Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 144151 times)

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #250 on: 14 June, 2013, 09:50:46 pm »
Surely that's sightist?
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #251 on: 15 June, 2013, 09:48:42 am »
Are you sure it's not 'cited'?

Not that it makes much (any?) sense, either way.  :facepalm:


Life is too important to be taken seriously.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #252 on: 16 June, 2013, 09:27:54 am »
Maybe they are sitting or camping on the projects?
It is simpler than it looks.

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #253 on: 17 June, 2013, 10:27:20 am »
'start socializing the changes to the process'.


Haven't heard that one yet, my organisation is- ahem- behind the curve when it comes to the implementation of insane management speak but when they do implement it is done very enthusiastically.

We do proactive solution recommendations. I admit to using this one. It usually means that I'm about to really, really rude to someone aboard the mothership.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #254 on: 29 June, 2013, 08:35:38 pm »
Me: "What's that you're doing?"

Her: "Well, basically, it's a game. Actually, no, it's not a game, it's a solution."

("Her" being 3.5 years old. What have I done?)
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

Vince

  • Can't climb; won't climb
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #255 on: 08 July, 2013, 01:58:30 pm »
Me: "What's that you're doing?"

Her: "Well, basically, it's a game. Actually, no, it's not a game, it's a solution."

("Her" being 3.5 years old. What have I done?)
You're OK. The correct reply would have been "Actually, no, its not a game, it's an opportunity."
216km from Marsh Gibbon

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #256 on: 08 July, 2013, 02:03:32 pm »
Our chief exec has an irresistible urge to use the word "leveraged" or "leveraging" at least once per missive or utterance. He always pronounces it "levveridge", short "e", which I find just as annoying as the word itself. "Lee-verage" surely?

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #257 on: 08 July, 2013, 02:19:10 pm »
The financial usage of the word is "levveridge" (as you put it).
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

Thor

  • Super-sonnicus idioticus
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #258 on: 11 July, 2013, 09:23:00 am »
Mrs Thor was recently advised by a manager that he would be "verbatim-ing your comments"  :facepalm:
It was a day like any other in Ireland, only it wasn't raining

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #259 on: 11 July, 2013, 12:36:54 pm »
The financial usage of the word is "levveridge" (as you put it).
'coz it's Yank-speak, & that's how they sez it Over There.
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #260 on: 14 July, 2013, 10:21:38 am »
The financial usage of the word is "levveridge" (as you put it).
'coz it's Yank-speak, & that's how they sez it Over There.
...and almost everyone misuses it!  >:(
The financial meaning is to buy another company, borrowing the money to do so on the security of the company you're buying (e.g. Glazer Brothers and Man U). It does not mean 'telling a new client about stuff we do for our current clients' or any of the other meaningless 'I can't think of the right word so I'll use management-speak instead' ways it's used.

(No, not a pet hate at all...)
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #261 on: 14 July, 2013, 10:32:01 am »
Me: "What's that you're doing?"

Her: "Well, basically, it's a game. Actually, no, it's not a game, it's a solution."

("Her" being 3.5 years old. What have I done?)
I tend to use "game" as a verb, as in "they've learnt to game the risk ratings".  This is legitimate English as it means "to play for a stake" or (in this case) "to take dishonest advantage of".
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #262 on: 14 July, 2013, 12:09:40 pm »
The financial usage of the word is "levveridge" (as you put it).
'coz it's Yank-speak, & that's how they sez it Over There.
...and almost everyone misuses it!  >:(
The financial meaning is to buy another company, borrowing the money to do so on the security of the company you're buying (e.g. Glazer Brothers and Man U). It does not mean 'telling a new client about stuff we do for our current clients' or any of the other meaningless 'I can't think of the right word so I'll use management-speak instead' ways it's used.

(No, not a pet hate at all...)

Leverage is a lost battle and I think it's fine to use in a generic context, much like reflected in the finance usage, to indicate using something small to a larger advantage, as a figurative lever. It's quite a useful word. What it is though, is still massively overused. We leverage everything regardless of its leverability. Our entire management apparatus is in a perpetual, suspended state of leverage.

Innovative is bugging me. Someone decided a while back that everything we do is innovative. We're breathing innovation. We're probably farting innovation. We're bathed in an atmosphere of our own fragrant innovation. Thing is, dear marketing drone, if you have to tell someone that you're innovative, then you're probably not. Management have taken that on board and now they're innovating. We now have innovation everything, like it's a nasty rash.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #263 on: 14 July, 2013, 12:58:53 pm »
Our chief exec has an irresistible urge to use the word "leveraged" or "leveraging" at least once per missive or utterance. He always pronounces it "levveridge", short "e", which I find just as annoying as the word itself. "Lee-verage" surely?

Our CEO says "We are where we are" a lot.


clarion

  • Tyke
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #264 on: 14 July, 2013, 06:18:01 pm »
Me: "What's that you're doing?"

Her: "Well, basically, it's a game. Actually, no, it's not a game, it's a solution."

("Her" being 3.5 years old. What have I done?)
I tend to use "game" as a verb, as in "they've learnt to game the risk ratings".  This is legitimate English as it means "to play for a stake" or (in this case) "to take dishonest advantage of".

About the most direct one is allowed to be about private providers is to suggest they are 'gaming' the figures.  Harsh criticism indeed.
Getting there...

Euan Uzami

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #265 on: 14 July, 2013, 06:41:55 pm »
Our chief exec has an irresistible urge to use the word "leveraged" or "leveraging" at least once per missive or utterance. He always pronounces it "levveridge", short "e", which I find just as annoying as the word itself. "Lee-verage" surely?

Our CEO says "We are where we are" a lot.

"well we're not where we're not, so we must be where we are"

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #266 on: 15 July, 2013, 04:55:23 pm »
No silly catchphrases here, just good, old fashioned wordiness:

hereby informs that it intends, under Article 31a of the Polish Public Procurement Law (Dz. U. of 2010, No. 113, item 759, as amended), to carry out technical dialogue for the purpose of receiving advice allowing for obtaining information necessary for preparing the description of the object of the contract for:
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

HTFB

  • The Monkey and the Plywood Violin
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #267 on: 15 July, 2013, 07:06:03 pm »
I make that a notice of talks about talks about talks about talks about a paper for signing.
Not especially helpful or mature

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #268 on: 15 July, 2013, 08:05:52 pm »
Don't want to be too hasty.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Wombat

  • Is it supposed to hurt this much?
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #269 on: 16 July, 2013, 08:41:54 am »
The financial usage of the word is "levveridge" (as you put it).
'coz it's Yank-speak, & that's how they sez it Over There.
...and almost everyone misuses it!  >:(
The financial meaning is to buy another company, borrowing the money to do so on the security of the company you're buying (e.g. Glazer Brothers and Man U). It does not mean 'telling a new client about stuff we do for our current clients' or any of the other meaningless 'I can't think of the right word so I'll use management-speak instead' ways it's used.

(No, not a pet hate at all...)

Leverage is a lost battle and I think it's fine to use in a generic context, much like reflected in the finance usage, to indicate using something small to a larger advantage, as a figurative lever. It's quite a useful word. What it is though, is still massively overused. We leverage everything regardless of its leverability. Our entire management apparatus is in a perpetual, suspended state of leverage.

Innovative is bugging me. Someone decided a while back that everything we do is innovative. We're breathing innovation. We're probably farting innovation. We're bathed in an atmosphere of our own fragrant innovation. Thing is, dear marketing drone, if you have to tell someone that you're innovative, then you're probably not. Management have taken that on board and now they're innovating. We now have innovation everything, like it's a nasty rash.

Grrrr, it is NOT a lost battle!  Stop bloody using it and it will minimise the spread.  It is a truly awful term, doesn't make sense in the slightest in the way it is often used, and anyone who uses it should be thrown in a pit of festering dog vomit till they see the error of their ways.
Wombat

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #270 on: 16 July, 2013, 01:55:19 pm »
'We've been able to squash the fruit at the bottom of the tree but are just now managing to pull at the higher branches'

Oscar's dad

  • aka Septimus Fitzwilliam Beauregard Partridge
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #271 on: 19 July, 2013, 08:21:02 am »
The company I work for is mercifully free of such nonsense.  In my experience stupid management phrases come down from the top, when I worked for O2 it appeared the directors and senior management team had invented their own language.  Then of course all their minions copy them.

The CEO of my current employer is a decent bloke (a cyclist) and a straight talking Scot in this late 50s who just uses normal language - to his eternal credit. 

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #272 on: 20 July, 2013, 11:50:02 am »
I currently hate, with a passion, 'the right fact pattern'. It's used by a clique to appear cleverer than the minions.

And when you're selling the 'fact pattern' is always right.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #273 on: 20 July, 2013, 04:51:55 pm »
In my position as cleaner at work, I recently asked the boss if we could get a new bundled cordage horizontal surface wet cleanser.

After all, the old mop is starting to shed bits.  He giggled.
If I had a baby elephant, it could help me wash the car. If I had a car.

See my recycled crafts at www.wastenotwantit.co.uk

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #274 on: 29 July, 2013, 01:36:08 pm »
I currently hate, with a passion, 'the right fact pattern'. It's used by a clique to appear cleverer than the minions.

And when you're selling the 'fact pattern' is always right.

I'm obviously a minion as I do not have a clue what that actually means.