G Imlach: | O hai, TV's G Imlach ect ect & after teh frantic xitement ov teh team tiem-trail we retun 2da 2 teh mind-numbing tedium ov teh roa... wait, WHAT? Who wrote this rubbish? |
EC Boardman: | A hahahaha! A ha ha ha! And, moreover, ha! |
G Imlach: | Go! Away! TV's Niec C Boardman: summarise! |
NC Boardman: | Win GV Avermaet P Gilbert TD Windmill lose D Martin I Montoya N Quintana sumwhere in teh middle R Bardet C Froome R Porte A Yates. |
Bethany [8]: | wot about mi Da… R Urán? |
TJV Garderen: | Oi! Here I am, branez teh size ov a planet and u gits ignore me agane! |
G Imlach & NC Boardman : | |
Bethany [8]: | u hold 'em, TJV Garderen, an' ill kick 'em in teh nutz! |
G Imlach: | Yoicks! TV's Wooden D Friebe, interview TD Windmill or die trying! |
TD Windmill: | Long way 2 go... taek it as it comes... anything can happen... |
Omnes: | |
5: | [Faints] |
N Boulting: | O hai! TV's *** ect ect! Football beach wind! |
SD Millar: | O hai! TV's Super D ect ect! No wind template stage cookie cutter! |
N Boulting: | C Prudhomme has not yet started teh stage so here iz sum history! Dead bloke! |
SD Millar: | Vortex! |
N Boulting: | Shipbuilding! |
SD Millar: | (Improvising desperately) R Wyatt! E Costello! |
Omnes: | |
N Boulting: | Salt, salt! Poney! |
5: | Sidesaddle 2! I think mai mummy does that! |
Bethany's Mum: | An' thass not all she duz from wot I 'eard! |
5's Mummy: | Aim sure Ai don't know don't know what u mean! |
N Boulting: | Cofidis! Punished 4 rubbish team tiem-trail? |
SD Millar: | Cofidis very rubbish! Futile break TV tiem! |
T Pelican: | Oi! C Prudhomme! Get! On! With! It! |
C Prudhomme: | Waiting 4 M Burghardt. He fell off. During teh rollout! Roffle! |
T Pelican: | LOL @ M Burghardt! |
M Burghardt: | Wnkrs! |
C Prudhomme: | Get out ov mi site, u useless basket cases! |
C Vasseur: | T Cofidis! Get out ov mi site, u useless basket cases! |
T Cofidis: | Who, us? |
C Vasseur: | Yes, u! |
T Cofidis: | Piss! |
N Bouhanni (via smoke signal): | U should ov picked me! I'd have won every stage! Including teh team tiem-trail! AND punched J Degenkolb! |
A Demare: | Roffle! Luser! |
N Boulting: | France Belgium break football! Lunch M Smith M Rogers. He's Australian u kno! |
| [...] |
Omnes: | M Smith, sa after me: I must learn teh difference between "Calvary" and "Cavalry"! |
| [...] |
M Rogers: | ... and as I got older I went slower but longer! |
Omnes: | Fnarr and, moreover, fnarr! |
Bethany's Mum: | Hell-oooooo, big boy! |
| [...] |
M Smith & M Rogers: | SD Brailsford You-See-Eye small town mayor parochial tea-wee* C Froome! |
| [...] |
Omnes: | |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaack! Did u miss us? |
Omnes: | |
A Greipel: | Teh break iz getting above itself! TD Gendt! Discipline those miscreants! |
Omnes: | [Waking up] MUNKEH!1! |
TD Gendt: | Yeth, mathter! |
| [Grams: WHOOOOSH!!1!] |
SD Millar: | TD Gendt: speed ov teh race-horse, strength ov teh cart-horse, branez ov teh rocking-horse! |
N Boulting: | Will teh pelican contest teh intermediate sprint sprint sprintEEEE, Super D? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. Dunno. |
N Boulting: | Thank u, Super D! [Aside] Idiot! |
| [...] |
Bethany [8]: | skools out wots hapnin? |
Omnes: | Futile break, tractors, dancing paysans, TD Gendt being a headbanger. Uzhul stuffs. |
N Boulting: | Tiem 4 teh daily dose ov doubleplusgood antidote 2 Newspeak, M Rendall! |
M Rendall: | Aujourd'tag nos spikim ub La crown green Baulypela brrrm vroom W Williams Monaco Gestapo utterly 2 DETH! Gron racy Bugatti In-ger-lund ichiban! |
Omnes: | U lie, M Rendall! Any fule kno green was given 2 teh BRITON Charles Jarrott 4 teh 1900 Trophée Gordon Bennett 2 offset his race number 13#! |
N Boulting: | Did u taek notice ov teh multifaceted wonderfulness ov teh France – le history, la géography, les châteaux, l'architecture, Baudelaire, Proust, Debussy, Eiffel, Vauban, Johnny Hallyday, la mer wot iz wet, teh mice who eat cheez and teh grilz who r priti – as teh rider, Super D? |
SD Millar: | No. |
N Boulting: | Sometiems I h8 this job... |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Crash! Soz, no, I am seeing thingz! |
Omnes: | Starting ur birthday celebrations early, ***? |
| [Cut 2 shot of T AS-TA-NA mob-handed inna ditch] |
N Boulting: | Ha! |
T Gallopin: | Noes! Doored by mi own team car! |
Omnes: | LOL @ T Gallopin! |
T Gallopin: | It's not funny! |
Omnes: | Oh! Yes! It! Is! |
SD Millar: | Teh pelican iz teh very big powerful cat+! |
M Kitteh: | I think u already kno mi op!on on this matter, Super D! Also, miaow! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | Break! Not so futile? |
N Boulting: | Yes. No. Maybe. Dunno. |
SD Millar: | Thank u, ***! [Aside] Idiot! |
| [...] |
TQ Step: | I say, would u crook-backed ruffians mind awfully sharing sum ov teh work? |
T Pelican: | |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | N Terpstra! He's fab! He's amazing! He's awsum! He's W Shaekespeare J Hendrix EO Aquitaine & BJ Bond all rolled in2 1! He's... going backwards. Oh! |
SD Millar: | Crash! Pelican in pieces! R Urán off teh back! |
Bethany [8]: | NOES!!1! |
T Pelican: | O hai, futile break! |
CP Sagan: | Winnage! Crazy! |
A Greipel: | Winnage? |
Omnes: | MUNKEH!1! |
F Gardenia: | Ha! Lusers! |
M Kitteh: | MIAOW!!1! |
Bethany [8]: | So did mi Da... R Urán get back on^? |
N Boulting & SD Millar: | Who? |
Bethany [8]: | Mi revenge will b medieval in its severity, u utter tw@ts! |
* M Smith's actual pronunciation of "TUE".
# Trufax.
+ Yes, he really did say this. For the second year running.
^ Yes. Yes, he did.