"Get on the cyclepath!"

[John Henry]

I wish I had the control to consistently do the smiley response to this sort of thing. 

Well, it's partly self-control and not wanting to be drawn into their nasty little World of Unpleasantness.

It's also that the smiley response often gives them less satisfaction that swearing back at them would. The more thuggish they are, the more it discomforts them. Particularly if it's accompanied by blowing them some kisses. 

[JonBuoy]

"Use the motorway!" is my favourite.


My current response to "SINGLE FILE !" is "Read the Highway Code".

This might be educational but is generally wasted and strangely unsatisfying.

What is required is a pithy phrase in the style of "Use the motorway" that conveys the message that  -   if it isn't safe to overtake two of us then it isn't safe to overtake one of us.

[Tewdric]

"Get on a bike you sedentary lardarse!"

[andygates]

That's a hell of a sentence to get out to a driver.  Well done.

I, alas, mostly go with "BLEARGHH!" or "FARKORF!" with gestures.  They probably think they've caught Father Jack on a day outing.

[Kim]

I have a terrible habit of automatically switching to sign language when I think people can't hear me, which includes people driving off in cars.  Sadly I suspect that signing sarcastically with one hand while riding a bike is an artform under-appreciated, and perhaps liable to the wrong kind of misinterpretation, by the target audience.  

Though there was that time I found myself behind a taxi in stop-start traffic, when a child of maybe 6 or 7 years old appeared in the rear window and decided to lecture me on the importance of wearing a helmet, and that I should ride on the pavement for my own safety, in fluent BSL.  Sadly I had too much steering and braking to do to have much of a debate.  

[JonBuoy]

The few bits of single-handed sign language that I use are easily interpreted.   

[Cunobelin]

One small success last week

[Oaky]

"Get on a bike you sedentary lardarse!"

both "sedentary" and "lardarse" are too many syllables to

a) be understood by the usual moronic fuckwit in question

and

b) de delivered to them in the time usually available

I suggest something mostly similar but ending in "cat funt". (or did I spoonerise that again)

[Cunobelin]

As the School was well behaved and prompt, this video is by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/XkpvOuVvJZY&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/XkpvOuVvJZY&rel=1</a> and not public

[jogler]

"I will when you do"

[Nestonlady]

I may be in the minority here but I can only remember one occasion when a motorist shouted to me to get on the cycle path and that was some years ago when in France and anyway there was a group of us so he wasn't just shouting at me Have to admit that if a motorist shouts at me for any reason, my first instinctive reaction is to either shout back or give them the time honoured two finger salute but as this doesn't usually go down too well, I  do try to restrain myself and then ride on with a feeling of smug superiority cos I haven't lowered myself to their standard I remember a friend telling me that she used to blow them a kiss, she said that really threw them

[De Sisti]

I remember a friend telling me that she used to blow them a kiss, she said that really threw them

A smile and a wave has the same effect. If you're at a set of traffic lights on red, and the
driver is shouting at you, try the "I'll see you in the office tomorrow to admonish you about your
time keeping".

I tried it once and it had the desired effect of totally flumuxing the driver and defusing the situation.

[Rhys W]

The Sarcastic Wave is well-known as a less aggressive alternative to the obscene gesture, but last week as we caught up with a transgressor at some lights someone started a slow handclap which spontaneously broke out into a sarcastic round of applause. When it's done by 15 cyclists it's quite striking.

[spesh]

My preferred response should someone wind down their nearside window and suggest that I get on the cyclepath would be to give them the finger and suggest in return that they get on that instead.

No lube.

I remember a friend telling me that she used to blow them a kiss, she said that really threw them

Been there, done that to some tw@ in an Audi convertible with whom I had a number of encounters on the Eastern Road in Portsmouth. 

Well, it was quicker than trying to explain to him that it was quicker for me to be on the road rather than the cyclepath, and most mornings, I was the quickest thing on that particular stretch of road anyway.

[Wendy]

Here's one driver telling me I should be on the cycle lane:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/pp4NZPB8oz0&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/pp4NZPB8oz0&rel=1</a>

[Tourist Tony]

As the School was well behaved and prompt, this video is by "link only" and not public

What a complete twunt. Well done.

[ktcita]

Wendy, did you report R919HGA? I notice the Met Police now have a site for that Metropolitan Police Service - About the Met

[Wendy]

Wendy, did you report R919HGA? I notice the Met Police now have a site for that Metropolitan Police Service - About the Met

Couldn't be bothered for such a minor thing.  I tend to report stuff like being on teh phone and going through red lights, more serious stuff.

[Barnsdale]

I taxi driver once said "Why aren't you on the cyclepath?" When I replied "Cos it's dangerous!", he looked flummoxed, said "Oh!" and nothing more was said. 

The current wording of the highway code "allows" you to avoid dangerous cyclepaths - not that I expect abusive drivers to know that but it might be a good defence should the situation escalate. 

[Manotea]

The westside pavement over Chiswick Bridge is designated share use (ped/cycle). Desipite being a local it took about 15 years before I realised this. I use it to avoid traffic lights on the Surrey side.  It always strikes me as I pull off the road onto the pavement whilst the cars get stuck at the lights is that as far as they are concerned I'm another 'pavement cyclist' because there is no signage visible from the road.

[SteveC]

As the School was well behaved and prompt, this video <snip />

What a complete twunt. Well done.

I assume the original post has been deleted...

Did you notice the bluetooth earpiece.  Best practice is no phones -- that ought to be pointed out to the driving school as well.

S