Author Topic: Little Eye On The Provinces  (Read 240999 times)

Little Eye On The Provinces
« on: 18 November, 2011, 08:45:04 pm »
A thread for pointlessly amusing stories from the local press, not just the running joke that is the Swindon Advertiser.

I'll kick off with this one, which is notable both for the unimpressiveness of the photo and for the eminently sensible first reader comment.

http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/8683196.I___m_trapped_in_my_own_home_/?ref=mr
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Maverick

  • One of the rural idle
    • Twoberries
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #1 on: 19 November, 2011, 02:28:43 pm »

robbo6

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #2 on: 19 November, 2011, 03:50:32 pm »

noisycrank

  • twitter @noisycrank
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #3 on: 19 November, 2011, 09:29:22 pm »
Its a disgrace.

http://www.buchanobserver.co.uk/community/business-directory/absolute_disgrace_1_1952614

"restrictions on fresh air" in Peterhead you are havin a Giraffe
If you don't like my haircut you can suck my socks!

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #4 on: 19 November, 2011, 09:37:21 pm »
Its a disgrace.

http://www.buchanobserver.co.uk/community/business-directory/absolute_disgrace_1_1952614

"restrictions on fresh air" in Peterhead you are havin a Giraffe
Quote
IT’s THAT time of year again. Weather forecasters promise the first flurries of Blue Toon snow in the coming weeks and Christmas is just around the corner.

But as children write their letters to Santa and mums begin to plan their fabulous festive feasts, a dark shadow looms over the town centre which threatens to dampen that community Christmas spirit.

That's almost Tony Parsons-esque.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

rower40

  • Not my boat. Now sold.
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #5 on: 23 November, 2011, 09:42:23 pm »
My club getting its Warholesque 10 mins.
http://www.thisisderbyshire.co.uk/River-lights/story-13883950-detail/story.html

How bad is it going to look if someone drops the Olympic Flame in the water?
Be Naughty; save Santa a trip

And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Julian

  • samoture
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #7 on: 11 February, 2012, 05:56:37 pm »
http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/9525681.Mum_says_fishy_diet_led_to_birth_of_12lb_12oz_daughter/?ref=mr

Second comment  ;D

That's absolutely lovely.  Okay, it's a total non-story, but WTF is wrong with people?  Two comments, one making schoolboy jokes about the possible size of her vagina (vaginas are like concertinas, they can stretch and then return to normality) and the other one criticising a woman WHO HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH FFS for being FAT.  Jeez.

Julian

  • samoture
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #8 on: 11 February, 2012, 06:15:08 pm »

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #9 on: 11 February, 2012, 06:23:52 pm »
http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/9525681.Mum_says_fishy_diet_led_to_birth_of_12lb_12oz_daughter/?ref=mr

Second comment  ;D

That's absolutely lovely.  Okay, it's a total non-story, but WTF is wrong with people?  Two comments, one making schoolboy jokes about the possible size of her vagina (vaginas are like concertinas, they can stretch and then return to normality) and the other one criticising a woman WHO HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH FFS for being FAT.  Jeez.
It sums up Swindon, though, in its sheer crassness.  The story and the comments.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

rower40

  • Not my boat. Now sold.
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #10 on: 11 February, 2012, 06:34:13 pm »
Although for total non-stories, I think this one's got to be in the running:

http://www.ealinggazette.co.uk/ealing-news/local-ealing-news/2012/02/01/severe-delays-on-piccadilly-line-after-mystery-illness-at-north-ealing-64767-30246103/
Bzzzt.  Even in the most London-Centric view of the universe, Ealing doesn't count as provincial. ;D

Even so, I hope the casualty Gets Well Soon.
Be Naughty; save Santa a trip

Rig of Jarkness

  • An Englishman abroad
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #11 on: 21 February, 2012, 06:31:01 pm »
Aero but not dynamic

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #12 on: 22 February, 2012, 07:13:57 pm »
http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/9544462.Row_erupts_over_naming_of_new_nightclub/?ref=mr

The actual story is boring, but scroll down for the marketing puff at the end  :facepalm:
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

nicknack

  • Hornblower
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #13 on: 22 February, 2012, 08:16:32 pm »
Wonderful!  ;D

What the hell were they on when they wrote that?

Having their very organ grasped?
There's no vibrations, but wait.

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #14 on: 21 March, 2012, 09:25:27 pm »
Spotted by me today, in a York Press from earlier in the week, quoted in full, as verbatim as I can remember.

"A child was locked in a car yesterday in X Street. The child's mother called the fire service at 7.52am. They attended, and persuaded the child to unlock the car from the inside, and left shortly after 8am".


I'm so glad I know where a fire engine was for those 8 minutes...

(there isn't an X Street, BTW, I can't remember which street it was.)


If I had a baby elephant, it could help me wash the car. If I had a car.

See my recycled crafts at www.wastenotwantit.co.uk

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #15 on: 23 March, 2012, 04:36:54 pm »
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #16 on: 23 March, 2012, 04:42:57 pm »
Extremely believable.

Especially during Goth weekend.

What's more terrifying, is that he looks like me, but with less hair.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #17 on: 23 March, 2012, 04:52:30 pm »
Maybe he's you from the future.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #18 on: 23 March, 2012, 05:01:47 pm »
Nah, my mum was purple, not green.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #19 on: 21 April, 2012, 10:00:14 am »
http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/9661089.Naked_man_on_path_says_he_needed_toilet/?ref=mr

Poor bloke.  I mean, who hasn't stopped their bike for a roadside slash and then decided to strip off completely?
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #20 on: 18 July, 2012, 08:09:35 pm »
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


mcshroom

  • Mushroom
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #23 on: 03 October, 2012, 04:41:33 pm »
Climbs like a sprinter, sprints like a climber!

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: Little Eye On The Provinces
« Reply #24 on: 03 October, 2012, 05:16:29 pm »
That reminds me of a notice I saw outside a primary school somewhere in north Bristol: Please do not park here next Monday as we will be using this area to practice for our walking to school day.
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.