Your house rules

[Cudzoziemiec]

• Feed the guinea pig and clean her cage
• Buy more tea bags before they run out
• Make me a cup of tea when I get in
• Don't leave tea spoons in the cutlery drainer, they either fall out or get stuck
• Buy more tea bags before they run out
• Make me a cup of tea when I get in
• If you must fry bacon, open the kitchen window
• Buy more tea bags before they run out
• Make me a cup of tea when I get in

[Redlight]

NO ONE touches the turntable

[rogerzilla]

<phones those mad house clearing reality TV people things>

I wouldn't do that.  They always get a UV lamp and look for...stains.

[tiermat]

We try to have a few rules, but having an 8 yr old and a 43 yr old who acts, at times, like an 8 yr old means that they get remembered for all of 30 seconds then forgotten forevermore.  Some we try our best to keep to though are:

1) No shoes past the hallway
2) TAKE YOUR CYCLING SHOES OFF (guess who came up with that one?)
3) The bog brush is not an ornament (as someone else has already said)
4) You don't need a Phd to use the dishwasher, and it is free for anyone in the house to use/fill up/empty
5) Put the toilet seat down (I am still somewhere around a draw, maybe a point or two down, with argument)

[gordon taylor]

No biscuit-coloured carpet. In fact, no carpets at all downstairs.

Only in extreme cases of field clag are shoes or boots to be removed at the door. Our rule says - walk right in!

[TimC]

Rules? Two really: 1. Tim's wrong. 2. It's Tim's fault.

[LEE]

Before opening a window, for some lovely fresh air, check that the outside temperature is not less than the F***ing central heating thermostat setting BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO PAY TO RAISE HAMPSHIRE'S TEMPERATURE BY 10degC.

Some personal observations about previous house rules.

1) I really dislike having to take my shoes off to enter someone's house.  Upstairs/Bedrooms I can understand but walking around someone's house in my socks just makes me want to go home.  Your house is badly designed if it can't deal with shoes.

2) There's nothing wrong with the word "Awesome" when it's used to describe something awesome (which it is in 0.00000001% of instances).

I work for an American company and therefore get to hear "That spreadsheet is totally awesome" when they probably mean "That spreadsheet, like all the others, is f***ing dull but it helps us understand dull stuff a bit more easily".

[Charlotte]

Awesome thread.  In the Feminist Republic of Juliana, the rules are as follows (although I may have forgotten some):

1.   Shoes off
2.   All weapons must be unloaded and made safe prior to entry
3.   Umbrellas and shoes with obvious dirt on them stay in the porch
4.   Bikes go round the back in the SEEKRIT BUNKER
5.   Keep the back gate locked
6.   Knives to be folded or sheathed as appropriate unless actually in use
7.   Anyone may make tea.  The making of tea is encouraged. We default to milk no sugar - if you want anything else, you're weird.
8.   If you notice that we're running low on tea bags (i.e. there are fewer than 100 in the box) then buy more ASAP
9.   Do not use the coffee machine unless you've had the full induction course.  She bites. As do I.
10. Smokers may indulge at the bottom of the garden only.  Fag butts go in the sand-filled glass pot.
11. Julian's friend Jo may not consume red wine anywhere in the house
12. Nobody is to touch Charlotte's camera equipment / knives / computers without prior permission and, if necessary, instruction
13. No making lip-smacking noises to indicate your enthusiasm at the prospect of food
14. No celery anywhere in the house (it kills Julians to DETH by anaphylaxis)
15. Do not touch Charlotte's feet.  Ever.
16. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, ageism or similar prejudice will not be tolerated
17. Farting isn't always funny
18. If you're going to fart in bed, try not to get caught
19. If there's something that you want, say what it is - don't wait for it to be guessed
20. If you just had your dinner cooked for you, offer to wash up
21. No cats in the bedroom
22. The cats are banished to the conservatory at night
23. No wristwatches in bed
24. No food in bed (particularly biscuits)
25. The lid stays down unless you're using or cleaning the toilet
26. Seriously.  Shut the lid before you flush.
27. If you finish the loo roll, replenish from the stack in the spare room
28. In the event of a disagreement, please note that The Julian is always right

[fuzzy]

Rule 1) SWMBO/ Mum is always right
Rule 2) When SWMBO/ Mum is wrong, Rule 1 applies.
Rule 3) The chocolate covered toffee Quality Street sweets in the brown foil wrapper are for SWMBO/ Mum only at pain of death.
Rule 4) SWMBO/ Mum is always right.
Rule 5) After SWMBO/ Mum, the cats are next in the pecking order. Chidlers and Husbands/ Fathers are afterthoughts in that order.

[Feanor]

When we were teenagers at school, several of us used cycle out to a friend's house, which was 10 miles away, out in the country.

The parents had a fairly enlightened attitude and had a barn area set aside where we could make home-brew and drink it before it was ready etc etc.   They figured that older teens would do this kind of thing anyway, so better done in their barn than on a street corner.

He had 2 house rules:

No being sick on my carpets;
No messing with my daughter.

Both were fairly comprehensivly broken!

[Jacomus]

1) Touching Jac's feet is expressly verboten. VERBOTEN!
2) The cat is fed at 2200hrs exactly
3) Dirty dishes left in the sink will provoke RAGE in Miss Emily
4) No smoking
5) Miss Emily must be a minimum of 1 floor away and occupied for a minimum of 45mins, if NCIS is to be watched.

[L CC]

17. Farting isn't always funny
18. If you're going to fart in bed, try not to get caught

Note to self:

"One Two Three Four, I declare a Fart War" may not be a winner in the Feminist Republic of Juliana.

[mike]

The dishwasher has a horizontal layer just for cutlery.  Randomly bunging stuff in is a) inefficient and b) bloody annoying to unload.  Much simpler if it's (from the front) teaspoons, regular spoons, forks, knives, sharp knives. 

And no farting in bed.  (or no getting caught, anyway.  And claiming to be asleep doesnt work.)

[mrcharly-YHT]

5) Miss Emily must be a minimum of 1 floor away and occupied for a minimum of 45mins, if NCIS is to be watched.

I'd like to be there if she accidentally walks in on an episode.

I try to bring in house rules. I try. Everyone ignores them.

[Charlotte]

"One Two Three Four, I declare a Fart War" may not be a winner in the Feminist Republic of Juliana.

Although, "pull my finger" has been known to work 

[essexian]

Needs are satisfied in the following order:

1)   Cats
2)   SWMBO
3)   Squirrels
4)   Hedgehogs
5)   Invertebrates/ Husband

[DrMekon]

No Phil Collins.

[rogerzilla]

Mealtimes are

1. As soon as you are up
2. Noon
3. 5pm

Departure from these requires a very good excuse and compensatory snacks.

[pcolbeck]

23. No wristwatches in bed

I know the chances of me ending up in Charlottes bed are vanishingly small due to:

• Age
• Lack of geographic proximity
• Gender
• I'm happily married
• FEAR !!!!

but no wristwatches in bed, WTF is that one about ?

[L CC]

No Phil Collins.

That's up down there with celery, tbh.

[mrcharly-YHT]

23. No wristwatches in bed

I know the chances of me ending up in Charlottes bed are vanishingly small due to:

• Age
• Lack of geographic proximity
• Gender
• I'm happily married
• FEAR !!!!

but no wristwatches in bed, WTF is that one about ?

If you have to ask, you don't need to know.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

*lightbulb*

[pcolbeck]

*lightbulb*

Me too, eventually. I lead a sheltered life ....

[Tim Hall]

Rules? Two really: 1. Tim's wrong. 2. It's Tim's fault.

Strangely that works here too.

[clarion]

My parents' house rules are:

1.  Marie is always right.
2.  If Marie is wrong, refer to Rule 1.

I say those are the rules, but my dad's been ignoring them happily for fifty years, and is unlikely to change.  They're very happy.