The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mr Larrington]

Today I are learning that today is Saturday, not Sunday Though not until I examined the contents of the fridge and saw the makings of two dinners rather than one.

[citoyen]

Try putting your glasses on, you idiot, then you won’t need to spend 10 minutes wondering why a USB-C plug won’t fit in a Micro USB socket.

[ian]

Try putting your glasses on, you idiot, then you won’t need to spend 10 minutes wondering why a USB-C plug won’t fit in a Micro USB socket.

Quit bragging.

[Jayjay]

I put on a clean Trespass top for my ride to work this morning, stopped off at Mum's as usual. "What you done to your shirt?" she asks. Said garment was oddly puckered on the front. I un-puckered it to find a horrid sticky circle on the fabric, and realised that I had washed it with one of those temporary badge stickers on it 

Hoorah for Sticky Stuff Remover 

[T42]

Getting on bike yesterday, swung my leg over and skinned my knee on the rack I'd forgotten was there.

Ah.

On long events, I often get to the point where I loose the strength and flexibility to lift my leg over the rack and bag, and have some comedy moments.
I increasingly need to tip the bike over towards me to let me get on.

I've seen some riders get on by swinging a leg over the handlebars from the front, but I've not been brave enough to try that.

When I tip the eBrute towards me with a spare battery in the saddlebag the front wheel wants to unstick, whereupon the entire bike tries hard to lie down and leave me holding the handlebars like a prat.

I used to do the leg-over-handlebars swing but I haven't tried it for a few years. Might have another go, in privacy of course.

[orienteer]

Could hear an electronic voice saying "snowberry" every 30 seconds or so, and assumed wife was using voice response on her iPhone. Eventually realised she wasn't, so had to track down the source. Gradually moved from lounge to hall, then into the kitchen 

Turned out to be the smoke/fire alarm announcing "low battery" 

[The Family Cyclist]

Last night the kitchen sink was blocked. Littlest monkey was helping Daddy fix it and reminded her of two stupid mistakes I'd previously made when unblocking sinks

One was emptying the water that had drained out when the trap was removed back into the sink before I'd refitted the trap

The other in a similar vein was washing hands mid job with trap still unfitted

[T42]

(a) Was perturbed on setting off on my ride this morning by a pronounced chattering sound emanating from the RD, as if I had suddenly acquired a hedgeful of sparrows.  Found that I had committed the beginner's mistake of routing the chain to the outside of that nasty little tab Shimano have provided just so that you can get it wrong.  First time I've done that in at least 20 years.

(b) tried to post this before writing anything.

[Pingu]

...One was emptying the water that had drained out when the trap was removed back into the sink before I'd refitted the trap

The other in a similar vein was washing hands mid job with trap still unfitted

This is why the human race is doomed.

[mrcharly-YHT]

Book boat trip for visiting family.

Triumphantly tell them trip is booked.

Response "That is the day we arrive"

Frantically trying to get hold of boat trip company to shift booking.

Idiot

[The Family Cyclist]

Unfortunately having to put the wife in here again

They've gone away on holiday, she decided to take manual toothbrushes so didn't have to worry about charging our leccy ones. The leccy brushes are in the bathroom.....Unfortunately she has packed the charger and taken it with her, and taken my manual toothbrush. Working my way through thr charge in all the brushes here by swapping my head onto them

[Cudzoziemiec]

Popped into town for some needed shopping. Haven't used the utili-touring-adventure bike for a while, but everything seemed to be working. Put the pannier on and down the road I go. Lean the bike against the rack outside the stupormarket, open the pannier and... no lock. Okay, it's only five minutes back home. Or maybe six or seven cos it's uphill home.

Get home, find the lock, and then my neighbour comes past. Somehow we get into conversation about how he's turning his car into a mobile SW radio station. Then back down the hill to the stupormarket and... I have the lock but no keys! Got home and there they were in the front door. You don't have to go the market to be in a stupor but it works for me.

[barakta]

Unfortunately having to put the wife in here again

They've gone away on holiday, she decided to take manual toothbrushes so didn't have to worry about charging our leccy ones. The leccy brushes are in the bathroom.....Unfortunately she has packed the charger and taken it with her, and taken my manual toothbrush. Working my way through thr charge in all the brushes here by swapping my head onto them

Do you not have a multipack of spare manual toothbrushes kicking around for times of need?

We once had to try and buy a toothbrush at night and despite there being 3 mini supermarket style shops open late round here, NONE had actual toothbrushes of any kind.

[The Family Cyclist]

No she took the manual ones

[ElyDave]

I always have a couple of airline amenity toothbrushes hanging around, partly for guests who forget their own

[citoyen]

Got to the station after work yesterday in time for the 17.32 train. Train arrives at the expected time and says it's going to Margate, so I get on board, then bury my head in the crossword to pass the journey.

It's only when we arrive in Ashford 20 minutes later that I realise I'm on the wrong train...

Yes, it's going to Margate, but it's going the other way round the loop, not via Whitstable. Turns out it was actually a late-running 17.27, not the 17.32.

Net result is I have to get off at Canterbury and get the bus home. The irony being that because the train via Ashford is so much faster, I got home earlier than if I'd got the correct train. Only real down side is that I had to go back out later to rescue my bike from the station. And be reminded why I don't habitually use the bus - teenagers vaping and blaring out tinny music from their phones being the main annoyances.

[SoreTween]

Got home last week to find the outside lights stuck on.  Easy thinks I, it'll be a dead PIR and I haz spares because they never last.  Replace one - lights still on, can't put the original back as the cover screw had rusted so I had to get in destructively.  Replace 2nd as well - lights still on.  Bum.  Much head scratching & cable testing later I give up & leave the detectors disconnected.

Today I went back & found both had the time setting turned to max instead of min.  Reconnected & all is well.  Cover screws replaced with stainless.

[Diver300]

Two doses of divness on the same project today.

I bought a water butt and added a stand, filling kit, and tap to my trolley. The nice lady at the checkout asked if everything was with the water butt, at which point I found that it contained a stand, filling kit and tap, all nicely packaged inside.  The nice lady was very understanding that I abandoned the extra bits that I would have otherwise bought.

At home, the butt had to go on one side of the downpipe, and I drilled a hole for the inlet on the wrong side.  I then had to patch it up by welding with a hot-air gun, using the old top from an oil container as the patch.

[The Family Cyclist]

Unfortunately having to put the wife in here again

They've gone away on holiday, she decided to take manual toothbrushes so didn't have to worry about charging our leccy ones. The leccy brushes are in the bathroom.....Unfortunately she has packed the charger and taken it with her, and taken my manual toothbrush. Working my way through thr charge in all the brushes here by swapping my head onto them

Thr wife is here by removed and I am added, turns out she'd just tidied the charger into the cupboard

[barakta]

Unfortunately having to put the wife in here again

They've gone away on holiday, she decided to take manual toothbrushes so didn't have to worry about charging our leccy ones. The leccy brushes are in the bathroom.....Unfortunately she has packed the charger and taken it with her, and taken my manual toothbrush. Working my way through thr charge in all the brushes here by swapping my head onto them

Thr wife is here by removed and I am added, turns out she'd just tidied the charger into the cupboard

 

[L CC]

Is it time for this again?

[Kim]

You could take the first half of that and re-caption it as "strange things that hearing people do".

[Beardy]

Talking of hearing people and given this is the Div thread I thought I might mention it hear¹. I’m being hassled to wear my aids a quantity of MOAR at home because Dr Beardy is getting fed up of having to repeat everything three times.

I have pointed out that if she makes sure I’m aware she wishes to communicate with me and I am therefore,oooking at her I would hear² a lot more of what it is she says. Apparently, she considers it only fair that I make a greater effort as well. Which I can’t exactly disagree with.

But wearing my aids MOAR means hearing MOAR of what is going on and other noises.  :'(

1. Did you see what I did there? Hmm? Did you?

2. FCVO hearing obv.

[Kim]

I'm a bit hardline about this, but FFS, if you don't give a dead^[1] person a preamble, then it's your own fault that you're having to repeat yourself.  We're all allowed our moments of divvery^[2], but it really shouldn't be grudge material.



_{[1] TBAGO
[2] I irregularly find myself talking to barakta (usually about the state of her abutments, or giving a second opinion on the functioning of her hearing aid) while holding her hearing aid in my hand.  The correct response to finding yourself in this situation is <me><audiologist><stupid><sorry>}

[Ham]

Let me see, do I still have my platinum diamond encrusted membership card for this thread? Why, yes, I do. Step aside, amateurs.

I am at the tail end of works at Miss Ham's house; they have moved out of ours (huzzah! huzzah! it's only been six years months) and decoration and finish remains.

I have been putting up dado and picture rail (also, faux paneling), including to an external 90 bend. All was going well, I was, indeed quite pleased with the last bend I had to do (picture rail). All that remained was to fill the gaps with wood filler. I passed the tube of wood filler to someone who was helping strip the old paint to be opened with a chisel he had in his hand, which he did. I lovingly applied it to the bend, a fairly tedious  process. Here it is



A couple of hours later and it was not yet sandable. I wondered why, and wondered. Then I saw that the surface was somewhat shiny. Then I picked up the tube of wood filler and nothing had been squeezed out. Then I realised I had filled the bend with grab adhesive.

Cue much fun hoiking the adhesive out, without snapping any of the wood, cleaning up as best I could and reapplying wood filler. How the holy **** had I managed that?