Author Topic: Weird/funny dreams you've had  (Read 146301 times)

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #700 on: 22 January, 2021, 09:20:27 am »
Went to Russia with four other people. Soon after our return to the UK, female operatives of the KGB* were attempting to assassinate all of us. I forced myself to wake up when I was being chased by one of them. 

*In the dream they were identified as KGB agents.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #701 on: 22 January, 2021, 10:37:31 am »
I can't recall much, except that it involved some rather unpleasant torture - of other's, not me, thankfully. Very odd. And just as I was waking, so mercifuly brief.
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

slope

  • Inclined to distraction
    • Current pedalable joys
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #702 on: 22 January, 2021, 02:26:37 pm »
I was out walking along a night city pavement, with my hands deep in huge pockets, looking down at my feet, confused by unrecognisable paint stained baggy trousers and badly scuffed leather slippers. When along came Keith Richards who said “hi Paul”. So I startled and said “oh, hi Keith”. He put his arm around my shoulder, so I ran arm around the small of his back. We carried on ambling. Nothing else was mentioned until I noticed Keith looking down at my slippers, I sensed he also wondered what this was about. I offered my apologies and explained I didn’t know whose slippers they were nor who the trousers belonged to. Without any answers, we continued walking embraced in silence.



After a timeless long while a huge Victorian pavilion not unlike Brighton’s appeared, one long side of which sported a series of tall narrow etched glass doors with panelled wooden bottoms. Keith said “do you fancy a swift half Paul?” I replied “yeah, why not?” Finally a way in was found through two doors wide open at the very far end. We shuffled, arms still entwined into a huge ballroom with chandeliers and an intercontinental ocean of blonde maple flooring. 



Immediately before us half a dozen or so circular linen clad dining tables occupied by a few depressed diners all eating huge steaming plates of boiled potatoes, smelling of school canteens. A flurry of waiters straight from La Coupole clad in ankle length white waist tied aprons waltzed stupidly around with silver platters at shoulder height, balanced on their ridiculous fingertips, just showing off.



Keith and I slowly surveyed the rest of the empty cavernous dancehall until we espied the bar at least a quarter of a mile away, running the entire width of the hall. We cocked our chins up slightly in respect, or fuckitiness for the grandeur of the place and slid across the vast room hoping to make the bar before last orders. As the ornate counter approached with its highly polished foot rail, it started growing in height, at least a dozen women bartenders clad in crisp white blouses buttoned to the neck and tight maroon waistcoats slowly disappearing behind the towering edifice.



By the time I said to Keith, “my shout” we were only half way up to the height of the counter. The endless row of hand pulled beer pumps we longed toward on our journey were invisible now. Up until then, there were no other people at the bar. Whilst trying think what to order 5 or 6 blokes arrived jostling around us and the concentrated silence was shattered by macho pub banter and the worship of Keith. I tried shouting to one of the unseen barmaids -  one leant over trying to find who was yelling at her. I raised my voice to a scream. She couldn’t hear what I said. The throng were obviously drunk and getting rowdier and rowdier. I cupped my hands either side of my mouth and yelled so loud my head split “TWO PINTS OF LAGER”. The reply was “WHAT?”



At this point Keith was hopelessly bobbling with the ugly men, their faces right in his, all yelling at him, telling him how great he was man. I put my hands back deep in my pockets turned and tried to depart in a manner which could convey my displeasure. 



Slowly the strange slippers shuffled me towards the distant open doors and I returned to wondering who they belonged to. No one noticed me – I looked back to check. Just before I took my leave a wing collared maitre d’ came rushing up from nowhere and declared I “was never to step foot in the establishment, ever again!”

My parting cry of “FUCK OFF PENGUIN” woke me up!




Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #703 on: 24 January, 2021, 02:11:03 am »
And the motto of that is always go for a pee before bedtime

OMG, you had the same dream  :o
It is simpler than it looks.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #704 on: 15 February, 2021, 05:43:14 pm »
You know those full bladder dreams where you end up in a montage of all sorts of improbable reasons why you can't get to / use a toilet?

I had the EV charging version the other night.  I blame this:  http://theadventuresyndicate.com/resolution-race

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #705 on: 16 March, 2021, 01:21:20 pm »
Being the one in which a small group of people led by a fierce Kim lookalike* had to negotiate the independence of a small Caribbean archipelago with a bunch of braying blank-eyed zombies from the FOREIGN And Commonwealth Office in a wood-panelled conference room decorated with oil paintings of bewhiskered Tory grandees of yore.  I got very shouty at one Third Reich pinup boy.  I woke up before Dominic Raabid put in an appearance which I think means we won.

I shall shortly be pulling out the atlas to find out whether the St Wherever Islands actually exist and whether I can visit on me holibobs and be showered with gifts from a grateful populace.

* I'm pretty sure it wasn’t the real Kim on account of her wearing a dress.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #706 on: 17 March, 2021, 11:29:07 am »
I don't usually remember my dreams but here's a couple I remember a bit:

1, I had to get my leg amputated between knee and ankle. The person who did only made the knife cut reaching the bone, then they disappered and I had to go around asking people with with a saw to finish off the job.

2, I'm old but look young. Some young people found out I'm actually old, they felt deceived and took revenge by setting up my phone to make a call which eats up my payg credits and I only stopped it by pressing some secret combination on the screen.


rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #707 on: 26 July, 2021, 06:47:02 am »
I got on the no.11a bus in Birmingham and it went via Dunwich.  The toilets were closed and the bus was going to be there for an hour, but it was ok because the driver agreed to buy us all lunch.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #708 on: 26 July, 2021, 08:16:50 am »
Was going to South Africa and got to the front of the passport queue only to find my passport was a leaflet with the image of a passport on the front.  Going back to get the proper passport I crashed the car into the side of a Royal Mail parcels van.  I never reached South Africa. 

Yesterday I did book a holiday for next year but not to South Africa, to Norway. 
Move Faster and Bake Things

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #709 on: 26 July, 2021, 11:39:23 am »
I got on the no.11a bus in Birmingham and it went via Dunwich.

That'll be the roadworks around City Hospital...

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
    • woollypigs
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #710 on: 12 October, 2021, 09:46:30 am »
In last nights dream I got a new laptop for work and the person who did the job before me, had put all the files I needed on USB stick. As there wasn't any order in the files, I copied them to the laptop to sort. Where they ended up in a hot mess of icons on the desktop. Every time I restarted, went for tea, talked to a co-worker etc and came back to the laptop it was back to the same hot mess. Even if I deleted the files/icons.

This when on for a fair bit of time on repeat.

Then as part of the work in the dream, I meet Zipperhead who then told me that he had worked with the fella of this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBOpxsZJE4 that I had watched a few hours before I went to bed. Zipperhead told me that he used to play car Top Trumps with him. With pictures of cars that Zipperhead had taken the photos off.
Current mood: AARRRGGGGHHHHH !!! #bollockstobrexit

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #711 on: 14 October, 2021, 12:39:53 am »


In last nights dream I got a new laptop for work and the person who did the job before me, had put all the files I needed on USB stick. As there wasn't any order in the files, I copied them to the laptop to sort. Where they ended up in a hot mess of icons on the desktop. Every time I restarted, went for tea, talked to a co-worker etc and came back to the laptop it was back to the same hot mess. Even if I deleted the files/icons.

This when on for a fair bit of time on repeat.

This sounds suspiciously like barakta's ork laptop...

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #712 on: 30 October, 2021, 04:28:47 pm »
Well last nights dream was odd in the extreme. I was “chairing” a meeting - with Elon Musk, who looked a bit like Elon Musk albeit blonder and with an Eastern European accent, and his secretary, who had a perm, glasses, print dress and typewriter, straight out of the 1960’s. I can’t remember the first agenda item, but the second was a proposal to restrict the acceleration of vehicles weighing more than 1750kg after they had reached 13,500 miles. I asked why that distance, and received the response “that will stop the instrument being misused”.

OK, my company is providing equipment to Tesla, but even so, that’s weird!
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #713 on: 07 November, 2021, 04:13:02 pm »
Towards 5 am this morning I was lying back on a sofa with an espresso machine on my lower abdomen.  I could hardly feel the weight: it was a small thing, about the size of a toaster, and I was very sceptical of its coffee-producing powers; however, when I pressed the GRIND button it crunched and wheezed in the correct manner.  I spooned the ground coffee into an espresso cup and tamped it down with the flimsy plastic tamper provided. I couldn't see a portafilter but I understood that that was the thing to do.

The weight then transmogrified into bladder pressure, so I woke up, got up, went and pee'd then returned to bed and forgot all about it until just now.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #714 on: 18 January, 2022, 04:33:45 pm »
I was on a bus out from Swansea to Mumbles, with Boris Johnson sitting in front of me, right at the front. Several misfortunes befell him because he wanted the window next to him to be kept open. My subconscious was was not lively enough to provide me with the details of all of them but one involved his being sprayed with water, and another with mud. Each time my fellow passengers would jeer at him, I would open my laptop and update yacf with what had happened, and he, really annoyingly, took it all in his stride with a glint in his eye and a self-deprecatory smile. I really wanted him to suffer and to know that he was suffering. But then the bus turned round, came down the hill from Newton and got stuck in traffic at the bottom of the hill. Opposite was a pub, where people had spilled outside and were loudly discussing the shortcomings of BJ and the current government. BJ couldn't stand this and got out to dispute what was being said. But then the traffic miraculously cleared, and, with just a moment's hesitation and some encoragement from the other passengers, the driver swung the bus round on to the now empty Oystermouth Road and put his foot down. I looked up to see BJ looking angry and confused, knowing that he would miss the Paddington train back from Swansea, and be late for the important stuff he thought he needed to do back there. All my fellow pasengers were laughing delightedly, and I took my laptop out again so as to to update the good readers of yacf with this happy turn of events. I then woke up and my first thought was that I should let the good readers of yacf know what had happened.

I know other people's dreams are shit,  so if you have been reading, thankyou for your indulgence.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #715 on: 20 January, 2022, 01:34:57 pm »
As other people's dreams are shit, this one isn't mine! It was my son's...

He dreamt he was managing Senegal in the current African Cup of Nations. Sadio Mane scored five and got seven assists in five games, taking them to the semi-final, where they lost to Gabon. Then they won the third-place play-off, but I've forgotten who they beat. Needless to say he's never been to and has no links with Senegal. Nor is he a Liverpool fan.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #716 on: 13 February, 2022, 10:02:05 am »
I think ian must have sent one of his demons to penetrate my branez, cos I had a dream featuring Rogerzilla. Two dreams actually. The first was a diurnal version of a Special Roger Road Ride, on which Roger led us on a detour to show us a derelict but modern building in a forest. It had holes in the roof. Oddly, none of the other riders seemed to be YACFers.
 
In the second, last night, there was no Roger. Instead, I was leading a ride and this time the derelict building was our goal rather than a detour. We were going to stay overnight there. It turned out to be a concrete structure as tall as a cathedral and as empty as a vacant barn. The holes in the roof were hatches which, I discovered, could be opened and closed by controls at ground level. But as we closed them – because it was raining – other people, strangers*, poked their heads out of other hatches high up the walls and started to protest that they lived there and we were cutting off their ventilation.

And then, as in all the best dreams, I woke up.

*Not that there was anyone in the dream I could put a name to, other than myself, but clearly I did know the other riders.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #717 on: 26 February, 2022, 07:55:33 pm »
I had a dream about reading the Shimano catalogue last night.
Somewhere near the back I found a page of mechanical sex toys.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #718 on: 26 February, 2022, 07:56:50 pm »
I'm sure they're inferior to Park Tools sex toys thobut.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #719 on: 26 February, 2022, 07:57:45 pm »
Only mechanical? No Di2 sex toys?
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #720 on: 26 February, 2022, 08:01:22 pm »
That's the problem with anbaric sex toys; proprietary batteries.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #721 on: 06 March, 2022, 02:05:29 pm »
Last night I dreamt I was riding some kind of gravel bike on a road with loose chippings, looking up at Mont Ventoux disappearing into the clouds and thinking "it's bloody cold down here so it's got to be freezing up there - better not try it".  Then instantly I was in a supermarket looking at the empty battery shelves while the proprietor (the one out of the film of The Mist with Marcia Gay Harden's nostrils preaching doom & human sacrifice) was saying "they're all gone - it's the Ukraine".  And right enough I remembered the queues of cars at the petrol pumps outside.

So this morning I wasn't really happy until I'd been down to Super U and got a fill of diesel.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #722 on: 06 March, 2022, 02:14:29 pm »
“The pavements are for RUNNERS!” shouted a woman looking curiously like Miriam Margolyes at me while I was riding the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle.  In the road.  Where she was, well, not-quite-running too.

And then I woke up and my pillow was gone.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #723 on: 07 March, 2022, 01:40:01 pm »
I keep having dreams where my husband wanders onto an iced-over body of water and falls through the ice and then I wake up. I wish he would stop doing this...

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #724 on: 07 March, 2022, 01:50:55 pm »
Many years ago I dreamt that I was thrown by electric shock across my bedroom.
I woke up at the bottom of the stairs.

The dream was thus in 2 parts
1 the electric shock which I reckon was my foot leaving the bed and being scratched by the wall.
This scared the shit out of me such that I got up wandered to the top of the stairs and fell asleep again.