It's about a train.
It's about man - could be a woman if you got say SB, but probably a man.
And it's about ferrets - but they're not ordinary ferrets!
There's a suggested opening sequence here, an introduction to a couple of the characters and some of the dynamics, plus references to some of the set piece action sequences. As you can see the plot is pretty solid already.
We open with a montage PRESENT DAY EUROPE IN THE NEAR FUTURE descending into CHAOS.
Delusional CROWDS cheering various VICTORIOUS POLITICIANS with BEARDS!
Brooding, sonorous voice over Donald Sutherland? Bit too English sounding? Anyway...
V.O.
POLITICAL TURMOIL IN EUROPE HAS LED TO THE RE-EMERGENCE OF SOCIALISM. UNILATERAL NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT RENDERS SUCCESSIVE STATES ACROSS THE CONTINENT POWERLESS TO RESPOND TO EXTERNAL THREAT
(We have a sub plot developing already - RUSSIAN underhand PLOY. They are appropriating NATO NUCLEAR equipment. Suggest EST. DELUSIONAL MASSES celebrate decommission of missiles CUT TO MID VARIOUS LITTLE GREEN MEN packing crates into 'AID TRUCKS'. C.U. Clicky counter thing ETC.)
V.O.
...continues with emphasis on CHAOS, ERODED FREEDOMS ETC...
...THE FALL OF EUROPE PRESENTS AMERICATHE WORLD WITH THE GREATEST THREAT SINCE...
Flash back. B + W NAZI GERMANY!!
EST.
COOL LOOKING ARMORED LOCOMOTIVE billowing STEAM at STATION PLATFORM. PANIC!! It is the end of the war in EUROPE. STORM TROOPERS run past camera. Jack boots crump.
TRACKING SHOT ALONG SIDE OF TRAIN
COAL and WATER is LOADED.
TURRETED GUN WAGON LOADED with AMMO!
CARRIAGE LOADED with STOLEN ART Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo ETC.
CARRIAGE LOADED with GOLD!!
PAN TO EXT. CU
SHINY BOOTS walking along side PAWS of TWO large ALSATIAN DOGS. Boots of two GUARDS in background click together at the heel as SHINY BOOTS and DOGS board the TRAIN
PAN TO CONTINUE TRACKING SHOT
CARRIAGE LOADED with CHAMPAGNE
CARRIAGE LOADED with V2 ROCKET PARTS
CARRIAGE LOADED with MYSTERIOUS CRATES! n.b. need clicky counter thing, green slime or gas masks and gum boots.
CARRIAGE PACKED with HEAVILY ARMED STORM TROOPERS!
ANOTHER TURRETED GUN CARRIAGE PACKED with AMMO!
CUT TO MID.
- Officious looking JAPANESE OFFICER strides through the STATION accompanied by CLERK 1 and CLERK 2 wearing black rimmed GLASSES - they SPEAK (JAPANESE with subtitles/heavily/lightly accented ENGLISH).
CLERK 1
THE EMPEROR HIMSELF WILL GUARANTEE HIS SAFETY, BUT ONLY IF WE HAVE ALL OF THE...
CLERK 1 looks around nervously
CLERK 1
...THE MATERIAL!
CLERK 2
THE NEGOTIATIONS MUST SUCCEED. WE MUST HAVE EVERYTHING IF WE HOPE TO END THIS WAR.
The JAPANESE OFFICER looks SERIOUS. He takes a SOFT LEATHER BRIEFCASE from CLERK 1. He takes an ORNATE GILDED CAGE from CLERK 2.
EXTREME C.U.
In the cage is an incredibly ATTRACTIVE golden haired FERRET FATALE. She reclines languorously on a miniature CHAISE LONGUE.
SHE IS GRAVID!!!
MID./LONG
The JAPANESE OFFICER boards the TRAIN
TRACKING SHOT
The TRAIN pulls out of the station. We see the name plate - 'BRANDENBURG' 'AMERIKA' can we do irony?
We track alongside the TRAIN until we are keeping pace. A man sits at the WINDOW.
IT IS HITLER!!!
MID.
A group of NAZI OFFICERS stand on the platform. They SALUTE the departing TRAIN. As they lower their arms we see another man in the centre of the group.
IT IS HITLER TOO!!!!
PLATFORM HITLER looks very worried. One of the OFFICERS notices.
This is all a plot to spirit Hitler to safety in return for Japan gaining all of NAZI GERMANY's rocket technology and nuclear material! The negotiations succeed. Train scenes are intercut with scenes from the present day near future which show the similar PERIL AMERICAthe ENTIRE WORLD faces as when JAPAN and GERMANY were attempting to OBLITERATE THE UNITED STATES! This sequence culminates in:
1 The TRAIN ENTOMBED! Brave AMERICAN PILOT bombs the tunnel entrances. It is the OFFICER from the train platform! The FREE WORLD is SAVED! The occupants of the TRAIN are thrown in to darkness. The whimpering of ALSATIANS can be heard then a low hiss and BLOOD CURDLING squeak. The IMPRINT of a FERRET PAW glows GREEN in the darkness.
2 PRESIDENT TRUMP is revealed to be none other than KIM JONG-UN! AMERICA has NO NUCLEAR WEAPONS! He sold them to the RUSSIANS! WHO WILL SAVE US THIS TIME?
AMERICAN UNIVERSITY CAMPUS MONTAGE
Our HERO (Younger Harrison Ford/Buffer Tom Hanks/Mel Gibson without the baggage Samuel M*****F****** L. Jackson) prepares for a day's teaching. He is obviously very good at his job. His students fancy him, his colleagues are awed by his skills and he is respected by the menial staff because he's just a great guy. But something about the LIBERAL, INTELLECTUAL environment unsettles him. These are DARK DAYS.
Our hero receives a VIDEO CALL from an EX STUDENT maybe SHE is an EX! Maybe it is SB if she isn't TOO OLD and LEATHERY. EX STUDENT is WORRIED. She is in EUROPE. It is DANGEROUS! Our hero tells her to GET OUT! But she needs some information to do one last thing before she leaves. What is 'AMERIKA'?
EX STUDENT discovers THE TUNNEL. It is slowly revealed that they have also discovered THE NAZI TRAIN! EX STUDENT spies a BROKEN CAGE, scattered bars of GOLD BULLION and many CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES, maybe there is a MARBLE TOE.
THEN! A PIERCING HIGH PITCHED SQUEAK!! - A SWISH of AIR! - EX STUDENT'S TERRIFIED FACE - another SWISH of AIR! - then DARKNESS.
Our HERO is in his LIBRARY. There are lots of BOOKS! As he searches through old papers he remembers something his GRANDFATHER told him about his time as a WWII HERO AMERICAN FIGHTER PILOT! Our HERO must tell EX STUDENT but she is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!! THE NEWS plays on a SCREEN in the background. The NUCLEAR SITUATION is DIRE! Our HERO knows what he must do - FIND THE TRAIN! RECOVER THE ONLY NUCLEAR MATERIAL NOT IN THE HANDS OF RUSSIA! Then PERHAPS he can find SOME WAY to SAVE THE FREE WORLD!!! A PHOTO of WORRIED HITLER stares up from the DESK and in the background KIM JONG-UN can be seen REMOVING HIS TRUMP MASK as our HERO sets off, JAW firmly SET to FACE the HORRORS of WHAT he SUSPECTS but CAN'T possibly KNOW!
GIANT ARYAN FERRETS WITH MACHINE GUNS AND SS HELMETS!
A BATTLE WITH TWO HUGE GUNS AT THE OPPOSITE ENDS OF ONE TUNNEL!!
AN OPULENT BOUDOIR FILLED WITH GOLD FERRET NOVELTY PHONES STATUETTES, AND NUMEROUS OTHER OBJET D'ART DU BELETTE!!! AMONGST WHICH NINJA FERRETS HIDE!!!
A NAKED MUTANT FERRET/HUMAN HYBRID SEDUCTRESS! PAINTED GOLD!! But it is OK as she is the product of the FEVERED DELUSIONS of a man suffering from IRRADIATED FERRET BITES!
OR IS SHE?!
DOES SHE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE DISAPPEARANCE OF EX STUDENT?!!!
WHAT MYSTERIES WILL BE ANSWERED? HOW DID THE MUTANT FERRETS BECOME NINJA MASTERS? WHY DO ALL THE SKELETAL REMAINS HAVE THEIR TROUSERS TUCKED INTO THEIR SOCKS? IS THE PROSTHETIC TESTICLE A DOUBLE BLUFF? WHY ARE THE TRAIN CARRIAGES SEGREGATED?
I don't think we should even look at the first two offers.
