Author Topic: National Limerick Day (Read 1951 times)

Wowbagger · « **on:** 12 May, 2022, 09:39:27 pm »

Apparently it is.

Anyone got any good ones?

meddyg · « **Reply #1 on:** 12 May, 2022, 09:45:23 pm »

Garrison Keillor can usually be relied upon:

"There was a young man of Anoka
Who tried to write a great limerick.
He tried and he tried
And some were not bad,
But something seemed to be missing..."

but not today, apparently !

meddyg · « **Reply #2 on:** 12 May, 2022, 09:49:43 pm »

There was a young lady … tut, tut!
So you think that you're in for some smut?
Some five-line crescendo
Of lewd innuendo?
Well, you're wrong. This is anything but.

—Stanley J. Sharpless

Feanor · « **Reply #3 on:** 12 May, 2022, 09:59:23 pm »

What a wonderful bird is the pelican
It's beak can hold more than it's belly can
It can keep in it's beak
What it needs for a week
But I don't know how the 'ell 'e can

Arellcat · « **Reply #4 on:** 12 May, 2022, 10:12:58 pm »

A pair and a triple combined
as a rhyme so neatly designed!
With rigourous form
the limerick's norm:
a verse more concise you won't find.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #5 on:** 12 May, 2022, 10:45:18 pm »

A vice most obscure and unsavoury
Kept a certain young cleric in slavery
With episcopal howls
He deflowered virgin owls
Which he bred in his underground aviary

Wowbagger · « **Reply #6 on:** 12 May, 2022, 10:57:27 pm »

Dez and I were discussing limericks on the family Whatsapp group. After a while his youngest sister sent this from Melbourne:

"A father and son from Southend
Discovered a lyrical trend:
Corresponding in rhyme
Most of the time,
They drove everyone else round the bend"

ElyDave · « **Reply #7 on:** 12 May, 2022, 11:16:20 pm »

The boy stood on the burning deck
His legs were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river

Anyway, why can't other cities have their own days as well?

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #8 on:** 12 May, 2022, 11:35:52 pm »

Every day is Cork day! Hic!

robgul · « **Reply #9 on:** 13 May, 2022, 07:52:39 am »

Quote from: ElyDave on 12 May, 2022, 11:16:20 pm

The boy stood on the burning deck
His legs were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river

Anyway, why can't other cities have their own days as well?

I thought the boy on the burning deck was licking a threepenny Walls ?

IGMC

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #10 on:** 13 May, 2022, 09:57:08 am »

When I were a lad he was eating cheese and crackers.

citoyen · « **Reply #11 on:** 13 May, 2022, 09:58:57 am »

Brian Bilston posted some on the Twitters yesterday that made me laugh. Worth a click:

http://twitter.com/brian_bilston/status/1524665844281888768

T42 · « **Reply #12 on:** 13 May, 2022, 10:52:39 am »

There was a young vicar of Salisbury
Whose manners were halisbury-scalisbury
He ran around Hampshire
Without any pampshire
Till his bishop compelled him to walisbury.

Zipperhead · « **Reply #13 on:** 13 May, 2022, 02:18:42 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 May, 2022, 09:57:08 am

When I were a lad he was eating cheese and crackers.

When I were a lad he was playing cricket

hellymedic · « **Reply #14 on:** 13 May, 2022, 03:02:14 pm »

A mathematician, named Klein,
Thought the Möbius strip was divine.
Said he 'If you glue
The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle, like mine!

Polar Bear · « **Reply #15 on:** 13 May, 2022, 04:26:36 pm »

The PM so puts on a front
He's often so terribly blunt
Free wallpaper and food
Puts him in the mood
To be such a nasty old c*unt!

rogerzilla · « **Reply #16 on:** 13 May, 2022, 09:11:23 pm »

There was a young lady from Cheam
Who invented the screwing machine
Concave or convex
To suit either sex
And a bucket to catch all the cream

Wowbagger · « **Reply #17 on:** 13 May, 2022, 11:36:28 pm »

A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain.
The cause of his sorrow
Was paradichloro
Diphenyltrichloroethane.

Wowbagger · « **Reply #18 on:** 13 May, 2022, 11:40:17 pm »

There was a young fellow named Menzies
Whose kissing drove girls into frenzies
Till a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright
And fractured his bifocal lenses.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #19 on:** 13 May, 2022, 11:42:51 pm »

On Neveski bridge the Russian stood
Chewing his beard for lack of food
Said he; 'it's darn tough this stuff to eat
But it's a damn sight better than Shredded Wheat'

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #20 on:** 14 May, 2022, 12:02:11 am »

Objection, yeronner! That ^^^^ ent a limerick.

It is, however, a true story

Pingu · « **Reply #21 on:** 14 May, 2022, 12:14:37 am »

Quote from: Wowbagger on 13 May, 2022, 11:40:17 pm

There was a young fellow named Menzies
Whose kissing drove girls into frenzies
Till a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright
And fractured his bifocal lenses.

That disnae work in Scots.

Wowbagger · « **Reply #22 on:** 14 May, 2022, 12:58:37 am »

Quote from: Pingu on 14 May, 2022, 12:14:37 am

Quote from: Wowbagger on 13 May, 2022, 11:40:17 pm
There was a young fellow named Menzies
Whose kissing drove girls into frenzies
Till a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright
And fractured his bifocal lenses.

That disnae work in Scots.

Which is OK because Limerick is in Ireland...

rogerzilla · « **Reply #23 on:** 14 May, 2022, 07:15:39 am »

There was a young lady from Staines
Whose favourite diet was trains
When she couldn't eat those
Cos the stations were closed
She ate diggers and lorries and cranes

JennyB · « **Reply #24 on:** 14 May, 2022, 10:29:51 am »

Quote from: Pingu on 14 May, 2022, 12:14:37 am

Quote from: Wowbagger on 13 May, 2022, 11:40:17 pm
There was a young fellow named Menzies
Whose kissing drove girls into frenzies
Till a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright
And fractured his bifocal lenses.

That disnae work in Scots.

From the Brian Bilston Twitter thread above:

There wis a young lassie named Menzies,
That askit her aunt whit this thenzies.
Said her aunt wi a gasp,
"Ma dear, it's a wasp,
An you're haudin the end whaur the stenzies!"