Your house rules

[rogerzilla]

Inspired by a Scaryduck post on b3ta, where one of his was

Don't play that game where you try to beat the slow closing toilet seat when you have a wee.

Do you have any odd rules for adults or kids?  We have:

1. Don't burp at the table with your mouth open.  If you do, it's 20p in the box.
2. Never leave the downstairs bathroom door open.  No-one wants to see the toilet or hear the extractor fan.

[CrinklyLion]

An old one... never miss the sock gap. Because everyone knows there's nothing more unattractive than a naked man in socks.

A new one... nobody under the age of 18 even _touches_ a track pump without my express permission.

[Jurek]

Do you have any odd rules for adults or kids? 

Loads. Mostly self-imposed / administered.

For starters:
No making a meal until you've cleared up after the last one.

I'll think of some more, shortly.

EDIT: Clean the bath after every use. You'll enjoy your next bath more if it's free of clag and skog.

EDIT2: Wipe the stainless drainer dry after washing up. The word 'stainless' is a lie in the context of hard London water.

[L CC]

No rules here. Laissez Faire all the way.

Which is why, probably, not only is my house a pig sty, but the childers have no respect for me.
:shrugs:

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

No smoking in the flat. Be gentle when you shut the cupboard door or the overdoor shelves will fall off and I will make you pick it all up and put it back. Don't leave wet dishes drying on the worktop, it'll get into the joins and lift the wood.

I live alone though.

[Jaded]

Nobody ever, ever, ever tidies my office. OK?

Including me.

[Mrs Pingu]

The cats are higher up the pecking order than the guests.
The chocolate is mine.

[barakta]

First student house:
* If you burp say "Frog!"
* No wanking or shagging in shared household rooms (aka wank/shag in your own room only).
* You are responsible for your friends' behaviour/costs/mess/other and dealing with the consequences - (and that includes when they piss all over the toilet floor).
* If you borrow someone's food/drink/stuff you replace with equivalent quality of stuff you used (after skanky housemate stole high quality stuff and replaced it with Netto brand).

Current house:
* Don't touch my computer. 
* Teabags in the bin (not on side of sink)
* Don't use smelly products
* No dogs or smoking in the house

[Dibdib]

Current (and all future) houses:

No Daily Mail.
No Hollyoaks.

[jogler]

No smoking in the house
Chill out

[Jaded]

No farting in the car.

[rogerzilla]

We had a sacrosanct rule in our student house that no-one was to be got out of the bath for any reason.

This meant pissing in the outside grid if you got home from the pub late at night.

[Jurek]

In a previous (shared) house:

Respect the toaster.

[rogerzilla]

I went to school with a guy called Joe Hammond.  Joe had a shop dummy's bum, painted bright red, stuck to his bedroom wall just inside the door.  The bum was called Ezelda.  You were not permitted to enter his room without giving Ezelda a kiss on the cheek.

His father was a scriptwriter for Thames TV.  They were a bit eccentric.

[Kim]

Current house:
* Don't touch my computer. 
* Teabags in the bin (not on side of sink)
* Don't use smelly products
* No dogs or smoking in the house

I think we've got more than that.  How about:

* Think before unplugging.  Seriously.
* Bananananas, mushrooms, lesbian tea and similar noxious substances should be stored in hermetically sealed containers at all times, and removed to the outside world for safe disposal at the first opportunity.
* Fucking flush the fucking toilet for fuck's sake.  If you're deaf, use your fucking eyes to see whether the dodgy flush actually worked, turn the fucking light on if necessary.  Going to the toilet in the dark is stupid anyway, the spiders might get you.  If you're blind, the toilet's the smelly thing about a metre and a half ahead of you after you fall down the step.  If you have no sense of smell, ignore the previous line and be assured that the toilet is pristine in its awesome cleanliness.  If you have a penis and no sense of smell, I recommend going in the sitting-down position, in order to preserve the illusion.
* Youtube at night, streamer's delight.  iPlayer in morning, account holder's warning.
* CYCLISTS DISMOUNT^[1]
* No Xaphoons.
* The toaster has a faulty eject mechanism and must be supervised at all times.
* The hoover has a taste for human flesh.  Tie your hair before doing the stairs.


Surprised you didn't include:

* Kim is always right.  I will listen to Kim.  I will not ignore Kim's recommendations. Kim is God^[2].  And if this ever happens again Kim will personally rip your lungs out.


...and what Mrs Pingu said about the chocolate.  Except that it's mine, obviously.


_{[1] This one's only advisory
[2] Just kidding.  No offence.}

[HTFB]

* The hoover has a taste for human flesh.  Tie your hair before doing the stairs.

That sounds <a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/6EWWI4ikV6g&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/6EWWI4ikV6g&rel=1</a>

[rogerzilla]

Don't ever store glasses upside down.  There are three reasons for this:

1. We clean the cupboard shelves regularly.  Every time we move house, in fact.

2. They can get stuck to the shelf and break when you pull them away.

3. It's pointless.  We don't have seagulls flying around inside the cupboards crapping into every open drinking vessel.

[Jaded]

No coconut.

[dasmoth]

For a year or so we had:

• If you say "indeed", that's 50p into a tin with a picture of Teal'c stuck to the side.

Collected about £80, mostly from me  .  But did add a little more variety to the set of phrases used to express agreement.  Other than that, we're pretty short on rules.  Should maybe try one or two involving washing up at some point...

[Jurek]

No coconut.

Seconded.
Absolutely none.
EDIT: Or celery.

[peliroja]

Shoes to be deposited outside.
No water or food in the inner. 
Inner to be 'hoovered' at least once a week.
No touching the sides when it's raining.
Nothing heavy to be placed in internal pockets.
In bear/raccoon country, food and smellies to be stored properly outside.

(Our house is a tent  )

[L CC]

EDIT: Or celery.

You don't need a rule for that, that's like saying 'no murder'.
Although murder is probably OK if you do it cleanly and quietly.

[Kim]

• If you say "indeed", that's 50p into a tin with a picture of Teal'c stuck to the side.

I think this is the most awesome thing I've heard all year. 

[barakta]

For a year or so we had:

• If you say "indeed", that's 50p into a tin with a picture of Teal'c stuck to the side.

Collected about £80, mostly from me  .  But did add a little more variety to the set of phrases used to express agreement.  Other than that, we're pretty short on rules.  Should maybe try one or two involving washing up at some point...

Awesome!

[CAMRAMan]

The bog brush is not an ornament