Food Crimes

[ScumOfTheRoad]

Apricots.  All of 'em.  Anywhere.

Eh? Do you have something against baby primates getting sleep?

[Cudzoziemiec]

Dessicated coconut.

[spesh]

Dessicated coconut.

AKA "desecrated" coconut, but there's nowt wrong with it in some curries. 

Bounty bars OTOH...

[Jaded]

Cafes wanting you to order coffee when you order the breakfast food.

No! Take my order for coffee when you collect the finished breakfast plates...

[ravenbait]

Asparagus. More trouble than it's worth. And it makes your pee smell funny.

Sam

[Wowbagger]

On no account use the same knife to spread good marmalade (there’s a thread about this) that has previously used to spread garlic purée. My younger daughter got so fed up with Never Hearing the Last of this that she took Australian citizenship.

[TheLurker]

Vegetable marrows...

I will see your vegetable marrow (ooh, err, missus) and raise you, "Marrow & Ginger Jam"

[Jurek]

White grapes with English mustard.
Both individually delightful.
You'll not believe how bad they are until you've tried both combined.

[rafletcher]

Vegetable marrows...

I will see your vegetable marrow (ooh, err, missus) and raise you, "Marrow & Ginger Jam"

And rhubarb. But rhubarb and ginger jam is good.

[Mr Larrington]

Apricots.  All of 'em.  Anywhere.

Eh? Do you have something against baby primates getting sleep?

¿Que?

[Socks]

Raw tomatoes - they are the work of the devil.

[Wowbagger]

Apricots.  All of 'em.  Anywhere.

Eh? Do you have something against baby primates getting sleep?

¿Que?

I think it's a third-rate pun, m'lud.

Ape: primates.

Cot: somewhere an infant sleeps.

I may be wrong.

[Wowbagger]

Whilst I am in broad agreement regarding the inedibility/undesirability of squashes, My Dear Wife and I did find a rather good recipe last week involving a butternut squash and a courgette (these had been bought by accident), amongst other things. The usefulness of these two ingredients was their utter blandness, which enabled the chef to add a number of herbs and spices which were undisguised by any flavour coming from the main ingredients. This assuaged our consciences to some degree because we struggle to prepare palatable food which does not include dead mammals and fish.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/butternut-squash-chickpea-tagine refers.

[ian]

Asparagus. More trouble than it's worth. And it makes your pee smell funny.

Sam

Having had the misfortune of attending an asparagus festival in that Germany place, I can testify that it makes other peoples’ wee stink too. A double misfortune to be fair as I don’t like asparagus in the first place. I am not quite sure of the attraction of filling my mouth with something long, flaccid, and which smells faintly of wee.

[barakta]

<snip> Also croissants that don't contain chocolate.

Croissants which are contaminated with stuff like chocolate. I like my croissants plain and toasted with added butter.

Cheese and ham together. Separately fine, together no.

Agree about raw onion in salads, I loathe raw onion.

Aubergines which are so vile my family of origin called them slugs. As a then vegetarian a lot of veggie dishes had fucking slugs throughout.

No doubt I'll think of more food crimes.

[Efrogwr]

If, as has been alleged, celery provides less energy than is expended in the eating and digesting of it, then it is anti-food... and does not belong here.

[Beardy]

Mayonnaise in EVERY bloody sandwich on the shelf, even the ham and cheese has bloody mayonnaise.

[Kim]

While we're on the subject of inedible slime that people inexplicably like to put in sandwiches: Margarine.

[Beardy]

Which reminds me…

Making ‘buttercream’ for cakes but using margarine. It says BUTTERcream in the recipe, and margarine doesn’t even taste like butter.

After nearly 4o years of wedded bliss, I’ve now convinced Dr Beardy to use butter In buttercream. Thankfully.

[Kim]

Making ‘buttercream’ for cakes but using margarine. It says BUTTERcream in the recipe, and margarine doesn’t even taste like butter.

I had to explain this to barakta a couple of weeks ago.

[quixoticgeek]

Mayonnaise. It's the sperm of Satan, and should be banned. That so many people seem to think that the correct ratio of Mayo to chips is about 2:1. Argh! They seem to think it needs to be added to everything to render it edible. It's horrible, vile stuff, that should never have been allowed near food. That and the related crime that it's almost impossible to buy a prepackaged sandwich that doesn't include mayo.

Garlic. Overuse there of. Garlic is like bay leaves, you should be able to notice when it's been forgotten from the dish, but never be used to the point that it is actually noticeable as a flavour in it's own right. The people who seem to think there's some sort of matcho point in doing the "when it says one clove of garlic, i use a whole bulb!" are like the idiots who insist on ordering the hottest thing on the menu, or trying stupidly hot hot sauces. Cannot stand the smell of garlic.

Oh and wtf is with the trend of not cooking burgers properly? have people not got a basic understanding of food hygiene?

grumble grumble argh!

J

[hellymedic]

Apricots.  All of 'em.  Anywhere.

Mishmish in Hebrew and Arabic: just how you know what to reject on your travels...

[hellymedic]

Have to agree with the napkin location problem, just why?

My pet hate is cheese scones that contain sugar.
I suspect lazy kitchen people (I would not call them cooks or chefs) buying one bulk bag of "scone mix" with sugar and just bunging in some cheese.
Seems to be a particular problem in Scotland....

Scottish cook books are just normal cook books but with all the sugar quantities doubled, occasionally quadrupled

<pedant> 2 or 4 times zero is still zero.
Sugar is added in recipes that contained none elsewhere.

[phantasmagoriana]

Mayonnaise in EVERY bloody sandwich on the shelf, even the ham and cheese has bloody mayonnaise.

Yes. Vile stuff! I'm fed up of having to read through all the ingredients whenever I buy a sandwich/wrap/whatever, in search of the elusive "no mayo" variants.

While we're on the subject of inedible slime that people inexplicably like to put in sandwiches: Margarine.

Also this. I've never quite understood the point of margarine, when butter exists: I don't recall ever having bought any, or thinking "hmm, really could do with some margarine on this" (though I do remember seeing it in the fridge as a child).

[hellymedic]

Almost ant Christmas 'novelty' food put out by Big Supermarkets.

I've not yet seen what delights are on offer this year but I'll see what's around...