos. Nominally both film and TV series date from 1999 so the question is which came first? Could be The Sopranos was a spinoff from MBE. Scary.

That's one suggestion that has never been made.

It is true that The Sopranos had one big joke of its own: the hardman with the neurotically soft centre. Tony Soprano was so frightened of his mother that he needed to see a shrink each week. But, to Chase's horror, as The Sopranos was in pre-production, he saw a reference in a trade paper to Analyse This, a Hollywood comedy with Robert De Niro as a gangster in therapy.

Chase, a somewhat intense and brooding man who had himself been undergoing analysis for 20 years, prepared himself for another reverse. But, for the first time in his career, the dice were weighted in his favour: The Sopranos premiered before Analyse This and so anyone who saw both would take Chase as the bouncer on the door of that story. He has still avoided seeing the film or its sequel, Analyse That, in order to avoid any potential crossover.

Till death do us part | Media | The Guardian

[Tourist Tony]

I cannot remember the name, but my brother dug it out. It was made in the Philipines, as a sort of remake of The Island of Doctor Moreau, and every time there was a dramatic scene they played the music from....News at Ten.

[Flying_Monkey]

I've somehow resisted the urge to watch 'The Time Travellers Wife' recently acquired by Mrs Manotea.

Good move

Some novels are just too good to be filmed.

I take it you are being ironic?

[thelazycyclist]

Recently hired 'The Book of Eli'.

Turned it off after about 40 minutes.  The colour was so washed out it was like watching a film in black and white that had been coloured in with a bit of brown.

It was like an incredibly depressing and slow-paced version of Mad Max.  In fact it was probably even worse than Waterworld. 

[Tourist Tony]

Wash your mouth out with...er...water