Author Topic: Troublesome farmer  (Read 1735 times)

Troublesome farmer
« on: February 24, 2021, 09:15:06 am »
Is there a thread for haemorrhoids here?

Asking for a friend...  ;)

I've He's had a short episode before, which cleared up of its own accord, but in the past couple of days I've he's had a little marble-sized one make an appearance.  It's not especially painful, not especially itchy and it's not bleeding or anything, but it's not comfortable by any means.  I am He is an otherwise fit and healthy 39 year old - only thing is I have he has some quite prominent varicose veins in my his legs (not quite Sean Yates, but getting that way).

My His diet is generally good and balanced - plenty of fruit and veg, Shreddies and muesli for breakfast, brown bread etc...

What's the best way of nipping this little problem in the bud?  Any particularly recommended ointments?  I'm He's happy to go to my his GP if need be, but it'd be more straightforward if I he could get something over the counter...

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2021, 10:30:42 am »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2021, 10:38:30 am »
 :o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

Beardy

  • What’s this do?
  • I’ve always wondered where this was
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2021, 10:51:53 am »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

T42

  • *** fool in a hurry
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2021, 10:54:52 am »
+1 for the pharmacist.  In the meantime, consult 1 Samuel 5 & ff.

(click to show/hide)

You haven't carried off any arks recently, have you?
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2021, 10:59:47 am »
Soft dried Prunes.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

T42

  • *** fool in a hurry
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2021, 01:23:16 pm »
Little marble?

(click to show/hide)

Aw, I'm sorry, Legs. Been there myself and it's not fun. So much so that I can still remember the patio table I was building at the time, and eating spaghetti carbonara at it on hard folding chairs. And the pharmacy lady asking "c'est pour rétrécir un hémorroïde?" out loud in front of three or four customers in response to my discreet inquiry.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2021, 02:17:07 pm »
Plenty of fruit and fibre.
MORE WATER and fluids in the diet.
Regular sleep, meal and bowel routine.

Whatever the pharmacist suggests.

I've lived with mine
Since I was nine

And never seen a doctor about them
HDV, aged 62.7.

I've also been acquainted with I Samuel 5 for a long time...

Hot Flatus

  • Mediocre polyglot.Scoutmaster and nudist
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2021, 02:18:45 pm »
:o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

If you go to your doctor about them there's always a danger he/she might prescribe an evening with Regulator   :demon:

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2021, 02:30:12 pm »
We were taught at medical skule ALWAYS to examine EVERYONE who bleeds from the tail end with a 'scope.

So I never saw a doctor.

I was routinely scoped at 55 and nobody commented about the farmer. They found a polyp higher up though.

I managed to avoid my farmers tainting my poo sticks at 60 and 62 with judicious prune, fig and apricot ingestion.
(Peaches, cherries and mangoes are also helpful...)

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2021, 02:46:19 pm »
Picked up some Anusol at Tesco without having to make a discreet enquiry of the pharmacist (also: praise be for self-checkouts).  Feeling a bit better already.  :thumbsup:

I'm going to get cracking on the figs... nomnomnom...

T42

  • *** fool in a hurry
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2021, 02:52:19 pm »
:thumbsup:

Anusol isn't exactly subtle, is it?
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2021, 02:53:46 pm »
According to the adverts, it's pronounced ANN-yew-sol  :thumbsup:

Hot Flatus

  • Mediocre polyglot.Scoutmaster and nudist
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2021, 02:56:04 pm »
I buy it from Aldi for Mdm Flatus, but its an own brand called R-sol

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2021, 03:56:08 pm »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)


So you haven't explored the delights of pegging...

(DO NOT google that whilst at work).
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2021, 03:57:19 pm »
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)

You lack imagination.

[ETA: cross-posted with Reg, but basically that's what I was thinking of]
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Hot Flatus

  • Mediocre polyglot.Scoutmaster and nudist
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2021, 04:12:24 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2021, 04:19:31 pm »
I had the pleasure of needing to buy some for an elderly relative recently.  I had to ask of course because I would never have found it on the shelves.

Worse, I know the lady behind the counter in the chemist shop socially.

It had to be done.  No point really trying the "it's for .... " as they've heard that a million times if they've heard it once!

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2021, 05:17:59 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

A young colleague once told me that her boyfriend let her do it to him. I can't remember if it was her idea or his, but she said that afterwards she found she couldn't respect him any more and had to end the relationship.

A lesson for us all.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Hot Flatus

  • Mediocre polyglot.Scoutmaster and nudist
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2021, 06:24:48 pm »
 ;D

That's what can happen if people let you fuck them up the arse without even a fight

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2021, 06:33:47 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

A young colleague once told me that her boyfriend let her do it to him. I can't remember if it was her idea or his, but she said that afterwards she found she couldn't respect him any more and had to end the relationship.

A lesson for us all.

Was her boyfriend  Simon Pegg?

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2021, 07:00:55 pm »
Oi!  My bottom hurts!  You've all hijacked my thread!  Go and have your fun elsewhere!  :D


FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #23 on: February 24, 2021, 07:59:32 pm »
:o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

If you go to your doctor about them there's always a danger he/she might prescribe an evening with Regulator   :demon:

Or if not that,
Possibly a digital examination or two.


Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #24 on: February 25, 2021, 12:15:07 am »
I had the pleasure of needing to buy some for an elderly relative recently.  I had to ask of course because I would never have found it on the shelves.

Worse, I know the lady behind the counter in the chemist shop socially.

It had to be done.  No point really trying the "it's for .... " as they've heard that a million times if they've heard it once!

The only reasonable thing to do is to go for the full "IT'S FOR MY BLEEDING ARSE!" stage-whisper approach.  That way you get the entertainment factor of everyone BRITISHLY pretending not to hear it.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...