In other news, booking train tickets. Look, I don't know when I'm travelling, so I'll just book a return ticket. What kind of ticket-site gymnastics do you have to contort yourself through to find the non-advanced ticket options? Eventual success, I find the good old-fashioned super-off-peak, off-peak, anytime. Yet wait, when are these fares available, for which trains, why are there two of each which seem to cover overlapping times? There's a super-off-peak that's even superer super-off-peak, yet they seem to be the same trains, but cost me £35 less than the less super super-off-peak. Is there any intimation as to the difference? Maybe there's an invisible pixel I can click to learn the secret? Undoubtedly if I choose the wrong one, I'll be cast from the train somewhere in Northamptonshire. I don't want that. No one wants that.
Next step, how do I make the return ticket first class? Surely they want to make the already ambitious heist of my bank account easy. On no, they do not. You are in a maze of convoluted search options, none of which say 'first class.' Eventually, I need a cup of tea to recuperate, even Indiana Jones didn't find treasure so difficult to find (even as tawdry sequels go, I don't think Indiana Jones and the Southern Railway Website is going to be in cinemas anytime soon).
One cup of tea later, 'your session has timed out.'
The last time I did this I managed to book a ticket that looked like a return, but wasn't, the little checkbox had gone for plausible deniability. You might have clicked me, who can say, do you have any witnesses? So I had to book again and claim a refund minus £10 because that how much the jam costs to fill one of Nation Rail's diabolical Babbage-engines.
Then, of course, when I turned up at the station for me return trip, the train on my booking didn't actually exist. Oh, I should add that I can't book my train from my actual station, or I can, but it's automatically about £80 more because such fares only exist from St Pancras. How it costs £80 extra when it costs £10-15 in real money from here to the centre of the capital is another mystery.
Trains in Switzerland, on the other hand: first or second class, please. That's really about it.