Off Topic > The Pub

i am the resurrection

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ian:
Last week, I was chatting to Finestre about the sort of people they have in Hell, the monumental sinners, the dirty diabolists, the trespassers of morals, Priti Patel's soul (she's not dead yet, it just claimed asylum). It's a mixed bunch they're tormenting, but really given the alternative is Heaven, it's not so bad, there is at least no Christian rock. Heaven is ear-to-ear Christian rock, the only break you get is the guitar solo. Don't watch porn in Heaven, there are so many chunky knit sweaters and sensible shoes.

Anyway, I was wondering if they (Hell or Heaven) would entertain a day release scheme, where they give the occasional soul a weekend pass to come back and visit the realm of the living. Who wouldn't want to party with Ghengis Khan, imagine what he'd be like on a Swindon stag-do? If your wifi is playing up, hey Nikola, turn it off and back on, mate. You could get Srinivasa Ramanujan to do your kids' maths homework. Or Jesus. For fuck's sake, will you stop doing this?

Who else should we bring back? Passes are limited, and bear in mind the cavity search on the way back.

Mrs Pingu:
Bowie.
No contest.
That is all.

Mr Larrington:
Jimi Hendrix

nicknack:
Coltrane.

cygnet:
Before nominating anyone (/thing? Are we make-believing in a non-human afterlife??) I'd like to ask:

What stage of life will they be resurrected to? Is it just rewind the clock a few days prior to death?
If the "timeline" is longer, are all terminal illnesses cured? How about "natural causes"? The canonical example is a man executed in his early thirties, presumably with no underlying / pre-existing condition, and he lasted little more than a month.

Or will the resurrection be confined to their current earthly presence? Zombies - no thanks.

(If I've learnt anything from making deals with the devil/god, books and films  it's that you have to read the small print very carefully, to understand ALL the conditions attached.)

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