Turbo kms instead of stars.

[ravenbait]

As part of my job involves occasionally being on-call, where I have to be within 20 minutes of answering a phone ready to respond like Batman, my turbo gets more use in warmer weather than is preferable. Also, the turbo is good for bad lung days, when I don't want to suddenly find myself running out of steam (or the air to make it) hours form home.

I am not on zwift or some other form of virtual social riding. I ride mostly solitary on the road; I see no reason to change habits when dripping unpleasantly onto a tatty old, cheap, neon pink yoga mat from which spiders are fleeing in the hot-box confines of my living room. These circumstances are why one has streaming services.

After yesterday's torture, I have decided to rate films using kilometres instead of some more subjective measure. Here are yesterday's.

SESSION: 50kms at about 26km/h (I had to run later).

The Woman: Family guy lawyer who secretly harbours a sadistic streak he has passed to his son discovers a feral woman in the woods. Kidnaps her. I read the wikipedia entry at about 4km and decided I did not need that kind of gender-based violence in my life while working out. Or, indeed, ever. Score: 4.1km

Shadow In The Cloud: Looked like Chloe Grace Moretz in a remake of that Twilight Zone about gremlins vandalising a plane mid-flight. By around 11km I had been subjected to enough misogyny and gaslighting, so read the wikipedia entry, which made me furious enough to switch it off. I won't spoil it for you, but there was absolutely no reason for her to be anything other than what she claimed to be at the start of the flight. Nothing would have changed in terms of plot. But, you know, women don't get to be just some badass pilot on a secret mission. They have to have girly reasons for everything. DISAPPOINTING. Score: 11.3-4.1=7.2km

Guns Akimbo: Daniel Radcliffe once more shows he's more interested in weird projects than big budget ones. Code monkey working for some shitty startup making phone games to scam children has a hobby trolling trolls. Trolls an internet phenomenon called Skizm, in which hardcases livestream killing each other while basement-dwelling keyboard warriors cheer them on online. The organiser kidnaps him, bolts a gun to each of his hands, then sends their current top-of-the-leaderboard murdergirl to kill him. Cue shenanigans. Ultra-violent, very sweary, hilarious. Score: 50.1-11.3=38.8km

Sam

[rafletcher]

I am not on zwift or some other form of virtual social riding. I ride mostly solitary on the road; I see no reason to change habits when dripping unpleasantly onto a tatty old, cheap, neon pink yoga mat from which spiders are fleeing in the hot-box confines of my living room.

Answering a question you didn't ask (as is often the way here), there are alternatives to Zwift for "smart" turbos.  I use BigRingVR.  Very occasionally there may be someone else on the same "ride", but you never see them as you're watching your own video stream, and they'll be in a parallel one, so it's still a solitary ride - just like my road riding as well.

[ravenbait]

I don't have a smart turbo. I have a dumb turbo and a couple of sensors attached to my bike.

Sam

[Peter]

From your luck with films it sounds as if you could do with a couple of censors attached to your bike.

[Cudzoziemiec]

I suppose the weakness in using this as a rating system would be that your speed increases or decreases in response to the film. Anyway, google tells me these are real films, I thought you might have invented them.

[mrcharly-YHT]

From your luck with films it sounds as if you could do with a couple of censors attached to your bike.

Your coat is on the hook over there.


I'd wondered if Guns Akimbo would be any good. Any wizard jokes?

[ravenbait]

I suppose the weakness in using this as a rating system would be that your speed increases or decreases in response to the film. Anyway, google tells me these are real films, I thought you might have invented them.

My speed is set by how many kms I wish to do in that workout, how much time I have to do them, and whether my body is in a co-operative mood. It has nothing to do with what I put on the shiny brain-distracting box. All instructions are relayed to the various organic processors involved in making things move, then we switch on the mobile pictures in an attempt to keep the thinkmeat from becoming bored enough to notice the efforts involved.

It's a collaborative experience.

I wouldn't invent films like that. That would be a whole other thread if I did.

Sam

[ravenbait]

I'd wondered if Guns Akimbo would be any good. Any wizard jokes?

I can't say I noticed any. That doesn't mean they were not present.

Sam

[Cudzoziemiec]

I wouldn't invent films like that. That would be a whole other thread if I did.

Sam

I didn't take much notice of what the films were like, I'm highly unlikely to watch them anyway, but it might be more fun to read about ones you had invented.

[Asterix, the former Gaul.]

From your luck with films it sounds as if you could do with a couple of censors attached to your bike.