The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Canardly]

Cut a very heavy pallet into three portions to take to the tip Recycling Centre.
Dropped one of em onto my car's rear bumper.
Now have chipped bumper.
Bugger!

[Mr Larrington]

Decided to wash the covers of the kitchen chairs.  Whipped 'em off, read the instructions.  60 degrees.  Bung 'em in the machine, push dials, twiddle buttons, do other Stuffs for an hour or three.

Open machine, extract covers.  Plus a T-shaped shirt.  It'd better not have shrunk or there'll be trouble.  And Bad Swears.

[mrcharly-YHT]

Went for a bike ride last night (I scarcely manage 1 ride a week, so not fit).

Lovely weather, no wind, sun shining across the purple heather. I was really enjoying pushing myself.

Got to last little slope before home, stood out of the saddle and CRAMP, in both legs just above the knee.

Dropped to small ring and just managed to ride the last 50m to home. Got off bike and stood leant on it like I was dying for about 5min. Cramp would not stop.
Managed to walk sideways, very very slowly.

Legs are a bit sore this morn.

According to Wahoo, I rode 61% of the the time in 'hard' (139-155) and 24% in peak (over 156).

Maybe I was pushing it a bit.

[Steph]

At the weekend, I decided to do some cooking, and stopped in the slightly posh oriental grocery to pick up a stir-fry sauce.

So I whizzed through my preparations, and had a nice mix of chicken breast, cashews, red pepper, mushrooms, onion, with beansprouts blanched and ready to add, so I turned the heat down, uncapped the szechuan sauce and turned it upside down over the wok. About half immediately fell into the pan...

It wasn't stir-fry sauce but concentrated paste. There is now a bowl of inedible but well-prepared food ready to tip into the composting bin.

[Beardy]

Could you wash off the paste with wine vinegar or the like and then refry to heat it up for consumption? Perhaps add some coconut milk to tame any excessive residual chilli

[davelodwig]

Forgot to pack my lunch into the pannier this morning.

Oh says I, I'll pop to the shop / canteen and buy something.

Forgot to pack my wallet into said same pannier.

Bugger.

Managed to find a quid in loose change in the bottom of my bag and bought a pot noodle thing.

[rafletcher]

Could you wash off the paste with wine vinegar or the like and then refry to heat it up for consumption? Perhaps add some coconut milk to tame any excessive residual chilli

Or just rinse with cold water and add some cream.

[Steph]

Could you wash off the paste with wine vinegar or the like and then refry to heat it up for consumption? Perhaps add some coconut milk to tame any excessive residual chilli

Or just rinse with cold water and add some cream.

I am going to tip it into a colander and rinse for a while, but so much of the veg base is likely to turn to slush... and I made it on Monday

[ScumOfTheRoad]

Bought a spiffing new Wifi router cabinet from a major river related vendor.
Bought a nice shelf for it to sit upon. Drilled hole to affix shelf to wall.
Spitz und Sparken. Circuit breaker pops open.
Do I have a stud/cable finder gadget? Yes.    Did I use it? No....

[rogerzilla]

I was drinking coffee when I read this Fesshole tweet.  Now I have to clean half the lounge.

(click to show/hide)

"For a laugh me and my mates once
  put the Crazy Frog on repeat on a pub jukebox. I
  mean, we put about £100 in the thing. We moved
  on for a pub crawl only to come back hours later
  to find a police van outside the pub due to
  there being a massive fight."

[Steph]

Years ago,  while at uni, several of us pooled our money to put a song on the jukebox  a large number of times. This was in the Students' Union, which we then left for a place where we could get a decent pint.

The song, which IIRC was set to play 23 times in a row, was Dean Friedman's 'Lucky Stars'. Years later, at the Wickham festival, I saw another singer of the time, backed by an Irish folk band: Hazel O'Connor. She was just as great as I remembered. Friedman was on the bill as well, and he sounded just as shite as he always did.

[Mr Larrington]

Though he did once join Half Man Half Biscuit on stage for a rendition of “The Bastard Son Od Dean Friedman”

[Jurek]

I used to work with Dean Friedman when I was at the Science Museum. He'd knocked Lucky Stars on the head and turned his hand to programming.

[Kim]

I have previous for putting tracks that incorporate a SEEKRIT hidden track via the devious method of umpty minutes of silence at the end of the album on repeat on pub jukeboxen.  Being able to hear your converstion, for the purposes of.

[Mr Larrington]

Whereas I have previous for using Audacity to remove the extended periods of silence from tracks in ye Musick Library

[Kim]

Whereas I have previous for using Audacity to remove the extended periods of silence from tracks in ye Musick Library

Oh, that too.

It's like beer batter:  Much like how if I wanted BEER with my fish&chips, I'd have ordered a pint, if I want to listen to loud music in my drinking establishment, I'd have gone to a gig.

[The Family Cyclist]

Run out of bread for lunch so last night boiled some eggs, grilled some romaine lettuces and chopped some cucumber. All from the garden or the chickens

Made an absolutely lovely salad with a few extra bits from the cupboard

Laying in bed last night remembered I'm on a half day so no need to bring lunch to work

[andrewc]

I just pressed "Buy It Now" on an item in my Ebay watch list.   Then I noticed the seller had offered me a 10% discount 

[JefO]

Left my lovely Elite Cycling Project gloves on my mate's drive somehow.  (Disadvantage of car assist to start of ride.) They were new enough to be good and just old enough to be comfortable. Father's Day present 

One of these has been found. The other - missing, presumed a fox's plaything.

Bought two new pairs on a large river site.

[Mr Larrington]

When it was Stupid Hot at the tail end of last week I applied sun-schlog to my pale and lifeless arms.  Yesterday it was just nicely warm, so I didn’t.  And now they’re all red.  Bah!

[Cudzoziemiec]

A hat trick of divvery from me last night. Firstly I forgot that I was meant to be locking a friend's property while they're away in Croatia for a week. Secondly, my key ring exploded at the front door, scattering keys to the floor and losing the crucial spring that holds it all together (it's a sort of sliding carabiner type device, wot I got with a locker key when doing a seasonal job in Saino's many decades ago) in the door mat. Thirdly, I'd forgotten that it was a bank holiday weekend. This made Sunday an extra Saturday, ie the Gloucester Road, up which I had to ride to get to said property, was full of people drinking etc. Though TBF it is most nights, skoolnites too. Anyway, this meant broken glass, some of which I evidently failed to see. Rear wheel. Bah! Spotted it when coming out of the now-locked building, really couldn't be arsed to fix it then and there, so pushed home – it's about 20-30 mins walk.

On the plus side, the building got locked, the key-biner got reassembled, and I've mended the puncture, using the new! shiny! not-a-garden-anymore decking wot the landlord installed (reasons unknown) as a workspace.

[T42]

You'll probably get a note telling you not to get oil on the timber.

[Cudzoziemiec]

No, I left the bike in the house and just took the wheel out.  Brake lever scratches on the walls but they'll paint out.

[Kim]

When it was Stupid Hot at the tail end of last week I applied sun-schlog to my pale and lifeless arms.  Yesterday it was just nicely warm, so I didn’t.  And now they’re all red.  Bah!

On a related note, barakta seems to have acquired a Darley Moor sunburn.  I'm not entirely sure how, as there was little sun in evidence.  Something to do with being part morlock, or at least Scottish.

I have something ostensibly similar, but which subsequent sleuthing has determined to be irritation due to runkled foam in my h*lm*t (the major clue being that it's limited to a patch on my forehead).  Ob-divvery for not sorting this out in a timely manner before the rushing-about.

[Mr Larrington]

Applied two coats during the course of today, which achieved this: 0.  Backs of my hands are now actually glowing in the dark.  Need to find a bike shop and buy some track mitts.