Not actually me being a div, but I loved this story so much when I heard it last night, I thought I'd share it.
My local pub landlord grew up on a farm and, as a young man, would make extra pocket money by working evenings in a pub and by offering farm sitting services.
One day he was booked to cover the early morning milking on a farm a few miles away, and it was arranged that, as was normal because the farmer would be away, he would sleep in the house the night before.
He mentioned this to his boss in the pub, told him he needed to get away early that evening as he had to get up very early. His concern was that he'd forgotten to bring a torch with him. His boss told him not to worry as he could sort that out for him. He then reappeared from the pub cellar with a candle on a saucer.
Undeterred, my friend set off late at night from the pub and cycled some miles to the farm. When he got there however, he could not find the keys in the out-house as arranged. He spent a long time searching other likely buildings with his candle, but to no avail.
By now it was well after midnight and he was desperate to get his head down for the few short hours before milking and eventually managed to force a small downstairs window. He crept up the stairs with the remains of his candle, only for a door at the top to be flung open by a shotgun wielding farmer.
He was a day too early.
