Good evening all, and welcome to tonight's episode of "I Am The Centre Of The World", the program where we interview those people without whom, it is possible that the world will not turn. Tonight, we are fortunate to have with us international lady of mystery, one time single mum, Katiecat. Hello Katiecat, thank you for joining us, would you like to share with the listeners your top tips for survival"
They did nasty things to me
Oh. From my briefing notes here, I see that you have settled down in your house now.
They did nasty things to me. They shouldn't live here now.
Umm...apparently you do like food?
They did nasty things to me. Give me food.
And from what I see, your house has been specially modified to take account of your requirements, at no cost to yourself?
They did nasty things to me. Took me to THAT place. Again. Prodding and poking. Again. For the second time.
But as you say, Katiecat, this was the second time, why has this bothered you so much?
They did nasty things to me. Last time they DRUGGED me.
Oh.... Ummm... please? would you mind? Not THAT look? oh, thank you. Maybe it would be interesting for the listeners to hear your ideas about play? I understand that along with that nasty prodding and poking you acquired what in some circles has been known as a toy.
They did nasty things to me. Give me food. Saw that toy thing. Thing to do is to kill it first, really kill it. Then ignore it completely when you know it is dead.
OK, that's useful. Any further tips, Katiecat?
They did nasty things to me. Give me food. Avoid humans.
Thank you, and goodnight.