The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[clarion]

Mr Impatient

When you overtook me this morning, I initially was quite impressed. For a fat guy you were moving some on your clapped out s-s heap of crap.

The woman, Elizabeth by the way, just in case you give a damn, is brand spanking new to cycling and very nervous on the roads. This isn't helped by you being such a fucking moron and elbowing past her at the traffic lights as you run them, swearing at her isn't cool either.

I did stop to help her up, and you have hurt her knee.

I'll allow myself  a

[Notsototalnewbie]

Oi! Tonsils!

Stop getting tonsillitis, I've had enough, it makes me feel shite in general and I can't ride my bike. At least two/three attacks a year since I was 17. It's rubbish, leave me alone. The doctor won't even give me antibiotics now that they're being extra-strict about them (for reasons I understand) so it takes me even longer to get rid of it.

I'd have you whipped out like a shot if the NHS offered me the opportunity, be warned (although this is unlikely I know). Little bastards.

[cc93]

To the driver of a muddy tractor from a farm near Tring who, despite seeing me approaching, still decided to pull out and block the entire road.

Sorry you lost the game of chicken and had to stop because I can block a narrow lane just as easily as you can, and my road bike doesn't do ditches.

PS - calling someone a f*ck*ng c*nt doesn't make them one, irrespective of the number of times you say it

PPS - I do have a job, sadly not a f*ck*ng one though, and if you hadn't been such a muppet I would have arrived there a minute or so sooner.

[Notsototalnewbie]

do we just need to get the crap off our chests more than we need to spread good news?

I quite literally need to get crap off my chest, the amount my tonsils are kicking out. Is that helpful? 

[clarion]

I should declare an interest.  Well, two, really:

1.  I have a chest infection, so I'm coughing up crap too

2.  I have a more general interest in chests.  Apply within

[robgul]

.... leading on from Charlotte's experience at a DIY store .... actually the same chain with a name starting with W

Wanted some insulation - found it online but not available to order & deliver - OK, rang nearest store and asked about stock - yes, loads of it - drove to said store (19 miles) - all the stock was soaking wet (this is insulation rolls ) so declined to put in the car - drove home again (same distance  ) - looked online at THE SAME outfit for the number of the next nearest store (28 miles in the other direction) ... and lo and behold I can now place an online order for delivery tomorrow 

.... watch this space for when it : turns up, wet/doesn't turn up  [delete as applicable]

Rob

Aaaargh!  It turned up - with one of the rolls damaged beyond use 

Rob

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

PlusNet - on 5th November I cancelled my broadband order with Virgin because they were showing no signs of actually providing me with any service. I cancelled the order, got them to confirm there was no tag on the line, no MAC required and placed an order with you which included a new router. When I look at your order tracking, it's been telling me for a week that you're activating the line and that no hardware order has been placed. So I contacted you via your support form to query it, and all I got back from you was a voicemail message telling me you couldn't do anything without a MAC.

So I have confirmed with Virgin again that there is no tag on the line and no MAC is required. Do you think you might actually connect me now please? And if it's not too much trouble, send me the effing router.

[blackpuddinonnabike]

PlusNet - on 5th November I cancelled my broadband order with Virgin because they were showing no signs of actually providing me with any service. I cancelled the order, got them to confirm there was no tag on the line, no MAC required and placed an order with you which included a new router. When I look at your order tracking, it's been telling me for a week that you're activating the line and that no hardware order has been placed. So I contacted you via your support form to query it, and all I got back from you was a voicemail message telling me you couldn't do anything without a MAC.

So I have confirmed with Virgin again that there is no tag on the line and no MAC is required. Do you think you might actually connect me now please? And if it's not too much trouble, send me the effing router.

You can sit in our garden and connect to our fast broadband that we got set up within 10 days of ordering it with a router that arrived two days after placing the order if you want....

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Fuck off.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

 

[Chris S]

Oi, Puncture Faeries - leave me alone.

Three times, the week before last.
Twice on last weekend's Audax.
Twice this week.

My tyres are reasonably new; it's not their fault.

Whilst I don't want to wish ill on anyone else. Please - fuck off and pick on someone else.

[Chris S]

Hey, Nokia - you fucking bastards.

Sort your procedures out pronto. I downloaded an update to PC-Suite earlier, and now my work machine is riddled with a Trojan.

Sack all those script-kiddy fuckwads you have working for you, and employ some real developers. Then come here and clean up my PC for me, you cnuts.

Oh - and to everyone else reading this - don't download Nokia PC-Suite 7.0 from Nokia because it's not safe.

[Aidan]

Oi! Tonsils!

Stop getting tonsillitis, I've had enough, it makes me feel shite in general and I can't ride my bike. At least two/three attacks a year since I was 17. It's rubbish, leave me alone. The doctor won't even give me antibiotics now that they're being extra-strict about them (for reasons I understand) so it takes me even longer to get rid of it.

I'd have you whipped out like a shot if the NHS offered me the opportunity, be warned (although this is unlikely I know). Little bastards.

Mine are exactly the same   Flare up two or three tiimes a year.

Interestingly, mine are little bastards too

[Adam]

To the morons misguided people at the BNP.  Why do you target our village with your vile little rag, which strings together unrelated things and makes up more items than the Sun, Mirror & Star combined.  You're pushing free speech too far.

I might be right of centre but I'm not raving mad.

[border-rider]

Mine are exactly the same   Flare up two or three tiimes a year.

Mine used to be just the same, but I seem to have grown out of it.  One of the few benefits of getting older

[David Martin]

B****y student assessment system. Why have you changed this from last year so I can no longer easily find how to download students submitted work for marking?

I have a nasty feeling about this and it will not be pleasant. But it does annoy me, especially when I have come in on a Saturday to get it all done and out of the way.

..d

[Cyclops]

I realize everyone gets ill occasionally but surely you haven't lost the ability to use a phone. This prevents the triage nurses booking in lots of patients to see you when you've no intention of turning up.

If you are on emergency standby it helps if you have your mobile phone switched on so you can actually be contacted quickly. Mail or carrier pigeons tend to take a little longer.

If I have to juggle trying to see three times the number of patients that I'm meant to again I may track you both down and carry out a rectal exam with a rusty grapefruit knife.

[Aidan]

Mine are exactly the same   Flare up two or three tiimes a year.

Mine used to be just the same, but I seem to have grown out of it.  One of the few benefits of getting older

I'm doing the getting older bit. It doesn't seem to work for me

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Just fix my bloody internet!

Plusnet say Virgin still have a tag, Virgin say they haven't. Plusnet say they have. Virgin say oh yes, we have but we can't give you a MAC cos we never actually provided you with a service. I say that's not good enough. Virgin give me a "forced" MAC and I have to trek all the way to the nearest internet place (about a 2 minute walk away but that's not the point) to log in to Plusnet and give them the MAC because of course they can't give me a phone number to ring because that would be too slow...

Oh, and because I was expecting all my phone and interweb services to move to Virgin at the end of October, I cancelled my BT direct debit. BT then sent me an email bill for £90. I queried it. They never got back to me and now they've restricted my landline to incoming calls only.

[Chris S]

Oi, Garage - why aren't you bigger? 

It doesn't matter how many times I tidy you, I still have trouble fitting in a lawn tractor, a cement mixer, three sets of shelves, three RC model aeroplanes, a generator, 15x5ltr cans of paint, four tool boxes, one tandem, seven bicycles, a large cabinet, a stack of wood, some plumbing stuff, some electrical stuff, a trailer, a workmate, a folding step, three tents including a marquee, two other lawn mowers, some buckets and a window.

Why aren't you a double garage?

[andrewc]

Just fix my bloody internet!

Plusnet say Virgin still have a tag, Virgin say they haven't. Plusnet say they have. Virgin say oh yes, we have but we can't give you a MAC cos we never actually provided you with a service. I say that's not good enough. Virgin give me a "forced" MAC and I have to trek all the way to the nearest internet place (about a 2 minute walk away but that's not the point) to log in to Plusnet and give them the MAC because of course they can't give me a phone number to ring because that would be too slow...

Oh, and because I was expecting all my phone and interweb services to move to Virgin at the end of October, I cancelled my BT direct debit. BT then sent me an email bill for £90. I queried it. They never got back to me and now they've restricted my landline to incoming calls only.

Sorry Kirst, I work for BT but can't help with this.  I avoid ADSL like the plague.

If it would make you feel better I could report to Edinburgh for a therapeutic spanking..

PS. You do know that Plusnet is owned by BT.......don't you.....

[Gandalf]

Just fix my bloody internet!

Plusnet say Virgin still have a tag, Virgin say they haven't. Plusnet say they have. Virgin say oh yes, we have but we can't give you a MAC cos we never actually provided you with a service. I say that's not good enough. Virgin give me a "forced" MAC and I have to trek all the way to the nearest internet place (about a 2 minute walk away but that's not the point) to log in to Plusnet and give them the MAC because of course they can't give me a phone number to ring because that would be too slow...

Oh, and because I was expecting all my phone and interweb services to move to Virgin at the end of October, I cancelled my BT direct debit. BT then sent me an email bill for £90. I queried it. They never got back to me and now they've restricted my landline to incoming calls only.

Sorry Kirst, I work for BT but can't help with this.  I avoid ADSL like the plague.

If it would make you feel better I could report to Edinburgh for a therapeutic spanking..

PS. You do know that Plusnet is owned by BT.......don't you.....

I try to avoid ADSL as well. Unfortunately ADSL, among other things, is my full time job. 

[Regulator]

Just fix my bloody internet!

Plusnet say Virgin still have a tag, Virgin say they haven't. Plusnet say they have. Virgin say oh yes, we have but we can't give you a MAC cos we never actually provided you with a service. I say that's not good enough. Virgin give me a "forced" MAC and I have to trek all the way to the nearest internet place (about a 2 minute walk away but that's not the point) to log in to Plusnet and give them the MAC because of course they can't give me a phone number to ring because that would be too slow...

Oh, and because I was expecting all my phone and interweb services to move to Virgin at the end of October, I cancelled my BT direct debit. BT then sent me an email bill for £90. I queried it. They never got back to me and now they've restricted my landline to incoming calls only.

Sorry Kirst, I work for BT but can't help with this.  I avoid ADSL like the plague.

If it would make you feel better I could report to Edinburgh for a therapeutic spanking..

PS. You do know that Plusnet is owned by BT.......don't you.....

I try to avoid ADSL as well. Unfortunately ADSL, among other things, is my full time job. 

So Gandalf is to blame!   

[Polar Bear]

Why, o why, o why o why o why, ...

HELP PLEASE?

My p.c's borked ...   "Get a mac"

My Windows ...   "Linux is where it's at baby..."

My shimano widget ...   "Get Campag..."

My ally frame ...   "Steel is real..."

My cable disk ...   "Swap to hydraulic..."

WTF is it with people?   When somebody wants help why not just offer them help with what they already have?   They might, just might not want to invest more in swapping.  They may have good reasons for keeping what they have.

Please people, please just respect the choices of others and offer help only if you really can.  GRRRRRR!

                    

   That's much better!   

[Tim Hall]

Oi! Me!  Don't think that drinking that much grappa is either big or clever.

(retires back to bed)