| EO Aquitaine: | O hai! Almost, though not quite, the last day in my manor before ur race stroll off to the wrong side of the Rhône, but 's gonna be a good 'un! |
| Bethany (13): | Sho' is! Simla parcours 2 teh end ov yesterda's staeg, but then teh clime ov teh iconic Puy de Dôme! Long, stepe an' horble! Evil C Boardman's bin havin' momentz orl mornin'! |
| Omnes: | Eeeewwwwwwww! |
| TP Kennaugh: | Iz not az iconic az teh Alpe d'Huez or teh Mon Von-2! |
| Bethany (13): | Onli coz iz a d-e-d end rode wif limitid spaec for teh TV Stuffs an' temes an' t'ing! Tho becoz SCIENCE orl u nede now iz noted curlifckr D Friebe wif a selfi stik LOL. |
| G Imlach: | F Coppi! J Anquetil! R Poulidor! [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.]! [“The Belgian rider” – Ed.] got punched here by a angry fanboi! |
| M Cavendish: | Not 'ard enough, though! Bah! |
| G Imlach: | Sadly M Cavendish is still out of the race and Les Commissaires say this is very unlikely to change before we teach Paris Paree! |
| 5's Mummy: | Also, the stage start is the home town of dear, dear Great Semi-Uncle Raymond! Observe! Le Roi C Prudhomme, young Mathieu, et cetera! |
| TP Kennaugh: | Not jus' teh Puy de Dôme thobut! Horble stage b4 they even get thare! |
| G Imlach: | Look, see! L'Equipe wif piss-poor 'shopped foto of J Anquetil & R Poulidor wif the heads of J Vingegaard & T Pogačar! On them! Even the WWX Lackey could do a better job! |
| WWX Lackey: | See this button? Is the difference between sounding human & sounding like a teenage gril! Er, soz, Bethany (13)! |
| Bethany (13): | Wotch it, pal, or I'll do ya! |
| WWX Lackey: | Ulp! |
| G Imlach: | Also in L'Equipe: A Vinokourov sez if M Cavendish fancies another go @ the Tour ov France T AS-TA-NA will Make It So! |
| M Kitteh: | I ent sure about that. For sure M Cavendish likes the Tour ov France & every-1 likes M Cavendish these days, but would be super hard! I, on the other hand, like fish! |
| TP Kennaugh: | I, er, um, wot mi feline frend sed! I'm from teh Isle ov Man 2! |
| […] |
| G Imlach: | Predict, o my droogies! |
| TP Kennaugh: | Unpredictably unpredictable! T Pogačar! J Vingegaard! Both! Neither! |
| M Kitteh: | For sure it will depend on the teams! TJ Visma stronger'n TUAE Emirates so J Vingegaard might still have a Minion or 2 (two) left for the final climb and T Pogačar might, er, not! We will see! Miaow! |
| G Imlach: | To the colemantary Sheds! |
| Omnes: | Hold on a sec, ***, there's a kewl bridge! |
|  |
| N Boulting: | A pox upon your silly bridges! Feels like the last day of the Tour ov France instead of the day before the first rest day! Ur prededictions, Super D! |
| SD Millar: | Prededictions are for lusers! That's why Tiny P does 'em! |
| N Boulting: | MVD Poel! Why ent he @ the front wif the jumper-bearers? |
| SD Millar: | P'raps, you know, he didn't want to! |
| N Boulting: | GPWM. Let us have some shitverts while I tolchock Super D's gulliver with this knobkerry! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Look, see! Le Roi C Prudhomme I has not poked his nut out of his car yet! Gloves! T Pogačar not wearing them! |
| SD Millar: | Crash protection, innit! Skinned hands are v. hurty! T Pogačar obv thinks he ent gonna crash today! |
| N Boulting: | S Kuss! He didn't do much in the first two (2) weeks of the Giro ov Italy this year! |
| SD Millar: | You wanna tell S Kuss that? |
| N Boulting: | I, er, look, see! Le Roi C Prudh… |
| C Prudhomme: | OK, u disposable raz0rz! [Waves fleg] Off to the iconic Puy with you! Driver! Close the roof and crank up the aircon! |
| N Boulting: | Pelican not waiting! V Campanile assault attack! P Latour! N Pooless! |
| SD Millar: | Spottyjumper is a target! |
| N Boulting: | Looks like a proper break, this! Inc. N Pooless! Iffen .fr TV pull their finger out we c'n tell you who's in it, but they ent! S Geschke & his hipsta beard! We sent ect… |
| D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, M Jorgenson! Strange climb, the iconic Puy de Dôme! No twisty-turny bits! |
| M Jorgenson: | O hai! Narrow! No spectidiots! Will be weird! & interesting! We will see! |
| N Boulting: | Break has a minute & a quarter over the pelicans & there's 3 (three) loons in the middle tryin' to catch up! |
| SD Millar: | They won't, because I — TV's iconic Super D Millar — say so! |
| N Boulting: | Bike change for W Poels! |
| Omnes: | Probably got hit by his own team car! Is a Audi… |
| W Poels: | Piss! |
| SD Millar: | Ent set in stone yet! Look, see! WV Aert! |
| N Boulting: | OK, .fr TV say the break is: N Pooless, M Mohoric, C Berthet, G Izzywizzy, M Jorgenson, M Woods eh, G Boivin, V Campanile, DDL Cruz, A Lutsenko, er, that's it! I thought there was fourteen (14) rid0rz. In it. |
| Omnes: | S Geschke's hipsta beard is looking very bushy & hip this year! |
| S Geschke: |  |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap not much has happened except CP Sagan is off of the pelican's feathery arse! His chain fell off & no-1 even shouted "Snek, snek!" chiz. |
| CP Sagan: | I dint mean this kinda Crazy™! |
| N Boulting: | .fr TV have caught up. Also in the break is J Abrahamsen, J Gregaard (né Wilsly), P Latour & M Burgaudeaudeaudeau! |
| Omnes: | Father Abraham/Had seven sens/7 sens had Father Abraham! |
| N Boulting: | Shut! Up! |
| SD Millar: | Sprint0rz teams trying to bring it back! |
| N Boulting: | Will be hard for the sprint0rz today! |
| M Kitteh: | For sure! It will be horrible! Miaow! |
| N Boulting: | TEFE Post trying to stop 'em, because N Pooless! Looks like the pelican has given up! |
| J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAAAWWWWWR! |
| SD Millar: | There's always 1 (one)! & it's usually J Alaphilippe! |
| N Boulting: | CP Sagan is still 45" seconds behind the pelican! |
| CP Sagan: | Totes UnCrazy™! Bah! |
| N Boulting: | Gap going back up! Not far to the snottysprint, what is at the top of an 8 (eight) km climb! |
| M Kitteh: | That is Cruel & Unusual, like a kitteh playin' wif a mouse before bitin' its head off! Miaow! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Lake! Eeeeep! The break has a minute and a half, though the pelican keeps gettin' ideas! |
| M Kitteh: | Break is too big & too fast. No counter-assault attack gonna work now! |
| Omnes: | Has Crazy P got back on? |
| CP Sagan: | Yes. Yes, I haz! & it was Crazy™, but not in a good way  |
| EC Boardman [via BadMail]: |  |
| SD Millar: | M Woods eh! Probably the fave to pwn the stage! Can't see TJ Visma closin' this one (1) down inna hurry! |
| Omnes: | Look, see! B Coquard draftin' his team car! Tsk! Naughty! |
| B Coquard: | Mais je suis Français! |
| Omnes: | Oh. Yes. How silly of us! |
| N Boulting: | When the pelican reaches the snottysprint there will be (1) one snottypoint left! M Pedersen? B Coquard? |
| M Kitteh: | T Steels! Very calm! Won't get too excited! |
| Omnes: | Except when he's chucking a bidet bidon @ ppl! |
| M Kitteh: | I, er, um, D Gaudu! |
| N Boulting: | Pretty close behing the top 3 (three) in Gee-See! T Pinot! |
| J Abrahamsen: | \o/ Snottypwn! Ker-chinnngggg! |
| SD Millar: | Look, see! V Campanile! Probably regrettin' startin' this break! |
| V Campanaerts: | I hate this job! |
| N Boulting: | 1 km to the snottysprint for the pelican! |
| M Kitteh: | U expectin' a megasprint Sprint SPRINTEEE then, ***? |
| N Boulting: | Chute! S Calamityjane! Spesh R Poulidor bunting assault attack his bike! |
| A Yates: | eramateur yeh |
| L Calmejane: | U did! U fukn called me "Sue" agane, u cnt! I's gonna fukn kill u! 2 DETH |
| N Boulting: | WWX Lackey! Your gadget appears to be b0rked! |
| WWX Lackey: | It's the flux capacitor! Doesn't cope well wif angry Frenchmen wif French names. Causes a overload. |
| N Boulting: | Huh! |
| J Philipsen: | \o/ Points mean prizes, kidz! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | FFS! Another lake! Make it stop! Break has 7.5' minutes! Wowsa! |
| TP Kennaugh: | 4 sure! They mite stay away. Or not. We will c! |
| N Boulting: | Look, see! TA Deceuninck has spesh R Poulidor bikes today! |
| 5's Mummy: | Jolly good show, chaps! |
| N Boulting: | S Kuss! Getting back on his bike! Has he doned a chute? |
| S Kuss: | No. |
| N Boulting: | R Poulidor! |
| M Kitteh: | R Poli, er, Poopi, er, I'll come in again, shall I? |
| N Boulting: | You can't speak every language fluently, M Kitteh! That would be selfish! |
| M Kitteh: | Missis Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh speaks MOAR languages than what I does! |
| N Boulting: | O RLY! |
| 5's Mummy: | YA RLY! English, obv. French. Spanish. German. Greek. Italian. Romansch. Russian. Mandarin. Navajo. Shall I go on? |
| N Boulting: | Smart-arse! |
| M Kitteh: | Super hard finish! M Woods eh! I like fish! |
| SD Millar: | M Woods eh for sure! |
| TP Kennaugh: | Noes! DDL Cruz! |
| Bethany (13): | T Pogačar! 2 bete J Vingegaard, obv. Nix pwn teh staeg! |
| N Boulting: | N Pooless! Look, see! The break has MOAR'n 9' minutes! |
| A Lutsenko: | Crrrch… my ra…o…bzzzzzz…en…wor…g! |
| Omnes: | Send 4 the WWX Lackey! |
| WWX Lackey: | I'm busy! Keepin' this thing runnin' is a full-time job! The vacuum bank bridge is made of cheese! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the break has almost, but not quite, 10' minutes! |
| Radio TSQ Step: | No, R Cavagna! Behave! No break for you today! |
| M Kitteh: | I think that was about two (2) hours old! |
| N Boulting: | TSQ Step! aka The R Evenepoel Project! |
| M Kitteh: | 4 sure they need to change approach to beat TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates! Classics & sprint Sprint SPRINTEEEs atm! But is possible! Miaow! |
| TP Kennaugh: | I rekn some ov teh temes r ridin' wif teh rest da in mind! |
| N Boulting: | I reckon some of the peops in 'ere are donin' that too! Roffle! |
| M Kitteh: | They're just these guys, you know! Team spirit! V. supportive of sprint0rz. Me. E Viviani. M Cavendish. Ect. |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has happened! TJ Visma still on the front! & Super D is back from meeting his accountant & has J Weltz wif him! J Weltz is a Dåne, so he might not of heard my Nogweegie sto… |
| J Weltz: | O hai! I heard your Nogweegie story, ***. It was crap! |
| SD Millar: | J Weltz! He invented Girona! & pwned the Puy de Dôme stage last time we wuz here! |
| N Boulting: | Was it like today's stage! |
| J Weltz: | Noes! Took 70 or 80 km for break. Rode wif R Gölz most of the way, then pwned him @ the end. Beat P Delgado by MOAR'n 5' minutes LOL! 'e wuz FUMMIN'! |
| P Delgado: | I'm still FUMMIN'! [FUMMS] |
| J Weltz: | Also I wuz on a supermarket BSO! Weighed a tonne! 41x23! No carbon in them days! |
| N Boulting: | Amazeballs difference these days! |
| J Weltz: | For sure! Will be different today with 0 spectidiots! Will still be v. hot thobut! |
| N Boulting: | Ur best day onna bike? |
| J Weltz: | [Dodges question] R Millar! S Roche! S Yates! |
| S Yates: | Eh yeh? |
| J Weltz: | No, the other S Yates, clot! |
| N Boulting: | Denmark! J Vingegaard! Is I pronouncin' it right? |
| J Weltz: | Dunno! I c'n't pronounce it either! Last year! HC Andersen fairy story! |
| SD Millar: | TJ Visma! |
| N Boulting: | Look, see! We haz the archive fillum! |
| J Weltz: | @ least it ent in black & white LOL! Was super hard! Owww! |
| N Boulting: | Danish media? Giving J Vingegaard a hard time? |
| J Weltz: | A bit. They want him to finish it! Not me, thobut! I wanna see a RACE! |
| N Boulting: | Right, back to today! While J Weltz was 'ere the break haz MOAR'n 10' minutes. Nearly 11 (eleven)! |
| Radio T Ineo$: | Hydration! Hydration! Hydration! |
| Omnes: | Is Mister Tony Blair their new D/S? |
| Bethany (13): | I hoap not! I'd haveta done a citizenz arrest 4 wor criemz, wot wud mess up mi planz0rz 4 this evenin'! |
| N Boulting: | Ooooh, bit of political Stuffs Missis Thatch my name's B Elton! |
| Bethany (13): | Fck! Off! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | 2 (two) races for the price of 1 today. Gee-See & stage! N Pooless should keep the spottyjumper unless 1. he explodes & c) T Pogačar pwns the stage! |
| N Powless: | U ent gonna fight me for this single spottypoint, are you? |
| T Break: | |
| N Powless: | \o/ Ta! |
| N Boulting: | Volcanoes! Time for PDV Hinsbergen & Rocks! |
| PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! Let's go inside a volcano! Smash plates! Pressure cooker! No hole in the middle! These volcanoes not long-lived! Lava! |
| N Boulting: | Cor! Intrestin'! |
| SD Millar: | Rocks, bah! |
| N Boulting: | Puy de Dôme! Mythical! Iconic! |
| SD Millar: | Box Hill! 2012! No spectidiots there either! |
| N Boulting: | Look, see! View from the train up the iconic Puy de Dôme! Note how narrow the road is! |
| Un Flic: | See me polis the non-existent fanz0rz! |
| N Boulting: | Time-trail on the Giro ov Italy had 0 spectidiots too! P Roglič lost his chain! Pushed off again by a non-existent spectidiot who woz a pal from his ski-jumpin' days! |
| SD Millar: | |
| N Boulting: | WV Aert! 'e's domestiquated again! |
| SD Millar: | And why not! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap the gap is back under 10' minutes! An' it's been Not Excitin'! |
| SD Millar: | Only two (2) riders got a chance now! |
| TP Kennaugh: | V Campanile! Alwaze tryna get in teh brake! Sili sod! |
| SD Millar: | Wind! Tailwind! Made it easier! |
| N Boulting: | Teams with no reason to make race! Missed break! TSQ Step! |
| SD Millar: | Lost their mojo! |
| S Valiant: | Well they ent gettin' mine LOL! |
| Omnes: | Wheel change for J Gregaard né Wilsly & you lot woz wibblin' about TSQ Step! |
| J Gregaard: | Piss! Wait for meeeeeeee! |
| M Jorgenson: | Owww! Something bitted me! |
| Omnes: | A dog? A shark? A snek? |
| M Jorgenson: | Fck! Off! |
| N Boulting: | G Ciccone! |
| SD Millar: | No. No chance! |
| N Boulting: | 11' minutes! Shitverts! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | M Jorgenson! Just gone back to the medical moto! |
| M Jorgenson: | It 'urts! |
| N Boulting: | Helmet rules! You're allowed to take them off inna limited and spec… |
| B Dickinson: | Cowbells! MOAR plz! |
| N Boulting: | [Stuffs from P York on WhatsApp] & she should know! T Pogačar FTW! Unless TJ Visma think otherwise, obv! |
| TP Kennaugh: | "Early" in this context mean "early in the last 4 (four) km", obv. |
| N Boulting: | I, er, T Pogačar, um, or wuz it, er… |
| TP Kennaugh: | Last 5 (5) km again. Like that second day in teh Pair-ov-Knees! |
| Omnes: | Flippin' 'eck, Tucker! Nearly 12' minutes! |
| N Boulting: | G Boivin assault attack! |
| SD Millar: | Allow M Woods eh to stop working! |
| N Boulting: | N Pooless make chase! Why he do that? |
| SD Millar: | Panic! |
| G Boivin: | Why did I do that? |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap G Boivin has been caught & the break has MOAR'n 12' minutes! |
| N Powless: | U ent gonna fight me for this single spottypoint, are you? |
| T Break: | |
| N Powless: | Oi! Wnkrs \o/ |
| N Boulting: | Why he done that? |
| SD Millar: | Pointless! |
| N Boulting: | M Mohoric! |
| SD Millar: | 0 organisation in break now! Reboot! |
| N Powless: | Pack it in, u divs! |
| N Boulting: | Is this a break from the break? |
| SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. They haveta close it down NOW or them lot is GONE! |
| N Boulting: | Oooh, they're bringin' 'em back! |
| SD Millar: | Break split again? N Pooless look to be strugglin'! |
| N Powless: | I hate this! C'n I stop now! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson assault attack & haz 15" seconds! |
| SD Millar: | Dangerous! M Jorgenson a time-triallist wot c'n climb! |
| T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡NUESTRO PLAN! ¡ESTA FUNCIONANDO! ¿QUÉ SE SUPONE QUE HAGAMOS AHORA? +++ |
| SD Millar: | N Pooless has made a doggo's breakfast of this! |
| N Boulting: | M Woods eh using his loaf! |
| SD Millar: | While they tit about M Jorgenson is laughing! |
| M Jorgenson: | Roffle! |
| N Powless: | Fooled you! |
| SD Millar: | N Pooless! Great ridin'! Like I said all along! Playin' a blinder! |
| Omnes: | Is that fence comfortable, Super D? |
| N Boulting: | N Pooless, DDL Cruz, M Burgaudeaudeaudeau & M Mohoric make chase & not M Woods eh! |
| M Woods: | Wtf eh? |
| N Boulting: | M Mohoric! Keeps assault attackin'! |
| SD Millar: | Has to kill N Pooless utterly to DETH before the iconic Puy de Dôme! |
| N Boulting: | Nearly all downhill now until the iconic Puy de Dôme! & the pelican is MOAR'n 15' minutes back |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson has 35" seconds & DDL Cruz' chain has fell off! |
| DDL Cruz: | Shitty day again! Shit! Shittens! |
| N Boulting: | Chute! Chute in the pelican! LVD Berg! |
| LVD Berg: | Arse! |
| […] |
| N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap M Jorgenson has just started up the iconic Puy de Dôme with a lead of MOAR'n a minute! |
| SD Millar: | 1'45" back to M Woods eh but you c'n't write him off yet! Eh! V Campanile? WTF is he doin'? |
| N Boulting: | Dunno! |
| SD Millar: | 0 change there then LOL! Look, see! They have caught DDL Cruz! |
| DDL Cruz: | Shittles! |
| SD Millar: | Stasis until the last five (5) km! |
| N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme says one of the official motos has doned a chute! |
| SD Millar: | |
| N Boulting: | N Pooless! Goin' faster! |
| SD Millar: | Smart! Keep M Woods eh @ bay! |
| N Boulting: | 10 km 1 minute! V Campanile still workin' like a doggo in the 3rd group  Pelican now on the nursery slopes! |
| SD Millar: | Pelican falling to bits! TJ Visma! |
| N Boulting: | 6 km 70" seconds! M Jorgenson gettin' away! Wowsa! |
| SD Millar: | For sure but there is still a long way to go & anything can happen! DDL Cruz take up chase! |
| Omnes: | 5 km 75" seconds! Get in, M Jorgenson! |
| M Jorgenson: | Wait…WHAT??? Up that? Eeep! |
| SD Millar: | Will get narrow & windy so chas0rz will not be able to see M Jorgenson! |
| N Boulting: | DV Baarle has exploded! WV Aert take over! M Jorgenson all on his tod now! No MOAR spectidiots! |
| SD Millar: | TJ Visma still in control! Look, see! Here comes S Kuss! |
| N Boulting: | M Mohoric assault attack! |
| SD Millar: | N Pooless has 0 left! & M Woods eh coming up too! Like I said all along, N Pooless made a total mess of that! |
| Omnes: | Get in, M Jorgenson! |
| N Boulting: | 2.5 km 1 minute! |
| M Woods: | O heh, N Pooless! Bai, N Pooless! |
| N Powless: | Piss! |
| N Boulting: | M Woods eh is the real threat! Though M Mohoric is still doning good! 2 km 50" seconds! |
| SD Millar: | Look, see! TJ Visma runnin' out of minio… oh! Where did W Kelderman come from? |
| M Woods: | I's comin' 2 get you, M Mohoric eh! |
| N Boulting: | Gap to M Jorgenson still coming down! 1.5 km 40" seconds! |
| M Woods: | O heh, M Mohoric! Also, bai! |
| N Boulting: | Top six on Gee-See only ones left. Apart from S Kuss, obv. |
| SD Millar: | A Yates dropped! |
| A Yates: | yeh |
| N Boulting: | 1 km &, er, not gettin' a time gap! Wnkrs! |
| SD Millar: | Radio Free Prudhomme says 12" seconds! |
| N Boulting: | J Hindley dropped! |
| M Woods: | O heh, M Jorgenson! Also, bai! |
| M Jorgenson: | Arse! U git, M Woods eh! |
| M Woods: | \o/ Victoreh! On the ehconic Puy de Dôme eh! |
| P Latour: | P2! |
| M Jorgenson: | Where TF did he come from? |
| M Mohoric: | P3! |
| M Jorgenson: | And him FFS! |
| [Some time later] |
| SD Millar: | S Yates! |
| N Boulting: | T Pogačar assault attack! |
| SD Millar: | J Vingegaard too! |
| N Boulting: | T Pogačar almost dropped 'im, but J Vingegaard hangin' on! |
| SD Millar: | T Pogačar has it! J Vingegaard limit losses! |
| J Vingegaard: | I ate'nt ded! |
| T Pogačar: | Oh yes you are! |
| N Boulting: | Another 7" seconds for T Pogačar! S Yates & T Pidcock drop C Rodriguez! T Pidcock's best moment on the Tour ov France! |
| T Pidcock: | Better'n pwning on the iconic Alpe d'Huez? Don't think so, ***! |
| […] |
| M Woods: | I… |
| G Imlach: | Well, M Woods eh is Canehdian so we won't bother lettin' you hear 'im. Eh! |
| TP Kennaugh: | Gr8 ride bi M Woods eh! |
| G Imlach: | TIP Tech only here as wild cards! Justified their inclusion! |
| M Kitteh: | 4 sure! Big day for theh! |
| G Imlach: | Let's have another go at the M Woods intehview… |
| M Woods: | Pinchin' mehself. Spehcial! |
| Omnes: | Turn the other fukn audio off, u gibbons! |
| M Woods: | Ehconic climb! Super happeh! |
| ML Maire: | [Checks with Mr Google] Ah, that railway wasn't there I went up the iconic Puy de Dome in 199-something! I ent goin' senile! |
| Bethany (13): | & doan 4get, kids, r iconic rest da sho l8r tonite! Summareez, feechas & meeeeee, TV's BD Sade (13)! Unless I get relegué bi M Cavendish, obv… |
