Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread  (Read 428738 times)

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2725 on: 20 September, 2021, 02:37:19 pm »
And a similar one from me, if whilst out on a ride you notice the bar end plug is working a bit loose, don't try thumping it home again whilst riding along.

BTDT. Fun!
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2726 on: 20 September, 2021, 04:49:20 pm »
Had a giant slab of victoria sponge cake on a side-plate in my left hand, together
with a fork to help me eat it (don't like using my hands for cake). In my right hand
was glass of stout. So fixated was I on the sponge cake, that, as I sat down on the
settee, and my face being so close to side-plate and fork, I accidently managed to
stab myself in the eye with fork. Still painful now. 

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2727 on: 20 September, 2021, 06:53:01 pm »
Had a giant slab of victoria sponge cake on a side-plate in my left hand, together
with a fork to help me eat it (don't like using my hands for cake). In my right hand
was glass of stout. So fixated was I on the sponge cake, that, as I sat down on the
settee, and my face being so close to side-plate and fork, I accidently managed to
stab myself in the eye with fork. Still painful now. 


Phew! I thought you might have spilled the stout! 
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2728 on: 21 September, 2021, 11:10:48 am »

*Perhaps good news here... the new bike in the garage has not been noticed by my better half yet, so no questions about how much it cost and no demand for the same amount so she can spend it on herself!

Is it 1973 where you are?

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2729 on: 21 September, 2021, 11:21:38 am »
After nearly an hours digging I found the problem.... I had forgotten to press the purchase button on the website so my items were still in the basket.  :facepalm:

You'd be in good company at the BHPC. We've had all sorts of problems with people thinking they've entered races who never clicked 'Confirm'. (And because they never clicked 'Confirm', we've no idea who they are until they turn up and aren't on the list.)

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2730 on: 21 September, 2021, 03:14:16 pm »
I remember a very funny thread from years ago on a triathlon forum - triathlon being an activity where it is very easy to forget something important...
Had this person arrived at an event and found that he'd forgotten his bike? His shoes? His swimming kit? Etc etc...
No, none of the above - he'd forgotten to enter the race...

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2731 on: 21 September, 2021, 04:24:44 pm »
Some years ago I arranged with a friend to have a pop at the South Downs Way in a day. We had to catch the train from Wimbledon at 5.40am, and he had to get to here by car from Kings Langley. I'm about a 10 minute cycle from Wimbledon station so the plan was for him to be here by 05.00 to get a cuppa, assemble his bike, etc etc.

At about 5.25 I could hear the roar of an engine and the squealing of tyres at the bottom of the road.

And yes, he'd got a few miles away from home and had successfully ticked off in his head all the things he needed; shoes, freshly made sarnies, drinks mix, drinks bottles, bike .......   Oh fuck.
Rust never sleeps

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2732 on: 22 September, 2021, 07:44:28 pm »
I stabbed myself in the pinkie with a screwdriver while I was fitting new door handles.


And this is one reason why I won't be felling any trees myself....
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2733 on: 23 September, 2021, 08:26:15 pm »
Today I gave myself a paper cut on a cardboard box. Not even paper!
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2734 on: 23 September, 2021, 08:29:04 pm »
I have a door knob I need to temporarily uninstall, until such a time as barakta is no longer dependent on the use of a wheelchair ramp to move between rooms.  I keep bashing my hip on the knob every time I put the ramp down, and my bruise now has bruises.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2735 on: 24 September, 2021, 07:57:11 am »
The internals of the lock on our side gate are rusted up.  The lock fixings are only accessible from the edge of the gate, and they're only accessible when the gate is open.  Guess what bloody fool didn't think to oil them for 20 years.

OK, so we never use that gate because it dissuaded all & sundry from coming right up to our front door, then letting the dogs out when they left.  But now the only solution is to hacksaw through the bolt then find another lock with exactly the same dimensions, to fit the mortise etc. Aaargh.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2736 on: 24 September, 2021, 08:42:31 am »
The internals of the lock on our side gate are rusted up.  The lock fixings are only accessible from the edge of the gate, and they're only accessible when the gate is open.  Guess what bloody fool didn't think to oil them for 20 years.

OK, so we never use that gate because it dissuaded all & sundry from coming right up to our front door, then letting the dogs out when they left.  But now the only solution is to hacksaw through the bolt then find another lock with exactly the same dimensions, to fit the mortise etc. Aaargh.

Can you take it off its hinges to get at the lock without cutting it?
Life is too important to be taken seriously.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2737 on: 24 September, 2021, 08:36:27 pm »
But now the only solution is to hacksaw through the bolt

Good luck as any lock worth using will have hardened steel pins in the bolt - occasionally in a tube so the pin may become a roller bearing too...

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2738 on: 25 September, 2021, 08:50:03 am »
@PhilO: I was thinking about that yesterday: yes. The hinges are surface-mounted, so I can unscrew them.  It's bloody heavy, though with a webbing strap under it MrsT & I can probably take the weight standing straight up, leaving hands free for wiggling it out.

@neillrj: Thought of that yesterday too.  The hinge approach looks better.  Once I get it a-swing on the webbing a bang on the end of the bolt might well free it up, but I'll still need the lock out to de-rust & grease it.  Pingfuckitville.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2739 on: 27 September, 2021, 07:10:19 am »
I need to get some timber for a project to be done while MrsC is away with car.

Head into town on Sat to builder's merchant. Not sure of lengths that they sell, so I walk over to a stack to check. 4.8m.

Go in, pay absolute fortune for 3x4.8m of 4x2.
Go out to stack, load onto car rack.

Mooch about town doing various things.
Driving home, keeping a close eye on time, a feeling creeps up on me . . . .

I loaded 3x4.8 of 2x1.5.
Not 4x2

Too late to take it back on Sat, I'm going to have to go in today.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2740 on: 28 September, 2021, 07:16:16 am »
With La Poste going on line and our local sub-post-office always being "exceptionally" closed, we now have to print our own stamps and glue them onto the envelope.  Today I dutifully cut around the image of the perforations, put a piece of scrap paper on the desk and applied paste with a UHU stick as we learned in primary school, being careful not to shift the "stamp" into the gluey bits where I went over the edge, then applied it to the envelope, rubbing it down well to get rid of air bubbles in the approved manner.

I then lifted my letter and found that I had put it down on the gluey bits on the scrap paper, to which it was now stuck.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
« Reply #2741 on: 28 September, 2021, 11:49:03 am »
I have just given myself a blood blister by attempting to operate one of the ubiquitous antibac dispensers with the back of my hand.

Fucking div.


Kim

  • Timelord
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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2742 on: 28 September, 2021, 12:02:56 pm »
That reminds me, there's currently an unimpressive but painful bruise on the back of my hand from when I attempted to do up barakta's spaz-laces with cold damp fingers after physioterrorism last week.  Feels like a 12 year old with a medical degree has tried to put a cannula in.

Feanor

  • It's mostly downhill from here.
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2743 on: 28 September, 2021, 12:52:46 pm »
Feels like a 12 year old with a medical degree has tried to put a cannula in.

When Junior was still in something like 4th year at school, he managed to get some kind of work experience placement in the local hospital on account of him wanting to do medicine.

He was traipsing round the wards on the coat-tails of a consultant and a crocodile of medical students and FY1s.
The consultant turned to him, and asked him to take a blood sample from a patient.
He asked 'Are you sure?', to which he was asked 'What year are you?'.
'Fourth year', quoth he.
'Well, you should be able to do that!'
'Fourth year *at school*...'

He always did look a bit old for his age.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2744 on: 28 September, 2021, 01:07:31 pm »
Bonus points if he'd gone ahead and done it...

(I'd sometimes loiter around the pathology department at that age, as my dad would frequently stop in on a Saturday morning on the way to whatever to sign off on whatever needed signing off on, and inevitably get sucked into the crisis du jour.  Usually I'd manage to entertain myself with one of the arcane babbage-engines, but occasionally the technicians would find me something more interesting to do, like examine stool samples.)

iddu

  • Are we there yet?
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2745 on: 28 September, 2021, 08:25:24 pm »
So I’m doing Lôn Las Cymru for a break, and it lashed it down last night/today.

Hanging tent & all out in tonight’s B&B to dry, I just nipped into the corridor to check the gloves on the rad...*click*...Oh FUCK...

There I am, stark bolock naked, in a corridor, with a locked door between me and my belongs....

Had to borrow a towel from another guest, walk 200m across Rhayader to the pub, and sit in the bar for 10 minutes waiting for the manager to turn up and find the master key, whilst nonchalantly drinking a pint...then walk back.

Good job nobody knows me round here and I have no sense of embarrassment 😁

I'd offer you some moral support - but I have questionable morals.

SoreTween

  • Most of me survived the Pennine Bridleway.
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2746 on: 28 September, 2021, 08:49:21 pm »
Splort  ;D
Tomorrow morning will make up for it.  One memorable theme from LLC was riding quiet paths, tracks or roads over here while all the traffic noise is from somewhere just out of sight over there.  Rhayader to Llangurig is a particularly fine example. I didn't previously know it was possible to enjoy traffic noise.
2023 targets: Survive. Maybe.
There is only one infinite resource in this universe; human stupidity.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2747 on: 29 September, 2021, 09:39:04 am »
Iddu, that is epic.

"A froode who really knows where his towel is."
<i>Marmite slave</i>

iddu

  • Are we there yet?
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2748 on: 29 September, 2021, 01:16:36 pm »
sanghang-froid, I haz it... ;D
I'd offer you some moral support - but I have questionable morals.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #2749 on: 29 September, 2021, 01:55:13 pm »
I'm not surprised the hangings got a bit froid