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Author Topic: Little Eye On The Provinces  (Read 378204 times)

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #100 on: 03 January, 2013, 12:19:37 am »
Ladies and gentlemen, if it's "Poorly parked mo-ped in toppling horror" or "Vicar - no cycle clips shock" or "Plwmp community jumble sale raises £13.25 for pet hamsters in war-zones", you want, then I give you my favourite local- The Tivey Side Advertiser

We but it every week for the hilarity.
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Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Wowbagger

  • Stout dipper
    • Stuff mostly about weather
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #101 on: 03 January, 2013, 12:59:42 am »
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Quote from: Dez
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just start.

Bledlow

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #102 on: 03 January, 2013, 02:24:02 pm »
Quote from: Basil on 03 January, 2013, 12:19:37 am
Ladies and gentlemen, if it's "Poorly parked mo-ped in toppling horror" or "Vicar - no cycle clips shock" or "Plwmp community jumble sale raises £13.25 for pet hamsters in war-zones", you want, then I give you my favourite local- The Tivey Side Advertiser

We but it every week for the hilarity.
Yebbut yebbut yebbut! What about this?

http://www.tivysideadvertiser.co.uk/news/10128725.Cyclists_told_to_stay_off_pavements/
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"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Thor

  • Super-sonnicus idioticus
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #103 on: 03 January, 2013, 03:05:59 pm »
Police do not know what caused bus to crash into a lamppost

Less than competent driving, I'd suggest  :)
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It was a day like any other in Ireland, only it wasn't raining

Arch

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #104 on: 03 January, 2013, 07:13:07 pm »
Quote from: Basil on 03 January, 2013, 12:19:37 am
Ladies and gentlemen, if it's "Poorly parked mo-ped in toppling horror" or "Vicar - no cycle clips shock" or "Plwmp community jumble sale raises £13.25 for pet hamsters in war-zones", you want, then I give you my favourite local- The Tivey Side Advertiser

We but it every week for the hilarity.

Love this one:

http://www.tivysideadvertiser.co.uk/news/10128919.Christmas_cooker_fire/

There was something similar in the York Press once, involving a teatowel.
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If I had a baby elephant, it could help me wash the car. If I had a car.

See my recycled crafts at www.wastenotwantit.co.uk

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #105 on: 03 January, 2013, 07:44:23 pm »
I seem to remember the Birmingham Mail (then The Evening Mail) some years ago had a headline on page n "Naked Man Found Dead"
On reading the three column inch article one discovered where this naked man was found.

In his bed.  :o

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Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #106 on: 03 January, 2013, 07:45:21 pm »
By far the most calamitous story from Basil's neck of the woods has to be this.
Quote
Teddies taken

10:31am Friday 21st December 2012 in News
Two small 'Jellycat' teddies were stolen from Elliana's store in Cardigan on December 17.

The theft took place at approximately 2.30pm, and the suspect is described as a white female in her mid to late 20's.

She is of a large build and was wearing a dark jacket with a heart shaped union jack emblem on the chest.

The female was holding a distinctive large Sports Direct / Lonsdale plastic bag.

Anyone with information is asked to contact Cardigan Police Station on 101.
http://www.tivysideadvertiser.co.uk/news/10123043.Teddies_taken/
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Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #107 on: 05 January, 2013, 01:46:47 pm »
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My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #108 on: 05 January, 2013, 07:27:15 pm »
Okay, it's old.  And the principle has been well documented elsewhere.  But worth it for the photo:

Classical music deters teenagers from shopping centre
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Wowbagger

  • Stout dipper
    • Stuff mostly about weather
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #109 on: 05 January, 2013, 07:33:08 pm »
Quote from: Kim on 05 January, 2013, 07:27:15 pm
Okay, it's old.  And the principle has been well documented elsewhere.  But worth it for the photo:

Classical music deters teenagers from shopping centre

Quote from: A Policeman
Since the scheme went live, fewer young people are gathering on the ramp and we've seen a dip in the number of people who are asking us to move them on.

"Officer, I'd like to be moved on in order to avoid having to listen to this classical music. Could you oblige please, in order to help me overcome my inertia?"
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Quote from: Dez
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just start.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #110 on: 05 January, 2013, 08:07:08 pm »
They did the same thing in Swindon to stop the scratters swarming over IK Brunel's statue:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wiltshire/3157494.stm

Obligatory crap joke at the end.
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Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #111 on: 05 January, 2013, 08:11:17 pm »
Quote from: Kim on 05 January, 2013, 07:27:15 pm
Okay, it's old.  And the principle has been well documented elsewhere.  But worth it for the photo:

Classical music deters teenagers from shopping centre
"the Pallasades"? Is that a typo or is actually called that? (In a minute we can deal with whether teenagers hanging round is actually a problem)
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Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #112 on: 05 January, 2013, 08:13:38 pm »
Yup.  It's the retail opportunity above Mordor Central.

http://www.thepallasades.co.uk/
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rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #113 on: 05 January, 2013, 10:23:39 pm »
It has (or had) a 98p shop, which is one in the eye for Poundland and the 99p Store.
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Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #114 on: 06 January, 2013, 12:59:15 am »
Quote from: rogerzilla on 05 January, 2013, 08:07:08 pm
They did the same thing in Swindon to stop the scratters swarming over IK Brunel's statue:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wiltshire/3157494.stm

Obligatory crap joke at the end.

Westfield Swindon.

That's quite a thought.
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It is simpler than it looks.

Salvatore

  • Джон Спунър
    • Pics
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #115 on: 06 January, 2013, 02:50:22 pm »
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Quote
et avec John, excellent lecteur de road-book, on s'en est sortis sans erreur

cuddy duck

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #116 on: 06 January, 2013, 03:09:26 pm »
http://www.morpethherald.co.uk/news/business/businesses-news/parking-tickets-drove-me-away-1-5038309

This was front page, banner headline fare.
The griping aromatherapist lives 1.3 miles, door to door, from her clinic. A 20 minute walk or 5 minute bike ride. Some 6 peak time buses an hour pass the end of her street en route the bus station which is closer - 20 yards - to her business than any legal parking space.
Her decision to drive every day doesn't even meet criteria of narrowest and most short term self-interest that informs much urban driving, because look, it causes her suffering.
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Bledlow

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #117 on: 06 January, 2013, 05:02:07 pm »
Do her ten students from Japan (i.e. 40% of her course) really want to drive? Have they all hired cars? Hmm. Morpeth has a population of 14000, so it's small enough that everywhere should be in easy walking distance from the centre, & it looks pretty compact on the map. Perhaps she's seriously inconveniencing them by moving the course to Cramlington.
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"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Wowbagger

  • Stout dipper
    • Stuff mostly about weather
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #118 on: 06 January, 2013, 05:08:18 pm »
The headline should have read "Aromatherapist kicks up a stink".

Is aromatherapy not a subsection of the wide and diverse field of science which comes under the heading "Utter Bollocks"?
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Quote from: Dez
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just start.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #119 on: 06 January, 2013, 05:15:55 pm »
A quack ducking the issue?
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Getting there...

Bledlow

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #120 on: 06 January, 2013, 06:12:43 pm »
Quote from: Wowbagger on 06 January, 2013, 05:08:18 pm
The headline should have read "Aromatherapist kicks up a stink".

Is aromatherapy not a subsection of the wide and diverse field of science which comes under the heading "Utter Bollocks"?
1,  :thumbsup:
2. Yes.
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"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

cuddy duck

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #121 on: 06 January, 2013, 07:09:45 pm »
Quote from: Bledlow on 06 January, 2013, 05:02:07 pm
Do her ten students from Japan (i.e. 40% of her course) really want to drive? Have they all hired cars? Hmm. Morpeth has a population of 14000, so it's small enough that everywhere should be in easy walking distance from the centre, & it looks pretty compact on the map. Perhaps she's seriously inconveniencing them by moving the course to Cramlington.
Well quite. If fewer loons drove over trivial distances into the centre to work every day the town's congestion and parking over-subscription problems would be solved at a stroke. Room enough for her students, room enough for the golden-egg laying shoppers to drive in for 46miles of knicker elastic from the Sewing Shop, a pallet of E L James from Appleby's Bookshop and a 100gallon drum of E45 cream from the Wellway Pharmacy.
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Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #122 on: 07 January, 2013, 12:01:12 am »
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Arch

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #123 on: 07 January, 2013, 09:24:16 am »
Quote from: Kim on 07 January, 2013, 12:01:12 am
This pile of shit went national:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9778470/Health-warning-as-manure-fire-burns-in-Duchess-of-Cambridges-home-village.html


"...firefighters warned substances within the heap could release particles that could irritate airways, the skin and the eyes."


Or as we know it, smoke.
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If I had a baby elephant, it could help me wash the car. If I had a car.

See my recycled crafts at www.wastenotwantit.co.uk

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #124 on: 12 January, 2013, 07:42:32 pm »
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