Author Topic: i'm thinking about starting a topic later  (Read 1638 times)

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2021, 05:21:03 pm »
Mmm. I like Topics. Haven't had one for years.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

robgul

  • Cycle:End-to-End webmaster
  • cyclist, Cytech accredited mechanic & woodworker
    • Cycle:End-to-End
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2021, 05:31:13 pm »
Please, please don't start a topic . . .

Mother of God, he has.
Cycle:End-to-End     Resources and inspiration for the great adventure!
HoE Cycling Club

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2021, 05:49:08 pm »
This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2021, 06:19:53 pm »
I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit.  One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.

The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out. 

Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2021, 06:25:22 pm »
True to form, Mr Z. Not the dogging story promised but it’ll do.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #30 on: April 23, 2021, 07:22:05 pm »
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #31 on: April 23, 2021, 08:03:52 pm »
I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit.  One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.

The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out. 

Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.

I'm fairly sure that blowjobs would be a lot more popular if it tasted like Nutella.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #32 on: April 23, 2021, 09:42:44 pm »
I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #33 on: April 23, 2021, 09:45:49 pm »
This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.

I'm hoping they didn't use the brown ones.

They'd be very difficult to find.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Beardy

  • What’s this do?
  • I’ve always wondered where this was
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #34 on: April 23, 2021, 09:55:46 pm »
Righty tighty, leftie loosie.
Hmm, not always as Qg found out yesterday.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #35 on: April 24, 2021, 12:11:03 am »
Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.

Gattopardo

  • Lord of the sith
  • Overseaing the building of the death star
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #36 on: April 24, 2021, 12:52:49 pm »
I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.

Post of the day?

Gattopardo

  • Lord of the sith
  • Overseaing the building of the death star
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #37 on: April 24, 2021, 12:55:31 pm »
This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.

Using smarties show that this was a while ago, as nower days it would be M&M or minstrals.


ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #38 on: April 26, 2021, 10:18:49 am »
Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.

I don't know about orange, but from the point of the reveal onwards, someone only had to utter the word Smartie and she'd turn raspberry red. I figured this happened about eight times a day for her remaining year in sixth form.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #39 on: April 27, 2021, 07:46:53 am »
Green M&Ms acquired a reputation for being aphrodisiacs.  Inevitably, a special shaggers' edition was released in 2008, containing solely the green ones.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #40 on: April 27, 2021, 09:42:33 am »
I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.

That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #41 on: April 27, 2021, 10:10:23 am »
"I shared the chocolate dildo" story
Be very careful when sharing a chocolate dildo.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #42 on: April 27, 2021, 10:49:02 am »
I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix).  To their horror, it disappeared completely.  After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #43 on: April 27, 2021, 11:34:25 am »
I logged on to look for cartridge hub recommendations, but soon had to disconnect from my work VPN...

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #44 on: April 27, 2021, 01:12:52 pm »
I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix).  To their horror, it disappeared completely.  After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.

I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.

Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

quixoticgeek

  • Mostly Harmless
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #45 on: April 27, 2021, 01:26:03 pm »
I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.

Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.

Getting undressed the other day i discovered an area of my breasts had gone a rather bright and distressing green. I was a bit perplexed, until I found the remains of the green M&M in my bra... Guess it had fallen down their when eating on the bike earlier.

J
--
Beer, bikes, and backpacking
http://b.42q.eu/

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #46 on: April 27, 2021, 01:57:32 pm »
Under-boob mould is apparently A Thing, in the absence of other comestible-based evidence.

ian - you really didn't need to think of a subject for your topic, did you?
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Zipperhead

  • The cyclist formerly known as Big Helga
Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #47 on: April 27, 2021, 02:02:33 pm »
I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.

That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.

A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play. As it were...
Our son does know who Boz Scaggs is, we've done ok as parents.

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #48 on: April 27, 2021, 02:16:49 pm »
So Marianne Faithfull said.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: i'm thinking about starting a topic later
« Reply #49 on: April 27, 2021, 03:18:41 pm »
Except that that story was untrue.
“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams