more insane management speak phrases

[ian]

I do end my days in a state of tidy closure and everything gets shut down and turned off. I suppose it depends on the sort of job, I'm tidy haired management these days, so I merely create order from the chaos below and distil it into something that makes our fleet commander happy. If there's something ongoing, it's usually in my head. I may occasionally scribble a few notes about tasks to finish off. I'm strict about work and personal life, so off is off.

[ElyDave]

Stuff can stay open, for tomorrow's list,  but once walk out of my office, that's it, day over

[hatler]

BDE - Business Development Executive, aka sales staff.
And the current unfave - PTO - Paid Time Off, aka holiday.

[Mr Larrington]

Stuffs that I need every time - viz. Chrome, Thunderbird, File Mangler* and a particular Excel spreadsheet – are in the Startup folder.  Task Manager isn’t because for no readily apparent reason it doesn’t end up in the right bit of screen and iTunes isn’t either because it usually starts too quickly for the PC to have reëstablished diplomatic relations with the NAS with the media files on.

* or whatever Microsith are calling it this week.

[citoyen]

And the current unfave - PTO - Paid Time Off, aka holiday.

There’s something rather sinister about that one.

[PhilO]

And the current unfave - PTO - Paid Time Off, aka holiday.

There’s something rather sinister about that one.

From perusing Faceache and Tw@tter, it seems to be very much an American thing.  So yes, very sinister.

[ian]

And the current unfave - PTO - Paid Time Off, aka holiday.

There’s something rather sinister about that one.

Fumbling about in our HR system yesterday, I found that I have access to a 'terminate employee' button.

I do wonder if it offers options like poison, electrocution, ninja assassins, cyborg from the future...

[Cudzoziemiec]

I haven't come across PTO but I've heard plenty of UK HR bods talk about FTO. The F stands for flexible. I think...

[drossall]

Fumbling about in our HR system yesterday, I found that I have access to a 'terminate employee' button.

Next to the "retiree" button? Must be in another thread that I mentioned that an "...ee" is someone to whom something is done*, so a retiree is someone who has been retired, presumably by the company. I was hoping to play a more active role than that when my turn comes.

* For example, disputes are referred to a referee, and a lease is let by a lessor to a lessee. I'd prefer to be a retirer than a retiree.

[Mr Larrington]

And the current unfave - PTO - Paid Time Off, aka holiday.

There’s something rather sinister about that one.

Fumbling about in our HR system yesterday, I found that I have access to a 'terminate employee' button.

I do wonder if it offers options like poison, electrocution, ninja assassins, cyborg from the future...

If it doesn’t have “Shark tank” I'm not interested.

[spesh]

You are Emilio Largo AICMFP.

[Kim]

Fumbling about in our HR system yesterday, I found that I have access to a 'terminate employee' button.

That sounds even more satisfying than the "Kill (BT)" button that AAISP customers get.

[davelodwig]

I close windows I no longer need. I have for instance just closed the W****e window (it was

(click to show/hide)

FROTH

). And I turn my computer off when I'm no longer using it, like I turn off the oven when the pizza I'm about to eat is done.

I suspend/hibernate/sleep my device when I am done with it for the current time. Then when I want to use it again I open it back up and resume exactly where I left off.

Your oven analogy isn't a good one. Better would be the TV. Do you leave it on standby where hitting the remote will bring you back to where you were. Or do you detune all the channels and unplug it from the wall?

J

My work computer is off in a data centre somewhere, it's a real physical thing but just away somewhere else.  All the machines on the desks are just essentially terminals running windows in which I can check my email, and launch a remote session to my actual computer to do some work.  I tend to just leave everything running on my computer and hope no one does some maintenance which causes a reboot of the rack.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Marketing speak, which is after all a specific form of management speak:

Keeping HealthCare was important, but so is signaling a change to the future, and capitalizing the H and the C in HealthCare to demonstrate the dependency between better care and better health.  It's a critical focus we place on supporting both.  You can see here the E and the A in ‘Health’ signify a reciprocal relationship between our people, patients and providers.  And the curved, fluid or softer letter forms are just more humble, approachable, empathetic; really a sign of our employee base.  And the letters lean into each other to demonstrate our focus on caring for patients throughout a seamless connected journey of patient care. 

And so we also chose a new color as you can see; our signature purple brand color, and we're going to call it ‘compassion purple’.  And it represents an evolution from the corporate blue, adding warmth to emphasize our focus on people and our commitment to improving the lives of patients and clinicians.  And so our new brand identity reflects our optimism for the future as we seek to advance personalized, connected care and really compassionate care ultimately making better health possible for everyone.

[ElyDave]

Marketing speak, which is after all a specific form of management speak:

Keeping HealthCare was important, but so is signaling a change to the future, and capitalizing the H and the C in HealthCare to demonstrate the dependency between better care and better health.  It's a critical focus we place on supporting both.  You can see here the E and the A in ‘Health’ signify a reciprocal relationship between our people, patients and providers.  And the curved, fluid or softer letter forms are just more humble, approachable, empathetic; really a sign of our employee base.  And the letters lean into each other to demonstrate our focus on caring for patients throughout a seamless connected journey of patient care. 

And so we also chose a new color as you can see; our signature purple brand color, and we're going to call it ‘compassion purple’.  And it represents an evolution from the corporate blue, adding warmth to emphasize our focus on people and our commitment to improving the lives of patients and clinicians.  And so our new brand identity reflects our optimism for the future as we seek to advance personalized, connected care and really compassionate care ultimately making better health possible for everyone.

Are you sure this is real, and they're not pulling your leg?

[Cudzoziemiec]

Deadly real. This is a US-based multinational who also have interests in your industry, albeit no longer directly in exploration and production I think.

[ian]

That's a fairly standard branding pitch. We went through that at my last place and ended up with a company name that sounded to everyone like it was a spot cream and a colour scheme that mostly consisted of two colours that wanted to go outside and fight one another.

[Mr Larrington]

And The Mgt will call the results “exciting”. Or at least they did at my last BigCo, where they wanted us to be overwhelmed by the building gaining a red sign on one side and a green one on the other.  For avoiding collisions at sea, OK, but the chances of a supertanker with a drunk at the helm coming up the River Stort were always pretty slim.

[ian]

We were promised a unique colour palette that yadda yadda yadda and combined into a unique identity of colours that clearly established our visual identity from core competitors, which basically meant they'd selected the colours that no one else with eyeballs would have touched.

[Tim Hall]

"No ian, fifty shades of grey isn't our new corporate colour palette."

[drossall]

Marketing speak, which is after all a specific form of management speak:

Keeping HealthCare was important, but so is signaling a change to the future, and capitalizing the H and the C in HealthCare to demonstrate the dependency between better care and better health....

I feel terribly old. But every time I see this kind of thing, I ask myself whether marketing is allowed to over-ride the rules of English, which has historically resisted word concatenation and, outside programming languages (which are not in any real sense intended to be pieces of English prose), doesn't much like camel case.

[Kim]

"No ian, fifty shades of grey isn't our new corporate colour palette."

That would be too accessible and easy to print.

[Kim]

Marketing speak, which is after all a specific form of management speak:

Keeping HealthCare was important, but so is signaling a change to the future, and capitalizing the H and the C in HealthCare to demonstrate the dependency between better care and better health....

I feel terribly old. But every time I see this kind of thing, I ask myself whether marketing is allowed to over-ride the rules of English, which has historically resisted word concatenation and, outside programming languages (which are not in any real sense intended to be pieces of English prose), doesn't much like camel case.

It's a fair point, but CamelCase is vastly preferable to the crimes against spelling the marketroids would otherwise come up with.  If nothing else it generally helps, rather than actively hinders, pronunciation.

[Cudzoziemiec]

In this case HealthCare, as distinct from healthcare, is a brand name adopted as part of a big rebranding "spin" (which is a word they're using as short for "spin off"; "Work on the spins is progressing well")

[ian]

We came up with a portmanteau name of which each component word added to something to the gestaltian whole (clarity, activate and innovate), but the end result still sounded like a spot cream that no one in the fat east can pronounce.

Still, we were miss[ing an] opportunity to tell the holistic story of human ingenuity at the heart of the business, and clearly communicate the connected value and end-benefit for customers across the portfolio.

Et c.