The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

Stabbed myself in the thumb with a screwdriver again. I'm getting good at that.

[nicknack]

Our washing machine just stops when it finishes. No audible alert, it just stops making washing/spinning noises.
The start up's a bit noisier though since I have to hit the door very hard between 5 and 10 times to persuade it to get going.

[Beardy]

My toaster requires manual intervention to raise the contents of the slot although there is a satisfying clunk when the timer switches off the elements.

That sounds as if it's a Dualit toaster?

It is. It’s done 20 years service with one replacement timer switch. It’s repairable nature is another reason to get one.

[Beardy]

Stabbed myself in the thumb with a screwdriver again. I'm getting good at that.

As an apprentice I was forced to watch gory films about the dangers of not using screwdrivers safely. Only moderately successful as a strategy because I’ve managed to stab myself a couple of times over the years 

[ian]

Captain Clumsyfingers dropped a jar of turmeric on the kitchen floor last night. I'm going to be wiping up yellow for some time. At least it missed the cat.

[robgul]

My toaster requires manual intervention to raise the contents of the slot although there is a satisfying clunk when the timer switches off the elements.

That sounds as if it's a Dualit toaster?

It is. It’s done 20 years service with one replacement timer switch. It’s repairable nature is another reason to get one.

We used a 3 slot model for about 16 or 17 years with just one change of elements and it still works - it's stored away as we lashed out on a Kitchen Aid toaster ... it looks great, does  great toast/bagels etc - and  REDmatches the KA mixer and kettle!

[citoyen]

My toaster requires manual intervention to raise the contents of the slot although there is a satisfying clunk when the timer switches off the elements.

That sounds as if it's a Dualit toaster?

It is. It’s done 20 years service with one replacement timer switch. It’s repairable nature is another reason to get one.

We used a 3 slot model for about 16 or 17 years with just one change of elements and it still works - it's stored away as we lashed out on a Kitchen Aid toaster ... it looks great, does  great toast/bagels etc - and  REDmatches the KA mixer and kettle!

We got a 4-slot Dualit toaster as a wedding present. As mentioned elsewhere, this doesn't help me work out how old it is, but it's getting on for 20 years and still going strong. The lack of electronic mechanisms to go wrong, and the lack of beeping, are among its primary recommendations.

The new-ish washing machine plays a tune when it finishes, but that's a non-persistent one-off. The microwave, however, beeps every 30 seconds when it finishes - which is really annoying if you're in the middle of some other kitchen activity and don't have a clean/free hand to stop it. (And FFS, I don't always need to take whatever it is out of the microwave the moment it finishes the program - eg if it's defrosting something, I might be happy for it to sit there for another 10 minutes or more.)

At least none of the fuckers are connected to the internet.

[Mr Larrington]

At least none of the fuckers are connected to the internet.

You might very well think that.  I couldn’t possibly comment.

[Kim]

The microwave, however, beeps every 30 seconds when it finishes - which is really annoying if you're in the middle of some other kitchen activity and don't have a clean/free hand to stop it. (And FFS, I don't always need to take whatever it is out of the microwave the moment it finishes the program - eg if it's defrosting something, I might be happy for it to sit there for another 10 minutes or more.)

As I say, these things should be configurable.

You don't find it useful.  It's a liability in the hands of barakta, who will happily leave a microwave beeping for hours after heating up a wheat bag and getting distracted, which isn't really fair on the neighbours.

A friend with ADHD finds it invaluable; it stops them making two different lunches or filling their environment with cups of cold tea.

[citoyen]

A friend with ADHD finds it invaluable; it stops them making two different lunches or filling their environment with cups of cold tea.

My wife does that - she'll put eg a cup of tea in to warm it up and then go off and do something else. And then I have to stop what I'm doing to go and make it stop beeping...

I vent my frustration on the microwave rather than my wife though.

I haven't checked if it's configurable. Maybe I should.

[citoyen]

At least none of the fuckers are connected to the internet.

You might very well think that.  I couldn’t possibly comment.

Don't even joke about it. This kind of shit gives me nightmares.

[ElyDave]

The microwave, however, beeps every 30 seconds when it finishes - which is really annoying if you're in the middle of some other kitchen activity and don't have a clean/free hand to stop it. (And FFS, I don't always need to take whatever it is out of the microwave the moment it finishes the program - eg if it's defrosting something, I might be happy for it to sit there for another 10 minutes or more.)

As I say, these things should be configurable.

You don't find it useful.  It's a liability in the hands of barakta, who will happily leave a microwave beeping for hours after heating up a wheat bag and getting distracted, which isn't really fair on the neighbours.

A friend with ADHD finds it invaluable; it stops them making two different lunches or filling their environment with cups of cold tea.

if environment = my office, I regularly find a cold cup of tea.  Singular rather than plural, mug, black, coffee for the filling of, mug, large white, tea for the filling of, neither mug to be sullied by alternative fluids.

Office = place where time disappears in the blink of an eye and tea goes from boiling to "fucking hell, that's another cup I didn't drink" before you can say "teams meeting"

[Mrs Pingu]

Back before we moved and I was climbing a Ramsey ladder to get to my office in the loft, in the interests of H&S I decided it would make sense to carry my tea up there in a stainless steel flask (actually one I bought for Pingu some years back for cold weather cycling).

This turned out to be such a good thing in that I get a huge amount of tea for every boil of the kettle and it stays hot, that this quickly became default tea making mode. I still drink it out of a mug but just pour out what I need and it prevents lots of it going cold.

[Kim]

Back before we moved and I was climbing a Ramsey ladder to get to my office in the loft, in the interests of H&S I decided it would make sense to carry my tea up there in a stainless steel flask (actually one I bought for Pingu some years back for cold weather cycling).

Hananananh the Astronononomer has form for climbing ladders with flasks of liquid nitrogen.  In the dark.  Fortunately, H&S decided it was 'far too obvious' to result in one of her famous accidents.

[citoyen]

Polite reminder to self: don't get involved on facebook

Someone I know vaguely as a friend of a friend made a post on a group I'm a member of this morning. I posted a reply to it. It wasn't a critical comment, but maybe came across a tad more negative than I intended. Which I realised later, and so went back to facebook to post a follow-up comment... but by that time the post had been deleted and the person had left the group.

Yes, it's an over-reaction on their part, but I feel like a pillock for making a comment I really didn't need to make. 

[ian]

You once called me 'fatuously disingenuous.'

Made my day. Probably quite true, too.

[rafletcher]

At least none of the fuckers are connected to the internet.

You might very well think that.  I couldn’t possibly comment.

Don't even joke about it. This kind of shit gives me nightmares.

It was also central to the plot of a murder mystery I read, the perpetrator hacking in to domestic appliances to kill the owners.

ETA: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25861995-the-steel-kiss

[Kim]

I recall an interesting discussion on some IRC channel or other where knowledgeable tech people debated the best way to use a pwned-smart-thing equipped home to kill its occupant.

Usual contemplation of various ways to start fires or cause a buildup of natural gas or carbon monoxide, or meddle with medication delivery, but the approach that seemed most likely to be successful was to spoof a phone call that would summon an armed police response...

[Mr Larrington]

Surely there was at least one episode of The X-Files that used “baddies make tech go rogue” as a plot device?

[Kim]

Surely there was at least one episode of The X-Files that used “baddies make tech go rogue” as a plot device?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_Machine_(The_X-Files)

It was about as plausible as Demon Seed, but it's got all the best tech goes rogue tropes.

[Mrs Pingu]

Ah yes, 90's X Files episodes being a mixture of the true conspiracy I Want To Believe stuff padded out with the utterly bonkers.
Mojo used to wander around Pingu Basements mkI moaning on X-Files night. Trufax.

[perpetual dan]

The toaster that heat printed weather forecast symbols on your toast always struck me as one of the best internet of things ideas. It’s neatly predictable. Though limited by my preference for granola.

[Kim]

90's X Files episodes

I've just looked it up, and it kept going until 2002.  I think I gave up on it in 1998 or so, and then didn't have a telly for ages.  Did anything ever get resolved?

[Mr Larrington]

The Lone Gunmen got killed utterly to DETH and William will save the world.

[ian]

Didn't Mulder finally get to properly tend Scully's allotment?

I may have dreamed that one, of course.