Time for a confession.
I once STOPPED FOR A POO on an audax ride. Indoors. Flush toilet and everything.
I even took a moment to wash my hands*.
When I got to the finish line, I handed my card to the guy at the desk, didn't say a word about my obvious cheating, and the poor fool stamped it. He even offered me warm words of congratulations.
I've been wracked with guilt all these years. I'll hand myself in to the audax authorities and burn all my badges.
You'll never hear from me again.
(* not properly, I'm a cyclist)