The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[clarion]

Different idiot; similar problem.

Bear with me, I've a lot to get off my chest tonight.

Mr Astra

I know that a choice of two lanes is riches beyond your comprehension, and it's good that you should delight in this cornucopia of motoring options.

But please, once you have sampled the joy to be had from driving right in the middle, please, I implore you

CHOOSE A FUCKING LANE!!!!

[clarion]

Green Corsa driver:

Firstly, your car is ugly.  The colour is ugly.  Just saying.

How do I know this?  Well, you did give me the opportunity to inspect it at close quarters when you pulled out in front of me.

I mean, if someone flashes at you to pull out, it might be a good idea to check if there's anything in the bus lane, which is much clearer.   For example, there could be a fat bloke travelling at about 20mph.  I mean, there's only three bright lights to show you there may be something worth having a geg at.

If I'd have been a bus, a minibus, or, god help us all, a Serco van with one of their peculiar strand of deranged drivers at the wheel, you'd have been completely fucked.

But hey - it was just a bike.  Just a bike, and, if I'd not been so skilled a rider, I'd have been all over your bonnet instead of missing you by an inch, and offering advice about your conduct on the road (without swearing).

Just a bike.

[clarion]

Bastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastard*

* Explanation may follow later

[little miss mac]

Sometimes, Clarion, this thread makes me worry for you and I wish a sparkly little guardian angel to make safe your path and waft your furrowed brow with her cotton duck wings.

[David Martin]

Sometimes, Clarion, this thread makes me worry for you and I wish a sparkly little guardian angel to make safe your path and waft your furrowed brow with her cotton duck wings.

Giving him punctures to stop him riding into the other traffic is not really appreciated, I'm sure..

..d

[clarion]

Sometimes, Clarion, this thread makes me worry for you and I wish a sparkly little guardian angel to make safe your path and waft your furrowed brow with her cotton duck wings.

I'll be rayt.

[Analog Kid]

Sometimes, Clarion, this thread makes me worry for you and I wish a sparkly little guardian angel to make safe your path and waft your furrowed brow with her cotton duck wings.

Actually 'SpokesClarion' summed it all up perfectly for me

Bastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastardbastard*

* Explanation may follow later

Thats the one.

Although mine may be less traffic related but no less heartfelt.

Or f****** eloquent come to that..

 

[Adrian]

Left turning car driver, don't overtake me, stop, and then get mardy if I "hold you up" because  I am now a bit reluctant to pass you on the left.

[ian]

Is it the Rapture? An alien abduction ray?

Nope, it's your fucking headlights. Thank you modern automobile manufacturers for these glaring beams of death. I'd like my retinas to survive the approach of a car.

More so, I'd like not to be left essentially blind as I squeeze through the slim gap between passing car and parked car. It's a mite troubling.

[PaulF]

scumbag who nicked my gloves from the drying room at work. I hope that you come to a very painful and messy end.

But thanks to the guys in the loading bay who found me some 'safety' gloves - no need to apologize that they weren't cycling gloves as they got me home

[robgul]

.... leading on from Charlotte's experience at a DIY store .... actually the same chain with a name starting with W

Wanted some insulation - found it online but not available to order & deliver - OK, rang nearest store and asked about stock - yes, loads of it - drove to said store (19 miles) - all the stock was soaking wet (this is insulation rolls ) so declined to put in the car - drove home again (same distance  ) - looked online at THE SAME outfit for the number of the next nearest store (28 miles in the other direction) ... and lo and behold I can now place an online order for delivery tomorrow 

.... watch this space for when it : turns up, wet/doesn't turn up  [delete as applicable]

Rob

[mattc]

Posters:
If we're having a serious debate, please keep your replies relevant. Don't just try to pick holes in what I said just so you can "win" a point off me. i don't care! But it is  annoying  having a thread cluttered up with these comments.

<sigh>

[clarion]

Urgent memo to all confectionery stockists in the Southwark area:

Latest research reveals that chocolate melts at fairly low temperatures.

We therefore issue this revised guidance:

It is no longer necessary to keep your stock of chocolate bars warm in order that they are an unidentifiable mess permanently attached to the wrapper. 

Please do your best to comply with this evidence-based practice asap.

[chris]

Orange bloody email. Yesterday I tried to log in and got a message that the system was off line for maintenance until 3:30 this afternoon. It's still not working!

[blackpuddinonnabike]

Posters:
If we're having a serious debate, please keep your replies relevant. Don't just try to pick holes in what I said just so you can "win" a point off me. i don't care! But it is  annoying  having a thread cluttered up with these comments.

<sigh>

You've got an uncapitalised 'I' in that sentence. I think that proves that your views on the role of badgers in road safety are invalid.

[Noodley]

Crap car drivers: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRAKE WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING IN THE DARK AND ANOTHER CAR IS APPROACHING YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CARRIAGEWAY!!!

Twats!

[nicknack]

To the wanker on a motorbike on Cannon Street this evening. I don't care if the lights had changed, I was still crossing the road in front of you. I am not going to start running just because you're an impatient pillock.

[Butterfly]

Orange bloody email. Yesterday I tried to log in and got a message that the system was off line for maintenance until 3:30 this afternoon. It's still not working!

Still offline

[David Martin]

Crap car drivers: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRAKE WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING IN THE DARK AND ANOTHER CAR IS APPROACHING YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CARRIAGEWAY!!!

Twats!

Umm, you do if you cannot see clearly where you are going becasue of the lights of the car coming the other way.

115

You should also

    * use dipped headlights, or dim-dip if fitted, at night in built-up areas and in dull daytime weather, to ensure that you can be seen
    * keep your headlights dipped when overtaking until you are level with the other vehicle and then change to main beam if necessary, unless this would dazzle oncoming road users
    * slow down, and if necessary stop, if you are dazzled by oncoming headlights

[Noodley]

Umm, you do if you cannot see clearly where you are going becasue of the lights of the car coming the other way.

...    * slow down, and if necessary stop, if you are dazzled by oncoming headlights

I had obviously not realised this was the RANT thread for pedants. 

So, okay, I shall rephrase (despite me probably having forgotten more about road traffic legislation than you know!): twat car driver: if you are not being dazzled, which you were not, there is no need to slow down...you twat!

..and since you are being pedantic: there is no such word as becasue.

[chris]

Orange bloody email. Yesterday I tried to log in and got a message that the system was off line for maintenance until 3:30 this afternoon. It's still not working!

Still offline

Still off. That's nearly 40 hours now!

[Charlotte]

Mobile phone users!

Contrary to popular belief, switching your mobile to loudspeaker mode and holding it a foot or so away from your face whilst driving is in fact, just as illegal as holding it up to your ear in the usual fashion.

[Jacomus]

Mr Impatient

When you overtook me this morning, I initially was quite impressed. For a fat guy you were moving some on your clapped out s-s heap of crap.

The woman, Elizabeth by the way, just in case you give a damn, is brand spanking new to cycling and very nervous on the roads. This isn't helped by you being such a fucking moron and elbowing past her at the traffic lights as you run them, swearing at her isn't cool either.

I did stop to help her up, and you have hurt her knee.

[toekneep]

Perhaps this shouldn't be here because it is an observation rather than a rant. However, I have just noticed that this thread has just overtaken the Good News thread in terms of page number. Is that sad, or do we just need to get the crap off our chests more than we need to spread good news?

[clarion]

Nothing.

Surprising, I know, for a chap who has a sideline in industrial-scale bile-venting, but y'know, really:  

Nothing.*





* Please call back later