Little Eye On The Provinces

[Kim]

This thread is turning into the best man's speech from SIL's wedding.   

[Kim]

Wiring hash leaves cannabis house smoking
Potty makeshift wiring job leads drugs squad to smoking dopes

BBC Birmingham goes for clickbait headline pun density record...

[Torslanda]

I'll just leave this here . . .

^^^ PROLLY NSFW ^^^

If in doubt click here ->

(click to show/hide)

Fire brigade use ANGLE GRINDER to remove metal ring from his wang

[hellymedic]

See also https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=66712.msg2146300#msg2146300 et seq.

[Torslanda]

Sorry, Helly. Missed that one. Mea culpa . . .

[Guy]

 

A Luton man has received a suspended sentence for masturbating into a cup in a public dining area in the town.

Diners were forced to move away after Michael Barker, aged 58 of Havelock Road, Luton, was seen to masturbate under a table, ejaculate into a cup and then leave it for a woman to consume before disappearing into the toilets on three to four occasions, magistrates at Luton heard on March 13.
http://www.lutontoday.co.uk/news/crime/for-those-of-a-sensitive-nature-look-away-now-1-7879427

[rogerzilla]

Swindon wins the Internet.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/03/21/theres-an-abnormally-large-amount-of-perverts-in-swindon-6524182/

It beat Camden into second place.  As my Lahndon friend Kensal Steve points out, Hampstead Heath is in Camden.

[Kim]

Doesn't Swindon have its own thread?

[hellymedic]

Doesn't Swindon have its own thread?

I believe it does, https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=42558.0 as does Didcot.

[Kim]

Pensioner trapped in library after staff go home

[Thor]

This has been amusing me for hours.

Night club Appalled by Sex Offender Leprechaun

[Wombat]

I'm getting worried.  We're off house hunting in Wales tomorrow, do I really want to move to a principality where folk piss and crap in public places?

[Basil]

 
Which area are you looking at?

[hellymedic]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

[Legs]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

TBF, that is an utterly shit April Fool.

[Wombat]

Which area are you looking at?

The spec for the area is "within an hour or so drive from Llanfair Caereinion", but most definitely not in Llanfair Caereinion itself.

We're going to look at one in the outskirts of Dolgellau tomorrow.  I'm going to have to ask the estate agent how to pronounce the name of the road 

[hellymedic]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

TBF, that is an utterly shit April Fool.

Indeed.

Have you seen this story?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648

[Legs]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

TBF, that is an utterly shit April Fool.

Indeed.

Have you seen this story?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648

If I'd done that as a littly (which I wouldn't, because I was not a little bastard), I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week afterwards.   

[PeteB99]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

TBF, that is an utterly shit April Fool.

Indeed.

Have you seen this story?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648

If I'd done that as a littly (which I wouldn't, because I was not a little bastard), I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week afterwards. 

Shouldn't the fact you're not allowed to thrash children anymore be in the First world problems thread?

[Legs]

MP catches poisson... http://www.harrowtimes.co.uk/news/15200218.MP_blames____baby_brain____after_falling_for_Harrow_Times____April_Fool___s_Day_joke/?ref=ebln

TBF, that is an utterly shit April Fool.

Indeed.

Have you seen this story?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648

If I'd done that as a littly (which I wouldn't, because I was not a little bastard), I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week afterwards. 

Shouldn't the fact you're not allowed to thrash children anymore be in the First world problems thread?

You're not?    

[Mr Larrington]

But in the new post-Brexit BRITAIN we'll be able to thrash the Smalls again, send them up chimneys, down coal mines and into the Navy¹.  The latter will put the fear of God into Johnny Dago if he tries to get his greasy fingers on Gib.

(Stands up, sings National Anthem)

1: Not all at once, obv

[Kim]

Rich old white people still dial telephone numbers

[ian]

That's what exposure to the Daily Mail does to your soul.

Interesting references in that article though:

MORE: Eggs from spider that causes fatal four-hour erections found in South West

MORE: Man tries to insert pool balls into his rectum, says it was just 'boy's banter'.

MORE: Mother infuriated by people urinating on garden fence paints huge arrow to divert them

Inlaws, this is why we visit so infrequently. The South-West is literally mental. Banter evidently means something else out there. I think I already know too much.

[rogerzilla]

Rich old white people still dial telephone numbers

Brilliant.  Apparently the good people of Sutton Coldfield once tried to get shot of their B postcode for similar reasons.  And no-one lives in Balsall Heath, it's always Edgbaston 

[ian]

I can't help thinking that that's one hell of a sexy spider.