p.s. Ian why do you keep watching this garbage?? It actually hurts ME to see YOU self-harming like this ...
Try looking at it as Ian taking one for the team.
He's making a big sacrifice of his time and spirit by watching these films so that we don't have to.
What can I say, I have an abiding love of low culture. I grew up with Indy (ironically I didn't see the movie as we didn't have a cinema, so it mostly comics and the book-of-the-movie which was a thing back then). Admittedly none of the sequels lived up the first, which was pure popcorn-fueled fun, but they were watchable if progressively sillier (aliens, Indy, aliens). The last instalment, well, see above. If it were a pound shop version made for Syfy by such cinematic luminaries like The Asylum, I'd be on board. But they spaffed $300 million and they keep doing it, even though no one is sure who the movies are for, it's an Indy movie that doesn't like Indy. It's like doing a Stars Wars movie that doesn't like Luke Skywalker. Oh wait, they actually fucking made that movie.
I do think I actually punished myself with the last bunch of Marvel movies, admittedly, and hitting myself in the bollocks with a hammer would have been a less painful and cheaper form of masochism. I will give a brief reprieve to GoTG 3, which was OK. The others, can anyone remember them? The absolute tailpipe of Marvel though wasn't a movie, it was
Secret Invasion. Arguably
She-Hulk was worse, but it's saving grace was that it wasn't actually watchable so I think had an audience of 0. If
Secret Invasion has one thing going for it, it's that it's an object lesson in how not to make a TV show. Anyone thinking of making a TV show should be forced to watch it first, and only once (and
if) they stop screaming should they commence. If they've gouged out their eyeballs in the first episode, they should consider themselves lucky.
Despite all this, I'm feeling the ominously seductive pull of
The Marvels, like some kind of black hole. I should stay away, it's probably less of a black hole and more of an anus. I mean, even the trailer is terrible, and if that's the best 90 seconds, what the hell must the other two hours plus be like? It's almost implausible.
At this point, I don't think I can actually stop myself from watching it.