+1 for the pharmacist. In the meantime, consult 1 Samuel 5 & ff.
1 Samuel 5:6: “But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.”
1 Samuel 5:9: “And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.”
1 Samuel 5:12: “And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.”
1 Samuel 6:4: “Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.” (This would not be a literal medical condition here, but rather physical representations made of gold.)
1 Samuel 6:5: “Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.”
1 Samuel 6:11: “And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.” (This would not be a literal medical condition here, but rather physical representations made of gold.)
1 Samuel 6:17: “And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD; for Ashdod one, for Gaza one, for Askelon one, for Gath one, for Ekron one;” (This would not be a literal medical condition here, but rather physical representations made of gold.)
- and thanks to Frank Muir for the reference. We never read that lot in Sunday school.
You haven't carried off any arks recently, have you?
Little marble?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c2/Front_views_of_the_Venus_de_Milo.jpg/280px-Front_views_of_the_Venus_de_Milo.jpg)
Aw, I'm sorry, Legs. Been there myself and it's not fun. So much so that I can still remember the patio table I was building at the time, and eating spaghetti carbonara at it on hard folding chairs. And the pharmacy lady asking "c'est pour rétrécir un hémorroïde?" out loud in front of three or four customers in response to my discreet inquiry.
Hope that your op went well, jiberjaber! 10 months of agony sounds like a bad case. By contrast, I don't think mine are at all bad as farmers go - just a single grape that occasionally needs attention.
I had a face-to-face with my GP last Monday and he gave the thumbs-up to the fingers-up approach. GP (who has a lot of experience in performing pile-banding operations) recommended using Sudocrem in the sore area, and (spoiler for the squeamish)
applying a coating of Sudocrem to the inside of my rectum before and after I have a bowel movement.
I don't know whether it's coincidence, but after 6 months of itchiness and soreness, I've felt a marked improvement just in this last week.