Author Topic: Troublesome farmer  (Read 7978 times)

Troublesome farmer
« on: 24 February, 2021, 09:15:06 am »
Is there a thread for haemorrhoids here?

Asking for a friend...  ;)

I've He's had a short episode before, which cleared up of its own accord, but in the past couple of days I've he's had a little marble-sized one make an appearance.  It's not especially painful, not especially itchy and it's not bleeding or anything, but it's not comfortable by any means.  I am He is an otherwise fit and healthy 39 year old - only thing is I have he has some quite prominent varicose veins in my his legs (not quite Sean Yates, but getting that way).

My His diet is generally good and balanced - plenty of fruit and veg, Shreddies and muesli for breakfast, brown bread etc...

What's the best way of nipping this little problem in the bud?  Any particularly recommended ointments?  I'm He's happy to go to my his GP if need be, but it'd be more straightforward if I he could get something over the counter...

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #1 on: 24 February, 2021, 10:30:42 am »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #2 on: 24 February, 2021, 10:38:30 am »
 :o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #3 on: 24 February, 2021, 10:51:53 am »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #4 on: 24 February, 2021, 10:54:52 am »
+1 for the pharmacist.  In the meantime, consult 1 Samuel 5 & ff.

(click to show/hide)

You haven't carried off any arks recently, have you?
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #5 on: 24 February, 2021, 10:59:47 am »
Soft dried Prunes.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #6 on: 24 February, 2021, 01:23:16 pm »
Little marble?

(click to show/hide)

Aw, I'm sorry, Legs. Been there myself and it's not fun. So much so that I can still remember the patio table I was building at the time, and eating spaghetti carbonara at it on hard folding chairs. And the pharmacy lady asking "c'est pour rétrécir un hémorroïde?" out loud in front of three or four customers in response to my discreet inquiry.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #7 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:17:07 pm »
Plenty of fruit and fibre.
MORE WATER and fluids in the diet.
Regular sleep, meal and bowel routine.

Whatever the pharmacist suggests.

I've lived with mine
Since I was nine

And never seen a doctor about them
HDV, aged 62.7.

I've also been acquainted with I Samuel 5 for a long time...

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #8 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:18:45 pm »
:o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

If you go to your doctor about them there's always a danger he/she might prescribe an evening with Regulator   :demon:

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #9 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:30:12 pm »
We were taught at medical skule ALWAYS to examine EVERYONE who bleeds from the tail end with a 'scope.

So I never saw a doctor.

I was routinely scoped at 55 and nobody commented about the farmer. They found a polyp higher up though.

I managed to avoid my farmers tainting my poo sticks at 60 and 62 with judicious prune, fig and apricot ingestion.
(Peaches, cherries and mangoes are also helpful...)

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #10 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:46:19 pm »
Picked up some Anusol at Tesco without having to make a discreet enquiry of the pharmacist (also: praise be for self-checkouts).  Feeling a bit better already.  :thumbsup:

I'm going to get cracking on the figs... nomnomnom...

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #11 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:52:19 pm »
:thumbsup:

Anusol isn't exactly subtle, is it?
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #12 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:53:46 pm »
According to the adverts, it's pronounced ANN-yew-sol  :thumbsup:

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #13 on: 24 February, 2021, 02:56:04 pm »
I buy it from Aldi for Mdm Flatus, but its an own brand called R-sol

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #14 on: 24 February, 2021, 03:56:08 pm »
Speak to your local pharmacist.

Make sure you have plenty of fibre in your diet.

(click to show/hide)
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)


So you haven't explored the delights of pegging...

(DO NOT google that whilst at work).
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #15 on: 24 February, 2021, 03:57:19 pm »
Surely that needs to be narrowed down some because I can foresee a situation, say between husband and wife, where the husband is not going to benefit from such an approach.  O:-)

You lack imagination.

[ETA: cross-posted with Reg, but basically that's what I was thinking of]
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #16 on: 24 February, 2021, 04:12:24 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #17 on: 24 February, 2021, 04:19:31 pm »
I had the pleasure of needing to buy some for an elderly relative recently.  I had to ask of course because I would never have found it on the shelves.

Worse, I know the lady behind the counter in the chemist shop socially.

It had to be done.  No point really trying the "it's for .... " as they've heard that a million times if they've heard it once!

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #18 on: 24 February, 2021, 05:17:59 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

A young colleague once told me that her boyfriend let her do it to him. I can't remember if it was her idea or his, but she said that afterwards she found she couldn't respect him any more and had to end the relationship.

A lesson for us all.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #19 on: 24 February, 2021, 06:33:47 pm »
Eww.

All sounds like the sort of thing Edwina Currie would do to John Major.

A young colleague once told me that her boyfriend let her do it to him. I can't remember if it was her idea or his, but she said that afterwards she found she couldn't respect him any more and had to end the relationship.

A lesson for us all.

Was her boyfriend  Simon Pegg?

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #20 on: 24 February, 2021, 07:00:55 pm »
Oi!  My bottom hurts!  You've all hijacked my thread!  Go and have your fun elsewhere!  :D


FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #22 on: 24 February, 2021, 07:59:32 pm »
:o

Believe me Reg, even if that were something I'd normally entertain, it's the last thing I'd be wanting to do now!

If you go to your doctor about them there's always a danger he/she might prescribe an evening with Regulator   :demon:

Or if not that,
Possibly a digital examination or two.


Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #23 on: 25 February, 2021, 12:15:07 am »
I had the pleasure of needing to buy some for an elderly relative recently.  I had to ask of course because I would never have found it on the shelves.

Worse, I know the lady behind the counter in the chemist shop socially.

It had to be done.  No point really trying the "it's for .... " as they've heard that a million times if they've heard it once!

The only reasonable thing to do is to go for the full "IT'S FOR MY BLEEDING ARSE!" stage-whisper approach.  That way you get the entertainment factor of everyone BRITISHLY pretending not to hear it.

Re: Troublesome farmer
« Reply #24 on: 25 February, 2021, 06:14:09 am »
Yup, Anusol and Germaloids great descriptive names for said products. As a wind up l leave the (new) tubes by the toothpaste on a shelf in my ensuite. Awaits howls from my nosey kids. Got to be  on your game at 6am though