Yet Another Cycling Forum
Off Topic => The Pub => Arts and Entertainment => Topic started by: rogerzilla on 23 March, 2022, 08:58:04 pm
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I got to thinking about this as my dad chose his own (we're now sure how long ago he wrote it down, as he was pretty sure he was getting out of hospital, but he'd planned the whole service). Crematoria will play anything these days and a neighbour had Warren Zevon's Werewolves Of London as his going-out music ;D
What three pieces would you pick for your own? Something to come in, something contemplative, and something to go out to? I had a really good think about this...
1. Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante K.364 2nd movement (Andante)
2. "Non mi dir, bell'idol mio" from Mozart's Don Giovanni
3. "Take Me Home (Piss Off)" by Snuff. Fits absolutely perfectly.
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Very difficult one for me because I've got such broad tastes. There would have to be Bach, and probably Mozart, and how could I possibly do without Beethoven's 9th? Although the funeral march from the 3rd symphony is as lugubrious a piece of music you are ever likely to hear. Having said that, when I first became familiar with it when I was in my teens, I could help thinking that the solitary thud from the timpani towards the end of that movement was the corpse not being quite dead and knocking to be let out.
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I reckon several pre-planned playlists to be selected according to the cause of your death is the way to go...
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I don't care, I won't be there. And I'd be quite happy for any remaining relatives (in the event there are any) to save their money and not bother.
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A juke box and people can play whatever they want.
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No going either, so they can listen to Alvin and Chipmunks back-to-back with the Cheeky Girls. I genuinely don't do funerals and I am definitely not doing mine.
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A juke box and people can play whatever they want.
The pub then?
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In the car on the way home from Granny Annie's* funeral the Cubs and I discussed this. They went (pre-covid) and hopefully one day will again go to enough gigs with me to know what I like so they have plenty to pick from and we talked about the fact that even if I say what I want, at the end of the day it will be up to them to do what they think is best.
The celebrant for Granny's, and later Grandad's**, funerals had suggested it is good to pick something 'uplifting' for the exit music at the end. So the SmallestCub has picked out 'Buck Up' by Carsie Blanton for me.
https://youtu.be/d89fe_p4gX4
*Satisfied Mind - Jeff Buckley, Nocturne in E flat - Chopin, Underneath the Stars - Kate Rusby, Days of Our Lives - Queen
**Pie Jesu - Sarah Brightman, Little Boxes - Pete Seeger, Broken Wave - James Yorkston, Fareweel Regality - Rachel Unthank & The Winterset
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A juke box and people can play whatever they want.
The pub then?
Krakatoa - the best juke box known to mankind.
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Disco inferno? I wonder if it's a popular choice
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Hmm, just three pieces is difficult! Right now, I think I'd go for:
1. Allegri - Miserere
2. Bach - Chaconne from the Partita in D Minor
3. Nine Inch Nails - A Warm Place
Though I'd be tempted to stick something a bit more upbeat in there - maybe Snap's "Rhythm is a Dancer". ;D
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Probably this:
https://youtu.be/IaJ2UHiTa0o
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Hmm, just three pieces is difficult!
We went for four when we were planning mum's and dad's funerals. Both were covid-time funerals (spring/early summer of '21) in the bit when you weren't allowed to sing so we didn't have to think about that, and we'd picked the crem where you were allowed 45 minutes for the service, rather than the one that let you have 18.
Little Boxes - which mum and dad used to sing in the car as we passed Peterlee on every childhood trip north - served as a much-needed break in the eulogy for dad; it ended up so long it needed an intermission. When I said that was the plan to a primary school colleague, she joked that maybe we should serve tiny and ludicrously over-priced ice creams to go with it, then looked horrified that she'd made the joke out loud and potentially upset me. I may have snorted unattractively with laughter and pointed out that after 15 years of working with me, she'd not misjudged my sense of humour.
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If I had to be serious, I think I'd like music that was beautiful and optimistic, uplifting and forward looking. I'd start with Michael Nyman's Piano, I'd have an opera duet like The Flower Duet (and I don't care if it's hackneyed, it's still good) with soaring, joyful voices and, if I can't have Disco Inferno or Springteen's I'm on fire, I think Lark Ascending would be where I'd end up, fading to the memory of a new spring.
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In - The Passion of Lovers or Bela Lugosi’s Dead
Think - Oh Superman
Out - There’s No Lights On The Christmas Tree Mother, They’re Burning Big Louie Tonight
That should piss just about everybody off.
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Oh Superman, original or Bowie cover?
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- In: Thunderstruck ~ AC/DC. Just because.
- Contemplative: Ride Into The Sun ~ The Velvet Underground. The instrumental version off “Another View”, not any of the terrible remixes or - horrible dictu - any version with vocals. On it.
- Out: Dopesmoker ~ Sleep (https://youtu.be/hIw7oeZKpZc). Just in case anyone is thinking of sloping off early. Yes, it is only one track…
I'm sure I'll think of some more later
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I'm pretty relaxed about music choices in church, anything that helps people remember their loved ones well, and say goodbye meaningfully. We've had Juice WRLD for a teenager whose friends wanted something to say how they felt. We had death metal for a couple whose newborn died - it expressed their lament well. I don't mind the classic Monty Python tune but I advise against the rude original for those who haven't thought of the implications. Basically so long as it isn't anti-Christian because otherwise why are they paying for a church funeral.
I've known what I'd like for quite a while:
* Organ music in... important so the priest can read Psalm 23 and the "comforting words"... people miss out on that these days due to songs with words.
* A hymn... so people can sing and interact with the service, feel part of the event rather than just an observer. (Something the organist can play well)
* In the middle, a chance to listen to the whole of "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd. The funeral director faded it out at my father-in-laws service.
* Going out? Easy: "You're wondering now" but definitely the Snuff cover version because it's fast and fun.
Burial... so no need for tunes at the crematorium.
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Oh Superman, original or Bowie cover?
Original.
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All chosen -
When entering - Who Knows Where the Time Goes - by Sandy Denny
As coffin disappears - Erthe upon Erthe - by Mediaeval Baebes
Leaving - Don't Look Around - by Mountain, because of the opening lines "Don't look around 'cos I'm never coming back, it's high time you saw the last of me".
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Sleeping Sun
https://youtu.be/pVPTUEW1PEM
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Initial Procession: National Shite Day by Half Man Half Biscuit
Assuming it's a cremation: Hot, Hot, Hot! by Buster Poindexter
Exit music: Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards
I don't intend topping myself, but a few choices if I go doolally:Hanging Around by the Stranglers; Shotgun by George Ezra; Drowning in Berlin by The Mobiles.
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Initial Procession: National Shite Day by Half Man Half Biscuit
Assuming it's a cremation: Hot, Hot, Hot! by Buster Poindexter
Exit music: Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards
I don't intend topping myself, but a few choices if I go doolally:Hanging Around by the Stranglers; Shotgun by George Ezra; Drowning in Berlin by The Mobiles.
You missed out Jump! by Van Halen
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Initial Procession: National Shite Day by Half Man Half Biscuit
Assuming it's a cremation: Hot, Hot, Hot! by Buster Poindexter
Exit music: Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards
I don't intend topping myself, but a few choices if I go doolally:Hanging Around by the Stranglers; Shotgun by George Ezra; Drowning in Berlin by The Mobiles.
You missed out Jump! by Van Halen
Also Poison by Motörhead.
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There's also The Coroner's Footnote by Half Man Half Biscuit...
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If it's not a cremation, Waiting For The Worms by Pink Floyd? Not the best song on The Wall, though.
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Or just Worms by The Pogues. “Your brains come tumbling down your snout”. Lovely!
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1. Up the Country - Canned Heat
2. Mr Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan
3. All that Way For This - Oysterband
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=1XuVfIDbb8g&feature=share
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Blatantly stealing from “The Big Chill” I’d go out to “You can’t always get what you want “
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Not sure I have three currently. Or what order but I'd have The long way home by The magic Theatre and Do you realise bybthe flaming lips.
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Haven't thought about coming in or going out, but as the coffin disappears I want Another One Bites The Dust.
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Or just Worms by The Pogues. “Your brains come tumbling down your snout”. Lovely!
That sounds like a song I know as The Hearse Song. I think of it as by Harley Poe, but now I look it up it seems to have a venerable history https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hearse_Song (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hearse_Song)
My three at the moment are:
Look on down from the bridge - Mazzy Star
Saudade - Love and Rockets (for the contemplating bit)
I'd be tempted by the Hearse Song for the way out, but Something's got a hold of my heart - Marc Almond and Gene Pitney might be a better choice. Especially if they burn me.
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One of my songs would be In the Garden - Van Morrison.
Hopefully it will be raining.
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One of my songs would be In the Garden - Van Morrison.
Hopefully it will be raining.
That was his last good album (IMO)
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
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One of my songs would be In the Garden - Van Morrison.
Hopefully it will be raining.
Into The Mystic by Grumpy Van would also be a good one.
You Can Close Your Eyes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4j8m_S0S14) by James Taylor would have to be up there for me.
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As I don’t want anyone wasting money on a funeral for me, I have no opinion on music for the same. I’m advocating direct disposal, as an alternative to just bunging my body in the wheelie bin which would be my preferred option.
I did, however, find some amusement at the idea of having the Thunderbirds theme being played as the curtains opened and the coffin withdrawn.
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
Under UK law, cremation has to be in the same sealed coffin as in which the body is delivered to the crematorium.
I remember an episode of Taggart (back in the Mark McManus days) when a dodgy undertaker's assistant was disposing of body parts from murders by popping the odd arm or leg in the coffin with a normal "customer". That would probably work.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
Not with the correct mortuary tools.
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
Not with the correct mortuary tools.
It's the spray and splatter that is the problem.
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
One of my drinking buddies is an undertaker, which is just as well because given his business acumen he’d have gone bankrupt a long time ago in any other business.
One think I remembered that he said about wicker coffins is that they are delivered to him in large reinforced cardboard boxes due to their flimsy nature. Somewhat ironic given that many people choose them because they are perceived as a green alternative.
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We asked (as per her wishes) for a cardboard coffin for my mother, for cremation. She didn't want us spending unneccesarily on the funeral. It would have been more expensive than a veneered chipboard one. We got some BS about approvals for incineration, I think it was gouging the cost / environmentally conscious.
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
;D ;D ;D
All burial, Presbyterian religion prohibits cremation. No crematorium on the island.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
:o ;D
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Quoting Alan Ford as Brick Top in Snatch.
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I wondered why it sounded familiar.
Then I wondered why I'd watched Snatch.
Then I googled it and realised it was probably for Pitts comedy accent.
Then I wondered why a thug from Essex? was talking about 200lbs. 14st does not sound like a big BIG man (or woman)
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On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
Something along those lines did cross my mind at the funeral, I must admit.
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In - The Passion of Lovers or Bela Lugosi’s Dead
I'm tempted to rename myself Bela Lugosi just for the funeral lolz.
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I’m concerned at the consideration you’ve given to it.
Torsos are really difficult :-\
Not with the correct mortuary tools.
It's the spray and splatter that is the problem.
Poor technique Roger. Just buy a 2nd hand chest freezer & shove the body in that for a day. Then when you come to hack it up there is far less mess & smell. The skilled artisan will have some small polystyrene trays & a roll of clingfilm & price tags to hand, to aid with disposal via the local craft butcher
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We asked (as per her wishes) for a cardboard coffin for my mother, for cremation. She didn't want us spending unneccesarily on the funeral. It would have been more expensive than a veneered chipboard one. We got some BS about approvals for incineration, I think it was gouging the cost / environmentally conscious.
I once inspected this place https://www.greenfieldcoffins.co.uk
Real feats of cardboard engineering, rather than simple boxes. Rather like the buy it plain and get the grandchildren to paint it option—if I had grandchildren.
Visit was punctuated with slightly surreal phone calls, "yes, you can pick your mum up from the hospital morgue and put her in your estate car…"
Sent from my motorola edge 20 using Tapatalk
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On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
Cycling’s famous Richard Ballantine actually was cremated in a wicker coffin, in north London.
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
;D ;D ;D
All burial, Presbyterian religion prohibits cremation. No crematorium on the island.
Ah, that explains what they put in the power station.
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In no particular order:
Jerusalem
Whiter Shade of Pale
Simon & Garfunkel (almost anything as long as it's both of them*)
* back in the early 90s my wife got tickets for Paul Simon at the NEC . . . . I remain disappointed that Art didn't show up :(
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Simon & Garfunkel (almost anything as long as it's both of them*)
Despite thinking long & hard about this topic they are the only musicians to definitely enter the list - probably Homeward Bound but maybe America.
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Ah bugger, now you've made me think about Take The Long Way Home by Supertramp.
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Cremation, humanist celebrant, no religious malarkey. At the moment it's:
In: Wings of a Dove - Madness. And/or Mr Blue Sky - ELO
During: One Day Like This - Elbow
Out: Love Is In The Air - John Paul Young
My (89 year-old) ma has planned her (church+crem) funeral in detail and - regardless of the time of year - hath decreed that Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby must be the finishing touch ;D
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I don't intend topping myself, but a few choices if I go doolally:Hanging Around by the Stranglers; Shotgun by George Ezra; Drowning in Berlin by The Mobiles.
A friend of mine who did end his own life left instructions that Highway To Hell be played at his memorial (he also specified no funeral). I still don't know if he was being ironic.
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Eulogy by Frank Turner,
Not everybody's gets to be an astronaut,
Not everyone is born to be a king.
Not everyone can be, Freddie Mercury; But everyone can raise a glass and sing.
Now I've never been a perfect person.
And I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed.
but on the day I die,
They'll say at least he fucking tried,
and that's the only eulogy I need, that's the only eulogy I need.
Land of my fathers (In welsh, sung by Bryn Terfel if you don't mind)
Something folky, not really decided.
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A fictional funeral of a fearsome aunt, mainspring of a Toronto church>
The opening hymn is "Jesus Christ is risen today". Followed by a Bible reading:
"How much she hath glorified herself and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow. And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning.
"Therefore shall her plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire; for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her."*
And the final hymn is "Away in a Manger".
*Revelations 18:7
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On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
Cycling’s famous Richard Ballantine actually was cremated in a wicker coffin, in north London.
We know cos we were there...
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Not musical at all, but the question in my mind is whether they cremate you in that overpriced coffin or whip you out of it and return it to the undertaker for resale. "Only one owner, old bloke who only used it once. It's still got that new-coffin smell."
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Coffins are a phenomenal waste of money. It’s a major racket.
My wife’s cousin was cremated in a wicker coffin. That makes a lot more sense to me. It was still ridiculously expensive for what it is though.
On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
;D ;D ;D
All burial, Presbyterian religion prohibits cremation. No crematorium on the island.
Ah, that explains what they put in the power station.
Just be careful if you are called Pete.
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On IanDG's former island, all non-residents are cremated in a wicker coffin. Of sorts.
Cycling’s famous Richard Ballantine actually was cremated in a wicker coffin, in north London.
We know cos we were there...
So was I…
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Silence is Golden, by The Tremelos
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'Another One Bites The Dust' funeral flashmob.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-bristol-64223053
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I'm making a fairly ham-fisted effort of it on a keyboard here right now (in fairness, it's quite hard!), but I'd like to nominate:
Vangelis: Memories of Green
It's one of the love themes in Bladerunner.
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As I don’t want anyone wasting money on a funeral for me, I have no opinion on music for the same. I’m advocating direct disposal, as an alternative to just bunging my body in the wheelie bin which would be my preferred option.
I did, however, find some amusement at the idea of having the Thunderbirds theme being played as the curtains opened and the coffin withdrawn.
Perhaps Mrs Beardy could talk to Clarkes (http://www.clarkesofmelton.co.uk/)
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Are Clarkes the people who make Soylent Green?
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Maybe this one would be appropriate. Especially if I die of cancer.
https://youtu.be/9r8aycpHmY0
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Initial Procession: National Shite Day by Half Man Half Biscuit
Assuming it's a cremation: Hot, Hot, Hot! by Buster Poindexter
Exit music: Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards
I don't intend topping myself, but a few choices if I go doolally:Hanging Around by the Stranglers; Shotgun by George Ezra; Drowning in Berlin by The Mobiles.
You missed out Jump! by Van Halen
Also Poison by Motörhead.
If I had a Motorhead song, it would probably be "Killed by Death"
My sense of irony thinks "The only way is up" by Yazz
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A juke box and people can play whatever they want.
Perfect!
I am currently organising my uncle's funeral and he had a juke box in his front room for a while. Maybe a fruit machine too as he worked for Bell Fruit for many many years.
;D
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Found this on youtube, never heard it before and I quite liked it
When tomorrow starts without me...
https://youtu.be/6vYz0uxG6Vw
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What three pieces would you pick for your own? Something to come in, something contemplative, and something to go out to?
Dogsong 2, The Be Good Tanyas. To ensure the mourners actually tear up.
(https://i.imgur.com/DjbyJRP.jpg) (https://youtu.be/L1wqrBvmBnc)
Bad To The Bone, George Thorogood & The Delaware Destroyers. To contemplate irony (or not!).
(https://i.imgur.com/uiAZxT6.jpg) (https://youtu.be/y45okEZ0XWk)
Breathe Me, Sia. Not my pick for greatest series finale (it looks a bit like the world's worst car commercial, for a start), but wildly popular with the Six Feet Under fan base.
(https://i.imgur.com/XViDkLY.jpg) (https://youtu.be/qD6Y7d4hIW4)
"You can't take a picture of this, it's already gone."
Oh, and this (https://youtu.be/jdU1c3_V5dc) for the wake.
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I've just posted this somewhere else. I don't know which of the 3 it would be, but I think it's going to be there:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J18HJDmTn0A (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J18HJDmTn0A)
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https://youtu.be/mz3CPzdCDws
I was going to post this in one of the Covers threads, although it's obviously not a cover, just a juxtaposition that shouldn't work but does – but this thread will do!
Remember: Fred Astaire is dead, Rita Hayworth was born in Brooklyn and died in Manhattan, which ought to be some sort of American metaphor, Michael Jackson is dead, even John Travolta has retired, and Robin Cousins retired before most people were born – this is why we have to dance!