Those 'what a pill*ck I am' cycling moments

[Ningishzidda]

Following a group of lycra clad race boys and girls on the first section of the Castleton Classic at average 19 mph, only to find at the first control they hadn’t officially entered and were going straight back home, downhill....

[Wowbagger]

On getting off my bike outside the bank the other day, the loop of my shoelace became hooked by the Carradice bag support. For some time I resembled a dog having a pee against a lamp-post as I tried to disentangle my lace. Eventually I hit upon the bright idea of laying my bike down and just lifting my foot off.

Given the many hundreds, or thousands even, of times that I have dismounted from my bike without getting my lace caught in this way, it must be a pretty unlikely occurrence. It will almost certainly happen again very soon, having said that.

[peliroja]

My 'pillock' moment relates to the non-cycling employment of bicycle parts (inner tubes, in fact) rather than cycling itself.

I'd decided to go to a super hero-themed fancy dress day at work dressed as a super hero of my own invention, Bicycle Repair Girl! (I know, this story isn't going well so far.) I started to fashion a skirt out of old, punctured inner tubes, but felt it needed a bit of lift and volume. When explaining this to Woolly I suddenly had a brainwave.

"I know!" I say, excitedly. "I'll just pump them up!" Woolly looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I, thinking he's misunderstood me, repeat, slowly, "I'll. Pump. Them. Up! You know, with a pump! I'll just pump them up!" I gesticulate wildly to demonstrate my inner tube pumping action.

Yes, well. It took me a while to understand why Woolly was clutching his sides and shaking.

 

[Trull]

Confession time for me then. I live near Stonehaven, which is pretty much as far east as you can get in Scotland, and drove to Sabhal Mor Ostaig which is on the Sound of Sleet, in Skye... about as far West as you can go. As she was doing a weeklong course in Step Dancing, I thought I'd take my much loved Stumpjumper and blast around the fantastic scenery. Yeah  - great plan and even better if I'd also taken the front wheel with me 

A mere 10hours of driving later I was back. 

[Basil]

A mere 10hours of driving later I was back. 

Good effort! 

 

[fuzzy]

September 2005. York. The first International Police Mountain Bike Association Police Cyclist Instructor course to be held outside the USA. I am one of 12 students with two American instructors, one a retired Phillidelphia Police officer, Big Al and the other, Dave a serving Denton TX officer. They had brought their bikes with them and Dave's was a bike he had on trial from Volcanic Bikes- a lovely bit of kit.

During the course we had to demonstrate our abilities to carry out particular skills and also to instruct others on the execution of said skills. Two of the skills were ascending steps and the 'hook slide' (high speed dismount/ detention/ redirection manouver- rapid forward momentum, start to turn, lock rear wheel and plant inside foot, either stepping off the bike as you do or fronting a fleeing suspect or getting going PDQ again).

We were using part of York uni as a venue and there was a lovely set of shallow steps leading up to a concourse which was easy to ride fast towards then lift the front wheel onto the steps allowing momentum to carry you to the top. I was trying out Daves bike so thought I would display a bit of verve and panache by finishing my ascent with a hook slide and immediate descent of the steps.

All would have gone swimmingly had I been on my trusty steed. Dave's bike however, being furrin, was set up for furrin riding with the brake levers on the wrong sides. Instead of executing a hook slide I locked the fron brake, endo'd over the bars, forward rolled and caught the bike before it clattered to the floor- all with an audience of my fellow students and scores of passing York Uni students and staff

[TimC]

Thx, Fuzzy - made my day!

[Nelson Longflap]

That's fantastic fuzzy  Pity it wasn't more recent as you would have been a YouTube megastar!